Bruised not Broken
Karen had a soft spot for little girls. An ache of nostalgia and longing wrapped around her heart whenever she saw them trailing after their mothers, shining adoration painted over their innocent faces. She ached for a family that she doubted she’d ever have, for that unconditional love she missed so much.
Her own mother had been the closest thing to an angel Karen had ever known. She’d been a warm embrace on the coldest of nights, a soft kiss on scraped knees, a fierce protector standing between her children and their cold-hearted father.
Karen couldn’t help but wonder what kind of mother she might be. It was a question that crept to the forefront of her mind when things were slow, when she had time to sit down with a warm mug of tea and one of her favorite books. She’d hum the song of her mother softly, faint pictures of an imaginary family flickering just on the edges of her consciousness.
The fantasy was always shattered by the invasion of her father’s twisted grimace. It burned away all the pleasant imaginings and made her heart thump too fast. The thing that scared her most about that image was the fact that she’d seen it recently, reflected in her mirror, trembling with helpless anger and fear. It was her father looking out through her own glassy blue eyes. Logically, she knew the things that motivated her weren’t the same, but she couldn’t shake the fear that he lived inside of her.
Being a mother didn’t seem to be in the cards for her anyway, relationships crumbling like sandcastles in high tide, danger chasing her from place to place. It simultaneously pained and relieved her, conflicting desires warring constantly.
And yet, she couldn’t keep away. When Analise had knocked on her door one night, lines of exhaustion pulling at her face, Karen had agreed to watch little Dannie, the woman’s impossibly shy eight year old.
Karen recognized them both, the little girl with her shining blonde hair and porcelain-doll skin was like looking through a portal to the past. Analise was an ER nurse and a single mother, pulling extra shifts whenever she had the chance. Karen’s heart ached when she thought of Dannie sitting alone in the apartment at the end of the hall for hours waiting for her mother to come home. New York was a city full of latch-key kids, but Karen had taken it upon herself to make sure Dannie didn’t have to be one of them.
It was easy too, Karen working from home as often as she did. These days a freelance journalist really could work from anywhere, and Karen did the bulk of her writing sitting on her living room couch, waiting till later in the evening to go out snooping. And Dannie was a quiet child, always curled up somewhere reading a book or filling the pages of a well worn sketchpad with fairies and monsters. Whenever Karen heard a tentative little knock around four p.m. she would hurriedly jump up to let the little girl in. It was like clockwork.
Except one night when it wasn’t. The scrape of tiny knuckles against Karen’s apartment door never came, and an hour later Karen was beginning to get worried. She walked down the hall to Analise’s apartment and called out. “Dannie? Are you in there? I ordered chinese.”
Karen heard the scrape of a stool on the other side of the door, and she smiled to herself, imagining Dannie climbing up on the thing to check the peephole. The child was eternally cautious. Karen posed in front of the door, making a silly face and flipping her hair over her shoulder.
The deadbolt flipped, and she heard the metallic slide of the chain, and the door swung open. “I didn’t know if you liked orange chicken or–” Karen stopped mid speech, a look of horror transforming the sunny smile she’d been wearing. “Oh my god, Dannie, what happened?”
She reached forward, gently pulling the child out into the hall where the lights were brighter. The little girl had the beginnings of a black eye, skin purpling along the edges of her eye socket, cheeks still stained with tears. The question made her lip tremble, and she had to swallow hard before answering. “Some older kids… they stole my bike.”
Relief washed over Karen, the awful images flashing through her mind evaporating. Not that being mugged by a group of ragtag kids was a good thing, but it was leagues away from the cruelty Karen’s mind had jumped to. “Oh, hon, i’m so sorry.” Gently Karen drew the girl into a hug. “Come on sweetie, let’s go look at that black eye and call your mother.”
Karen withdrew only to find Dannie staring up with wide eyes at someone behind her. She felt a little tingle at the base of her spine and knew who it was before she even turned around. He was a dark presence to anyone else, but for Karen it was different, a pool of happiness settling in the pit of her stomach whenever he deigned to appear at her door.
He was frowning down at the both of them, brow knitted in thought. “What happened?”
The question was gruff, and Karen felt Dannie tense, taking a nervous step back. The child was scared of the large and forbidding man. “It’s ok Frank, just some bullies. We’re going back to my place for some Chinese, care to join us?”
Frank nodded, wordlessly following behind the two of them.
He went straight to Karen’s freezer, pulling out her ice tray and wrapping a few cubes in a dishcloth. He knelt down in front of Dannie, approaching her slowly like a wounded animal. He held the ice up between them like an offering. “I get a lot of black eyes, this should help.” Gently, he pressed the bundle against the puffy skin, curling his fingers around her hand and pulling it up to her face. “Hold it like this.”
Dannie complied, still somewhat fearful, but relaxing her shoulders and stepping toward him. “It’s cold.”
He nodded. “Yeah, it’s supposed to be, helps the swelling go down. If it gets too cold take a break, okay?”
“Okay.”
Karen marvelled at the interaction. Frank’s voice was soft and soothing, his movements deliberate. He couldn’t have been more delicate with a piece of china. Her throat constricted painfully. He must have been a wonderful father, and this was probably hard for him.
After a minute or so he pulled back the ice pack, gently probing the skin around Dannie’s eye socket. Satisfied that there were no serious injuries, he let her put the icepack back and turned to Karen. “I hope you ordered a lot of food. I’m starving.”
-
It was strange, the three of them sitting like some dysfunctional little family at Karen’s tiny kitchen table. Two out of three diners had black eyes, and Karen was the only one that was talking, but it was still nice.
Karen noticed Dannie sneaking looks at Frank when she thought he wasn’t looking. The child was clearly intrigued. Karen smiled. She couldn’t really blame her. Finally after two or three false starts, the little girl got up the courage to say something. “Where did you get your black eye?”
At first Karen thought Frank hadn’t heard the question. He didn’t look up from his food, stabbing a piece of chicken with his fork and popping it into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully, leaning back in his chair to get a good look at the child. “Bullies.”
Her eyes widened, and she leaned forward in her chair. “Really? You get bullied?”
That elicited a laugh from Frank. The sound was gravelly and warm and it sent a pleasant shiver through Karen. She’d rarely heard him laugh, at least not like that. There had been more than a few bitter chuckles interspersed in their conversations, but never this spontaneous burst of amusement.
Frank smiled down at the girl. “No, not any more, but I know a lot of people who do, so I go out and find the bullies and make them stop.”
Dannie dropped her fork on her plate, ignoring the clatter as she scooted closer to Frank. “How?”
This surprised Karen, her own mouth dropping open as she watched the formerly shy girl ply Frank ‘The Punisher’ Castle with an endless list of questions. She wanted to know if Frank beat them up, how often he did it, day or night. She wanted to know why he had a black eye too if he was the one who got the bullies to stop. Every question garnered an amused yet monosyllabic reply, which only ramped the child up more. Dannie even gathered up the courage to ask if Frank could show her how to punch someone before Karen felt the need to step in.
“Uh, Dannie, Frank’s had a busy day, maybe ease up a little.”
The mixed look of embarrassment and hurt that flashed across the girl’s face tore at Karen’s insides and she scrambled to soften her request. “I’m sure we’ll see him again tomorrow.” She turned to look across the table at Frank. “Right, Frank?”
He nodded, eyes boring into her. “I was hoping to spend the night.”
Karen’s cheeks heated up some, and she reached for her water to hide behind the glass. Taking a sip, she studied him over the rim, wondering exactly what this feeling arcing between them was.
Dannie watched the two of them, distracted from her embarrassment. “Is he your boyfriend?” The child was agape, the trauma of the day completely forgotten in lieu of something so adult and fascinating.
Karen was too flustered to answer, nearly choking on the sip of water. Frank chuckled again, looking in mock seriousness at Dannie and saying, “Miss Page doesn’t really need a boyfriend, I don’t think. She’s a pretty independent lady.”
Karen’s nostrils flared. Needs and wants were two very different things. Frank had been coming around a couple times a month for a while now, sleeping on her couch, eating her food, walking her home from work now and then. She’d stifled the urge to kiss him goodbye on more than one occasion, and had even begun to have dreams about him… It wasn’t good for her sanity.
Frank’s answer seemed to satisfy the child, and Dannie excused herself from the table to go do her homework, leaving Karen to sit and stare across at her not-boyfriend, a soft smile tugging at her lips. “I think you made her feel better.”
He smiled, setting aside his fork and leaning back in his chair. There was something about being well-fed in a safe place that always made Frank a little more chatty. “She’s a mini-you. Little blonde firecracker, wants to go beat the hell out of the people that did her wrong.”
Karen snorted, unable to stifle the laughter. Frank had to be the only person in the world that saw her that way. Her parents thought she was meek and quiet, and Matt had seen her as someone who couldn’t protect herself. But to Frank she was a ‘firecracker.’ Suddenly it felt like she’d drank a couple glasses of wine, warmth spreading out through her body, limbs loose and tingly. “I don’t know about that.”
He smiled, dropping the subject. “That’s one hell of a shiner she got though. That couldn’t have been kids her age.”
Karen sighed. “This isn’t exactly the nicest neighborhood. I’m sure some teenagers stole it and pawned it. There’s been a lot of petty theft around here lately.”
“That’s some bullshit.”
Karen agreed, pushing herself away from the table and starting to clear away the mess. Frank gently grabbed her wrist. “I got this. You should go call her mom. “
-
The next day, before Karen’s alarm had even sounded, there came a knock at her door. An excited triple tap repeating itself before she could even get the chain off. It didn’t wake Frank, snoring softly behind her on the couch, one arm draped over his eyes.
Karen swung the door open and was greeted with a bouncing child. Glee spreading across the girl’s slightly bruised face, she blurted out, “They brought it back!”
Dannie was clinging to the pink handlebars of her bicycle, vibrating with barely contained joy, the ugly bruise on her face nothing compared to the ear to ear grin.
Analise was standing behind her daughter. “Thank you, for taking care of her last night.” She nodded toward Frank on the couch, leaning in to whisper to Karen. “I don’t know how he did it, but tell your boyfriend I appreciate him getting this back and dropping it off last night. I wouldn’t have been able to get her another one any time soon.”
Karen blushed at Frank being called her boyfriend twice in less than twenty-four hours, but she couldn’t find the words to contradict Analise. When the door shut behind her, Frank rustled on the cushions. Karen closed the space between them, leaning against the arm of the couch. “Go ahead and pretend you’re asleep. That was a sweet thing you did Frank. Thank you.” She leaned down, finally giving into the urge to show him real affection, and pressed a soft kiss into his forehead.