Chapter 17
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After a couple of hours of calming down, you and Bucky finally fell asleep. Of course, it didn't last long. You woke up a while later to your soul mate's death grip on you.
“No...no...please!"
You reached out to turn on your bed side lamp and found the supersoldier's face covered in tears, his eyes squeezed shut in a nightmare he couldn't escape. Your blood ran cold. Since you came to live at the Tower and eventually you both started sleeping in each other's room whenever needed, his nightmares and relapses did cut down a lot according to the team. That didn't mean they were nonexistent, especially when stressed.
“Please, I'll come back quietly! Just don't-!"
“Bucky-!" you started.
Suddenly, you were surrounded by what seemed to be a glass box. Outside it, Bucky, was on his knees, begging for mercy from a shadowy figure that held a gun to your head.
You were tied up with Steve and child size person that you couldn't quite make out the features of that were already dead. The person with a gun, laughed, said something in Russian, and pulled the trigger. You watched in horror as your blood joined Steve's and the kid's.
In this dream, Bucky, stared in wide eyed shock at his slaughtered family. You pounded on the glass to get his attention long enough to snap him out of it, but then in reality, you felt a shift Bucky's mental state. It went cold, mechanical and you were back in the bed.
Bucky's metal arm clenched at its spot by your head with quiet whurrs and hissed from the hydraulic system, Tony, created for it. The supersoldier's eyes were still tightly closed so you knew whatever happened next, he couldn't be blamed for it. That gave you little comfort, however, as he slowly sat up with nothing but murder etched into his face. Your breath hitched.
“ya tebya ub'yu...."
“James...." you gasped. You slowly started making your way out of his arms and his overly dilated eyes snapped opened. They held none of the warmth you loved. Only pain and vengeance.
“YA ub'yu ves' etot chertov dom!"
“James, wake up!" you ordered.
His metal arm lashed out for you, but you were already on the floor. He growled and came after you, so you ran into your closet and barricaded yourself. That did nothing as the Winter Solider tore the door straight off its hinges, throwing aside everything including you. The pain was instant and everywhere as you hit the wall spine first, but thankfully faceplanted on the bed.
“Sis! Sis, what's going on?!"
You groaned as your brother started to panic in your head. You didn't get time to answer because the Soldier grabbed your ankle, but you quickly rose up and wrapped your thighs around his neck.
“Bucky! It's me! It's (Y/N)!" you exclaimed.
“LIAR! My (Y/N)'s dead!"
He tried desperately to pry you off of him, but, Tony, didn't call you Iron Thighs for nothing. You heard your brother shifting around.
“Nothing's wrong, Travy! Go back t' sleep!"
“Bullshit! You sound like you're legit fighting over there!"
“Like you don't fight with Da-OW, JAMES!"
The supersoldier bit you hard, giving him an opening to slam you on the ground. You were dazed to say the least, but still shot your leg out to knock Bucky's out from under him.You quickly pinned him down.
“James, please wake up! I'm alive, baby! See!" you pleaded.
You put your hands on his temples and hoped your idea would work. If you two could go into each other's dreams, surly you can share images right? You prayed as you put your memory of falling asleep in his arms just a few hours ago in his head.
“We were sleeping, baby, you were dreaming see?"
He started to protest, but you shushed him by showing yourself in the glass cage of his dream mind. His eyes went back to normal.
“B-baby doll?"
You breathed a sigh of relief and hugged him. Bucky moved to put his arms around you, but accidentally hit your bruised back in the wrong way. You tried to stop your whine of pain, but he still heard you.
“Baby, what's-?"
The supersoldier paled as the last twenty minutes came back to him. He started to take you off of him with shaking hands, but you held him tight.
“(Y/N), I-I hurt you...."
“I'll heal."
“(Y/N)-!"
“James-!"
“Sis, why are you so quiet now?! I'm coming over there!"
You sighed and hit your head on Bucky's chest. All you wanted for Christmas is one moment of peace.
“Bucky kiss me."
“Whammm...."
You pressed your lips against your boyfriend's. After a second and hearing your brother's footsteps, he caught on and kissed you back. Just in time for, Travis, to barge in, electricity blazing.
“Alright, you bastard-oh..."
You broke apart from, Bucky, to glare at your charged up sibling. He now looked more embarrassed than anything to see his half naked sister straddling her flushed boyfriend.
“Travis! Do I interrupt your couple time?"
“I-I'm sorry. It sounded like he was really...never mind I'm just gonna...."
Travis shuffled back out and you relaxed into, Bucky, again. You felt his guilt, his self-depreciating thoughts and sat up to put your hands through his hair. He held your forgiving gaze for a moment before taking your hands away and looking down.
“I never wanted you t' see me like that, (Y/N)...let alone be in my way."
“James-."
“I could've killed you, I was gonna kill you, I wanted t' kill you."
“James, I-."
“I thought I was okay, I thought that because you love me I couldn't be a monster anymore! How could I've been so stupid?!"
His shoulders were starting to shake in tears of regret, the first bit of it he's ever shown in the last year. You started to feel the familiar itch of your mutation feeding.
“I'm sorry for getting involved with you, I'm sorry for tricking you int' thinking I'm good enough for you..."
He finally made eye contact with you again and you wish he didn't. Those baby blues were drowning in his self-hate, a century away and in the present at the same time. He started glowing purple and your face hardened. You had to fight this. Bucky couldn't break on you too.
“But most of all I'm sorry for being your soul ma-."
You put your hand tightly over his mouth and tried to stabilize yourself. What was it, Bucky, always-? You closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. After a minute you opened your eyes and smiled down at your wide eyed soul mate. You moved your hand to his cheek.
“Breath, Bucky. Just stop and take a breath okay? You're not a monster. The Soldier is and you're not him."
“But-."
“'Could've killed', 'gonna kill', 'wanted to kill'? That's not how 'The Asset' operates. If James Barnes wasn't alive in there I'd be dead."
He made a noncommittal grunt and you put your hands back through his hair.
“So just breath, Buck. We all have our demons. Two years later, I still don't love you any less because of yours."
Bucky's eyes and mind went through a million and one emotions and thoughts before he buried his face in your neck. He moved your hands to his temples and you rubbed them to relax him. After a few minutes, he spoke.
“Baby doll, I....can I get up a moment?"
You nodded and let him go. He stood and looked down at you for a second before going to his suitcase. He took something out and clenched his right fist around it. When he came to sit back in front of you, he nervously reached for your hand with his metal one. You grabbed it with both of yours.
“(Y/N), this is gonna sound really weird and creepy and I understand completely if you say no," he began.
He opened his hand and in it there was a small black box. You gasped. He couldn't possibly be.
“The day we 'met' I went out and got this because I knew that there'd never be anyone else but you. I never had any intention of giving it t' you, but I kept it to remind myself t' at least try t' be the good man you think I am."
He opened the box and the sterling silver ring had a cute heart shape setting with both red and blue colored jewels embedded in it.
“James..." you whispered.
“I'll never be the person you deserve," he said sadly, “But you don't want anyone else but me for some reason I'll always be grateful for."
Bucky took your left hand and held the ring on the tip of your finger.
“I don't expect you to accept it and I don't expect you to wait forever if you do. You can back out at anytime and I won't hate you for it. I can't hate you, doll, you got me by the soul."
He slid the ring on and you teared up. It fit perfectly, making you realize just how sharp his observations of you are.
“One day, (Y/N) (L/N), I will grow the balls to ask you t' marry me," Bucky promised, “B-but until then w-will you-?"
“James, yes!" you shouted, “Whatever it is, a thousand times yes!"
You threw your arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. This man worried entirely too much. How could you even consider anyone else when your hero wanted you?
“So I finally beat out Dum Dum?"
You pulled back with an eye roll. Bucky gave you his 1940 smirk and kissed your ring hand. You were about to answer when you heard a loud thump from down stairs.