A patch

It wasn’t until two days later that Lauren saw Leyla again. 

She was doing her rounds around the ED, deciding who was ready for discharge and checking on the ones who weren’t when a woman dashed inside. At the sound of the door swinging open, Lauren instinctively turned around, fully expecting a new patient. Instead, someone’s dark hair only swished by her on the frantic way to the desks where some members of staff were doing the paperwork. 

As it happened, Lauren was by the bed right in front of them so, out of mere human curiosity, she pricked up one of her ears and listened to Mr Wilson recount every detail of his knee pain with the other. 

“Excuse me? I’m looking for a patient,” the woman said to one of the nurses, haste lacing her tone. Based on her pronunciation, she was British for sure. Lauren sneaked a quick glance over her shoulder. The woman was anxiously tapping her painted nails against the counter. 

“What's the name?” the nurse asked, turning on the computer. 

“Shinwari.”

Lauren fully swivelled so fast something in her neck cricked. Sour confusion contorted her face, her brows shot up nearly to her hairline. 

“She’s on the fourth floor, room 413,” the nurse informed before Lauren could determine whether it was appropriate to come up and help as a doctor on the case or if it would be crossing the line charted between Leyla and her. 

“Okay, thank you so much!” the woman tossed a goodbye, already running off to the elevator. Appropriate or not, Lauren’s skin tingled with curiosity and the need to go after her, eyes on the exit the woman disappeared through. Who was this? And why was she here only now? It'd been two weeks since Leyla was admitted, it seemed weird. 

That’s why the decision settled in Lauren’s mind without any thinking or hesitation. With a radiant bedside smile, she turned back to Mr Wilson who hadn’t even noticed her distraction and was happily dining out on the story about his two beagles. 

“Okay, Mr Wilson! Looks like everything is in place. You just ice that knee and you’re gonna be fine. One of my colleagues will discharge you, alright?” Lauren babbled, steadily backing out, her thoughts already somewhere else. 

“Of course! Many thanks as always, Doctor Bloom.”

The approval from her patient was everything she needed to all but dash after Leyla's mysterious guest, any reason and logical thinking abandoned. She forced herself to slow her pace into an inconspicuous stride and went straight to Leyla’s floor, even opting for the stairs out of impatience, rather than waiting for the elevator. 

Slightly out of breath, she arrived right on time to see from afar how the woman entered the room and, without missing a beat, bent down over Leyla to leave a quick peck on her lips and sweep away a few strands of black hair from her forehead. Worry etched into every line of her face as she sat down and took Leyla's hand into her own, the very same way Lauren had done just two weeks ago. The only difference was that for Lauren it was a moment of indulgence and theft; for that girl it was an easy, fond gesture, quickly reciprocated with Leyla squeezing her fingers. Leyla put on a warm, reassuring smile that made Lauren's heart drop all the way down to the pit of her stomach. 

A new girlfriend? It wasn't the same girl Lauren had met at her old apartment. Now that she had a chance to get a closer look, she was very unpleased to notice that this one was much more attractive. Much more. Wavy, dark hair just barely brushing her shoulders. Brown smooth skin. Sharp jawline but delicate face. 

Lauren’s face smoothed blank while she watched the two interact for a second. Tight resolution and maybe a trace of envy she knew she had no right to were building up inside her. Then, with the reasons and audacity that omitted even herself when she would later recall this, she marched up straight to the couple. The door to the room swished, announcing her rapid arrival. Both of them looked at her, a little surprised. 

“Excuse me?” she said with a flat, phony voice that was supposed to mimic her usual professional tone but carried a slight tang of irritation. She smiled fakely, fully addressing Leyla’s guest. “Hi, hey. I’m Doctor Bloom. You should really let the patient rest.” 

“I’m sorry, I know I know,” the woman abashed. From the corner of her eye, Lauren noticed Leyla watching her. “It’s just that I was worried sick, out of the country, visiting my family and I got here as soon as I-” 

“Yeah well, that doesn’t change the fact that the patient needs rest,” Lauren cut her off, deadpan. 

“Lauren,” Leyla called, giving Lauren no choice but to look at her. Her eyes were pleading and behind that also a bit tired. Somehow, it snuffed out a chunk of Lauren's confidence and childish petulance. She let herself get carried away, didn’t she? “It's alright.” 

It absolutely wasn’t. What kind of girlfriend hears about her partner being in a serious accident and drags her heels for two weeks before visiting? Lauren might have made an unnecessary scene but it didn’t change the fact that, whoever this girl was, she should lose a few points for that. So no, Lauren wasn’t backing out. She stood unimpressed and if looks could kill, this girlfriend of leyla’s would have dropped dead in a second. Which she would catch on, if only she wasn’t so busy making lovey-dovey eyes at Leyla. She didn’t even notice the tense, awkward silence you could cut through and the way Leyla’s expression was meant to silently ask Lauren what the hell she was doing 

“Uhh… Honey?” Leyla eventually probed out of desperation. “Could you maybe get down to the cafeteria and get me some tea?”

The woman smiled so sweetly Lauren wanted to puke, then planted a kiss on Leyla’s head standing up. The amount of resilience Lauren had to possess not to roll her eyes. 

“Of course I can,” she answered and passed Lauren without a glance on her stroll out. 

With the source of her annoyance gone, the whole bravado somehow deflated from Lauren. She realized she was left standing in the middle of the room like an idiot, alone with Leyla without any idea what to say.

Had Leyla done this on purpose? Was she going to get mad and call Lauren out on her bullshit? Yell and kick her out? The muscles in Lauren’s jaw flexed and tensed, heart running wild, as Leyla tortured her with silence and an unreadable expression. Since when did Lauren have such a problem with reading Leyla? She scanned every line of her face over and over again and came up with nothing. Was it anger simmering quietly? Annoyance? Was she waiting for Lauren to explain herself? Maybe she was so mad, she couldn’t bring herself to speak a single word to Lauren. 

It was awful to wait for the guillotine to fall but when the question ultimately filled the space between them, calm and simply curious, Lauren wished for Leyla’s anger instead.

“Were you avoiding me, Lauren?” 

Lauren’s tongue felt like it was too big for her mouth and she couldn’t quite get it into the right shape for any words. She gaped at Leyla uselessly, hoping that she would say something more and give her more opening for an easy answer. No such luck. Leyla was just looking at her, scarily collected. Lauren would’ve taken her anger over this any time. She’d rather have Leyla resent her than face the fact that she saw right through her, just like she’d always done. 

Lauren squirmed in the silence that Leyla purposefully planted between them, scouting her mind for something else to say. Leyla raised a single brow, prompting Lauren and making it clear there was no running away anymore.  

“What? No, no, of course not. Totally not,"Lauren floundered, regaining the slightest ability to speak. Not that it sounded convincing or natural. “That’s ridiculous. Why would I do that? I’ve just been very busy. I'm a busy person, you know? Chair of the department and all that.” 

“Ahh, yes, of course,” Leyla agreed, sarcasm clearly tangling her words now. “So you had no time to visit but yet, you also torment people who give a damn about me and try to make this all more bearable?” 

Lauren screwed her brows, taken aback by malice seeping through Leyla’s calm mask. 

“What are you talking about? Of course I give a damn about you. I give a lot of damns about you, you know that! That’s not what this is.” 

“Then what is this, Lauren? Because, frankly, I don’t understand," Leyla descended on her, visibly losing patience by a second. Lauren was lost to say the least. When did things take on that turn? They shouldn’t be talking about her wrongs right now. 

“It’s just…” Lauren weighed her next words. Maybe they would come out less emotional and damning if they both just stopped for a moment and cooled down. But now Lauren was fueled by Lleyla’s anger and she latched onto it, becoming defensive and striking back. Her face set into an ugly reproach. “Who the hell does she think she is exactly? Charging in here two weeks after the fact and parading around like she’s done anything for you! What kind of person leaves her girlfriend alone like that? You deserve someone better, Leyla.” 

“You see the irony here, right? You chiding somebody for not being there for me - somebody who has been halfway across the world - when you - working four floors below every day - couldn’t bother to show up more than a single time?” 

“I was just trying to give you space!” Lauren retorted, fully raising her voice now. Leyla flinched but the momentary surprise was quickly replaced by a blaze in her eyes matching Lauren's. “You moved on with someone else so I thought that’s what you wanted! I thought that’s what we agreed on when I moved out of the apartment!” 

Lauren’s words resonated in the silence that Leyla didn’t fill with any comeback. 

She scanned Lauren's whole posture, searching for something in her shaking hands, pursed lips, set jaw and fierce eyes. For what, Lauren didn’t know. The way any traces of exasperation seemed to drain away from her face told Lauren she probably didn’t find it. 

“I think you should leave, Lauren.” Leyla's voice was adamant but small, cracking at Lauren's name. Lauren was breathing heavily in the same spot she’d been standing since she waltzed in, trying to assess if Leyla really meant it. 

She did. 

“Fine,” Lauren spat and dragged her feet towards the exit. With hands clenched into fists to keep them from trembling, she tossed the last words over her shoulder, hollow and useless. “Just… Call me if you need anything.”

Leyla’s scoff was the only goodbye she got. 

***

Lauren thrust forward through the hospital like a hail cloud, demanding that everyone get out of her way. Her skin was buzzing with anger, outrage and regret to the point where she wanted to crawl out of it. Her thoughts were tangled and scrappy, coming in short bursts and only feeding her raging emotions. She paced hallway after hallway, subconsciously headed for the ED but not registering any second of the walk or recognizing places she was tearing through. 

What the hell was that just now? Was Leyla seriously blaming her for her absence when she was the one who brushed her off both times Lauren tried to have a civil conversation?

“What a fucking joke,” she murmured under her nose, scoring herself a surprised glance from two doctors she was passing by. Not that she noticed. 

In fact, she was so caught up in her own head and indignation, she didn’t even hear someone calling her until the person was right in front of her. 

“Doctor Bloom?” 

Leyla's girlfriend literally came out of nowhere. She had a steaming cup in her hand - from the smell of it, it was ginger tea. Leyla hated ginger in any form. 

If Lauren’s irritation laid dormant before, pent up by the last remnants of her restraint, now it woke up with full force at the sight of the person she could easily blame it all on with her clouded judgment. 

“Yes, what is it?” she asked with annoyance poorly hidden behind brusqueness. 

The woman hesitated and sent Lauren an uncertain look. Lauren wanted to tell her to either just spit it out or let her pass. 

“Can I just ask you how she’s doing?” she finally choked out, still unsure. “You knew her when she worked here, right” Oh? Leyla hadn’t told her about Lauren? “She called you by your first name so I thought you two must’ve been close. So maybe she talked to you? Told you something? I feel like she’s not taking it well and closing off. Claims everything’s fine. Sticks to cold facts without talking about her feelings.”

Lauren wanted to rub it in this woman’s face that Leyla talked to her instead of her own girlfriend. That would be peak satisfaction. But as Leyla nicely called to her attention, Lauren wasn’t there for her and knew absolutely nothing. Was Lauren going to admit it though? Absolutely not. Instead, she decided to be so unpleasant the woman would leave her alone. Forever preferably. 

“Excuse me, who are you exactly?” Lauren played dumb. “I didn't catch your name over there and I can't give out the patients’ information to random strangers.” 

“Doctor Patricia Glover. Leyla’s girlfriend” she introduced herself happily. “And a colleague,” she added. “We’re doing residency together at Baptist.”

“Well, Doctor Glover,” Lauren pronounced suggestively, “I honestly don't know what to tell you. Leyla didn’t lie to you, things are looking good. Hemophilia didn’t cause any larger damage, Prednisone seems to be working-”

“I’m sorry, Prednisone?” Patricia cut in the middle of Lauren's sentence, a frown line between her brows. “You guys got her on Prednisone?”

Lauren gritted her teeth. 

“Yes,” she dragged, letting her voice carry a fraction of warning. If Patricia picked up on it, she clearly decided to ignore it and kept twittering like Lauren didn’t have years of experience on her and asked for her opinion. 

“It’s just that the latest research showed it’s best to go straight for Rituximab. It really presents better effects and usually reduces the chances of the inhibitor surviving to the second round of treatment and-” 

“Oh, so over at Baptist you question your attending's decisions with the same presumption?” Lauren snapped without batting an eyelid, her remark stone cold and cutting. Patricia blinked in surprise. Lauren forged ahead, undeterred, not hiding her anger anymore. She’d had enough. “I've been the chair of the department for several years. You’re a resident. Know your place. And let Leyla rest for Christ’s sake.” 

The last sentence hit Patricia as Lauren took off, nearly bumping her shoulder. Lauren didn’t turn around to see her reaction. 

***

Reynolds was standing by the counter, tapping away a report from his consultation on a tablet, when Lauren slammed into the ED, doors banging against the walls with the impact. The same fate was soon bestowed upon the poor drawers of the desks as she slammed them in search of something. 

“Where the hell is it? I told them over and over again not to touch my stuff. What’s so hard to understand about one simple sentence?” she gabbled under her nose to no one in particular, rummaging through the mess. 

“What exactly are you searching for?” Reynolds asked calmly, a pillar of serenity, very used to Lauren's theatrical outbursts. Lauren poked up from above the counter just to give him her most sarcastic sneer. 

“Melissa, obviously” she jeered and bent back down to continue. Reynolds didn’t even bother to look up from his work. He let Lauren do her thing for some time, occasionally distinguishing single words among Lauren's outraged gibberish. He sighed and put the tablet down only when it became clear her ransack wasn’t going to end any time soon.

“Okay, I was going to ignore all… that, whatever it is, but I see you’re gonna make it my problem sooner or later so…” he prolonged. “What is this time? Spill.”

“Oh, nothing. Absolutely nothing! Everything is in perfect order, can’t you see?” Lauren exclaimed, heavy on the sarcasm. 

“You don’t really look fi-”

“If you could just put me out of my mystery and shoot me between the eyes, that would be great,” Lauren went on, not registering a single thing Reynolds was trying to say or planning to let him get a word in edgewise. “Or I'll do you one better - get her out of my damn hospital.”

“You don’t seriously want that.”

“Of course I don't! And I hate myself for it!” 

“Bloom.” Reynolds went behind the counter and put a hand on Lauren’s shoulder to stop her erratic searches that, at this point, he was sure had no other purpose than to let Lauren blow off some steam. “Why don’t you sit down? Tell me what’s going on?” 

Lauren banged the drawer close, for good this time, and turned around to Reynolds. She leaned on her hands against the counter behind her and closed her eyes briefly to take a deep, studying breath and sort her thoughts out. 

“I just... I don't know what she wants anymore!” she confessed, still agitated but at least more clear-headed. “When we first broke up, she was mad at me for seeking her out, she wanted space. So I gave it to her. And she slept with me right after that! Then we agreed that staying away from each other would be the best thing with all the grudges between us. She moved on, I literally saw her with another woman at the apartment that was still technically mine, Reynolds! So when she ended up here and was so curt with me I thought it logical that I stay away, this is literally what we decided. But now she’s mad at me for not being here? Make it make freaking sense. What does the woman want from me?”

Reynolds listened to it all with a stoic expression that didn’t give away any of his thoughts. His composure was a little unnerving when Lauren was quite literally losing her damn mind before his very eyes.  

“Has it ever occurred to you that this is not a time for obeying to old rules and avoiding her?” he finally pointed out and quickly followed, “Don’t get me wrong - I love that you made a healthy decision back then and you’re trying to stick to it. But Leyla’s not just some ex, is she? You guys had something real and deep from the very beginning. You were her friend first and foremost and there’s probably still no other person in this city she is as close to as she was to you. It’s normal she searches for your comfort in a crisis, despite her better judgment. It’s also normal she was trying to act indifferent because it was the exact same thing you were doing - keeping distance as to not get hurt by feelings she can’t act on. But you both didn’t see that the old rules don’t apply anymore because the situation changed. I think she needs you, is what I’m trying to say here. I also think you should try to put your past with your ex behind you to take care of your friend.” 

“But that’s the problem. She can never be just my friend. I mean, how do I even dissociate how I feel about her from how I act around her?” 

Reynolds shrugged and smiled in that annoying way of his, the way that said he was very much aware that he was right. Lauren hated that smile. 

“Never said it would be easy, Bloom.”