Chapter 1
“Alicent?” She looks different, but somehow still the same. Only one person could give her pause this way.
When Alicent finally turns to face her, she looks like a deer in the headlights, her large brown eyes glistening in the terrible fluorescent lighting of the store. Rhaenyra remembers that look way too well from the very last time she saw Alicent, even though it had been in the dim lighting of evening, her face heavily shadowed.
“Nyra.” A nickname that seems a little too familiar given the fact that they haven’t spoken in years, but Rhaenyra can’t bring herself to care. “How are you?”
Both of them just sort of stand there with an awkward tension in their muscles like they are either poised to embrace or run.
“I’m good.” Rhaenyra has to actively try not to hold her breath, scared of what answer she’ll get to her next question. “Are you back in town again or just visiting?”
Alicent looks around her as if considering a quick getaway, but she pushes some hair behind her ear. “Uh, I’m back. For good. I’ve been… back for six or so months.”
“That’s so cool.” Just saying that feels pandering and phony, but she is glad. She had just never thought any interaction between them would ever feel this stilted. “What are you doing now?” She wishes she could be less curious, but Jesus, she’s dying to know. Something about Alicent will always have her attention.
Alicent blows out a heavy breath. “Well, I’m just helping my brother run his business at the moment.” The look on her face tells Rhaenyra that there is way more beneath the surface, but this is her being polite.
“Your brother has his own business?”
“He’s in real estate now. Sells houses, flips houses. That sort of thing. I’ve been helping him manage everything. Even doing a little labor as well.” She pauses like she was thinking she should say more, but just leaves an empty space for the silence to grow in.
“That sounds pretty rewarding,” Rhaenyra was usually charming enough, but with Alicent it was hard. Alicent was often immune to her charm and rewarding didn’t quite have the weight of what she wanted to say. Mostly she just wanted to bombard her with questions, but it wasn’t the right time for that yet.
Alicent gave her a neutral grin, like she wasn’t sure how to interpret that either. “It is, I suppose.” She sighed, looking around. “Well, it’s been great to see you, Nyra, but I have to go.” Doubling down on calling her ‘Nyra’.
“Do you want to exchange numbers?” She tried to make sound less desperate than it felt, but she’ll take the pity if she has to. “Maybe we can catch up soon.” Please say yes.
For a moment, her brown eyes catch Rhaenyra’s full on, and it’s so reminiscent of the last time she saw her, the shadows on her face in the car. The uncertainty in her eyes and written on her face. Not sure if she’d ever actually see her again. Rhaenyra can only wonder what her own face looks like. Or did.
“I’m not sure that’s the best idea.” Alicent becomes the embodiment of that stalwart stone fortress her family takes it’s name from. Like her heart has hardened and nothing can chip away at it.
“Ali,” She wishes it hurt less than it did the last time. Feels herself becoming frantic at the feeling of being cast aside. “We’re not 17 anymore.” Hopes she doesn’t need to say any more than that. She doesn’t really want to relive any of those experiences again.
Her jaw tenses for a few seconds, and if Rhaenyra is seeing clearly, she can spot the unshed tears. Part of her is tempted to insist they don’t have to if she doesn’t really want to, apologize for suggesting anything, leave it at that. But she just wants it so much. Alicent was her best friend for such an integral part of her life, and imagining her never being part of it again seems unbearable.
The seconds tick by and Rhaenyra starts to feel the grief bottoming out her stomach. Please say yes.
Finally, Alicent carefully nods and pulls her phone out. “Well?”
###
Rhaenyra is still looking at Alicent’s name in her contacts list when Harwin lets himself in to the apartment. He gives her a mischievous glance as he heads toward the kitchen. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
She hears him rummaging around in the fridge. “I ran into Alicent today.” As soon as she says it, she wishes she hadn’t. She wants to be selfish and keep it to herself, but she knows her mood will belie the emotional turmoil she’s been in.
He stands in the doorway and flips the light on, effectively blinding her for a few seconds.
“Thanks for the warning. Gentlemanly of you.”
He just grins. “Don’t act like you didn’t expect it. Who is Alicent again?”
“My childhood friend, remember?”
He nods, but his brows are knitted together like he’s still not quite sure. “The one you had a falling out with?”
“Yeah.” Hates that that is how he knows of Alicent. “I saw her while I was out earlier.” She wonders what it is that makes her want to take it back, keep that to herself.
“Did it go that badly?” Harwin’s face is colored with concern, but he keeps his distance.
She exhales deeply. “I feel like it could’ve been better, but it was fine.”
He pads across the room to sit next to her on the couch, tucking her into him. “She didn’t scream at you and hit you?”
Rhaenyra lets her head rest against his shoulder. Part of her doesn’t want to talk about it at all and the other part is absolutely dying to talk about it. She’s kept most of the gory details about it to herself since their falling out. Couldn’t bring herself to talk about it to anyone other than Laena. And she was probably the drunkest she had ever been when she finally caved to Laena’s insistent pleas to just tell her.
Those who said time healed all wounds were definitely a bunch of goddamn liars in her opinion.
“She didn’t. She was civil. But she balked when I asked about catching up.” That was the part that cut like a knife.
“Sooo,” Harwin drew out. “You’re not going to catch up?”
“We exchanged numbers. I don’t know that that is any guarantee though.” She wrapped her arms around his broad chest, feeling like he was the teddy bear she needed right at this moment. Even if she didn’t want to admit it.
He gave her a light squeeze. “It sounds like there is a least hope.”
Poor Harwin, bless his heart. He didn’t understand the complexities of a shared history between women. It was basically the same sort of encouragement her father had tried to give to her when things had first started to fall apart. “Maybe.” He didn’t know how quickly Alicent could evaporate every ounce of hope within her being. How many times she had and Rhaenyra had tamped it down.
She could feel his husky chuckle through his chest as he gave her a tighter hug. “Don’t give up hope, Nyra.”
She hadn’t. Ever. But she was scared what hope would do to her.