Chapter 11
A couple of weeks passed, and things more or less began to go back to normal.
Sam had starting running on the Mall again. It wasn't the same, without Steve. He kept turning around, expecting to hear Steve’s gleeful shouts, ones that never came. But it was good for clearing his mind. Sometimes, Bucky joined him.
“You stopped running, because of me,” Bucky said one morning, once Sam had gotten back.
He took a swig of his water, before explaining how Steve and him met. “It’s not the same. Not to say that you weren't a much appreciated distraction.”
“You miss him?” Bucky asked, almost accusingly.
“Yeah. Don’t you?” As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he regretted it. “Sorry,” he apologized swiftly.
Bucky shook his head. “Don’t be. You're my friend, not my therapist. You don't have to be politically correct one hundred percent of the time.”
Sam laughed in surprise. Bucky surprised him everyday.
Currently, Bucky was in the kitchen, pouring waffle mix into that goddamn Captain America waffle maker.
“Buck,” he groaned. “Not again.”
They’d spotted it at Target a week or so ago, Bucky’s favorite store. He loved all of it, the dollar section, the Starbucks. The toys that todays kids played with were interesting to him, and he often snuck too many sugary snacks into their cart. But on that day, Bucky had spotted the shield from halfway across the store, and went over to investigate.
It was a Captain America themed waffle maker, one that produced shield shaped, golden waffles. Bucky picked it up straight away, and launched into an excited rant about how awesome the future was. Some of which, Sam caught on video.
Even though the amount of waffles Bucky was forcing on him was doing absolutely nothing good for his figure, Sam jumped in to help. Eggs, bacon, waffles - they were in each others space, Bucky reaching around him for a spatula, grinning at Sam all the while. It was domestic, it was light and happy. It was unbearable.
Because this could be their life. But it would be more, because Sam could lean over and kiss syrup off of Bucky’s lips. The delicious food could be eaten off of each others plates. They could sit as close as possible, thighs touching. Aside from at nighttime, they didn't touch often in the light of day. It hurt.
While he daydreamed, Bucky stared into his face with a forlorn sort of expression.
It took a while for Sam to notice, so lost in his own thoughts. “Bucky…is there something wrong?”
Bucky didn't reply.
Sam started to get up, suddenly concerned. “Buck, is there something you want to say to me?”
He nodded shakily.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?”
“Why?” Bucky swallowed nervously.
Because I love you! He wanted to scream out. But he couldn’t. “I care about you. I want to know everything about you that you'll let me,” he said simply.
“Ok.” Bucky was shaking, gripping the counter tightly - thankfully with his flesh hand. Sam hated seeing him like this, more than anything did he want to take his hand. But this, whatever this is - Bucky needed to handle it on his own.
“I love you!” Bucky blurted out, eyes shut.
Sam gasped in surprise, unsure if he was hearing correctly. He felt like his world had been turned on its axis because Bucky might love him too?
“I love you and I’m sorry. I didn't want to tell you. But its been eating me alive, every time I look at you Sam, I just want to…” he took a breath. “I don't expect you to say the same, I don't want you to. No one can love a monster,” Bucky’s voice cracked, but he looked Sam in the eyes. “I just had to tell you.”
He started to move as if he was going to leave the room, head hung.
“Bucky, wait.” This time, Sam’s voice was the one that was shaking. “Bucky, I love you.”
Bucky stared at Sam like he didn't know who he was in that moment. Like he didn't believe him. “What?”
Sam stepped closer, taking Bucky’s hand in his, carefully. He felt like his entire body was on fire. At the same time, a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Bucky loved him.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I’ve loved you for so long now.”
Bucky ducked his head. “But…why, though? There’s nothing to love about me. And everything to love about you. Sam, you're amazing - I couldn't help but love you. But why love me?”
Sam closed his eyes, for fear that the wave of emotion he was suddenly experiencing would manifest as something like tears. “There’s so much, Buck. So much to love.”
He shook his head, squeezing Sam’s hand tighter. “No, no. Sometimes, I don't know myself. But the one thing I haven't been able to get out of my head, is you. I love you so much, that I don’t have to love myself.”
Sam reached up to cup Bucky’s cheek in his hand, making sure that he was listening. “You don't have to love yourself yet, you’ll learn. I’ll love you until you can. After you can. For as long as you let me, Bucky.”
Tears welled up in Bucky’s eyes. “I want you to love me.” He ducked his head into Sam’s shoulder, their bodies somehow pressed closer together.
“I do,” Sam replied. He felt light. At peace.
After a moment, Bucky met his gaze again. “And I’m never going to stop loving you.”
Sam choked out a laugh, and pulled Bucky tighter against him. “I’m never going to get used to hearing you say that.”
Bucky snorted. “Well how do you think I feel?”
He chuckled, absolutely warm all over. Suddenly, Bucky was looking at him differently. His eyes darkened, and his gaze ran over Sam’s body, like he didn't know where to look.
“So…” Bucky began. “Since we love each other and all, can we kiss now?”
Sam nodded enthusiastically. “Definitely.”
The moved impossibly closer together, arms wrapped around one another.
“You sure?” Bucky asked, looking both nervous and excited.
“I love you,” Sam replied. “Are you?” Unless there was something Sam didn't know, this would be Buck’s first kiss since the early 40’s. Nerves built up in his stomach. He wanted to make this good for Bucky.
“I love you,” Bucky copied, voice clearly mocking Sam’s, who laughed. “I do.” he said seriously.
They moved toward one another at once. Then, they were kissing.
It started out chaste, two mouths simply touching, and touching. Yet, fireworks were going off in his head, just like it was said they did in the movies. Sam had thought he'd been in love before, but those kisses had been nothing like this one.
Bucky gently asked for entrance with his tongue, and Sam complied all to happily. First kisses were always exciting, and they explored the new terrain of each others mouth tentatively and excitedly.
Bucky lightly sucked on his tongue, and Sam moaned low in his throat. No ninety year old should be able to kiss like that.
As soon as Bucky heard the sound he froze. Before Sam could squeak, he was being spun around and shoved up against the kitchen counter.
They kissed again, harder this time. Bucky’s hands were most likely pressing bruises into Sam’s hipbones, and the thought made him shamelessly rut up against Bucky, who’s eyes widened.
“Sam,” Bucky moaned, copying Sam’s actions. For a few moments they simply rubbed up against one another, breaths loud in the silence of the house. “I want you.”
“What do you want?” Honestly, it was a struggle for Sam to pull that string of words together. He felt like he was on fire, Bucky still grinding on him, eyes darker than Sam had ever seen them.
Bucky faltered. “I don’t know.” He ducked his head. “I’m not really sure how this works.” Bucky gestured between them.
Right. Bucky had never done this before. Sam would be more or less taking his virginity, and that shouldn't be so hot. But he couldn't deny the flash of heat that sent sparks across his skin.
“I’ll show you. If that’s what you want.”
“Yes,” Bucky moaned.
"You're room or mine?"
"Yours." Bucky said after a moment.
Sam laughed against the skin of Bucky’s neck. "You just don't want us to mess up your sheets.”
Bucky's face flushed an adorable shade of pink, and for the first time Sam was able to kiss it, each of his cheeks, which made Bucky laugh.
Sam could get used to the sound.
"No that's not it. I- I feel safe in your room. With you. And I know that sounds crazy since I can kill a man with a shoe lace....or without one. But I don't feel safe. Except when I'm with you, Sam.”
"You don't have to explain anything to me Buck.” Sam slid a hand into Bucky’s hair, massaging the pads of his fingers into his scalp. Bucky moaned loudly, and pushed his head further into Sam’s touch. Sam filed the knowledge away for later.
As soon as his hand left Bucky’s hand, Bucky was tugging him down the hall toward Sam’s room. He was grinning all the while, and their trip was hindered by them stopping to touch. But they couldn't help themselves, at least, Sam couldn’t. It was all so new. A couple hours ago, this would've been only the stuff of dreams. Now, he was taking Bucky to his bed, their bed.
Once they finally made it, Sam paused to watch Bucky, who was slowly pulling his shirt off. “Gorgeous,” he said aloud.
And he was. Bucky was strong. He had to be, to carry all of that metal around and wield it in the deadly way that he did. Miles of corded muscle, scarred pale skin that Sam doubted would ever tan, after spending so much time frozen. The scars definitely didn't take away from any of the beauty, and Sam looked at him long enough so that Bucky would notice his gaze.
He did. “Stop it, Sam.”
“I’m not sure if I can,” he admitted. He had barely begun to take in the rest of Bucky’s body.
In a moment, Bucky was in front of him, completely in his space. And with him shirtless? Yeah, Sam was having trouble rubbing two brain cells together.
“If you don't take your shirt off Sam,” Bucky nearly growled, “I’m going to have to do it for you.”
Sam moaned lowly, just from the change in Bucky’s voice. “Than do it,” he snarked back, though the thinness of his tone betrayed him.
Before Sam could blink, Bucky had ripped his shirt in two pieces. And that was with his human hand.
“What the fuck, Bucky I liked that shirt.” That totally wasn't what he'd meant.
Bucky shrugged. “You didn't specify. And I like your chest.”
Suddenly, Sam realized just how bare it really felt to be completely open to the viewing pleasure of another. But Bucky had let Sam take his turn, so he did the same.
But not for long. “Kiss me, Buck.”
Bucky didn't hesitate. They kissed frantically, though realistically they had all time in the world. Or all day at least. But it was so new. Hands roamed bare skin, investigating, making new discoveries. It was just the two of them, and god, did Sam love Bucky.
Sam gently directed Bucky to the bed, who pulled Sam on top of him. They lay side by side, like they slept every night, but this time was so so different. Bucky kissed Sam all over his face; even on his eyelids and nose, which made Sam laugh. In return, Sam sucked on Bucky’s bottom lip, which brought a much different reaction out of Bucky.
Bucky, who rolled over and on top of Sam, pressing his body deliciously into the mattress. He could feel that Bucky was as hard as he was even through his pants, and Sam needed them off.
Like he could read his mind, Bucky began tugging insistently at his pants. “Is this ok?” he asked.
In response, Sam lifted his hips in invitation. Bucky grinned, and stood up briefly to shuck his own off hastily. He quickly joined Sam back on the bed, reaching tentatively toward Sam’s ass.
Sam smirked. “You can touch me.” He pulled Bucky flush against him, which spurred Bucky into action. To Sam’s amusement, Bucky seemed like he just wanted to touch Sam’s ass, not pull down his underwear like he'd expected.
“What? You've got a great ass?” Bucky said by way of explanation. But after a moment, he began to look unsure. “So…are we going to have sex now?”
Sam forced the fog from his brain, remembering that Bucky didn't have any experience. It definitely didn't seem like it.
He shook his head. “We don't have to. There’s a lot of other ways I can make you feel good.”
Bucky looked up at him from where he lay on the bed, blue eyes wide and trusting. “You already do, Sam. You have ever since I’ve known you.”
Sam ducked his head to kiss Bucky’s mouth. “I love you, Buck.”
Bucky shivered, turning his head away from the words.
“What? You don't believe me?” he asked.
He shook his head. “Well, you wouldn't lie to me.”
“No I wouldn’t. So you have to believe me, right?” Sam kissed Bucky’s lips, and then the hollow of his throat. “I love you,” he whispered. He kissed down Bucky’s chest, slowly, until he arrived in between Bucky’s hipbones, where Bucky wanted most. Bucky was a shuddering mess.
“Sam, please, please do something.”
He ghosted the tips of his fingers at the top of Bucky’s underwear, and he bucked his hips in response, which Sam took as a sign to divest him of the last offending article of clothing.
Unsurprisingly, even Bucky’s cock was attractive. Long, and thick; but not uncomfortably so. It curved up toward his abs, dark curls at the base.
Sam curiously ghosted a hand over it, just the softest touch. But Bucky’s entire body lurched off of the bed into it. “Sam,” he panted, suddenly short of breath. “Touch me.”
And who was Sam to refuse?
He tugs Bucky to the edge of the bed, and kneels between his legs, stroking his still clothed cock once before pulling them off, with Bucky’s help. Bucky panted loudly above him, as he stroked his cock curiously, but didn’t make any sounds.
Sam looked up, to find Bucky with a hand over his mouth.
“What are you doing?” he asked curiously. “I want to hear you.”
Bucky moans at that, so Sam gets back to business, stroking his cock, adding a twist at the end. When he seemed to get somewhat used to the rhythm, Sam bent down and licked a long stripe from base to tip.
“Sam!” Bucky nearly shouted. He pressed a hand into Bucky’s hip, doing his best to anchor him to the bed while Sam continued to suck.
He’s writhing on the bed now, sounds coming out of his mouth at a constant stream, like he simply couldn't keep them in. Sam hollows his cheeks, taking Bucky deeper. A careful hand appears at the back of his throat, not pushing him down, per se, but guiding him. When he realizes that its the metal, Sam moans around Bucky’s cock, which drives Bucky wild.
Sam looks up, and Bucky is trembling, cursing. He’s looking at Sam like he’s never seen anything so beautiful before, mouth open in a silent, continuous gasp.
Bucky’s cock hits the back of Sam’s throat, and he holds his breath for as long as he can, which Bucky seems to like. He pulls off to suck gently at the head, and Bucky keens loudly.
Above him, Bucky struggles to catch his breath. “Sam - I’m, I’m - “
Bucky’s coming, and seemed to expect Sam to pull off, but he doesn’t, and Bucky is spilling into his mouth as Sam swallows around him. He pulls back, but not without dragging his tongue along the underside of Bucky’s cock one last time, with a smile. Bucky’s a shivering mess, panting like he’d just ran a marathon. But his eyes? They were still dark with want, staring straight at Sam.
Sam, who crawled up across Bucky’s body. Bucky yanked him down to his lips, moaning when he tasted himself in their filthy kiss. He moved his hips against Bucky, because Sam was still achingly hard, sucking Bucky off had only increased that. But to Sam’s surprise, so was Bucky.
He reached down curiously to pull at Bucky’s cock. “You still hard baby?” he asked.
Bucky moaned, but looked sheepish. "I haven't had sex in 70 years. Add the serum into the equation…it was like this before. Even worse for Steve I’d imagine,” he shrugged, though he was really pushing himself further into Sam’s touch.
Jesus, how he'd imagined? But he had Bucky now. 70 years. It was a long time. "Are you sure...you want it to be me?" And not Steve? his traitorous mind wondered.
Bucky cocked his head to the side like he sometimes did when he was confused, making him look indecently innocent, flushed and naked. "Of course, Sam. I love you."
Sam shuddered, still unused to hearing him say it. The words were perfectly formed in Bucky's mouth.
"And I love you."
Sam reaches over Bucky into the drawer beside his bed for lube and condoms.
But to Sam’s surprise, Bucky shakes his head. “We don't need those,” he points to the condoms. “HYDRA tested me. I can’t catch or carry anything. And I trust you,” he said simply.
Sam shuts his eyes. “Tested you, how?”
“No, Sam.” Bucky whispers. “Later. Right now, I just want to be with you.” He pulls Sam back to his lips. Sam rolls his hips, and they both gasp, breaking the kiss.
“I need you,” Bucky moans. “How are we gonna do this?”
He shrugs. “I like both. Topping and bottoming,” he clarifies when he sees Bucky’s confused expression.
“Oh. Oh,” he moans, grinding up against Sam again.
Sam thinks about it for a moment, before laying beside Bucky on his back. “You top. It’ll be more like what your used to.”
Bucky’s eyes widen, but he sits up. “You want me to…”
“Fuck me. I want you to fuck me, Bucky.”
He moans, like the words had an effect on him. Bucky picks up the lube, and looks at Sam expectedly. Like he needed Sam to teach him.
That thought sent a shiver down Sam’s spine. He pulled the lube from Bucky’s hand, and Bucky finally pulled his underwear down his legs. He marveled at Sam’s completely bare body for a few moments, and took the opened lube back from Sam when it was offered.
“Put some on your fingers,” Sam said, spreading his legs and laying back on the pillows. The position would allow him to see all of Bucky, every facial expression, every move he made.
Bucky slowly poured some of the liquid onto his flesh hand. He looked nervous, biting at his already swollen bottom lip.
“Hey,” Sam said softly, making Bucky look at his face. “I trust you.”
Instead of responding, Bucky brushed a curious index finger across Sam’s hole.
Sam gasped. It was cold, but sparks of heat flowed through his body because this was Bucky.
“Good?” Bucky asked, though Sam would've sworn he could hear a smirk in his voice.
“Yeah, yeah.”
Bucky touched him there, again and again, making sure he was an absolute mess from all the teasing before he as much as pushed a finger inside. Once he finally did, Sam had to firmly shove away the urge to come. He wouldn't without Bucky.
But it was hard. Every caress inside him was matched with a kiss on his abdominal muscles, a sultry look or smile. Bucky added a third finger, and licked curiously across Sam’s cock, and Sam nearly shouted.
“Buck, I’m good,” he moaned. “I’m ready - I need you in me.” He'd been pushing back against Bucky’s fingers for so long now, not nearly enough to fill him up. He needed Bucky.
He shuddered, but moved further up between Sam’s legs, spreading them wider instinctively. “You ready?” he asked breathlessly.
Sam moaned out an affirmative. “Yes, yes. God I love you.”
Bucky lined himself up with Sam, a hand wrapped around his torso. His other, metal hand was braced on the headboard above them. “I love you, Sam.” he whispered back.
He pushed into Sam’s body slowly. Bucky was big, and Sam hadn't bottomed for another man in a while. Honestly, it was a tight face, and Bucky’s face definitely showed it.
Bucky’s mouth was open, silently gasping. His eyes were squeezed shut, and he almost looked like he was in pain, trying to keep from moving; knowing somehow that Sam needed a moment. Sam rubbed his back gently, while he got used to the size. He was stimulated nearly everywhere.
“Move, Buck,” he panted.
He didn't have to tell him twice.
His thrusts were hard and slow, sending the headboard crashing against the wall with the strength of them. Above him, Bucky’s face was naked, open. He was staring at Sam with such…devotion, that Sam had to look away.
As it was, he could barely keep his eyes open. He didn't want to miss this, but everything felt so good. It hadn't taken long for Bucky to find the spot that made him moan the loudest, and now that he had, Bucky barely left it.
As good as it felt to close his eyes and just feel, keeping them open was even better. Bucky’s head was thrown back, the pale line of his throat utterly exposed. His chest heaved with his thrusts, though he was far from breaking a sweat. Everything, the shine of the metal, the clench of his abs - this was going to be over soon if Sam didn't stop looking.
And then, Sam noticed that he was talking.
“ - fuck baby doll, Sam you feel so good darlin’, you're so tight. I love you, Sam,” he moaned with every thrust.
Sam moaned loudly in response, unsure what do to, because he was going to come. Soon.
Bucky noticed his dilemma and grinned cockily.
“Stop the shit talking and get down here and kiss me,” Sam gasped, pulling Bucky closer.
He complied all too happily, though their kiss was less of a kiss and more of them panting into each others mouths. Bucky reached down in between them and rubbed Sam’s cock with his hand. His metal hand.
Sam’s body froze in surprise and arousal, and so did Bucky, face blanching when he realized what he did. He moved off Sam a bit, as if to apologize, and Sam nearly had an aneurism, because he was going to scream if Bucky didn't get that metal hand back on his dick.
And he told him so.
Bucky looked surprised, but complied a bit warily, after Sam nearly begged for it.
“I like it when you beg, Sammy,” he whispered close to his ear, metal exactly where it belonged.
“Buck,” he panted. “Bucky I need to - “ he couldn't finish his sentence, moaning brokenly.
“You gonna come, Sam? You gonna come for me? Just for me?” Bucky asked, a wicked grin on his lips.
“Yes,” Sam gasped. “Yes.”
“Oh thank god,” Bucky moaned, increasing the speed of his thrusts. He pulled his hand away from Sam’s cock, wondering aloud: “Can you come on just my cock?”
Oh god. A half a dozen thrusts later, and he was doing just that. Sam felt like his whole body was on fire, noises slipping out of his mouth that he was sure would embarrass him later. He forced his eyes open, and watched through lidded eyes, as Bucky curved his body into an impossible shape, just to lick come off of Sam’s cock.
He moaned loudly, oversensitive, the image forever ingrained in his mind. “Come in me, Buck. Please,” he gasped, every thrust into his spent body feeling like lightning.
At his words, Bucky gasped, his beautiful body tensing up in the most delicious way. He moaned brokenly, his eyes squeezed shut. Sam was filled with Bucky, joined in every possible way. He was content, happy. And in love.
Bucky collapsed atop him, his exertion now visible. He buried his face in Sam’s neck, kissing him softly at first, though he soon began sucking bruises into his skin. Like he wanted to mark him, like he wanted the whole world to know who he belonged to.
That sent a spike of arousal through Sam, but he was done for now. Bucky was still inside him, Sam could feel his warmth seeping out of him, and he knew Bucky could too.
He brought a hand up to Bucky’s hair, curling his fingers into it. Bucky purred like a cat, leaning into it.
“So, how was it?” he wondered aloud.
Bucky peered up at him through his curtain of hair. “You mean my first gay experience with my beautiful, loving…boyfriend?” he asked curiously.
“Sure,” he laughed. “And yeah, boyfriend, partner. Whatever you want to call it.”
Bucky seemed to contemplate it for a moment. “It was great. The best, cause I love you.” He smiled dopily up at Sam, blissed out on endorphins and love. It was a good look on him. “And I like partner,” he added. “Like partners in crime.”
Sam kissed Bucky atop his head, happier than he'd been in too long. “Partners. I like it.”