Chapter 13
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A little while later, you woke slightly to a pair of soft lips on the back of your neck and a cold hand weaving it's way through your hair. You smiled a bit and turned to snuggle into the crook of his neck. Bucky sighed almost dreamily.
“That would be a lot less less creepy if she was awake, Buck."
“Shut up! For as long as I had to listen to you and Li fuckin' each other to sleep from down the fuckin' hall? Let me have this."
“You could actually have her if you just-!"
“I can't! I still have this Soldier shit in my head! What if I-!"
“I went through the same thing with Li! (Y/N) won't care anymore than I did!"
“But (Y/N)'s not a supersoldier! She's not a god or an assassin! She's breakable!"
Bucky ran a hand through your hair and stroked your cheek as he held you closer.
“She's jus' a kid, Steve."
“So were you."
Bucky went silent and you took that as your cue to wake up. You stirred and, Bucky, pulled away, much to your dismay. You sighed and kissed his nose.
“Morning, Bucky bear."
“Afternoon, baby doll," he smirked.
“What?!"
You rolled on top of him to look at the clock on the night stand. The Solider was right it was indeed early afternoon. You groaned and frowned at the blushing supersoldier.
“Why'd you let me sleep so late?!" you exclaimed.
“I-."
You sat up to straddle him, your irritation making you not realize how red he was getting or how wide, Steve, was smirking. This was rehearsal day for Pete's sake!
“We still have to shower and change and eat! Within two hours, Barnes!"
“Doll, stop-."
“Excuse you?" you scoffed.
You continued to ramble while gesturing wildly, causing you to repeatedly have to adjust yourself atop the soldier. Steve laughed and you reached over to slap him, but he kept moving away so you had to move accordingly. Bucky gripped your hips tight to still you and glared at Steve.
“Leave," he ordered.
“But-!"
“Now!"
The Captain grumbled all the way out. You frowned down at, Bucky, who was beet red and had an odd expression on his face. You laid your hands on his chest with a raised eyebrow.
“James, what-?"
He flipped you hard onto your back and leaned in close. You could see that his eyes were black with a ring of blue and there was a ravenous gleam in them. A rather intimate part of the Sergeant was pressing against your thigh. You looked down, but he forcefully lifted your head to meet his eyes again.
“I should fuck you till you go through the mattress for disobeying orders, you little slut."
His lips on yours muffled your gasp as his hands trailed up your shirt until you felt cold metal and warm skin roughly fondling your chest. You never seen this part of him, but, even if, Bucky, having his way with you was something you'd been fantasizing about for years, something about it didn't feel right. It didn't feel like it was, Bucky.
“Bu-Bucky...we shouldn't-." you began.
The supersoldier started sucking hickeys on your neck and grinding against you. You definitely involuntarily moaned then and he smirked against your skin.
“YA nadeyus', chto ya poluchayu vy beremenny..."
Both yours and his shirts and pajama pants disappeared before you could say anything, leaving you in only your underwear and boxers. Bucky continued his quest to visibility mark you as his own until you put your hands through his hair, pulling him off you hard.
“I said stop, James!"
The lust in his blue eyes turned to rage for a couple seconds before, Bucky, grabbed his head with a small whine of pain. After a still and tense minute, he opened his eyes, took one look at your almost nude body, and was off of you and dressed so fast that you didn't even register it until he tried to leave.
“Bucky, wait!" you shouted.
The supersoldier froze at the door and you pulled your shirt back on over your blazing hot skin. You walked over to him to put a hand on one of his strong arms, wishing that you were still wrapped in them, just in the love filled way it usually was, and the other on his cheek. He leaned into your touch and looked at the floor.
“I'm sorry, baby doll..."
“It's okay, but what's wrong? Why'd you-?"
Bucky sighed in self-disgust and turned away from you breaking your mental bond.
“It's stupid and after almost six fuckin' years of being free I should be able to fuckin' control myself, but every time I even think about being with you, he rears his ugly head.
The Winter Soldier is my most basic primal instincts, (Y/N), moulded into one obedient monster. All it cares about it taking care of HYDRA's commands and its needs. I can't afford to give in, because one day I might not be able to stop at “stop". I might just take what I want and snap your neck too. Fury's family was on my list after the Avengers were out the way."
He put his hand on the door knob and started shaking.
“I don't want you becoming 'Mission Report, December 25, 2021'," Bucky whispered.
He opened the door and left out. You paused, instead of going after him. You knew his fears! They were your same ones. You were afraid of your mutation getting out of control, accidentally killing your family, and not being able to get back to normal.
But you didn't let that stop you from trying with your supersoldier. He was your best friend, your rock, your control.
You ran into your room where he was sitting on the bed, having a staring contest with Steve.
“Steve, leave," you requested.
“But-!"
“Now!"
He grumbled all the way out your room. You turned your attention to the supersoldier on your bed and sat down behind to hug him.
“You know how I feel on the matter, Bucky bear," you whispered, “I need you. Whether you'll have me as a friend or a more, I'm here the long haul."
Bucky swallowed hard and nodded. He put his hands on yours and you could get all his thoughts. All the apprehension, all the fear, all the adoration. All for you, as soon as he saw your photo. That he took from your file and carries with him.
“That's real creepy, Buck."
“You got that huh?"
“Wait you know?"
“Your mouth kinda don't move when we're touching. I can still do two plus two equals four."
You laughed and hugged him tighter.
“So now what?"
“Well, first of all this...."
Bucky buried his face in your neck, apologizing over and over again for his lack of control. You reassured him that he didn't hurt you and that you would always forgive him for anything. You ran your hands through his hair, massaging his scalp to calm him down. Eventually, he sighed in content, laid his forehead on yours, and held your hands to his temples where he needed them the most. After five minutes, he nuzzled your nose and you laughed.
“You feeling better, Bucky bear?"
“Only with you around, baby doll. Well, that and peanut butter sandwiches and plums are cool too."
“And here I thought we were having a moment!"
“We don't have time for a moment. Rehearsal remember?"
“Fuck!" you exclaimed out loud, “We have to-!"
“NO! I DON'T WANT HIM NEAR M'-!"
At the sound of Steve's shouting, you stopped pulling on Bucky's hand to get him out of bed. You two looked at each other and went to glance out the window beside your bed. The Captain was by yours and Li's cars turning a dangerous shade of red as he talked into his phone.
“I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE WANTS! SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S BE- fuck!"
Steve took the phone from his ear and clutched his chest where his heart is. He put his head on the hood of the Major's car, taking in deep breaths. After a minute he put up his cell phone again.
“O-okay, okay. I'll let her make this call, but the moment it looks like it's goin' south, I want tha' bastard gone. An' tell him that if I, Steve Rogers, not Captain America, but Steven Grant Rogers, has t' come over there, god help him an' forgive me."
Steve disconnected the call and leaned against the car behind him, looking up at sky with tears in his eyes.
“Keep her safe. Please."
You and Bucky both sat back against the headboard. You didn't think either of you were supposed to hear any of that.
“Any idea on...?"
“He's been blocking me out since, Li, died. I- I-."
Bucky looked down and shook his head. You could feel his guilt over not being able to help his friend, and took his hand and gave it a good squeeze.
“Bucky bear, you're doing all you can! You got him to tell me what happened between him and his romantic soul mate, that's something!"
“You just can't let two old veterans wallow in peace can you, baby doll?"
He looked at you with a weak smile and you kissed his nose. At least you got something out of him. You started pulling on his hands again.
“Come on we only gotmmmm!"
Bucky put a hand on the back of your head and pushed you in for a kiss. It was soft, gentle, and controlled by both of you. You smiled against his lips after getting over the shock and buried your hands in his dark hair, pulling on it a bit. Bucky groaned deeply in his chest. His hands moved to sit you on his lap, as his tongue pressed up against your mouth in a non verbal question. You granted him his request and allowed him to explore your mouth while you mapped out his.
All that filled the room was the sound of your lips against his, the increasing amount and noise volume of his moaning, and heat rising between you two as your hands began to wander around the other's bodies-until, Bucky, pulled away.
“God, I've been wanting to do that for real for two years," he whispered, “Not for missions, not in my dreams, but just you and me and..."
“My childhood bed?" you teased.
He laughed a bit while nuzzling your nose. He kept his forehead against yours, stealing small pecks now and then while he calmed himself down. You didn't want to calm down though. Every nerve in your body was on fire and you wanted nothing but for your supersoldier to put out the flames, but you respected his needs more than your own so you backed off too.
After a minute more, you two finally got up to get ready for the day. As you were about to go into the bathroom when, Bucky, grabbed your hand. You turned to drown in the blue of his eyes while he got lost in the burning earth color of yours.
“I'll try, baby doll. I can't promise anything, I'll try 'us' out."