The Wedding
Once she'd heard Frigga speak his name, Sif had wept uncontrollably.
Never in her wildest dreams would she have ever made such an emotional display of herself in another's company, especially in front of one such as as Frigga. But her gentleness and compassion was remarkably soothing and made her feel far less foolish and embarrassed as she could well have been had it been anyone else.
She had draped her arms around her and brought her comfort in the way only an understanding mother could.
And as she held her, it had all come flooding out. Gushing like a river that had burst its banks....
Sif spoke of her fears, torment, confusion and heartache.
It was a great relief to get it off her chest. Her secret feelings had been an increasingly heavy burden and at last the weight had been lifted.
Amidst her flowing tears, Sif tried to put into words the way she had been trying in vain to convince herself that she could not possibly love the troubled Prince.
As she voiced her most intimate feelings; describing how her heart seemed to beat a thousand times all at once just at the sight of him, and how she practically had to remind herself to breath whenever he looked in her direction, Frigga had smiled. Her own eyes twinkling and stated that,
"One can try to ignore the signs...but you know inside, butterflies don't lie."
Those words though so simple, undeniably made perfect sense.
"I once thought that my love was for Thor.."
Sif had pondered aloud,
"..but as I grew I came to realise that I do love him, but not as a lover."
Frigga nodded in apparent agreement,
"There are many differences between loving someone and actually being 'in' love."
Sif had to temporarily choke back further tears, in order to speak coherently,
"I used to think I felt great pain when Thor seemed to tire of me and spurned me in favour of Freya...but that was nothing compared to what I feel now..."
She stared up helplessly at Frigga's kindly face which was blurred and distorted through her tearful eyes,
"..Thor and I were together once and we realised we do not really want each other...Loki and I never have or will be a couple. It is though he is slipping through my fingers...and into another's."
At that point she broke down again and cried as though her heart might break, though she felt certain it already had.
Frigga hushed her and stroked her hair gently.
"My dear Sif, where there is love, there is hope....you must remember that. "
Sif shook her head, defeated,
"What hope can there be now? My feelings are unrequited, I have already lost him."
At that point Frigga had given her a poignant look,
"You haven't lost him...he does not yet belong to another-"
"He's never even been mine to lose though really.."
Sif mused sadly,
"...you cannot lose what isn't truly yours to begin with."
Frigga smiled knowingly,
"Oh forgive me Sif, but how little you know the object of your affections!"
Sif blinked, unable to keep her brow from furrowing,
"I do not understand-"
"Of course you don't. Loki is a complicated fellow to say the least and always has been. Not many understand him, even I have struggled at times."
Her face fell now, her expression saddening and Sif's heart went out to her. This woman loved Loki as her own son despite him having inadvertently caused her no end of suffering.
"But I know certain aspects of his character..."
She continued softly,
"..and I dare say I am certain of one thing, if no other..."
She took hold of Sif's hand again and with eyes filled with sincerity, proclaimed,
"...you have always had him!"
Those words were still ringing in Sif's ears now.
Frigga hadn't supplied her with any sufficient explanation as to why she believed this to be true, other than claiming to know her son well enough, and that it was a mother's instinct.
Though not having any actually statement from Loki himself, Sif did not dare believe that this may be true.
She already felt utterly crushed, and couldn't not bear the thought of allowing herself false hope.
The only relief Sif had, although slight, was that Frigga had assured her she would no longer be required to attend Sigyn as her bride's maid at the ceremony.
She agreed that Sif should be spared further pain by having to perform such a duty and somehow managed to convince everyone that Sif had justifiable cause to not attend and that she was needed elsewhere.
**************************
After Sif's confrontation with Lady Sigyn, it came as no surprise to hear that Sigyn did not object to her not being able to fulfil her bride's maid duties.
What did come as a surprise to her however, was the letter that was pushed beneath her chamber door the very night before the wedding.
She stood from her dressing table and crossed the room, eyes fixed on the piece of parchment. It could not have been delivered by a servant, as they would have knocked the door and handed it to her personally.
Intrigued, she picked it up and examined it closely.
Blinking in surprise, her heart began to race when she noticed the distinctive wax seal; the looped snake....the unmistakable emblem used only by him...
Gently breaking the seal, she unfolded the paper and began to read Loki's beautiful, yet somewhat elaborate handwriting.
Her heart sank slightly as she realised it was a request for her to attend his wedding. Written quite formerly, addressing her as 'Dear Madam', with no hint of personal feelings or explanation as to why he wanted her to attend.
Hurriedly she opened her door but there was no sign of him in the hallway.
Angrily she cursed herself for not having just opened the door before opening the letter.
For a brief moment she contemplated going to his chambers to demand an answer, but she quickly dismissed the thought. Those days were gone. She had promised herself that her days of visiting Loki's chambers were well and truly over. Each time had resulted in her humiliation.
Needless to say, sleep was impossible for her that night. Thoughts swam around her mind until her head ached.
Why was he still asking her to attend the wedding? He hadn't objected to bowing out of her role of Bride's maid, but he still requested her presence at the ceremony.
The only possible reason she could think of was that even now he was still trying to torment her. What reaction was he hoping for this time? Perhaps for her to angrily confront him again, or was he hoping she would attend and then break down during the service, making a spectacle of herself in public once more?
The more Sif thought about this the more angry she became until finally, having given up on sleep, she rose from her bed and began searching her wardrobes for an appropriate gown. If Loki wanted a reaction from her, then he wasn't going to get the one he wanted.
She would attend the wedding and she would force a smile and applaud with the rest of the Aesir as the happy couple were pronounced 'Husband and Wife'
She faltered slightly at this sobering notion, images of him kissing the bride danced before her tired, sore eyes.
Could she really witness the object of her affections, her tormentor, her heart's desire...proclaim his love for another and swear an oath to remain her's alone for eternity?
Biting back the urge to weep once more, she forced the thoughts from her mind. She had to stay strong. Reminding herself that she had been nothing more than Loki's pawn, a mere distraction to help alleviate the boredom of being confined to the palace, she felt the familiar sting of humiliation returning.
Loki did not harbour any real feelings for her.
She momentarily recalled the way he'd kissed her so passionately....but this only served to anger her further as she also remembered the way he'd kissed Sigyn, and she had been in his chambers that night.
Her resentment was now returning, her hands instinctively balled into fists at the realisation that she'd given Loki an open invitation to toy with her emotions. Sh had, after all, been the one who had kissed him first. And he had initially rejected her in favour of Sigyn.
So, as the hour of the wedding drew near, Sif was more determined than ever to attend. To be able to look her tormentor in the eye and feel proud of herself for having beaten the trickster at his own game.
************************
Odin's Great Hall was filled with the sound of excited chatter. The Aesir, Nobles of the Royal Court and elders were all in attendance. Outside huge crowds had gathered in the hope of catching a glimpse of the innocent vanir Bride and her intended husband.
Sif had dressed elegantly for the occasion in a simple, yet beautiful red gown. Her long dark tresses tapered demurely over one shoulder, with a single red rose affixed by her right ear.
As one of the last to arrive, she managed to slip in unnoticed by her companions, much to her relief.
Scanning the room, she spotted Fandral with a pretty young maiden on his arm, and behind them in the crowd both Volstagg and Hogun stood looking on, whispering between themselves.
Sif followed the direction of their gaze to the head of the Hall, where Odin and Frigga stood side by side.
Their thrones had been somehow removed for the occasion in order to create more space up on the dais.
It was then Sif's curious gaze fell upon Loki. Dressed in full ceremonial regalia, much like he was at the ball but minus his horned helm, which he held under one arm. Desperately she tried to ignore the sensation of her heart hammering against her rib cage.
She couldn't help but notice the way his raven locks had been trimmed, the previous stray, uneven strands all gone, and now combed back into perfection.
The bright light which filled the room, danced off the polished metal of his armour; the reflexion dazzling and making him appear even more celestial and angelic than ever.
His previous scars had long disappeared, leaving his complexion just as smooth and soft looking as she'd always remembered it being.
At that moment he turned his head, first left, then right. She could see his eyes roving amongst the onlookers, scanning their faces.
Her attention was caught by the small green and gold jewel now dangling from his left earlobe.
That was new. Or was it? Furrowing her brows Sif was sure she'd seen him wear something similar once before...though long ago.
Such an accessory on anyone else would have looked ridiculous. And no doubt many of the Aesir would be sniggering and commenting on it, but regardless, there was no denying that although Loki was and always had been 'different', such a thing merely added to his charisma, individuality and air of mystery.
Suddenly his emerald eyes met hers.....she had been distracted by the earring and now cursed herself under her breath for having been caught looking at him.
Lowering her eyes hurriedly, she hoped no one standing by her had noticed her sudden flush of colour.
Forcing a thin smile she hesitantly glanced up again in his direction. His previous smile had disappeared and his expression was blank and unreadable.
A fanfare blasted through the Hall, announcing the impending arrival of the Bride.
Biting her lip in order to prevent it from trembling, Sif watched as Loki was approached by the chief Elder who was to perform the blessing of the union, and instructed him to turn around.
Slowly he complied, though he hesitated in order to cast one final, lingering look in her direction.
She allowed her eyes to connect with his and felt her heart flutter.
Then he turned away, leaving her gazing at his back. The green cape became a blur as it mingled with the golden sheen of armour. She then realised to her horror that her eyes were suddenly brimming with tears. Lots of people got emotional and cried at weddings, but few wailed and wrung their hands in despair.
All sound and vision around her became distorted now, she barely heard the music start up. Apparently Ingvi, a relation to Sigyn, had commissioned the finest musicians from Ljossalfheim to play the flute and lyre, but Sif was paying no attention to such trifling matters.
Nausea overwhelmed her, she suddenly felt hot and had to fight to keep from vomiting.
She scarcely noticed Sigyn enter the hall, wearing her fussy pink gown, whilst smiling radiantlt, her delicate bridal crown perched above her tiny brow.
Scolding herself, Sif tried making her way as subtly as possible towards the arched open doorway. She had to escape, she needed air desperately. She had been a fool to think she could bear witness to this.
Muttering her apologies as she wound her way through the throng of people, she had almost reached her destination without causing too much disturbance when suddenly her perception returned as the Elder was reciting the swearing of vows.
She hesitated, pausing just long enough to throw a glance back over her shoulder. Loki stood facing Sigyn, holding her dainty hands, dwarfed in comparison to his own.
Sif held her breath as Sigyn declared her vows and swore an oath to love, honour and obey Loki.
He in turn opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated slightly. Surely Loki wasn't suffering with an attack of nerves!?
He cleared his throat and forced a broad smile that did not meet his eyes. He began to speak, when suddenly Sif caught his eye once more, causing him to falter a second time.
Numerous onlookers began muttering and some followed Loki's eye-line, causing a slight stirring amongst the guests.
Flinching at the unwanted attention, Sif hurriedly left the hall and broke into a run down the long corridor.
She fled passed several servants and startled guards, but was at least grateful for the fact that the palace was in silence and otherwise deserted due to the wedding.
She made it out into the gardens just in time before she retched violently and vomited.
For once she was thankful for having not eaten, so it wasn't so bad.
She stumbled forward a few more paces, throat stinging, face burning, then collapsed onto her knees helplessly, in floods of tears.