Oh Maybe You Could Devestate Me
He comes back. Grant comes back with a bottle of burbon two hours later and they all drink in silence. ''Daisy you want to shower first?'' She nods at Kebo, reaches around him to gather her clothes. Ward doesn't look at her and she doesn't look at him, Daisy locks the bathroom door. Takes a deep breath. Ward had every opportunity to leave them here, never see her again. But he didn't. That has to mean something, right? She turns on the water, glances at herself in the mirror. The bruises on her neck have begun to fade, what was once black and purple are now shimmering into light green. But you can still see them. Red powerful angry finger prints against her skin.
Someone who meant to harm, to kill her with thier bare hands, she can see why Ward can't look at her. He swore he'd never hurt her, and although it wasn't him, it was still his body that did this to her. Daisy used to hate looking at her reflection, saw a sad broken woman with nothing left to lose. Eyes dead and quiet, void of any emotion. That's not the case anymore. She can see the subtle changes in her face, just a few days with Ward has already improved her complexion. Her pupils are not as dark, her cheeks are a little brighter. Hope springs in her chest. Maybe things will be okay, someday.
The hot water relaxes her tense and strung out muscles, clears her head. They need a plan. Sure Ward has a safe house a few states away, but a lot could happen between there and here. Kebo was right Shield could be hunting them, they need a supply of weapons. Not that Daisy or Ward actually needs them, but they've always felt better with a gun in hand. Daisy runs the shower until it turns cool, half of her was holding onto the hope that mirage Ward would show up, then she mentally kicks herself. God. Hoping for mind to conjure up the man who's just outside the door? Pathetic. On more levels than one.
She's slipping on her shirt when she hears Kebo and Ward talking in hushed tones, like they think she can't hear them. ''How bad was it Kebo?'' ''You really want to know?" Ward must give him a look because a few moments later Kebo continues. ''It was bad. Really bad. She didn't believe it at first, I couldn't get her out of bed for weeks. Then Dr. Garner showed up, I personally think he's the only reason she survived the first few months. He helped her, she eventually started eating and talking again. Coulson cleared her for field missions, she trained day and night, not pausing to sleep sometimes. I think she wanted everyone to think she was fine''.
She hears a glass click before Kebo goes on. ''She was far from fine, like a ghost of her former self. She wouldn't talk about Hydra, or you, if the subject came up she quickly changed it. Daisy was a zombie, and the drinking, god I'm amazed she's still standing at this point. If I thought the first time she lost you was hard, it was nothing compared to this. I'm sorry Sir but this entire situation broke her. She's strong, but there are wounds you've left that will never truly heal. I know it wasn't your fault and I don't blame you for any of it, that's all on Coulson. But she's a mess. You've no idea how scared I was those first few days, I thought she was going to kill herself''.
Daisy frowns. She'd only gotten that low the first time Ward was dead to her. And she swore she'd never walk down that road again, couldn't do that to herself or to her friends. ''Now that you're back I think she'll be alright, I know she's petrified you're going to leave her again. When you went for a walk just now she was shaking so hard I thought she was going to break a bone. Daisy will cling to you because she is so afraid you'll disappear, Sir I can't force you to stay here but I'm begging you for her sake that you do. She's lost you too many times for you to walk away now''. A long pause and then Ward says, in a small whisper, ''I won't leave her''.
Daisy rests her forehead against the door. Hot tears running down her face. I won't leave her. It's a promise and Ward never breaks a promise, not to her. Daisy takes a moment to compose herself, dries her eyes. She walks out of the bathroom without looking at either of them, puts her dirty clothes on the floor. ''Skye''. Her body freezes, she glances up at Ward who has a haunted look about him. There's guilt all over him and Daisy wants to kick Kebo for telling him the truth. ''What?'' He just stares at her, which is a big step. He couldn't even stomach the sigh of her a couple days ago.
Grant searches her face in that way of his, judging by the grimace he gives her, he doesn't like what he sees. Like this is the first time he's studied her, takes in every line on her face, every pore and freckle that has brushed her skin. She stares right back, appearing to be unshaken, but he can see right through it. Losing him has devestated her, she's just now starting to slowly piece herself back together. Grant Ward knows from experience that there are some wounds you just can't mend. He's left a big ugly scar all over her, and he has no idea the first step in how to repair it.
He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. ''For the love of god. Open your mouth, make words come out it's not that hard''. Daisy hits Kebo in the shoulder and just like that the spell is broken. The moment has passed. Daisy lays on the bed, grabs the bottle of burbon and drinks what they didn't finish. If there's a twitch in Ward's jaw, she ignores it. The next morning they're out on the road again, not speaking, letting the radio fill up all of the silence. ''So day number two of the road trip from hell. Who else is having fun? Raise your hand!'' Kebo curses under his breath when neither of them respond.
''You know what? I'm just going to lock you two in a room one day, let you hash everything out''. Daisy is already rolling her eyes. ''I'd get out in about two seconds Popeye''. ''Using your powers defeats the purpose''. ''Then I'd punch you in the face for locking me in a damn room''. Kebo slaps one hand against the steering wheel. ''Is it too much to ask for you two to just talk about what happened? Daisy Ward died and that was very traumatic for you. Ward your body was taken over by a Hydra demon and you killed a lot of people, and you almost choked Daisy to death. All bad things. Now discuss''.
Daisy glances back at Ward who is looking out the window, his eyes tight, she can tell his body is rigid. ''Popeye maybe we don't want to talk about it because you're always around''. Kebo pulls down his sunglasses so he can roll his eyes. ''Like you and the Director wouldn't come running to me to tell me every single word of that conversation. You might as well do it. Right now. I'll count to three''. ''Kebo shut the hell up''. Ward growls, and Kebo closes his mouth quickly, turns the radio up. The only other time they speak is when Daisy demands they stop for tacos.
They stop again when the sun sets, another hotel room with two beds. Kebo leaves them as soon as they put the bags away. Tells Daisy he needs to get a few things and he'll be back later. He isn't fooling her, she knows him too well. He's trying to give them alone time. Daisy glances at Ward before grabbing a bottle of tequila and going out the pool. It's hard being around him. She knows how horrible he must be feeling but Kebo is right, they need to talk about what happened. Ward's harsh words still cut her open at night. I'm sorry we fell in love.
The hotel pool is a ghost town, not a soul in sight. Daisy rolls up her jeans, dips her feet into the pool. Tips her head back against the sun and takes a long sip from the bottle. Her eyes are closed so she doesn't see Ward's approach. He stops a few feet away from her just to look at her. All he can think about as he observes her in the sunlight is how beautiful she is, she's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen and if all he gets for the rest of his life is stolen glances he'd be happy. That'd be enough. Who is he kidding? He longs to feel her smooth skin beneath his hands.
There's no warning but all of a sudden Daisy feels a presence come to sit next to her. She knows in her blood it's Grant and her heart lurches. ''Skye''. There's a hint of something in his voice so she opens her eyes and turns to him. ''You know if we don't talk about this Kebo is going to explode''. ''So talk''. He sighs, glances away from her. ''Everything that I've done is unforgivable, I hurt you and there's no excuse for that''. ''That was not you. I can tell you that over and over but you're going to have to work that out yourself. I don't hold it against you''. He takes a huge sip from her bottle before putting it on his other side, out of her reach.
''You should. I would have killed you''. ''Why didn't you?'' He gives her a sharp look, like he can't imagine ever doing that. ''Ward I didn't take that creature out of you, I didn't defeat it. I think you did''. This isn't news to him, he's clearly thought about that a lot. ''I remember everything, all of it. The people, the plans that thing had in store. I don't know how but when I, it saw you, something happened. Like all of those things didn't matter to it anymore, he became obsessed with you, your powers. He wanted to hurt you, and I couldn't let that happen''. He says all of this in a rush, it's painful and her chest hurts.
''I saw you lying there, looking up at me and you couldn't breathe. I was doing that to you, I was killing you and something just snapped. That part is blurry, but the next thing I know I'm back in Vault D, in my own head, my own body''. ''Coulson shouldn't of put you in there''. ''I deserved that''. The bottle next to him shatters. ''Skye''- ''Grant listen to me. All of this is Coulson's fault, he killed you because he couldn't let go of what you did a lifetime ago. All the blood the bodies, what happened to me is on him. You should channel all that guilt and anger on him, he deserves it''.
''I don't blame him''. The laugh she releases is full of venom. ''Why? He crushed your chest, took you from the world, from me and you don't blame him? Did you ask for any of this? Did you want to die?'' She can feel the panic rising up, struggles to push it down. ''Skye I didn't want to leave you, you know that''. ''Do I?'' The idea that she thinks he would even consider death over her, makes him angry. ''You should. You know how I feel ab''- She makes a noise and concern spreads over him.
''You know how I feel about you Skye''.
There's so much pain inside of her and she can't she can't do this. ''Don't talk to me about your feelings Grant, you said and I quote, 'I'm sorry we fell in love' why in the hell would you say that to me?'' Neither of them comments on the tears dripping onto her face. ''I am''. Daisy holds her hand to her side, the urge to grab his jaw and slap sense into him is overwhelming. ''If we never fell in love do you realize how better your life would have turned out? If I never kissed you at Providence Base, if I was just another agent on the Bus with no attatchments and you found out I was Hydra, it wouldn't of hurt you so much''.
He pauses, takes a deep slow breath. ''You wouldn't have almost died Skye, if I never acted on my feelings for you. I should have listened to Garrett, I never should have gotten attached. It only destroys people in the end''. She can't breathe. It's the final straw really, she just snaps. Stands up so fast and shoves him. ''You're sorry? You shouldn't have gotten so attached to me? What the hell kind of crap is that Grant?'' She shoves him again. ''Skye''- ''Shut up, just stop talking!'' He stands as well, braces himself for her hands on his shoulder again.
''How can you sit there and apologize for everything that's happened between us? Do you really hate yourself so much that you'd regret loving me? Because I don't. I don't regret a single that happened, even your betrayl, because I understood. I understood you and it made me fall in love with you even more. I shot you! Are you forgetting that?'' ''It's not the same thing''- ''Yes it is! We've hurt each other over and over because that's who we are. But I can't give up on you Grant, I won't, even if you give up on yourself''. ''You should''. An actual growl out of pure frustration comes pushing out of her, she shoves him again.
Daisy runs her hands through her hair, Grant isn't looking at her anymore, his gaze focused on something on the ground. ''You should give up on me, I'm not worth it. You shouldn't even be here Skye''. She huffs before walking away. From him. From this conversation. She needs a drink. Daisy makes it back to their hotel room before she loses it. Hides herself in the bathroom cries on the floor screams into a towel loses it. Because how, how can he say all of those things? She shouldn't be here? Where else would she be? They belong together. No matter what happens he should always believe in that, believe in them.
She's sobbing so loudly she doesn't hear the door open but suddenly arms are around her. She doesn't look up to figure out who it is, it could be a murderer and she wouldn't care. Daisy clings to said person, it turns out to be Kebo and she's a hysterical mess in his jacket. He pats her hair, an expert in comforting her, it doesn't even throw him anymore. Eventually she can breathe again, he helps her over to one of the beds, lays her down. He hands her his flask and she chugs it like it's water. Feels better after a few minutes.
''So I'm going to assume that you and Ward talked?'' She nods, wipes her nose on a scratchy pillow case. ''And it didn't go well. Was he an ass? I'm assuming he was an ass''. She tells him their conversation and he's frowning by the time she's done. ''He's more messed up than I thought Quake''. ''He doesn't want me to help him''. Kebo puts a hand on her arm. ''He may think that, but he needs you. He needs you more than ever''. She's shaking her head into the sheets. ''He wants me to give up on him''. ''I won't, and you shouldn't either''.
Grant doesn't come back. Not until the next morning. He reeks of alcohol and he takes a long shower. He doesn't look at Daisy, doesn't speak to Kebo. If this is how things are going to be, Daisy isn't sure how long they're going to last.