I Wouldn't Leave You If You Let Me
Ward senses the minute Skye leaves the bed, the warmth of her skin no longer against his. He waits for her to return, assuming she went to the bathroom or to get water. When she doesn't come back for ten minutes he rises from the mattress and sets to look for her. He finds her in the lounge on the couch, knees drawn up to her chest, the look on her face has him on alert. ''Hey, you okay?''
Skye doesn't look at him, still shaken from the nightmare that woke her in a cold sweat. Grant approaches her slowly, sits next to her and runs a soothing hand through her hair. He's patient and calm, waiting and trusting that she'll tell him what's bothering her when she's ready. Her hands are shaking in her lap cold and small, he wraps them in both of his, kisses her fingers. Notices when she tenses up.
''I had a bad dream''. She tells him finally, her voice drawn and quiet. Ward nods in understanding, he's had experience in those. Skye rests her forehead against his bare shoulder, listens to the silent hum of the plane as they travel. ''It was just a dream baby''. She's shaking her head, squeezes the fingers intertwined with hers. ''It's going to happen''.
''What was it about?'' She opens her mouth to tell him and then closes it. Thinks better of it. She could lie and say it was nothing, but part of her needs to know the truth. Grant carries the world on his shoulders, there's so much bad blood in his veins that she shouldn't add to it. He'll feel guilty, hurt, it will only add stress to his already stressful position.
So she clears her throat, wipes her face and blinks the uneasiness away. ''Never mind it was stupid, don't worry about it''. ''Skye it upset you, we can talk about it if you need to''. She searches his face, honest, open, trusting her. She looks around the plane as if someone is watching them, but needs to make sure no one is awake when she whispers the words to him.
''I dreamt that both Garrett and I were dying, and you chose to save him instead of me''. She watches his eyes very carefully as the words sink in. Something dark and angry sweeps into them, and then fear, the same fear she feels every day. The same dread she wakes with despite the dream, Skye knows, knows deep inside her body that Grant would do anything to save John.
If the world they've made on this plane does indeed come crashing down, if Shield is left to ruins, what part will she play in that? She knows about Garrett, why Ward is really here, but if that all comes out and Garrett wants to cut her off like a loose end, who's to stop him? If John pointed a gun to her brain would Grant do nothing?
''Skye that, that won't ever happen''. ''It could''. ''It won't''. ''You don't know that. I didn't tell you this to upset you or make you choose between John and I, but this is a slippery slope we're on. All of this could end badly''. Grant shakes his head, rejecting the ideas in her head. ''Everything will be fine, you don't have to worry''. He rises from the couch and she follows.
''I hate to tell you this babe but I have to worry. Because you put me in this position by telling me who you are. And I'm to blame just as much for coming onto this plane, we're in this together now so I can't just not worry about how all of this is going to go down. I'm terrified for you, for me, hell even for John. You can't stand here and tell me there aren't going to be any casualties when this is over''.
He sighs into his hands and she feels so guilty. They should have had this conversation sooner, but she was avoiding it because she honestly didn't want to face the truth. If push comes to shove, will she survive this? That dream really put it in perspective for her, even though it wasn't real, it very well could be. ''You're right, I can't promise you people won't be hurt''.
Ward comes to stand before her, puts one hand on her shoulder and uses the other to lift her chin to meet his eyes. ''But I can promise you that you won't be one of them. No one is going to hurt you, not while I'm around. I'll protect you, you know that''. He kisses her then, an apology in his lips and fear leaking into her mouth.
It doesn't escape her that he never said he would save her instead of John.
Skye doesn't dream at all when her and Grant go back to bed, and he's almost over affectionate the next day when Coulson has another mission for them. ''I wouldn't really call this a mission, we're like Shield's garbage people''. Skye comments as her and May walk through the mess Thor left behind when he came. Granted he saved the world, but still, he could of straightened up just a little before he left.
''I can't think of a single time when anything alien in human hands ended well''. Grant comes up beside her, brushes his hip against hers. ''I wouldn't mind getting my human hands on Thor, he's so dreamy''. Ward rolls his eyes and she pokes him in the ribs. ''Come on like you wouldn't want to get your hands on an Avenger? You've seen the Black Widow right?''
''I've met her a few times, too closed off for my tastes''. Skye has a hard time shutting her mouth that's dropped open. ''You've met her? Natasha Romanoff, the best spy on the entire planet?'' Coulson steps in, ''Maria Hill actually gave Ward the highest marks since Romanoff, he's good at what he does''. Grant and Skye share a look that no one notices.
Coulson has no idea the double meaning in his words.
''It's nice to see you and Skye are on speaking terms again''. Jemma tells Ward who adjusts the harness in his hands. They're in Norway because Shield got word that something rather strange, possibly alien had come into contact with humans. ''Yeah it is. I can climb it if you want''. They both glance up at the massive tree in front of them.
''I'll be fine. I'm just a bit more weary about the height thing since falling to certain death''. ''You're afraid, shaken up? It's normal. But some feelings will take over if you dwell on them, especially fear''. He does not think about what he saw in Skye's face the previous night when she told him about the dream she had.
Just like he refuses to think about what happened in said dream. If he starts, he won't be able to stop. They share the same fear him and Skye, about John. So Grant keeps putting all of it in a box, files away to reflect on later. Right now he needs to focus on the mission, which turns out to be nothing he was prepared for.
There's an Asgardian staff that a couple has stolen, gives them god like strength which they waste no time in showing off. Coulson and the Team travel to Spain to consult a professor on the matter, and Ward grows nervous with each passing minute. John would want a staff like that, something to fuel all of his hate and rage. He could take down Shield in minutes.
Grant follows Coulson and Skye into Professor Randolph's office, takes notes on exit routes, the position of the windows, observes the man quietly as he chatters on and about the staff. It's dangerous he tells them, powerful. The Berseker Staff. When Coulson hands the older man the model of the staff Fitz and Simmons created, something in his reaction tips Ward off.
He tells them where the next piece could quite possibly be, and Randolph seems to take an interest in Skye. Well, Skye and Ward mostly. ''I've seen that look before''. The Proffesor comments to Ward, a smile on his face. Coulson and Skye exchange a glance. ''What look?'' Skye on instinct moves just a tad closer to her boyfriend.
''He cares about you miss, so much that he's afraid he's going to lose you''. That line stays with Grant longer that he would like.
Skye and Grant follow up the lead Proffesor Randolph told them about, in a church. ''How you doing Agent Ward?'' Skye hears Coulson ask through her comm. ''Wishing I was shorter, nothing yet. All my readings are normal''. ''What about you Skye any luck?'' ''I'm lucky my SO volunteered to take the super creepy hallway instead of the slightly less creepy dungeon room. Thanks for that babe''.
''Skye, focus please''. ''I am focused. I got nothing''. Ward sees someone running quickly in front of him and he gives chase, never imagined what would happen when he touched the Staff.
His palm touches the metal. And something drifts through him slowly, like ink being spilled onto a page. Dark deep, black and blue all throughout his body. He sees his brother the well Thomas and Christian always Christian telling him to wait. Thomas gasping for breath Grant Grant Grant help me-
''Grant? Grant are you alright?'' Skye sees him on the ground, groaning his hands spread out like he's reaching for something. She gets on the ground next to him, her hand grazing his back. He gasps and gets up suddenly, there's a wild look in his eyes as he fights her hold. ''Hey hey it's me, it's Skye you're okay, it's okay''. He doesn't appear to hear her.
''The Staff, he has it''. ''Something is wrong with Grant, Coulson we have to help him''. She tries to touch him again but he leans away from her, breathing heavy, his head in his hands. ''Roger that I'm on my way''. Grant is trying to control himself but there's so much rage and hate and anger boiling cracking inside of his skin-
He sees his mother and the awful smell of vodka on her breath his father with his fist raised looking for blood. Christian telling him to harm Thomas because mother loves him more than us. His little sister Rose with her big smile and dark hair, staring at him through the glass window a distance that he will never be able to cross even after all of these years.
''Grant, it's okay. I'm here, you're okay''. And for the first time since he's known her, Skye's hands on his skin offer him no comfort.
''This is ridiculous''. Skye watches Fitz and Simmons run tests on Ward, who's hooked up to machines and seems realatively calm. For the moment. ''It's anything but. Grant you passed out and you were acting non-right''. ''Coulson ordered me to give you a full work up and that's exactly what I'm doing''.
Skye remains close to his side, her perfume calms the storm inside of him, if only for small seconds at a time. Grant tries to file it all away, to channel his anger into something else. But it doesn't work. Skye says the wrong thing even though he knows it was meant as a comfort, he snaps. She's just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
''What exactly did you remember?'' Fitz asks him, and Skye knowing the look in his eyes, places her hand against his shoulder blades. ''Something I hadn't thought about in a long time''. ''Your brother''. She says softly, no need to remind him which one. ''Drop it Skye''. ''You don't have to do this alone I can-'' ''I said drop it''. His voice is low, menacing, a clear warning to shut the hell up if there ever was one.
She obligies, tries to hide the hurt from her face because she can't possibly understand what he's going through. Grant supposes he should feel guilty, but he doesn't have any room inside of him for anything other than anger. He tries to unravel himself on the punching bag, it doesn't work.
Sweat is seeping through him doing nothing to wash away the memories he had long since buried. Christian. Thomas. Rose. Mother. Father. All flash between his eyelids and Grant can feel himself slipping. Parts of him he'd abandoned long ago hatch against his ribs and he wishes he had finished what he started, the fire. He should have burned the whole damn place to the ground.
He finds somewhat of a release questioning Proffesor Randolph, and when they find the location of the last piece of the Staff, Grant is afraid to hope that this will all be over soon. ''The effects of the Staff, are they permanent?'' Ward asks him on his way off the Bus. ''The strength wears off, you will feel exhausted afterwards you'll need sleep''.
''What about the other effects?'' ''That dark nasty ache in the pit of your stomach, the rage in your chest that makes you feel as if your heart's about to explode? It's worse on humans, but give it a few decades and it'll wear off too''. Decades? Something lodges into his windpipe and he has a hard time swallowing that down.
Skye is at his side like she always is, offering her support and comfort even though he thinks he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't look at her when he leaves the cargo hold.
She's never been more afraid for him than she is when Skye sees him pick up the now complete staff, his feet on the dusty church floor where he screams with all of the hate in his bones. It's not okay none of this is okay and when he hurts she hurts she's never felt so helpless. He takes down the people who brought all of this on in the first place like they are small ants.
''Grant drop the staff''. ''Get away from me''. She can't see him not like this, compromised, fire in his blood, hate he's wearing like a coat she can't see this version of him. The monster that his family always said he was. ''This isn't you''. Skye cups his cheek and the doors to the church fly open, more humans who think their gods.
Ward pushes Skye into May as gently as he can, if he's even able to be gentle at this point. ''Get her the hell out of here''. ''Grant please-'' ''May, get her out''. The Calvary effortlessly fights Skye's attempts to break free of her hold. ''You can't help him Skye, not right now. Listen to him, he wants you somewhere safe and that's here with me''.
Grant destroys them, the Staff in his hands, the hot iron glow of everything he's ever faced that cut him down made him nothing falling flying around as he finally stops. Puts the staff down, faces away from Skye. Sweat and sadness pouring out of his skin. And cries. He treated his family horribly but they were no better, and now they're gone.
Dead to him.
He's lost it all.
The only family that matters to him now is John. ''Grant''. And Skye, always Skye.
Skye runs to him as he falls to the ground, takes his shaking body and covers it with hers. Buries his face in her neck, whispers soothing words into his ear as she feels salt water drench her skin. ''It's okay you're okay. I've got you''. They both watch as another god-like human enters the room. ''You've got to be kidding me''.
Grant on trembling legs moves to stop her, to take that god awful staff in his hands again. But May grabs his wrist, stopping him. ''This time, let me help''. Grant sags with relief and falls back, Skye takes him in her arms and leads them out of the room, not casting a glance back at the Calvary, who's demons are no long lost thought.
Coulson gives them the night off and Grant wastes no time taking advantage of the paid for hotel room, or the bar. He's drowning what's left of Christian, the anger in his blood has simmered. For now. If he's being honest he's a lot angry with himself, that he let himself be compromised like that. Put it in a box and seal it tight with duct tape.
Skye finds Grant at the bar, where she expected him to be. Half of her wants to leave him be, but the other half is so concerened for him she can't help but go to him. ''How are you doing?'' He doesn't stiffen at the sound of her voice or wince as she slowly travels her hand down his spine. ''I'm alright''.
She sits next to him and he lays his head on her shoulder. ''You need to sleep baby, you look exhausted''. He shakes his head, ''I'll be fine''. ''Grant Ward you are anything but fine, if I have to drag your cute ass into that hotel room I will''. He finishes his drink in silence before agreeing, she takes his hand as they walk to the elevator.
Grant's body all but falls into the soft sheets of the bed, the day taking it's toll on him. It takes a moment for Skye to curl up next to him, he raises an eyebrow in her direction when he feels her bare skin brush against his hand. He takes his face away from a pillow, his insides filling with a different kind of fire when he sees she's stripped of all of her clothes.
''I'm here for you, whatever you need''. He hesitates, something he's never done with a woman is all of his years. ''I don't want to hurt you''. He admits, relaxes against her when she runs her fingers through his hair. ''You won't. My shoulder is free, if you want to talk''. Skye presses against him, ''we'll do whatever you want''. She kisses his cheek, nips his jaw.
''Just lay with me, for a while''. She opens her eyes to find his whiskey ones covered in anxiety, fear that he's going to hurt her. She nods, he takes her in his arms and holds her close, no distance or air between them. He kisses her hair, allows the beat of her heart to cool him.
He falls asleep soon after, cradling her to his chest, his breath warm in her ear.