Garrett / Reader - Part 7
You couldn't believe it; after everything that you and Garrett had gone through together, was this really the moment he was going to leave and abandon you? It felt unfair because you had done something that you had not done in ages, you had let someone close and allowed yourself to trust that someone, however now that you were staring Garrett who was standing in the doorway with his shoes and coat on, you felt confused and bitter about the whole thing. Sure you knew that Garrett was right; it was not safe for you to be around him when he was thirsty but you just couldn't handle the sudden change of mood and state of mind. You had been somewhat happy, comfortable and relaxed, having a great time and life had felt... good, better than ever actually... and then it had suddenly been taken away from you, leaving you with this; not knowing whether Garrett planned to return or not. During your life you had learned to process negative emotions quite well but this had been a kick on your stomach, leaving you breathless and defenseless.
- Please don't leave me. you pleaded hoping that it would change Garrett's mind.
- Get some rest, woman. he said and shifted his gaze from the stormy outside-world to you. He looked exhausted as well as somewhat sorrowful. "I'll see you in few hours" he said and walked into the blizzard.
- Just... stay safe, alright? you shouted although it felt like there had not been any voice coming out from your mouth.
You found as comfortable position to sit on the table by the window as you possibly could and stared into the raging storm. You watched Garrett walking into the hostile darkness, winds pulling and tucking his coat as well as his hair, however he did not turn back and return to the cottage. You weren't scared, it was very difficult to be afraid of anything in the comforting warmth of a burning fireplace but you felt lonely, abandoned and almost betrayed. On the other hand you understood why Garrett had left and you appreciated it because you had no desire to end up as vampire-food or to be turned into a vampire but then again you felt like you had been misled into believing that there could be something more between you and him.
Yes, it was neither a surprise nor a secret anymore that you were deeply attracted to Garrett and for a moment you had assumed that the feeling was mutual. Then however you had realized that Garrett had just been thirsty and his seductive vampire-mode had kicked in, luring you to let him close and secure an easy kill... an all-you-can-eat buffet with no restrictions or resistance. Partially you knew that it was not entirely true, hell, if Garrett had wanted to suck you dry he would have done so... but he had not. It meant that there was a man of reason and decency behind the vampire -side and this evening the vampire had taken over and charmed you quite successfully.
Unless he felt something more.
Could it be so? Could it be that he had been so kind and protective over you because he had deeper feelings for you? You wanted to believe that the spark, the undeniable and intense chemistry that you had shared with him had been real and therefore you had to talk about it with him tomorrow. You had to know. If he told you that he was falling in love with you, you would do your very best to let him close and to love him back but if it had been just his thirst making him act that way, you would shut him out and coexist as long as it was needed, but keep a safe distance just so it wouldn't happen again. You couldn't deal with this kind of loneliness, you couldn't let anyone close if as a result you ended up... alone.
You felt the cold glass with your fingertips and gasped as the cold contact made you shiver. Your body had started to ache due to the draft and staying up so long after laying in the hospital bed for over three weeks. You glanced at the fireplace and cursed because the fire had almost burned out and therefore you hopped off from the table, threw five large logs into the glowing coal and blew on them softly so the logs would catch fire. Slowly the dry bark on one of the logs started to burn and eventually the fire spread on all of them. You stared at the flames for a moment, warmed yourself up in the soft glow and then returned to sit on the table. After two or three hours your eyelids started to get heavier and your head started to dip as you fell in and out of sleep, fighting to stay awake but eventually losing the fight. Finally your eyes stayed closed for good and you fell asleep leaning to the windowpane, all curled up into a tight ball with the blanket.
Garrett stopped just as he had disappeared into the shadows, turned to look at the cottage and saw you sitting by the window and staring into the darkness. He sighed and rubbed his chin, trying to ignore the hypnotizing sound of your heartbeat. He turned away and ran deep into the forest, so deep that the sound finally faded away and all there was left were the sounds of the trees cracking, bending as well as twisting under the mighty force of the storm and also the wind howling all around. Garrett calmed his mind and focused on the different kind of noises; the wild animals hiding in the forest, somewhere in the darkness.
It did not take long for him to find a sleeping animal, a deer of some sort. He stared at it for an hour, just trying to make up his mind whether he really was going go down this route or not. He had never considered about becoming a vegetarian and to be honest, he had always laughed at Carlisle and his wife for making such ridiculous and amusing decision that basically defied the whole thing that being a vampire was about. The thing was, Garrett had learned to like being a vampire and even though it had disgusted him in the beginning, the killing and feeding on people, he had gotten used to it and now this lifestyle suited him just fine.
Suddenly he heard a voice in a wind, a man talking in a distance. Garrett left the sleeping deer and headed towards the direction where the man's voice had come from, carried by the stormy winds, eerie and distorted but still so loud and clear. After few minutes of running through the storm he arrived to the back yard of a small house and saw a man approximately forty years old shoveling snow away from the porch. Garrett's eyes turned even blacker and he smirked at the man who had no idea that he was being watched from the shadows. This would be easy, almost too easy.
Garrett returned from his hunting trip just before the sunrise. The storm had passed and the sky had cleared, leaving the world covered with untouched snow and calming silence. Garrett walked through the sleeping forest and when he arrived to the front yard of the cottage he saw you sitting at the window, sleeping, rolled into a blanket. The sight made him stop and for a moment he just stood there by the edge of the forest, frozen completely still while trying to decide where to go from here; it was obvious that the matters had to be discussed, otherwise there was no way you and he could live under the same roof... but Garrett had no idea what he would say. His head was a mess and even though he knew that whatever you and he had shared and felt was real, he also realized that the events of the previous evening had proved that the vampire side of Garrett was your enemy, a dangerous one in fact, not only because he was inhumanly strong and fast but also because he was so smooth and charming. The vampire was in Garrett's blood, it existed in every cell of his being and therefore it was impossible for him to know when the darker side of him took over.
Garrett decided that he had to make it clear to you that there was a monster living inside of him. Based on last night you trusted Garrett almost blindly and therefore you had to be reminded of the true nature of the person you were so deeply attached to. It might get ugly because it was going to be a cruel, cold wake-up-call for you, like it had been for him, being forced to realize and admit that he didn't control the monster inside him as well as he had assumed. Garrett was going to make you understand that the man who had saved your life was actually dangerous and shouldn't be trusted, for now at least.
Garrett walked into the cottage and locked the door after him just to make sure that no one entered the cottage without him knowing about it; the cottage was owned by a vampire which meant that the normal rules did not apply here; a vampire was allowed to enter the cottage without an invitation unlike when the cottage was being owned by a living person. There was still a fire in the fireplace and the cottage was pleasantly warm. All the candles had been blown off by the storm winds when Garrett had opened the door and walked out. However he had not needed lights to find his way home; he could sense your presence either getting more distant or stronger and that had been enough to guide him home before the sunrise.
- Okay, time for bed. Garrett said as he bent over you to wrap his arm behind your back and the other under your legs so he could carry you to bed.
- No-no-no, I must keep watch. you mumbled, just barely half-awake. You sighed and the expression on your face changed from calm to deeply troubled, even though you kept your eyes closed at all times. You continued with a barely audible tone "Garrett is in the storm-"
- (Y/N), I'm home and the storm has passed. Garrett said and pressed a featherlike kiss on your forehead. "Let's get you in bed" he spoke and added with a caring, soft tone "Getting sick will not help your recovery." You felt that you were being lifted off from the table and therefore you whimpered silently
- But I promised-
- Shh, you did and you kept your promise. Garrett spoke, carried you into the bedroom and lay you on the bed. "Now it's time to sleep" he said and started to pull the covers off slowly, careful not to disturb your sleep. He couldn't just leave you there laying on the blankets because you would surely catch a cold and get ill.
- Let's get you nice and warm, I'll tuck you in very tightly, okay? he said while he covered you with the warm blankets and made sure that every part up to your neck was sheltered from the draft and chill. "I'm sorry, I forgot what I am because you made me feel... alive in a different way" he whispered after squatting down next to the bed so he could talk right into your ear. He brushed your hair, letting his fingers linger on your earlobe as well as your neck and continued "It is so easy to forget that I am a threat and a monster-"
- Not a monster. you mumbled, too tired to open your eyes or even back your words with a proper tone.
- I will not let myself to get thirsty around you anymore. Garrett promised, paused and added "You're fairly safe with me. Sleep now, good night."
- Don't go. Please, stay. you pleaded half-asleep. "Don't leave me" you sighed and rolled on your side to hug a pillow.
- I think it is better if I'll sleep on the sofa. Garrett answered and walked to the doorway. "Just to... avoid temptation" he stated, closed the door and walked into the entrance hall to take off his shoes and coat. He threw two more logs into the fire, lay down on the sofa and fell asleep almost instantly. The pillows carried your scent and therefore he had vivid dreams about you, your laughter as well as your smile. If only things were as easy as they were in his dreams.
You woke up, stared at the ceiling of the cool, dim room and wondered how you had gotten there. The last real, clear memory you had was that you were sitting by the window and the chilliness was creeping into your bones while you fought to keep your eyes open and keep yourself awake. You reasoned that Garrett had returned and carried you to bed, it after all would be such a Garrett-like thing to do, a knight in the shining armor saving you from the creatures... and the coldness that would surely take over the cottage when the fire burned out. You got up and opened the curtains so the light would get into the room, it had been ages since you had actually seen sunlight and you were hoping that the skies had cleared during the wee hours of the night.
Just as you had hoped the snowstorm had been replaced with clear blue skies and sunshine. The forest around you was covered with sparkling snow and there was peaceful silence. You stared at the view for a moment and then got back to bed that was now bathing in the sunlight as well. You enjoyed the gentle warmth on your face and fell asleep for a moment more. After thirty minutes there was a knock on the door. You recoiled back to the reality and mumbled "Yeah?" The door opened and just as you were about to get up and close the curtains, Garrett said
- Stop, leave them be.
You froze completely still and sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from Garrett who was standing in the doorway.
- I think this is a good reminder of what I am. he spoke with almost emotionless tone. You shifted your gaze from the bright view to the floor, not really understanding what he was saying. "Last night..." he begun and stopped because he had difficulties with finding the right words. Garrett had decided just to say it, no putting it nicely or sugarcoating it, just ripping off the band-aid and being done with it but now that he was staring at you, he got lost for words and couldn't bring himself to say any of those things he had sworn to say. " I realize now that I am not fully in control of myself" he said eventually after a rather long silence. "The thirst" he added and continued with a apologetic tone "You are right, you're not safe with me when I'm thirsty." You turned to look at him and gasped
- Garrett-
- You belong to the light, you save people. he said with a proud voice, staring into your eyes from across the room, making it feel like he was both so close and so far at the same time. "I walk in the shadows, feed on the weak and helpless" he stated coldly. You were taken off guard by this statement and therefore you stood up and pleaded
- Garrett, listen-
- Like we agreed, this is only temporary. Garrett stated coldly and interrupted you. He knew that he sounded harsh but this was tough love and there was no way to go around what needed to be said. "And this room, it's yours. I will not step over this threshold" he stated firmly. "Unless I'm invited" he thought silently, not daring to admit that he was hoping the day to come when he could wrap his arms around you and hold you close without a fear of losing control. Garrett left the room and you finally grasped what had been said, or more like not-said. You couldn't leave this matter unsolved like this and if Garrett thought that you would just give up without a fight or a proper conversation with actual dialogue, he was dead wrong.
- Hey, hold on! you stated and stormed after Garrett. "I think we should talk about last night" you said and folded your arms. Garrett had walked into the kitchen to make some breakfast. He was just taking cheese and other things out from the fridge, pleasantly surprised to find the electricity back on, when you stormed after him, demanding answers.
- What about it? he asked, trying to sound like he didn’t either want to talk about it or even think that there was something to talk about.
- Well... you know, about where this is going. you stated and after inhaling sharply, you continued "I mean, the spark was real. Wasn't it?"
- The spark? Garrett asked. He had to stay firm with you, no matter how hard it would be, because the truth was that he was a threat to you and he couldn't take any risks, not now. If it meant that he had to deny the existence of the spark, if it meant that he had to be the asshole, he would do it because there was no other way.
- Yeah, you felt it, right? you asked with a confused voice that had still an undertone of hopefulness in it, just like the expression on your face.
- I'm sorry, I was so thirsty. Garrett said and continued "I had not eaten in a month and therefore-"
- So, that's it? you asked with a disappointed tone.
- Yeah. Garrett sighed and shrugged his shoulders.
- So, it is so nice to eat soup with you, you make this place feel like home and everything... you mumbled, paused and asked with a confused tone “….That was just... a some kind of twisted mind trick?” You did not want to sound too disappointed yet because you wanted to believe that surely there was a way to talk things through and move on. Garrett was just saying these things to keep you in a safe distance, to protect you, right?
- Of course not, but perhaps the candlelight played a trick on both of us. Garrett spoke emotionlessly and then clarified his point by saying “Making us feel more than we should.”
- O-oh, o-okay. you stammered. You were silent for many minutes, just trying to figure it all out while Garrett continued preparing breakfast. “Let me get this straight” you began, inhaled and continued “You're saying I imagined that there was chemistry.” Garrett however did not turn to look at you. “Real connection” you added, still sounding slightly hopeful but it was clear that you were shifting from the hopeful –side to the bitter –side, causing the atmosphere in the cottage to change colder, despite the homey warmth still radiating from the fireplace even though the fire had already died out.
- It is not that simple. Garrett mumbled.
- Yes it is! you said and slammed your palms against the surface of the kitchen counter to gain Garrett’s attention. “Either it was real or it wasn't. There really isn't any halfway” you stated with a somewhat annoyed tone. Garrett sighed, put away the breadknife and replied
- I agree, but-
- Right. The sun is up and the magic is gone. you scoffed, scolding yourself silently for being so naïve, so stupid. “I should have known better” you mumbled and shifted your gaze from Garrett’s back elsewhere, anywhere else was better than to look at him. Garrett cursed silently, wishing that there was some softer way to do this because his willingness of being the bad guy was crumbling down by every passing moment. No, Garrett didn’t want to hurt you with words and cold attitude, but he did not want to take a risk of hurting you physically either. He did not want to regret getting close to you but he had to admit that it had made everything so much more complicated.
- I cannot give you what you need. Garrett spoke silently and added “Not right now at least.”
- How do you even know what I need? you scoffed, clearly no longer hopeful but hurt, bitter and disappointed.
- Because I need it too. Garrett stated, filled a pot with water and put it on the stove. “But last night…” he said and shook his head “…It cannot happen again” he said assertively.
- Which part? you asked sarcastically. “The part where we almost kissed or the part where you stormed out?” you continued with a tone that was supposed to make Garrett feel small and insignificant.
- I had to leave! Garrett exclaimed, turned around to stare at you with a desperate look on his face. “Gosh, I wanted to kiss you so much!” he said as sincerely as he possibly could. He monitored your expressions but there was no change; your attitude towards him had already turned sour. He continued anyway “I needed to kiss you and this need-“
- Are you sure you're not confusing it with thirst? you asked with sharpened eyes, challenging him and taking control of your own emotions. You couldn’t get emotionally involved with this situation or you would break down and that was something that you didn’t want to do. You had not broken down when your family had been killed and therefore you were not going to crack now either. This was not even nearly as bad as losing your family, you had no right to be so weak now!
- Yes! Garrett exclaimed but then mumbled “No...” hesitated and corrected himself once more “Yes, I was thirsty but-“
- So there's your answer. you stated and shrugged your shoulders. “I made a fool out of myself because I really thought that it was real” you commented in a cold, casual manner.
- No, you're not a fool. Garrett spoke and continued “I was there too, remember?” He walked to the kitchen counter, put his hand on yours and said “I felt it, I went along with it. I tried to charm you because- “
- Tried-huh? you scoffed and pulled your hand away. Garrett corrected himself instantly and stated
- Wanted to charm you because-
- Well you succeeded. you stated mockingly. “I have heard about the seduction skills of vampires but I never thought that I would be so easily swayed.” you spoke bitterly. Garrett groaned because he did not know whether he should try to fix the situation or if he should let this conversation take its course because it was going pretty much like he had planned. However he could see the damage he was doing and therefore he said
- No, it wasn't-
- You proved me wrong, Sir, and I stand corrected. you commented and cut him off.
- It wasn't like that! he exclaimed desperately.
- Then tell me how it was! you pleaded, still wanting to believe that you had not been fooled.
- I cannot be close to you because I want you too much. Garrett spoke after taking a little bit of time to figure out what he wanted to say and how to say it. He continued with a sincere tone “Last night, I almost-“
- But you didn't! you exclaimed, sounded even more frustrated.
- But I almost did! Garrett exclaimed and continued “Yes, there was a connection, yes it was nice-“
- You know what? you commented bitterly. “I don't need to hear it. I don't even want to hear it” you said and then added “Don't worry, I will not fall under your charms again.”
This offended Garrett deeply; after everything he had done for you, you couldn’t even give him a chance to explain himself to you. If he had gotten the opportunity, he could have told you that he was only trying to keep you safe and valued your life above his own needs. Yes, quenching his thirst with you would have been the ultimate high but it was not worth it because after that you would have just died or hated him forever for turning you into a vampire. Neither of those choices was more desirable to him than to fight against his urges even though it might drive him insane before finding the balance.
You took a deep breath and walked into the entrance hall. You couldn’t be in this cottage with Garrett, not now, because it felt like there was no air to breathe. You basically hated yourself for being so blind and also for putting your trust in a vampire. It had been a disaster waiting to happen but you had ignored the risks and comforted yourself with the idea of having a place where you belonged, a home… a life… and sharing that life with someone who would end your loneliness and needed you equally to end his. However it was getting rather apparent that it was not going to happen with Garrett. It didn’t matter that he kept saying that he couldn’t give you what you needed at the current time, meaning that perhaps it would change in the future, you however wouldn’t stay around and wait until that happened.
- I'm going out. you stated, took your jacket from the coat hanger and put it on.
- You shouldn't. Garrett said, walked out from the kitchen, through the living room into the entrance hall. He watched you putting on your shoes and tried to reason with you by saying “Carlisle specifically said-“
- He is not here, is he? you scoffed, tied the strings of your shoes and closed the buttons of your jacket one by one.
- No, but I am. Garrett stated and grabbed your arm just as you were about to open the door. “I am not going to let you go out” he said assertively, the gentle yet firm grip of his hand giving you a vivid flashback of the events of yesterday evening.
- Don't touch me. you said and pulled your arm away, unlocked the door and stepped out to the front terrace, which was shadowed by the roof that continued as a cote, sheltering the terrace from the elements.
Garrett let your arm go immediately and watched you walking into the bright sunshine. The light made your hair glow but it also revealed how pale you still were. Sure you had blushed a lot during the previous evening but it was apparent that you were not well; you were still suffering from the blood-loss and it meant that you were not as strong as you possibly thought you were. However now that you were standing out in the sunlight, you were completely out of reach from Garrett and it made him feel quite helpless again. It was a feeling that he did not particularly like, he did not like it at all actually.
- It is just unfair! you shouted back at him. “So unfair.” you added with deep disappointment in your voice. “I was fine before meeting you! I didn't feel lonely because I was so comfortably numb and used to it” you shouted, your voice breaking every once in a while. “Then you came along and filled my mind with stupid hopes and dreams! Why?” you asked bitterly. “Don't think you're the only one struggling-“ Garrett shouted back at you from the terrace immediately but you cut him off with a loud “Ha!”, not allowing him to speak.
- Struggling-huh? you asked mockingly. “You know what! Your friend, Carlisle, warned me about this!” you shouted, your tone changing from bitter and disappointed to plain angry.
- About what? Garrett asked in return, feeling your anger spreading to him as well and affecting his calmness. He had a fiery spirit but he had managed to keep his cool during this confrontation, which had actually surprised him, both; the confrontation as well as his ability to stay calm during it.
- About confusing thirst with passion. you screamed and then added “So I suppose... the joke is on me!”
After this you walked away and disappeared into the forest. You filled your lungs with the cold but pleasantly fresh air and let your mind wander. You walked deeper into the forest and enjoyed the calming silence around you. In the bright sunshine you felt free as well as safe although you knew that there were wild animals in the forest, posing a threat to you if you ran into them on your own. However wolves and other animals couldn’t disturb your sense of peace right now because your mind desperately needed some rest for change. Ever since you had run away and escaped your hometown you had been on alert, unable to relax entirely even when you slept and therefore now, basking in the sunlight, you did not care if there was a pack of wolves stalking you… you did not care as long as it was not a group of vampires.
The hours slipped away while you walked slowly among the tall, snow-covered trees. You sometimes fell down when your foot got stuck in snow but it did not bother you because you always managed to free yourself and the snow felt like a pillow, luring you to lay down and take a nap. You strolled around, not really paying attention to directions and trusting that you would find your way back to the cottage by following your own footsteps. You found a small open field in the middle of the forest and lay down on the snow to enjoy some sunlight. Besides you were getting terribly tired from exhausting yourself; you had not realized it yourself that even though you felt fairly strong and were walking slowly, you were draining your energy quite recklessly and therefore you needed to take a break. Just a small break.
You enjoyed the silence, the soft breeze and the warmth on your face, so confident that you wouldn’t allow yourself to fall asleep but suddenly you recoiled and noticed that the sun was already setting, making the shadows of the surrounding trees grow taller and painting the sky with pastel colors. You sat up, realized that you were freezing cold and got on your feet. You started to follow your footsteps back to the cottage but it soon became clear that you had walked in circles and crossed your path many times, making it impossible to follow the trail back home. You had been so deep in your thoughts many hours ago, completely ignoring the fact that you were ruining the clear path and making it more challenging to find your way to the cottage. Finally you found a road and in the end of the road was the cottage, a beacon of light in the blue twilight.
- You were gone many hours. Garrett stated when you walked in from the front door. “Did you get lost?” he asked with a considerate and quite worried tone. The truth was that he had worried quite a lot, painted many scenarios in his head about what terrible things could have happened to you and therefore he had decided to leave the cottage as soon as the sun had set. Until that it had been a slow torture to stare the cloudless weather from the safety of the cottage and imagine all the possible dangers while counting down the minutes to the sunset.
- Maybe. It is none of your business. you replied, took off your shoes as well as your jacket, hoping that Garrett wouldn’t notice that you were shivering. It however was apparent that it had not gone unnoticed because he instantly brought you the shawl you had wrapped yourself into last night.
- Were you scared? he asked softly, wrapped the shawl around your shoulders and lingered there for a moment, hoping that he could make you warm. The truth was that it had not been that cold day, a couple of plus degrees even, but you had been gone for many hours and you had not exactly been wearing suitable clothes.
- No. you replied and continued with an emotionless tone “I knew that when the sun comes down, you'll probably come and find me.” Garrett rubbed your arms a little and smiled, trying to establish eye contact with you.
- And I knew that you would find me because you are a vampire. you scoffed and stepped away from him because you couldn’t repeat the same mistake. This time Garrett did not control his temper. Oh no, he had been worried for you the entire day and this was how you repaid him!
- It didn’t seem to bother you yesterday. he snapped instantly. You folded your arms defiantly and let the blanket fall off your shoulders to the floor. “Oh, you were so eager, so willing to have me touching you” Garrett continued, not caring if what he said caused damage to his relationship with you. You groaned and walked to the fridge while trying to ignore the tall man talking to you. “You wanted me to make your darkest fantasies come true. A vampire taking the vampire hunter, is that what you have been dreaming about?” he spoke while you took cheese, butter and bread out from the fridge. “My fingers as well as my tongue freeing you from your past, bringing you back to life” he continued with a smug tone.
- Never! you exclaimed and slammed the fridge’s door shut.
- Keep lying to yourself, woman. Garrett stated and stared at your back while you prepared sandwiches for yourself. “But just know that I will hear your every moan, your every gasp when you roll in your bed alone…” Garrett spoke, paused and continued “…Thinking about me and trying to live your fantasies without me.”
- Shut up! you shouted, put the sandwich items back into the fridge and took those three sandwiches with you. You walked into the bedroom, slammed the door shut and sat on the bed to eat.
- But it won’t be the same. Garrett spoke, his tone muffled slightly but not enough by the door. “Oh no, your fingers can’t satisfy you like I can. Not even close.” he stated victoriously. “Just admit it, you want my cold, hard cock inside you!” he shouted and after this you heard the front door was being slammed shut and there was silence.
You stared at the bedroom door for a moment and then turned around to look at the window. When you did, you saw Garrett standing outside the bedroom, staring at you with a smirk on his face. You got up immediately, walked to the window and closed the curtains. Garrett was right; last night you had given in to the temptation and most likely you would have wanted things to escalate to the more intimate direction. However it had happened yesterday and today was a new day which meant that whatever had happened then was now in the past and there was no way you would repeat the mistakes of your past. No, you had sworn to learn from your errors and never be an idiot who kept making the same mistakes over and over again.
The next day after sunset Carlisle came for a visit to the cottage. He checked that your injuries were healing and reminded you that you had to keep hydrated, eat well and rest, preferably in bed. He had taken some spare mattresses, blankets, pillows and bed sheets from his home just in case they were needed and soon after arriving to the cottage Garrett had told him that he slept on the sofa. To be honest Carlisle had hoped that you both could share the bedroom but he had suspected that it wouldn’t be that simple. Therefore he had come prepared. He showed Garrett that there was an attic and suggested that he would stay there for now. Besides there were no windows so if Garrett wanted to sleep during the day, he would be safe from sunlight.
- I’ll take the attic. you said after watching the men turning the attic into some kind of man-cave or vampire’s nest. You did not want Garrett to be a prisoner in his friend’s house and therefore it made more sense if you, the stranger, took the attic and hid yourself there so you wouldn’t bother anyone.
- No! Garrett and Carlisle said simultaneously.
- Why not? you asked defiantly.
- Because the attic has no heating. Carlisle stated, standing on a kitchen ladder below the hole in the ceiling and handed Garrett an old fashioned oil lamp because there was no sockets for electrical appliances either.
- And you could fall. Garrett said, took a glance at you from above and disappeared again after reaching out to take the lamp from Carlisle.
- I could fall in the shower. you commented and asked “Are you going to forbid the shower as well?”
- Don’t be silly. Garrett commented and continued making the bed in the attic. “Besides there is no proper ladder” he said and asked “Would you be able to pull yourself up here?” You rolled your eyes as a response, folded your arms and walked to the sofa. You sat down and stared at the fireplace that had no fire at the moment. You listened to the men talking and joking about something and after a moment Carlisle left because he had a nightshift at the hospital. He had basically only stopped by to bring some groceries and the bed-stuff and of course to check how you were doing.
The life continued and the days turned into weeks and the weeks eventually turned into months. It was mid-winter but there were some tiny signs of spring already and you knew that soon you would be able to move on. There had been days when you had played with an idea of staying but since you and Garrett were living separate lives, not really even sharing conversations, it just didn’t feel like a realistic option. Besides you were getting sick and tired of being trapped in the cottage while Garrett was able to leave, go to the town and meet… people. Sure Carlisle and her wife sometimes came by for a visit but otherwise you just stayed in the cottage or in the surroundings of it.
The other thing was that you did not feel like you deserved a comfortable life like this. It felt wrong that you were using, almost abusing the kindness and generosity of people whom you were not related to and therefore you had started planning your departure since you had been told by Carlisle that your injuries had fully healed and the amount of blood in your system had returned to the safe levels. Then one evening you realized that tomorrow was the day when your family had been killed, exactly three years ago. Realizing this made you feel even guiltier and therefore you stayed up all night, trying to decide what to do; should you stay or should you pack your few belongings and go.
You heard Garrett leaving the cottage around midnight. You rolled in bed while trying to get some sleep, although sleep did not come, until you decided that you couldn’t stay anymore. You got up, changed your clothes into the clothes you had worn when you had met Garrett. You had washed and repaired them even though you had been provided with new clothes by Carlisle and his wife. However you couldn’t take anything what wasn’t yours with you because you did not want to steal from the kindest couple you had met since losing your family. Yes, Carlisle and his wife reminded you about your own parents, what they had been when you had been young, before your obsession with vampires had poisoned the relationship between you and them, turning it sour and into bitter quarrels.
You got your bag and left the bedroom. You decided to eat one more breakfast in peace and then… leave. You were just finishing your meal when you heard the front door opening and Garrett coming in. He took off his coat as well as his shoes and walked into the kitchen, sat on the opposite side from you and took a bite of an apple that you had meant to take with you. You didn’t say anything, though, you did not even lift your gaze from the plate until Garrett spoke with a uncommonly soft, deep voice
- You’re up early.
- Actually I haven’t even slept. you replied with a barely audible voice. “One could say that I’m up late” you commented, emptied your glass and took the dishes to the kitchen sink. You washed them quickly and by the time you were finished, Garrett had noticed your bag on the floor, right next to your shoes.
- Are you… he asked and then added with a silent gasp “…Leaving?” You however did not answer anything.
- You can’t leave! Garrett exclaimed and added “You’re supposed to rest!” His voice sounded desperate and shocked which was something that you had not expected; during these past few months you had basically ignored each other so therefore you had not even suspected that he would react this strongly. You had told yourself basically that he would say “okay” and that would be it, hell, you had hoped him to just hop up to his man-cave and found the cottage empty when he would have woken up from his nap.
- Carlisle said that I’m well. you said, sniffed once and added “I had a check-up last week.” Garrett gasped and stared at you with wide eyes. He felt betrayed, confused and deeply shocked. Why hadn’t Carlisle told him that you were planning to leave? Why was he hearing about it now when you were practically gone already?
- What about our deal? he asked and followed you into the entrance hall. “You have my back and I have yours” he said while watching you putting on your coat and shoes.
- The deal. you scoffed. “That’s bullshit” you stated and continued after swallowing your hidden tears. “I have been nothing but a burden to you” you mumbled and bit your lip so you wouldn’t break down and cry.
- What are you talking about? Garrett asked with a desperate tone. The sun had now come up and if you walked out from the door, he wouldn’t be able to follow you.
- You should have left me behind. you mumbled and then shifted your eyes to Garrett, forming some kind of eye contact with him for the first time in weeks. “In fact, you should have killed me when I was a little girl.” you spoke with a sorrow filled tone. “Do you remember that night?” you asked bitterly and turned your head away.
- I do remember but… No! Garrett gasped and placed his hand on your jaw, guiding you to look at him. Your eyes were slightly red and filled with tears, however you did not let them fall on your cheeks.
- If you had, my family would still be alive. you stated while staring deep into Garrett’s golden colored eyes. “Goodbye” you said, broke free from the moment and took your bag. You opened the door and walked out from the comfortable life, biting your lip so you wouldn’t start to cry. You felt your heart break when you stepped into the golden morning light, telling yourself not to look behind, not to turn around… not to run back and seek comfort from Garrett’s embrace. “He has golden eyes… Do not turn around! But he has golden eyes… You don’t deserve this life" you told yourself and continued walking forward, getting further and further away from the cottage, away from the man who was shouting your name from the terrace and hoping that you would turn back.