Love, Magic and Lies

Looking down at the waves crashing below the rainbow bridge, Sif made her way to the lone figure which stood statue-like at the now ragged end of the shattered Bifrost.
Heimdall, gatekeeper of the nine realms and guardian of Asgard, had requested..or rather commanded her presence.

As she approached she proffered a smile, but it was not returned. This did not faze her, as his surly attitude was well known throughout Asgard, rivalling only that of Hogun the grim.
"You wish to speak with me Heimdall?"

There was a pause before he acknowledged her, his amber eyes studying her face closely.
"You are deeply troubled Lady Sif.."
His deep voice rumbled, it was not a question, he spoke as though stating a fact.

Sif hesitated, wondering how to respond. There was no way of lying to him, his powers of perception were as great as the Allfather's himself.
"I have been experiencing some difficulty sleeping, though I'm sure it will pass."
She answered as breezily as she could.

"And in your waking hours, you are troubled also...do not deny it, for it is the truth. You have also lost weight, you are not eating as you should"

Sif shifted nervously, the realisation that Heimdall may have seen many other things struck her with a feeling of dread.

"Would you deny, that your restlessness coincides with the return of the silver tongued one?"
He rumbled, his expression darkening further still.

Sif swallowed hard, painfully aware of the hot flush that swept across her face. She was also struck by the strange, fluttering sensation within her chest that was suddenly present just by the mentioning of the troubled younger prince.
She tried her hardest to look impassive, but Heimdall could not only sense her tension...he knew all.

"I, well.."
She struggled to find a non-committal response,
"I'm sure the return of Loki has caused many to be restless."
She managed eventually.

"That is true.."
He said, eyeing her steadily,
"....but no other has been as greatly unsettled. What grieves you so?"

She attempted to shrug off the suggestion that it did cause her any such grief, but the gatekeeper was not to be fooled, raising his voice slightly he challenged her,
"Is it not so that upon having learnt of the sly one's arrival, you intentionally sought him out, thus disobeying our king's strictest command? You further incriminated yourself by conversing with him alone in a private concealed cell, and since then you have been unable to put him from your mind. Do you deny this?"

Flinching physically at hearing the words spoken aloud, Sif tried to speak but he continued, voice growing sterner,
"And if you are honest you will also admit that the arrival of the Goddess Sigyn has caused you further anxiety-"

"She is of the Vanir, which makes her no Goddess of Asgard!"
The words slipped from her lips as though spoken by someone else. She instantly realised how her words had implicated her.

Heimdall stared at her in shock, shaking his head slowly now, displaying his blatant disapproval,
"It is clear by the blatant lack of respect you portray, that you feel contempt for her...and this, I am to believe is due to your new found feelings for the giant's offspring!"

That only made Sif's cheeks flame hotter still, partly due to the guilt and shame that overwhelmed her, but also she couldn't help but feel anger at hearing Loki labelled as such a thing.
"My Lord.."
She croaked, eyes fixed on the curved arc of the bridge, desperately avoiding contact with his own,
"....I meant no disrespect and might I add in my defence that it was I myself who gave Odin the notion to find Loki a bride."

Heimdall shifted slightly, which drew her eyes back to him momentarily,
"But that was not your intention...do not attempt to deceive me. It is perhaps time you ceased attempting to deceive yourself.."
Regarding her with what Sif believed to be a look of disgust he added darkly,
"You desire him!"

"No, that is not so..."
She spluttered in protest,
"....all I did was take pity on him."

"And why is that? Because you believe you can be his saviour?"

"I believed I could help him, yes. Perhaps I felt that if he were shown compassion and-"

"Love?"
He cut in again, eyes now blazing with a fury that she had never seen directed at herself,
"You know so little of what you speak, Loki has had lovers."

"What!?"
It was now Sif who interrupted him, the shock of his proclamation clear in her voice and expression,
"Who? It has never been known-"

"Amora."
Heimdall growled, clearly irritated by Sif's reaction.

Sif swallowed hard, as the news that Loki had in fact once been a lover of the wicked enchantress sunk in. Stinging as it did so. She suddenly felt agitated with herself for being so naïve as to believe that Loki was perhaps some kind of virginal prince. Besides why should it even bother her so?
She briefly found herself picturing Amora in her mind's eye, with her billowing yellow hair and willowy figure... shameless seductress!

Her hands balled into fists, then she was jolted back to reality by Heimdall's booming voice,
"Amora may not have won Loki's heart, as neither did her sister Lorelei or Angrboda....yet the Allfather has faith in Sigyn to succeed where others have failed."
He peered down towards the ocean below, though no doubt seeing far beyond it and added pointedly,
"However that is assuming the dark prince has a heart to be won. If he does, it will be as black as the deeds he has done."

Somehow Sif managed to bite her tongue and suppressed the urge to ask who in the nine realms was this Angrboda? But she wisely kept silent, not wanting to anger Heimdall any more than he already was. She knew of Lorelei, and this piece of information also made her stomach turn. Loki had bedded both sisters, and yet found love with neither.

"You believe Loki is capable of love, that his heart is like that of yours and mine..you are naïve."
He was saying now,
"Love, magic and lies....that is a most dangerous combination. He is a living, breathing personification of chaos. You are a goddess of war. The two elements must not become entangled. I advise you to give up your dreams of being the salvation of the sly one, it will end in disaster.."
He approached her slowly, a most serious expression on his weather-worn features,
"....if you continue to harbour such poisonous ambitions, it will be your undoing."

"I do not harbour anything by choice!"
Sif stated, panic rising in her chest,
"I cannot be blamed for the feelings that have arisen in me. I have struggled with my conscience and my mind is fully aware of the implications....but my heart is not to be controlled.."
She hesitated slightly before adding,
"I do not understand what has caused these changes."

Heimdall, head tilted to one side in a quizzical fashion, raised an eyebrow,
"You speak as though you have never experienced such feelings before."

Sif sighed, her head ached from the constant questioning, most of which was done by herself. She could not stop churning it over and over in her mind...and her stomach churned along with her thoughts.
"I....I am not entirely sure..I mean, I have..well, there was..Thor."
She muttered, struggling to find the right words,
"I loved Thor, I still do but not as I once did. I have experienced similar emotions.."

"You no longer love Thor.."
Heimdall broke in, shattering her thoughts,
"..But what if you never did truly love him? It may have been no more than brief, childish infatuation, a phase that was spawned from familiarity and admiration."

Sif narrowed her eyes,
"Are you surmising this Heimdall, because you speak as though you know this to be fact?"

Heimdall held her gaze steadily, his expression unreadable,
"I speak of what I see, you should know the truth as it is within you."

Sif sighed yet again, exasperation rising in her,
"You said I was speaking as though I had never felt such feelings before.....was that a question or an accusation?"

"I was not referring to your feelings for Thor."
He answered flatly.

Sif's eyes widened, taken aback by his statement,
"What, what are you implying?"

"I imply nothing, but surely you cannot dismiss the fact that you once developed similar feelings before......for Loki."
His words felt heavy, like a weight being dropped upon her. Crushing her with the density of their meaning.

"You mean, when we were young?"
She finally dared enquire after a long pause.

The guardian nodded.

"It was so long ago though.."
She continued shakily,
"...I never actually felt anything for him, it was Thor I cared for. How could I have feelings for Loki without even realising?"

"Perhaps you did realise but simply chose to ignore it because you knew how incredulous it seemed and would have been inappropriate to act upon those emotions."

He spoke so knowingly, Sif temporarily forgot her embarrassment and threw all caution aside,
"If that is so Heimdall, then why have these feelings returned? Why now?"
She demanded.
Inside, her heart was pleading to know the answers, longing for a solution. Something to relieve her current state of confusion and torment.

For a moment Heimdall paused, as if considering his next words carefully.
"Perhaps the trickster has enchanted you.."

She shook her head frantically,
"No, no that cannot be....he does not possess the power to do that."

Heimdall leant forwards, folding his forearms across the wide handle of his sword,
"You are not to know that for certain, Loki is a talented liar. He could have placed you under his spell at any time prior to the Allfather removing his magical abilities."

Sif was unsure of what to think. Although the idea of Loki having lied to her so blatantly stung, she found this theory more comforting than another possible explanation...the one that she could not bring herself to comprehend, let alone ever accept. She refused to believe that she was capable of having fallen in love with Loki.
The notion filled her with fear and dread. She expelled the thought from her mind quickly, it was not feasibly possible.

She took a deep breath,
"What am I to do?"
She noticed that Heimdall's features appeared to soften slightly, as if he was now taking pity on her.

"You must do as you did once before, force all thoughts of him from your mind. Avoid him whenever it is possible to do so and do not allow yourself to dwell upon the emotions that contaminate you."

Nodding weakly, Sif muttered her thanks and headed back across the bridge towards the palace.
As the wind swept across the vast open landscape, whipping her hair, she felt a dampness forming around her eyes. Defiantly she told herself it was due to the harshness of the cold, ocean wind.

She wouldn't permit herself to cry. Not again. She scorned herself for becoming so weak and feeble. Never before had she been such a slave to her emotions.
She had succeeded in avoiding Loki since their heated exchange in the orchard a few nights ago. The thought of seeing him again filled her with dread...a feeling that was becoming very familiar to her.

The humiliation would be excruciating, yet in spite of that, much to her annoyance she found herself almost longing to be near him again.
To see him from a distance was not enough. Yesterday she had caught a glimpse of him from the gallery windows, riding his horse around the courtyard. He was to all intents and purposes, under house arrest; restricted to the palace and its surrounding grounds.
Yet he appeared to be taking this considerably well, Sif had noticed.
He almost seemed content galloping across the cobbles, dressed casually in a black shirt, his inky mane tousling in the breeze.

She recalled the way her breath had caught in her throat at the sight.
Then her thoughts wandered to the gossiping she'd heard around the palace. Within mere days of Sigyn's arrival the whole palace was abuzz with rumours involving her and the fallen prince....

"The word is, he's rather taken with her actually.."
Fandral had announced only that morning,
"....the poor girl must be blissfully unaware of the impending horrors she'll have to endure being the wife of Laufey's son!"

"I think she's a poor choice for him.."
Volstagg had commented, much to Sif's pleasure,
"..she seems so meek and mild....they are exact opposites!"

"Yes, but that is the perfect choice for Loki!"
Fandral had argued,
"She'll have to be subservient to him, a strong willed wench would never do..they would clash terribly!"

Elsewhere, word had reached Sif that Sigyn was completely enamoured of Loki.
Though the pair had not even been sighted in each other's company since their introduction, she had also reportedly taken to referring to him as
"My Lopt"
The notion both amused and sickened Sif in equal amounts. She could not imagine Loki finding twee pet names amusing.
Yet the brazen familiarity Sigyn displayed irritated her greatly. Lopt was another version of his name that he'd been known as on Midgard centuries ago. How could she speak so of Loki, having only just met him?

And the "My" ...the "My" Sif did not like at all.
Who was Sigyn of Vanaheim, after all to suddenly stake her claim on a prince of Asgard and act as if she'd known him forever!

She desperately tried to put all such thoughts from her mind now. She had to. For her own safety and sanity's sake, she must take Heimdall's advice and stop dwelling on all thoughts and feelings that were related to Loki.

However, that was far easier said than done.