Zola
“You’ve changed, Winter.” Sam mused aloud as he lay propped on the bed, his ribs a sore mess and his arm in a sling.
Winter looked up from the armchair where he was cleaning his guns. "How do you mean?“
"Well, for one, a month ago you would have said ‘please clarify’ and three months ago you would have been bracing yourself for punishment when I said that.”
Winter considered this, and nodded. "Guess you're right." He flashed Sam a soft smile. "I couldn't have done it without you, Sam. Thank you.“
"You’re welcome.” Sam smiled back. "Though really, I should be the one thanking *you*." That botched mission had been quite the blessing for him. Sam didn't realize how much energy he was putting into caring for Steve and Winter until they turned it around and started caring for *him*. Things have been quiet enough that he was actually able to resume his Friday Night Netflix and Beer with his soccer buddies. And much of that was thanks to Winter. It wasn't just that Winter'd pretty much taken over the cooking and household chores: When Steve spent too long worrying about one thing or the other, Winter distracted him with runs and workouts. When Steve was too busy obsessively poring over aerial maps like he was now -- it was Winter who quietly kept Sam company in his room.
Sam was damn proud of Winter. It took him two months to go from interpreting everything as potential punishment to barely accepting the possibility of having feelings, but in the last month, Winter's improved by leaps and bounds. He's not just doing things off of the rules and regulations list. He's been responding to Sam and Steve as people, and the way he interacts no longer strikes of routines learned from books. It's almost as if he's remembered ... "Wait... Winter, have you figured out who you were before and then decided not to tell us?"
A surprisingly sad and resigned look came into Winter’s eyes. "Yes. It turned out that who I was before didn’t matter.”
“Why not? Knowing who you were means knowing whether you’ve always liked your coffee black.”
Winter smiled at that. "I suppose it’s helped in that way – I still care about the same big things as I did before. And I guess I've remembered how to talk to people. But…“ Winter pursed his lips. "I'm old, Sam. HYDRA's had me since the 1950s, and not everyone gets written down in the history books like Captain America." Winter's voice was sad, but clearly he'd already made his peace with this. "My family from before are either dead or have completed their mourning, so there's no point in bringing back a ghost.”
Wow, and Sam'd thought Steve's life story of waking up with no friends and family was sad. “But if they knew you were alive, they could…”
Winter shook his head. "And knew what happened to me? No matter what a nice guy I was before, I was still the Winter Soldier for the last 70 years. They'd either be sad about what HYDRA did to me, or what I did to other people." Sam noticed that a faint accent'd crept into Winter's speech. "No matter how I slice it, it’ll just bring more pain to people that I love.”
Winter was quiet for a while as he finished assembling his guns, and Sam allowed himself to think about Riley, too. "You're wrong, Winter." Winter looked up. "The pain of remembering can be worth it. It's still..." Sam thought back to telling stories at Riley's wake. "It's still a connection and a reminder of the good times, too."
Winter chewed his lip. "My sister is in Philadelphia." So that explained the mystery daytrip that Winter took a few weeks ago. "I died when she was 14, so I was there for less than 10% of her remembered life. She has grandchildren that were older than me. What connection do I still have with a retired accountant in Philadelphia?" Winter strapped on his guns and his gear and got up.
Sam sighed. Guess he'll have to try to talk about this when Winter gets back. "Hey, you guys have proper back-up this time, right?“
Winter looked back from the door. "Don’t worry, Sam. I won’t let Steve get hurt.”
And he was gone before Sam could point out that that wasn’t the same thing at all.
* * *
“So the local copy of the Zola system automatically self-destructs if the base gets attacked. Tony doesn't really have a way to prevent the self-destruct remotely, and it takes JARVIS 20 minutes from the time I plug in the USB.” Steve frowned and peeked over the bushes to count the guards again. Six. At the side entrance. "There's more people at this base than we'd anticipated, so we can't sneak in like we'd planned... Maybe if I distract them in the clearing here, get them all outside the base, they’ll forget to put the systems on alert and you'd still be able to slip in…“
"Too much left to chance.” Winter shook his head. "All it’d take is a single person to remember to flip the switch.“ He turned to Steve with a sardonic smile. "You’re Captain America. They will be on alert the instant they see you.”
Steve sighed. Guess this mission was going to be a bust as well. Calling in Tony with more firepower would just make it worse. This is what he gets for trying again so soon after the last mission. "Guess this is how it goes -- any base that would still have an active Zola console would also be impossible to infiltrate without triggering the self-destruct sequence." Maybe if Natasha were here instead of him. Or maybe HYDRA needed to be weaker in general. But Peggy's fading fast and Steve really wanted to get real data to her before she didn't remember SHIELD at all. And he grated at the thought of Zola's smug smile, declaring his life worthless. Steve wanted to punch something -- his entire body ached for a fight. But after what happened last time...
Steve slung his shield back and was about to call it a day when Winter suddenly spoke up. "They won’t set the base on alert if I turn myself in. There are standardized protocols.“
"No.” Steve’d seen enough electro-shock chairs in the last 3 bases to know what was waiting for Winter. "They’ll just wipe you again.“ He can't let them do that -- Winter’d recovered so much in the last 4 months. Steve's even starting to see him as a friend, and not just a highly competent team member.
"There is a debriefing period first.” Winter sized up the guards and his jaw twitched. "Estimated 30-40 minutes. That will be your chance, Cap.“
"And if they don’t follow standard protocol?” Steve swallowed and flexed his fingers against his shield. It *would* be the best shot they'll get in a long while...
Winter’s grin was particularly feral. "Then I won’t, either.“ Steve nodded. He’d seen Winter take down a room full of HYDRA operatives before. He could feel the new plan taking shape.
"So… you go in, I’ll follow. If at any time the alarm sounds, the mission’s a bust and we get the fuck out. If they start taking you to the mind wipe room, or if I don’t come to the debrief room within 30 minutes…”
Winter nodded. "I’ll also meet you back here. Sounds good.“ Winter tapped at several spots on the blueprints. "Entry. Debriefing room. Server room.” Then he paused, and pointed to pointed to a smaller room several floors down. "Reset room.“ He gave Steve a hard look. "If I’m not in the debriefing room… find me, stop me." Some emotion crept into Winter's usual flat voice. "I can’t go back to killing for them, Cap.”
Steve looked Winter in the eye and nodded. It’s a hard call, but Steve is team lead. "If all else fails, I'll get Tony to obliterate this place." Steve looked back at the map. This just meant that Steve’ll have to get to the debriefing room before the 30 minutes.
Another curt nod from Winter, then he quietly and efficiently started stripping off his gear. Guns. Knives. Grenades. Tac vest. Knee pads. Boots.
"Wait… what are you doing?” This plan was already shaky enough as it is.
“Prepping for debriefing.” Winter's voice was tight as he pushed Steve's protests aside and grunted as he pulled off his black shirt and stood up. His right shoulder twitched and accidentally grazed Steve’s arm as he stood to survey the guards. He looked so vulnerable, standing there in nothing but his black pants, web of scars running down his torso, and those neat round implant incisions in a row down his back. It reminded Steve of Bucky, in the tent after Azzano, shoulders drawn into tense angles, the similar line of marks on his spine. But before Steve's eyes could quite take in the entirety of Winter's scarred back, Winter turned and flashed a wan smile at him. "Don't worry, Steve. You'll get Zola this time.“ And then he stepped out into the open.
The crooked smile that'd crossed Winter's odd sunken face felt like a body blow. Steve'd seen that haunted look before: back in the Alps, just before Bucky slid down the zip-line to the train. To his death. Just to catch Zola. And now it's happening all over again. Steve reached out a hand to pull Winter back but it was already too late – the HYDRA guards at the gate had caught sight of Winter and had their guns pointed at him. Their postures indicated caution, but not hostility. Winter's plan was working. Steve swallowed and embraced the clarity that comes with the rush of adrenaline. The time for guilt over Bucky's death is later, after this mission. Winter is just getting a debriefing, he's not going to his death. Steve hefted his shield and eyed the entrance. This can still work.
Winter stilled his arm spasms and calmly approached the entrance. From a distance, Steve saw a few barked orders at the door, and Winter complying by completely stripping and getting on his knees. One guard delivered a sharp kick to Winter's head, and Winter went sprawling. In the raucous laughter that followed, Steve suddenly thought back to the fear and docility of Winter all those months ago, offering to suck Steve's cock in exchange for food. When Winter said standard debrief protocol...Steve's stomach churned but he forced himself to keep looking. Slowly, Winter picked himself up and faced the guards, still submissive and on his knees. They were pleased, and at another barked order, then turned back into the base, with Winter crawling obediently after them.
Steve looked at the open door and felt the weight of the USB drive in his hand. He could follow in and stop what they’re doing…. but then they’d have to find another intact HYDRA facility and there’d still no better alternative than what Winter’d proposed. And Winter knew what he was getting into. He was the one who proposed the plan. After what happened last time, he needed to trust Winter’s decisions. Steve tightened his grip around the USB drive and ran in. Winter had bought him 30 minutes, he’d already wasted 2 of them.
* * *
It was harder than he’d expected, to hide all the ways that he was malfunctioning. No, not malfunctioning--all the ways he was human. When the one with the mustache hit him with the stun baton it would have been so easy to swipe it and hit back. When they pulled him over the table by his hair and strapped him down he managed to not kick them, but couldn't stop his tense shaking, and almost vomited. But Steve needed him to obey again, for just 30 minutes. He was going through this hell for Steve, and a part of him hated Steve for it, for being so bull-headed, for always demanding so much of those who followed him. 23 minutes.
But he knew that this anger was a lie, too. To make the pain bearable. To help him focus on getting all these human bits of him under control. He took some deep breaths to calm himself. This was just punishment for not reporting to base earlier. They were still at level 2. After this comes the more severe punishments. That'll make them hard again, and they would want him to "thank" them for taking him back. And he's still sore from "apologizing" earlier... But it didn't matter, he's had worse, and he will obey. He'd do anything for Steve, and Steve needs him to be the asset for 30 minutes. Mission parameters are clear: Endure. Obey. 19 minutes. The asset felt another sharp pain as another man took him from the rear, and held still for them. 18 minutes.
There is a cock in his mouth, and a stun baton in his rectum. Someone laughs and the asset feels the blinding pain of electricity arcing through him. Level 3 punishment. What had he done to merit level 3? He begs, around the cock in his mouth. Somewhere overhead, he heard a familiar digital voice, but he couldn't quite place it. More intel necessary. There was blood running down his forehead, and his right leg is cut to the bone. 10 minutes before he could ... something. There was something he was allowed to do to stop all this in 10 minutes. His mind is malfunctioning, but it doesn't matter: They will fix him.
* * *
Steve found the server room after only one wrong turn. The machines hummed with energy, and half the room was taken up by large magnetic tape decks. Zola.
He found a USB port and plugged in. The light blinked: active transmission. And no reaction from Zola. Steve breathed a sigh of relief, and started patrolling the machines. But then…
"Ah, Captain Rogers, so you’ve survived young Alexander's missiles after all.” The voice came from a monitor to his left.
“Zola.” Steve spat out as he spun to face the monitor. The USB has been plugged in for 10 minutes. JARVIS needs another 10. Which meant Steve needed to keep Zola’s attention focused on him. "I’m pretty hard to kill. But so are you.“
"Hah. Indeed. One of the benefits of the new technological era.” A pause. "But why are you here, Captain? You’re not one to wake me merely to gloat.“
Steve drew himself up to his full height and stalked to be nose-to-nose with the monitor. "I’m here because I want answers, Zola.” The anger was easy -- he'd spent the last months drawing on a need to vindicate Peggy and Bucky and it felt nice to finally direct it at its proper source. "I want to know about Bucky."
“Ah, your precious Sergeant Barnes.” It took Steve a moment to parse the next sound as a low tinny chuckle. "I have certainly enjoyed... working with him." Steve felt his stomach churn. He was right -- Zola'd done something to Bucky in the factory.
Steve tried to remember what Natasha had taught him – turn vulnerability into strength. "Bucky…. you took him.“ Steve let his pain and guilt show on his face. "I should have stopped you and I didn't." 7 more minutes.
"And you want to know what I did with him, Captain? All the gory details? Are you sure you’re ready for this, Captain? I must warn you, it might not be enough to just punch me after you find out…”
Steve paused. Zola wasn't just talking about the factory. There was something else. There was a fuzzy sense of unease in the back of his brain. But he needed to keep Zola focused on him and not scanning himself or the room. "Well, I'm happy to punch you now rather than later. We both know you have plenty of monitors here." Zola’s wheezy laugh echoed through the room. 5 more minutes.
"My favorite part was when I showed him the news clipping of your unfortunate demise, Captain. He tried to threaten me like you’re doing now, except that he was weak from starvation and his new arm hadn’t been installed… I do enjoy kicking a dog when it’s down…”
Steve froze. After the plane crash? But that meant… and his new arm? Things were clicking in his head – it didn’t make sense, but if you eliminate all other possibilities… “You.... you turned Bucky into the Winter Soldier?” The roaring in his head was overwhelming now. Had it been another 2 minutes?
“Oh my, I thought you knew that already. Why else would you bring him to the base with you?” Zola’s voice was all mock surprise. "Or perhaps you didn’t recognize him from the surgery we’d done to him?“ Steve’s head was ringing and Zola's voice came through in distorted waves. "At first I’d protested the...der but seeing ...look on your face now…een worth it” Steve pulled up Zola's head and threw it against the floor. Shattered glass on the floor as another three monitors flickered on. "Oh dear, I forgot to mention … since you were so kind to return my Soldier to me, I’ve ordered him to be taken in for an upgrade…“ Each tinny chuckle stun like a bullet to the gut.
No, no no no no no.
It didn’t matter how many minutes it’s been. Steve yanked out the USB drive and charged out of the room. Hallway, stairs, two flights up. Halfway to the debrief room he came across some fresh drops of blood leading in the opposite direction. He spun and followed. He’d already forsaken Bucky for the mission once already, and if Winter… if Winter was … *is* Bucky … it’s all Steve’s fault. Again. Steve pushed himself to run faster.
Finally the blood trail stopped outside a large reinforced steel door. Too heavy. But not the hinges. They're designed to keep something in, not out. Steve sliced the hinges with his shield and kicked down the door. 3 lab techs and 4 guards looked up in surprise, and Steve made quick work of them. And there he was on the chair, head clamped between two scary pieces of metal. Bucky. Winter. The metal came apart between his fingers, and Steve tugged the bit out of his mouth. The eyes that look up at him were distant and unfocused. "Winter! Bucky! Come on!” Maybe Steve was too late after all. By five minutes. Or by 70 years.
“Steve?” Those gray eyes focus on Steve’s face, and they were Bucky’s eyes, through and through. A pained smile. "You… you know me. You came for me.“ Then a look of confusion. "Who am I?"
Steve's smile froze on his face. "You're..." Steve pulled himself up short. He could hear rushing footsteps coming down the hallway. They needed to get out first. "Just... just hold on." He quickly took stock of the situation: Winter’s, no, Bucky’s body was covered with bruises, blood, and semen. His left arm was deadweight and his right leg had a deep gash to the bone that had just been sewn up. He’s not sure if Bucky could stand, much less walk. Steve took out his phone and pressed the button with the obnoxious red and gold face on it.
"Hey Cap, good job on the uplink, JARVIS is..."
"Tony, we need air support. Now. I’ve fucked up everything.”
* * *
The first sound he heard was the beeping. Status monitors and vague sense of pain indicated that he was being prepped to go into cryo-freeze. But no, he wasn't on a table, he was on something softer -- a ... bed? Something inside him said, *his* bed. He had a room. And a bed. He wasn't HYDRA's anymore. Winter opened his eyes. No, not his bed, and not his room. But Steve was sitting beside him: hospital. Stark Industries insignia, so private hospital. He remembered sitting next to Steve's bed as a kid, the one time Steve got sick enough that his ma ... Winter abandoned the useless memory and instead searched his brain for something more recent -- there was a new but familiar blank spot there .. a partial mind wipe, then. But before that, there was a mission… some really stupid plan.
Oh. Right. That would explain the concentration of pain in his ass. He hadn't been raped by HYDRA for a while.
“Did you get the encryption codes, Cap?” Steve'd better. The bastards even sliced his leg open, planning some sort of operation.
“Bucky!” Steve’s hand leapt for his, and Winter jerked away reflexively at the touch. The smile at Steve’s lips pulled down into hurt and surprise.
“Sorry, Cap, you’ve never touched...” Winter started apologizing before what Steve'd said caught up with him. He called him Bucky. "You figured it out.“ That would explain the hand grab.
He watched as a whole host of emotions flashed across Steve’s face. Confusion, anger, disappointment, betrayal. Finally, Steve choked out. "Wait, you remembered that you were Bucky and didn’t tell me?”
"Thought about it." Steve looked so wounded, just as he'd expected. He should try to make this as painless as possible. "But you'd moved on. Bucky was dead and I was … different. Just figured it was easier.”
“But all the things that’s happened to you… you’d had to deal with it alone…”
He put on a smile and reached out to touch Steve's hand. "I didn't deal with it alone. I had you and Sam to help me along. You've already done plenty." Winter wanted this conversation over so that things could go back to normal: Steve would tell him he did a good job, and Sam would make jokes with him.
Instead, Steve pulled his hand out to wring with his other one. "No, I didn't, Bucky. I was too distracted by chasing down HYDRA. Too busy feeling guilty about what happened to you to notice you right next to me. If I knew...."
"Fuck you and your martyrdom, Steve Rogers." Bucky felt anger well up inside him. "If you knew I was Bucky instead of just the Winter Soldier... what? You would have gotten me a nicer laptop?" Steve curled back as if stung. "The same things still happened to me, Steve, and if you somehow think you would have treated me nicer if I were Bucky..." Winter turned away from Steve. "Well, I don't want Steve Rogers' preferential treatment."
He looked down and saw his backpack sitting on the other side of the bed, next to a chair that had Sam's jacket draped over it. He pulled open the backpack, grabbed the HYDRA one and threw it at Steve. "There you go, Cap. All of my HYDRA tortures. You can read it and feel all the guilt you want. Figure out which ones were Bucky's memories and which ones were Winter's. You like that, don't you? To feel like you're responsible for something." Steve stared at the notebook and didn't move. "Where's Sam? Did you make him wait outside? He's the one who actually remembered to bring me my stuff."
Steve finally stirred. "I… I’m sorry, Bucky. Winter. You’re completely right. If you weren’t Bucky it would probably be Sam sitting here instead of me." He pushed the notebook back at Bucky. "I have no right to read this. I don’t deserve to be here.” Steve moved to get up. "I’ll go get Sam. He's right outside--the couches outside are more comfortable for his ribs, but he'll be here in a sec.“
"I'll be outside talking with Tony." Steve paused at the door and looked at the door handle. "Just... whoever you want to be ... please let me be here for you? I understand if you don't, but ... I don't want to lose Winter and Bucky on the same day. Again."
Bucky sighed as he felt all the anger drain out of him. This idiot is going to drive him insane. "Steve, when you get Sam... make sure you come back in, too.” Steve relaxed his grip on the door handle. "You're a self-righteous punk and a self-absorbed drama queen. But if the last two missions have proven anything, it's that I would still follow you to the end of the line. And I know it's the same for Sam." He chuckled. "Maybe the two of us can keep each other sane while keeping you out of trouble."
Steve turned and flashed him a smile, then went out the door with renewed resolve. Winter sighed as he put the notebooks back in his backpack. Guess he didn't really need them anymore. Because here was the instinctively true thing about Steve that he knew even when those notebooks were completely blank: despite all his flaws, Steve Rogers was always trying to be a better person. And that somehow made all the other dumb shit worth it. Winter leaned back and waited for his friends to come back in the room.
