1
Phil Coulson comes to her on a Thursday and smiles.
That is always a bad sign.
“I'm getting a team together.“
“No.“
“I'm not asking you to go back into the field. I just need someone to fly the plane.“
And she should say no, she really really wants to, but it's Phil and he was dead and she is the only one who knows and also, she really missed flying.
He is giving her a plane and god, someone stop this man.
-1-2-3-
She meets Agent Grant Ward first and she doesn't trust him.
He is too pretty and too self-assured and too much like her.
Cold and calculating but he is still young and she thinks he might be broken from something else than the job.
She knows many Agents like that.
And they are either the best or they crumble in the first weeks.
She really hopes Phil has someone else for the field, because this won't do.
But instead she meets Fitz and Simmons and they are still kids, naive and excited and utterly adorable and where the fuck has Phil gone because she needs to hit him.
Hard.
Where it hurts.
And then that's it.
That's his almighty team and Melinda thinks she may start to cry.
Is this a joke?
She may not be a field agent any more but she also isn't some babysitter.
Phil looks at her with that shine in his eyes and she just knows that they are all going to die.
She hates this.
Agent Ward shakes her hand and tries to look down on her.
It doesn't work, despite his height.
“So you're The Cavalry?“
She stills.
Her hand grips his too tight, she can see his jaw clenching. Good.
“Don't call me that. Ever. Again.“
He nods.
She settles into the cockpit and puts her headset on.
This is her plane and she will not let them make her a monster again.
She is not that woman anymore.
Phil died, and he came back and now he is gathering a group of kids and she is only doing this for him.
She is not that woman anymore.
(She can't be.
He needs her.)
-4-5-6-
They pick up the hacker and she is only a girl.
Even younger than FitzSimmons and she is witty and defensive and smart, really smart, in a way that screams survival.
Her eyes are wide and unsure.
Melinda sees Coulson going soft and she knows how this is going to end.
He knows it too.
They solve the case and the Hacker stays, of course she does.
-7-8-9-
Even though she is “just flying the plane and not being forced back into the field“ she finds herself kicking in a lot of doors and a lot of asses.
Her gun becomes a permanent fixture in her hands again.
Fuck Phil, of course he wasn't going to force her back in the field but what is she supposed to do when the BUS is full of kids that seem to always be getting into trouble?
She may be cold and emotionless and uncaring but she is not...she's not a monster.
At least not anymore.
-10-11-12-
She still doesn't trust Ward but that doesn't mean that she can't have sex with him.
After all, she never slept with Coulson and she trusts no one more than him.
-13-14-15-
She wakes up one morning for Tai Chi when she finds Skye in the kitchen.
The girl is drinking coffee and seeming lost in thought.
Melinda thinks she could just turn around and go the other way.
But then she remembers that Skye jumped out of a window yesterday and pulled a gun on someone and that she never went to the Academy like Melinda and Phil and Ward and even FitzSimmons did, and that she never signed up for this.
She walks into the kitchen.
“You're never awake this early.“
Skye startles.
She blushes and ducks her head down and Melinda shakes her head amused.
“I, yeah, I … couldn't sleep?“
It sounds more like a question than anything else and May sighs.
She makes herself a tea, giving the other girl some time to gather herself, before she sits down across from Skye.
“It's okay, you know. To be a little shaken after your first mission.“
Skye looks up shyly, worrying her lip.
It's so unlike the young girl that it tugs at May's heart.
“I'd even say it´s a good thing, It shows that you're human.“
Skye is now fully looking at her.
There is hope in her eyes, like May is here to answer all her questions and it hurts because Melinda knows that she can and should never be that person for the other girl, she doesn't deserve to be,
she's too broken.
Skye smiles at her then and sighs almost wistfully.
“I guess you're right. It's just, you all make it look so easy and badass that maybe I felt a little stupid that it was such a big deal for me.“
Melinda shakes her head.
Where is Phil? He keeps bringing all these strays in and now she has to deal with the aftermath of his stupid ideas.
Not that letting Skye stay was a stupid idea, but making her go into Quinn's party alone was.
“Don't feel bad for reacting to situations. Coulson, me, Ward, we've all been to the academy and to countless other operations, we've been with Shield for a long time.
You, are not even an Agent.“
She says it teasingly, or at least she hopes she does but when Skye rolls her eyes she thinks she must have done something right.
“Ugh. You sound like Ward.“
Melinda tries not to grimace. Not what she had in mind but Skye seems happier, so she'll take it.
She get's up, determined to at least get some Tai Chi done this morning, and puts her mug in the sink.
Before she leaves she looks at the other girl once more.
“Don't drink too much coffee, it's not good for your training.“
Skye looks confused for a second before she looks down at her own mug.
“Oh, this … no, this is hot chocolate. I don't really like coffee, it's so bitter.“
She scrunches up her nose a bit while at the same time managing to look sheepish.
Melinda stares.
The girl in front of her jumped out of a window yesterday and pulled her gun on someone and now she is drinking cacao in a pair of Darth Vader shorts, fluffy socks and a hard rock cafe shirt.
No, definitely not an Agent yet.
But maybe, Melinda thinks, that isn't such a bad thing.
(God damnit, Phil.)
-16-17-18-
Simmons gets infected with an alien virus and Melinda wants to kill Coulson.
Kids, Phil, kids.
The girl is brave and stronger than May would have thought and she works on an antidote like this is just another mission.
They locked her in the lab like some dangerous animal, but she is still just Jemma.
Stubborn, genius, kind and caring Jemma.
Fitz sits outside the glass doors and talks and talks like nothing is wrong, like his best friend isn't dying and if this is all a little bit familiar Melinda doesn't let it show.
She thinks maybe it will all be okay, those two are the smartest scientists in all of Shield and it will all be okay.
But then Fitz is standing up, screaming at Simmons and his hands are on the glass walls, trying to make them dissappear by sheer will.
His voice cracks and his curls are matted against glass and he is so so young.
“You've been beside me this whole damn time, Jemma.“
The words are said with so much heartbreak Melinda can't breathe and she needs to get away.
It's too much.
But Skye is sitting in Simmons open bunk and there are tears in her even bigger than normal eyes and Melinda is not heartless so she sits down next to her and holds her hand.
Skye's best friend is about to die and Melinda has some ideas about how that feels.
Later, Fitz throws caution to the wind and walks into the lab like it's nothing and Simmons jumps out of the plane and May has no idea when in the hell she started caring for those stupid, brave, amazing kids.
It's probably all Phil's fault.
-19-20-21-
Skye has been spying on them all for her idiot of an ex-boyfriend and May tries to ignore that it somehow hurts.
She started thinking of them all as a team and not just a group of kids she had to babysit.
Phil does not throw Skye out, of course he doesn't.
This just means there is more for him to fix, that his help is needed, and that has always been his weakness, hasn't it?
He makes Skye wear a bracelet that monitors her every move and the fact that Skye lets him tells Melinda that maybe she isn't the only one starting to think of them all as a team.
For now, that's enough.
-22-23-24-
They visit the Hub and Melinda thinks about how absurd it is that a few weeks ago she had her boring normal desk job in this building and tried to be proud of her own desk.
Not every agent gets their own desk.
It's kind of a big deal.
They all get their lanyards, except for Skye whose bracelet is doing the job, and May, Coulson and Ward meet with Maria Hill to talk about an upcoming mission.
She tries not to think about FitzSimmons and Skye walking around the Hub all by themselves, about all the trouble they could be getting into.
They are not her responsibility, she is only the pilot.
(Sure you are Melinda.)
(What is that supposed to mean?)
Ward gets send on a mission and he's going to take Fitz.
Melinda doesn't like it.
Fitz is made for the lab and for being beside Jemma and now Skye and even though she trusts him to handle himself she thinks he should't have to.
He gets stuck between the automatic sliding doors and he is complaining loudly and Melinda thinks that this could be it.
This could be the thing that takes his innocence away, takes him away, in every way imaginable.
(Melinda tries not to think about Bahrain. She tries to never think about Bahrain.
She's better now, a different woman, this is not part of her anymore.
Except it is. It's always there, at the back of her mind.)
Ward promises to take care of him and May still doesn't trust him completely but she knows he is a good agent and maybe that's enough.
(It has to be.)
She can hear Jemma and Fitz fighting, in hushed tones and she knows they are afraid.
Skye keeps complaining about levels and not enough information and May knows she is too.
Simmons packs Fitz backpack and she makes him a sandwich and, thick and heavy and hidden in a brown paper bag.
She catches Melinda looking and raises her chin, her eyes shy but defiant.
“Fitz needs to eat every three hours or he gets hungry and if he gets hungry he gets grumpy and unfocused and that wouldn't do anyone any good so I'm really looking out for the whole team here.“
Melinda just smiles, softly and completely unplanned but Jemma smiles back so Mel thinks she can let herself have this one.
It's a nice feeling, letting her guard down.
(It's been happening more and more and she tries to ignore what that means.
They are a team, they are colleagues.
But why does it feel wrong when only two of them go out on a mission together, why does Melinda feel awry as soon as they are being split up?
Because they've been together so much, because she isn't used to working with someone else anymore.
Yeah, but maybe it's more than that. They are so young and she feels so old and Phil looks at all of them like they are the answer to all his questions.
Maybe that means they need each other, maybe it means they are more than people working together.
No. No of course not.
They aren't.
(They can't be.) )
Skye makes Jemma break a thousand rules and Jemma shoots someone and Phil and Melinda go against Agents Hands orders and they could all get fired for this, someone should stop Phil before he gets really started and Melinda makes herself ignore that through all of it she doesn't think about leaving her team once.
At then end of the day they are all back on the bus and eating dinner and Skye is throwing Spaghetti at Ward and Fitz is telling them about the tragic death of his sandwich and Jemma is trying to console him while also hiding her laughter and sharing bemused looks with Skye.
Coulson is looking at them all with that stupid look upon his face again that tells May that the smart thing to do is get off of that plane now, while she still can.
Phil turns around and smiles at her, all soft and honest and almost like the old Phil.
Melinda sits down at the table next to him and comes to terms with the fact that it's already too late for her.
Skye bumps into her shoulder, laughing and May finds that she doesn't care.
(Screw you Phil, for making her have something to loose again.
This job is so so dangerous when you care about people, doesn't he realize that?
Someone is going to see the way he looks at them and take it all away, they'll take advantage of his big and easy heart, they will take the kids and they'll cut him open and hollow him out. (Both of them.)
And that, Melinda knows, will be so much worse than Bahrain.)