Chapter 4
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“She'll be okay, right?" you asked quietly.
“Yeah, yeah, she has regenerative powers, she should be fine in the morning," Bucky answered.
You nodded and laid your head on his shoulder. Bucky put an arm around you and hugged you in tight.
You two were back in your house and sitting on the living room couch. Steve was updating you on Li's condition from the hospital. Bucky led you out the back of the apartment complex, but that didn't stop you from seeing the Major's bloodied, broken body laying in a heap on the ground while the Captain called an ambulance. Apparently, an enemy from her past had caught up with her and ran her over more than once before driving away at the sight of Captain America running out.
You sighed shakily and there was a moment of silence before, Bucky, spoke in a tiny voice.
“I heard you talking with the Major earlier and I'm sorry I'm so hard to live with, doll. I'll try harder to not be such a bo-."
You put a finger to his lips and smiled softly at him. He looked at you in confusion.
“You are not a bother, James, I was just being a drama queen," you soothed, “There are probably things that you find annoying about me!"
Bucky smiled a bit.
“Weelll, I can hear you from the couch when you snore. And you can't sing, doll, hate to break it to you."
“I don't snore and I am a pro singer!"
“And I do sleep and clean up every mess I make! You just come in at the wrong time!"
You two started laughing and couldn't stop for a long time. You would never understand how he did it. How could one man brighten your day so much so fast?
When you two finally calmed down, you noticed how close your bodies were. So close that you could hear the increasingly rapid pace of his heart and could count the dark eyelashes that framed your supersoldier's beautifully blue eyes. You could never place what blue they were because it was so uniquely Bucky. Your eyes fluttered shut as you leaned in for a kiss that never came.
Embarrassment and disappointment sat heavily in your chest until you opened your eyes and saw the fear and shame in his. You moved to stop him, but he jumped up and ran down the hall. As you heard the bedroom door slam and lock, you sighed and fell back on the arm of the couch. You made it weird and came on too strong. Perfect.
You knocked on the door a couple hours later, after making some sugar cookies as a peace offering. Bucky didn't answer, but he unlocked it and you walked in. The supersoldier sitting on the bed and staring out the window, his eyes a century away. You sat the cookies on the night stand and got on the bed to hug him from behind. Bucky tensed for a moment before relaxing into your embrace.
“I'm sorry, Bucky bear," you said.
“You have nothing to apologize for, baby doll," he assured, “It's all me."
You sighed and crawled around to sit in his lap. He looked away from you so you had to lift his head up.
“No, I am sorry," you said firmly, “I shouldn't have assumed that there was anything more between us than friendship."
“No, no, doll, you're not understanding."
He ran his hands over your braided hair and down your body until they settled on your hips. Bucky looked intensely into your dark brown eyes with nothing but deep desire in his for a moment before sighing and turning away.
“I want you, baby doll. I've wanted you from the moment I read your profile, but I-I...I'm no good for you."
“James-."
“I'm serious, (Y/N)!" he shouted.
He took you off his lap and put his head in his hands. You could feel his time as the Winter Soldier come flooding back to him.
“I've been at the Tower five years, but the last year you've been there is the first I've had without relapsing every couple weeks. The nights we spend huddled together after I come back from long missions are the only ones I don't have nightmares. I never feel safe unless you're around and I don't- it's not fair to you."
Bucky looked up, his eyes swimming in unshed tears. You put your hands on his metal arm and made him face you.
“Bucky, you know I love taking care of y-!" you started.
“No! Please don't say that!," he shouted, “You're so young and innocent, (Y/N)! I can't tie you down with me! It's bad enough that we're soul mates!"
His tears spilled over and you felt your heart break. Honestly, this was the first time you ever seen him cry. He was normally so strong in front of you because he wanted to be your rock, that this display of emotion was as refreshing as it was painful to watch.
“All I'll do is hurt you or someone will hurt you to get to me and I can't do that to you, (Y/N)! I can't!" he sobbed.
You paused for a minute. How could you get him to understand that you didn't care? That you were ready to take the risks that come with being with him from the moment you could see his eyes? You held out your hand and he gave it a confused look before taking it.
“I'm (Y/N) (L/N)," you greeted, “Codename: Haunter, Agent of SHIELD, and the newest Avenger."
You smiled at him and he did the same, while shaking your hand.
“James Barnes, but everyone calls me, Bucky."
You repeated his name fondly and he nodded with a blush. He would never admit how much he loved the sound of his name when you said it. Bucky laid down, taking you with him and you grabbed two of your cookies.
“We'll take things slow," you said, “When and if we decide to be a couple, then we'll cross that bridge when we get there."
“What about tomorrow?" he asked.
“Well, it'll be a fun test of our acting skills, huh?" you smirked.
Bucky laughed in agreement and took the offered cookie. He took a bite of it, sighed in content, and put his forehead on yours.
“What would I do without you, baby- Steve? Steve what's wrong?"
You felt a heavy blanket of grief be thrown on you as, Steve, struggled to answer through his tears, but your immediate concern was: how could you hear the Captain?
“S-s-she...the-they jus' called it f-f-f-five minutes ago... SHE'S DEAD, BUCK! LI'S FUCKIN' DEAD!"
“What? I thought she could-!"
“SHE WASN'T- I TOLD HER SHE NEEDED T' TAKE CARE OF HERSELF SO SHE COULD KEEP HER POWER UP, BUT EVER SINCE THAT BASTARD STARTED CALLIN' HER AGAIN! I TOLD HER NOT T' LISTEN T' HIM! HE DOESN'T LOVE HER! I DO!"
Steve took a deep breath to calm himself down and you felt yourself separating from your body again, when, Bucky, grabbed your hand and looked at you with sad eyes.
“It was her, Bucky. Tha' bad break up two years ago I could barely remember with who? It was her! She must've tried t' take our memories, but whatever she did's wearin' off now..."
Both soldiers were silent for a moment while you were willing yourself to keep it together by focusing on Bucky's hand on yours and not Steve's pain and anger.
“We're the closest t' family she had in this century, we have t' give her a proper burial, Buck. I-it's the least I-I could...How could I forget m' best gal?"
“Hey! None of that self-hate crap! This isn't your fault. Do what you need to, Steve, we'll come up there if you need us?"
“No, no. I-I want to be alone with m-m' fi-fuck-with m' fian-."
The Captain became too overwhelmed to say anything more, but you got the gist of it. Bucky hugged you into his chest and you could no longer feel, Steve, in your head. You wanted to mention it, but now didn't seem like the time so you feigned shock when the supersoldier told you what happened.
“Think you can be around, Steve, tomorrow? We still have a mission to do..." he mumbled.
“I have to learn to control it right?" you whispered, “And he needs all the support he can get right now."
Bucky nodded and laid his head on yours. As you heard him holding back tears, you realized that while you barely knew the Major, she was a part of the team for years. If, Steve, was going to marry her, Bucky must have been close to her too...
“Do you need to stay in here tonight, Bucky bear?" you asked quietly.
The supersoldier nodded again and held you tighter.