She brushed her fingers across his cheekbones.
The mission today was tiring; a few HYDRA cells stubborn enough for a chase across town, (mostly a wild goose chase, the kind that annoyed them both. Started in New York and ended in DC) with them basically collapsing into bed after it wrapped up.
Their legs touched, the heat from his laying softly against her own.
Their were some days where everything was right.
Where no nightmares followed either of them into their sleep, & they had a few moments of just...
His face untroubled, but slight dark circles underneath his eyes.
Peace.
"Geroy moy." She said softly.
He was still throwing himself in front of her. Cut down from before but still. Knew why, because she felt the same.
The fear that this is all some sick dream. One wrong move, & you wake up. An empty bed inhabited by your ghost, & the shadow beside you that constantly reminds you "You used to be there".
Knew it because she felt the same. Because looking back, those months when her mind tugged & pulled at the loose threads she couldn't figure where they belonged, she wanted to kick herself.
The denial that something, anything, was missing. How deep the hole was. The cold, just as bitter.
He breathed slowly & deeply; making her smile as she hasn't seen him this way in a while.
....Where James went to try & forget it...
She brushed her hand through the outer strands of his messy hair as he silently & unconsciously leaned into her touch.
For James, it's gravity. Using the guilt he doesn't even need to protect others.
For her.... It's this. Knowing that she could fall apart in his arms, & he would pick up each & every piece, but..refusing not to. Letting her guilt consume her in these late nights, grounding herself by this.
Her hand laid on top of his bare shoulder.
Reassuring herself that he was real.
He opened his eyes slightly, taking her free hand into his own. "Hey." He said, running his left into her hair. "What're you doing up?"
You don't get afforded home. In their line of work, it's given to others, not bestowed upon yourselves. "Nothing." She said.
You do get lucky enough, it usually gets taken away. Time, after time, after time. Each one, leaving you more on tip-toes, trying not to break the thin later of ice that seems to only exist, just to mock your effort.
"Natalia."
She snapped out if it, reality slowly pouring in.
He grasped her hand slightly, lightly squeezing. Looking straight into her eyes as he does it.
You're home.
Hates it. & is so grateful that she has that again.
"[You're wearing my face. I have it trademarked, you aren't allowed to use it.]" He smirked, as she returned it.
"Who says?" She said quietly, looking down. "My head." He brushed his thumb against her cheek. "[...Where are you?]" A softness the world could never hope to imitate.
Took her a while, & each second was given, not waited for. God, she hated him for it.
"Wherever I think I'm going to wake up." The ice holding, her mind trying to tell her, just as James was in his touch, that the ice; the cold that haunted them most of their lives, was gone. Sent back to the hell it came from.
James then got up, his elbow supporting him. "....You're home. You're beautiful. And most importantly, you're already awake. I'll kill the next person who says otherwise."
"Like the very nice HYDRA operative who was making a sarcastic remark?"
"He was being an ass."
She flipped him onto his back, laying on his chest. "& you need to stop leaving dead bodies in our kitchen."
"That time in Barcelona was rented, & he was about to shoot you."
She smiled, kissing him. Hates that he's capable of washing away all her fears. "Just don't disappear again."
The only person that could melt her heart.
His eyes looked into her own, honesty emitting in waves of selfless truth. "I promise. Spend the rest of my life trying to make up for being that big of an idiot."
"You aren't an idiot." Natalia replied.
"No. Your idiot. & you have no idea how grateful I am that I can say that again."
His lips hovered softly below hers as she slowly kissed him.
"I love you." He said, though their actions spoke it.
She kissed every word back to him, saying "I love you" softly back into his breath.
There were a lot of different days. And she was grateful for each one.