You Were All I Wanted But Not Like This
Coulson tries for the fifth time to get through to Daisy. He calls her name, shakes her shoulder. Nothing happens. No response. She's been this way for an hour, since May told her about Ward, she's been sitting in Coulson's office, staring at the picture of Ward on the video monitor. Knees drawn up to her chest, slow tears dripping down her cheeks. Everyone on the base has tried to take her out of the shock she's in, they have all failed. ''Just give her a minute Coulson, she needs time to process this''. Mack tells him from his place on the floor. He has not left Daisy's side since she demanded of Coulson to show her proof.
It's there. Right there in color in front of her face. Ward. Ward is alive. It doesn't make sense. Unless Coulson was lying and Ward wasn't really killed, maybe the Director of Shield just left him there. Daisy rules that out though because clearly Grant found a way out and he would have found her the second he was back on earth. Which raises another question, why didn't he? Why didn't he contact her? How long has he been off that alien planet? He could have just arrived back, perhaps Hydra rescued him? That's the only logical reason she can think of.
''He wasn't dead''. She says finally, looking up at her boss who frowns at her. ''He had to of been unconscious, otherwise there's no possible way he could be here''. Coulson's gaze flicks behind her, ''Daisy he was dead, I don't know''- ''Then how is he back on earth?'' She shoves off of the chair and glares at him. ''Explain to me how Ward is alive then! Because I don't understand, you're telling me he's dead but he's right there in front of me''. Coulson sighs in defeat. ''I honestly have no idea Daisy''. ''That's helpful''. She leaves Coulson's office, ignores the concerned looks directed at her.
He's alive. Her Ward is alive. Her earth can turn again, her suns can set, she can breathe finally. Until she gets the answers from Ward himself, she's going with the theory that Hydra rescued him and he's been surviving on that alien planet all alone this time. That Coulson and Fitz didn't care enough to check and make sure he was still breathing before they abandoned him. The thought makes her shake. Something in the back of her mind is telling her she's missing some part of the story, that not everything adds up.
Soon Daisy can't even see straight, hot tears are searing her skin and she can't she can't believe it and her chest aches and it's not true but it is because his picture was right in front of her and how can one person defeat death not once but twice? Life doesn't work like that. He was dead and now he's not. She has to find him. ''Tremors''. Mack grabs her arm and she all but sinks into him. ''Shhh it's okay, it's okay''. He's stroking her hair, she sobs and sobs into his shirt. How can she go through this again? Her body has had enough of having Grant Ward, losing him and then finding him again.
It's cruel. It's cruel it's cruel it's cruel and sick, twisted. Pieces of her had been ripped away, burned off, glued back on with warm hands and a smile. But once she was all healed, confident that Grant would never leave her again, those pieces were cut off again, now, now she can't find them. Who is she without Ward? A drunk, a zombie who doesn't belong with the living. And with Ward? She's the person she's always wanted to be, everything she is reflected in his brown eyes, she was home. Her home is back now without warning again she can't take it.
Mack holds her tightly as she cries, drags her back to her bunk. There aren't enough tears for this, all of this love and loss coming out of her in waves. There's pain. Relief, anger, guilt. So many questions spinning inside of her. Six months. Six months she's mourned Ward, craved him, loved him, and he's alive now. He's okay, and this means she can be okay too, right? Mack manages to get her on her bed, she's collapses into the sheets and loses it. He's seen her at her worst, at her best, but this just breaks his heart. How much can one person take?
Daisy curls into herself, screams until he can hear when her voice gives out. And then she sobs and sobs untl she's shaking so hard he's afraid for her. He sits next to her, puts a hand on her back. It does no comfort. ''He's alive Daisy, and we'll find him, okay? I promise we'll find him''. No response. There's only one person who can help her when she's like this, in a rush Mack grabs her phone and dials the one person in the world who knows Daisy's grief better than herself.
Daisy doesn't remember being led back to her bunk, how long she's been crying, or even what day it is. Right now there is only a time before Ward, and a time after. It's like she's crawling on her knees trying to escape from hell and she can see that bright light everyone talks about but she just can't touch it. Her fingers are barely scraping the fragments, but shadows are pulling on her ankles. She doesn't even notice when Mack leaves the room until she looks up for a bottle of alcohol. With blurry eyes she screws open the cap and downs the contents like it's water and she hasn't had a drop to drink in days.
''Skye''. She chokes on the whiskey in her mouth, her chest is breaking apart and she can hear his voice smell him feel the warmth on her skin as soon as he appears before her. Her mind can't think straight all she sees is Grant and she lunges for him. But he's not there. He never was. Just a figment of her imagination. So her shoulder catches the wall and she slumps down onto the floor. ''Skye''. Ward crouches in front of her, so much sadness on his face. He's not real he's not here because he's somewhere out in the world when he should be here right now with her and loving her instead of hurting her.
''You're alive''. Her voice is cracked, she draws a clean jagged breath. ''I'm not supposed to be. I don't know how I am, I can't remember''. His voice. God. Her brain has perfect recall with everything Grant Ward. ''But I need you to look at me, look at me Skye''. She does, and it just makes her fall apart. ''Are you crying because you're relieved or upset?'' She manages to tell him both and neither of them understand why that's her answer. Mirage Ward manages to get her to stop crying, but putting down the alcohol? Out of the question. ''Skye you have to find me. Okay? You have to find me as soon as you can''.
And for the first time she sees him start to fade away. Fade into the corners of her mind, fade back to where he came from, she doesn't know. It terrifies her and her hands attempt to pull him back. ''Grant please don't, please don't leave me again. Come back come back please''. She begs until he's gone from the room. She cries into her hands. Everything is healing and hurting and Daisy doesn't know which part to let in. Which part of her she needs more now.
Mack has just hung up the phone when Coulson and May come down the hall, pause upon hearing Daisy's sobs. ''We need to leave her alone''. ''Mack she needs someone in there with her''. ''No she doesn't''. Coulson makes a move to go inside, but Mack blocks his way. ''Agent Mackenzie, is there a problem?'' ''I'm sorry sir but I'm only thinking of what's best for my partner right now, and none of us can help her''. May cringes when they hear glass breaking. 'What about Lincoln?'' ''I don't think he needs to see her like this''. The Shield agents wait for the help Mack called in to arrive. All ignore the loud cries coming from Daisy's room.
Daisy hears when the door opens but doesn't look up. Doesn't care until a voice travels through the room. ''Oh, Quake''. Kebo comes to sit on the floor next to her, puts her head on his shoulder. ''He's alive. Grant is alive''. ''I heard''. Kebo cries with her until they just can't do it anymore. It could be hours or days until Kebo gets her off the floor and onto her bed. ''There you go, keep breathing Quake, come on''. Her face is swollen, hands shaking and her fingers are bleeding. ''Did you break something?'' No answer. He cleans her up and puts a blanket over her.
''We have to find him''. ''We will''. ''He told me to find him''. This doesn't even phase Kebo, like the talk of seeing someone who was dead but isn't anymore is completely normal to him. ''Did ghost Ward happen to mention where his body is?'' Daisy shakes her head and passes the bottle of tequlia to him. ''Is it too soon to take a second to appreciate the fact that Ward is alive? I mean breathing, heat beat alive''. ''Is this real?'' She asks him, her tone detatched.
Kebo turns her face to him. ''Yes. This is real. Grant Ward is alive and I'm going to kick his ass when we find him''. ''You'll have to get in line''. ''You can throw the first punch''. ''You're on''. Eventually her body exhausts itself and she falls asleep, head on Kebo's chest. He follows not long after, his mind already fouced on the task of bringing Ward back to the woman that loves him. Daisy dreams of a small house with a red front door and a fireplace. And Ward, Ward waiting for her in their living room with joy in his eyes and a warm smile on his handsome face.
''She knows, lets go ahead with the plan Hill''. ''On my way to the Playground now, Stark's people think they found something. I'll show you as soon as I get there''. ''Good''. Coulson ends the call and turns, a sigh on his lips, to find Fitz staring at him. ''Sir how is this possible? We were both there, you killed him''. ''I don't know Fitz. Have you and Simmons come up with anything?'' ''No but we're working on it''. Coulson runs a hand down his face. ''Sir if Daisy finds out what really happened''. Fitz trails off, looks down at his hands. ''I'm hoping that she doesn't Fitz''. ''She'll kill you''. The Director of Shield hangs his head, ''I know''.
Maria Hill arrives at the Playground an hour later, a team of soliders behind her. ''Director, Agent May''. She greets as they walk to his office. ''What did Stark's people find?'' May closes the door and Hill hands Coulson a file. ''A location of a Hydra base, we tracked Gideon Malick there. Our sources say Ward was with him''. May and Coulson glance at each other. ''Why would he be with Hydra? Wouldn't he want to find Daisy?'' ''Can't answer that Sir, I can't read a sociopath's mind''. May looks over Coulson's shoulder. ''Could Hydra of rescued him?'' ''It's possible''.
They debate back and fourth until Coulson remembers Kebo. ''We have a Hydra agent right here, May would you go get Kebo?'' May isn't happy about it, but she complies. While they're waiting Maria looks around his office. ''Nice office Director. You have a good set up here huh?'' ''It's okay''. ''How did Daisy take the news?'' ''Not well''. ''What could she possibly see in someone like Ward?'' ''Beats me''. They fall silent when May comes back with Kebo, Daisy at his heels. Who stops when she sees Maria Hill standing next to him. ''Agent Johnson, good to see you again''.
Daisy doesn't take the hand Hill offers her, instead glares at Coulson. ''What's going on? Why do you need Kebo?'' Her eyes are raw, cheeks puffy and dry, sadness is dripping off her it's brings pain to Coulson's chest. ''We just want to ask him a simple question Daisy, that's all''. Kebo gives Hill a smile, ''how can I be of assistance?'' Daisy elbows him in the ribs. ''Kebo is it? Maria Hill''. ''I know who you are''. ''Coulson tells me you are involved with Hydra''. Kebo takes a step back, Daisy flexes her fingers. ''No need to worry, I'm not here to arrest you''. ''Then what do you want?'' ''How deep are you in Hydra? How high up?''
''Pretty high I'd say. Why?'' Hill tosses him the file she handed Coulson. ''Has Hydra conducted any missions lately that involve a portal similiar to the one that was used six months ago to rescue Fitz?'' ''Nope not that I know of. Why? Wait do you know something about Ward? Did Hydra rescue him?'' There's hope tugging at both Daisy and Kebo, Hill is quick to crush it. ''We don't know, we were hoping you did''. Kebo sighs, puts his arm around Daisy's shoulders. ''Sorry I don't know anything. I can tell from this file you found Gideon's base, never been there myself but what does it have to do with Ward?''
Coulson takes the file back. ''We had spies there who confirmed that they saw Ward there''. Everyone notices the cringe that comes over Daisy, she closes her eyes. ''He went back to Hydra''. ''But why?'' Kebo asks, clutching her tighter to him. ''Lucky for you, you can ask him when we get there. We get a stab at Hydra, and you get Ward back''. Hill lies smoothly to Daisy, who doesn't believe her for a second. ''Coulson you and I both know the last thing you want to do is help Ward. What's this really about? Why is she here?''
Phil walks up to Daisy, puts his hands on her shoulders. ''I'm not doing this for him I'm doing this for you. He's alive and you've been in pain long enough. I'll put my judgements aside for you, I just want you to be happy Daisy, and as much as I hate it Ward makes you happy. I won't stand in the way of that''. She believes him, hugs him hard. ''Thank you''. Coulson hates lying to her, she only knows part of the mission, not all of it. They are going to get Ward, she just doesn't know that once they do they'll lock him up in Vault D again. And eventually carry out his execution.
Hill starts to leave Coulson's office, gathering her men. ''Coulson lets get your people ready, I'm ready to go when you are''. ''Wait for me. We'll be ready in five minutes''. Coulson and May leave to get the Team, Kebo and Daisy are alone. Daisy lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding, Kebo copies her. ''Ward is alive''. She says, smiling. ''He is''. ''And we're going to get him''. ''He went back to Hyra and I didn't even know''. Daisy puts her hand on his shoulder. ''I didn't either. Come on, lets go get my boyfriend back''.
Daisy will be damned if she lets Grant slip away from her again. She'll find him, get the answers she's been looking for, and then kiss him until she can't breathe. And if Shield or anyone else gets in the way of that, she'll break every single bone in their body, watch with a smile as they scream for her to stop. Her home is waiting for her. Nothing else matters.