Mikhail Repnin / Reader - Part 2
“A prince? Really? You got to be kidding me!” you thought silently, maintaining a polite smile on your face at all times as you processed the information in your head. Sure you were a duchess yourself and St. Petersburg was filled with noble people but you had not expected to meet a prince… especially such handsome, well-mannered prince. You had basically felt like you had been floating, you heart filled with excitement and happiness, so much actually that you wondered whether you would be able to take it; what if your heart stopped or exploded from an overdose of joy? However now the whole situation had taken a turn to a more complicated direction and you couldn’t help feeling a bit nervous about the entire thing.
The problem was that Prince Repnin represented everything that you opposed; he was a member of the Imperial family although you didn’t know how closely he was related to the Emperor, but there was a connection it meant that Repnin’s loyalty belonged to the ruler of the Russian Empire… well, Repnin was also a high-ranking officer in the Imperial Army which obviously was a cherry on the top. Besides, since he was prince, it meant that he owned an estate… a palace… that was taken care of by the slaves. Yep, the Russian state was based on slave labor and a strict social hierarchy and this meant that most of the noble people were able to maintain their luxurious and ample lifestyle because of the slaves working at their farms and mines.
Then again it was also possible that Repnin didn’t own a farm… and even if he did, maybe he treated his serfs well and with respect. He after all seemed like a generous and kind person. There was something about him that made you feel very calm around him, almost like his presence was able to calm the storms and resolve the conflicts. Yes, if Repnin had serfs, he most likely was a very reasonable, fair and righteous master. However it didn’t change the fact that Repnin was on the top of the food-chain and therefore he might never understand your point of views and values… especially since you were a person of noble background as well. Why would you want to shake the structure of the society when it served people like you? Or not really people like you, but people of your social status.
- I think we should arrange a ball… the Baron said and winked at his wife. “…And invite Prince Repnin as well” he added with a lighthearted chuckle.
- That is a wonderful idea, dear husband! the Baroness said and shifted her attention from her husband to you. You were pushing the peas on your plate from the side to other, just minding your own business and ignoring the conversation entirely after you had heard that Repnin was a prince. You were buried deep into your thoughts when the Baroness suddenly asked “(Y/N) darling, it is a wonderful idea, isn’t it?” You however didn’t hear what she said and therefore you just kept staring at your plate and pushing the peas around with your fork. The Baroness called your name again and finally you recoiled from your thoughts.
- What? you asked with a confused voice and put the fork down on your plate, placed your hands on your lap and shifted your gaze to the Baroness sitting right in front of you.
- A ball… the Baroness said and after a brief pause, during which she figured from the puzzled expression on your face that you had no idea what she was talking about, she continued by stating “…We will organize a party and invite Prince Repnin as well.”
- Oh? you sighed and after realizing that it meant that you were going to see Repnin again, you blushed a bit and a silly grin took over your face.
- That is settled then. the Baron stated, gestured the servant to bring him more wine and then asked his wife “Three weeks from now, dear?” You shifted your gaze to the Baron who was sitting at the end of the table, held your breath as you waited anxiously waited for the Baroness to approve the schedule and then shifted your gaze to the Baroness.
- A midsummer ball. Perfect! the Baroness commented and added that the first thing tomorrow she would take you to a dressmaker. You after all had to look marvelous in the ball and therefore you needed a new dress, a magnificent gown that would help you sweep the Prince off his feet. “Although it seems that the Prince has already lost his heart to you” the Baroness teased playfully, making you blush even more.
The rest of the dinner the Baroness and the Baron just planned the party, went through the people they knew and wanted to send the invitations to and listed all the things that had to be done before such splendid ball. You sat by the table, seemingly present but the truth was that your mind was somewhere else entirely. The thing was that you had been somewhat nervous about the fact that Repnin was a prince but now that you knew that you were going to meet him again, quite soon too, you chose not to stress out about the possible conflicts. Sure there was a tiny voice of reason that tried to keep your feet firmly on the ground and your head away from the clouds but you made a decision to ignore that voice for now.
The next day you visited the dressmaker just like the Baroness had promised. You selected fabrics that pleased your eye the most and a style of the dress that complimented your figure and brought out the best sides of you. The dressmaker took the necessary measurements and gave her word that the gown would be ready by the Midsummer’s Eve. She also stated that she would send a word via her messenger when she needed you to come and try the gown on for some adjustments.
After that the Baroness wanted to take a tour in the surroundings of the Admiralty as well as the Winter Palace, clearly hoping to accidently yet conveniently run into the charming prince so she could invite him to the ball herself… or actually, so you could invite him. However this time Repnin was nowhere to be found even though there were many other army officers and soldiers in the surroundings of the Admiralty. You tried your very best to hide your disappointment although you had not really believed to just run into him twice by an accident. After two hours of just randomly rambling with the horse-carriage in the surroundings of those two buildings, the Baroness decided to give up and head home to the Stroganov Palace along the Nevsky.
The days that followed were quite hectic… for the servants as well as the Baron and the Baroness. The hosting couple wrote invitations and delivered them to their friends personally while the servants focused on scrubbing the entire palace from the floor to the ceiling. The kitchen staff was busy practicing and perfecting the snacks that the host-couple had ordered them to make for the celebration and therefore every evening there were different kind of bites-of-food served with the actual dinner… and every day the Baron and the Baroness changed their minds about the canapés.
You usually sneaked out to spend the sunny days in some park nearby, just reading and enjoying the moment of peace. It was important study even during the summer because you knew that your parents had pulled many strings to get you into the university in the first place. You had arrived into the city of Saint Petersburg just some weeks ago to spend the summer there before starting to study in the beginning of August. Anyway, the other reason why you sneaked out to read in the park was that you didn’t exactly enjoy the fuss and the constant rush.
You understood of course that the hosts wanted the party to be spectacular because they had not organized a ball in ages and now they even had a special mission… kind of. Their mission, even though they had never said it aloud, was to find you a suitable husband… and now their job was half-done already because you had met Prince Repnin and actually liked him.
The truth was that by the age-standards you should have gotten married already and in five-to-ten short years you would become a spinster with no real prospects to ever marry well and even though you were a duchess, your parents as well as the Baron and the Baroness felt that your future wouldn’t be secured unless you married well… and this was exactly why everything had to get ready for the ball and the ball had to be perfect, absolutely flawless. However the truth was that the hosting couple would have stressed out even more if you had not met anyone. Now the Lady Fortuna was on their side because it was obvious that you liked Repnin and maybe you would be lucky enough to marry for love and not just for stability and status.
This was something that you had never even considered; to marry someone for status and money. One of the main reasons why you had always been so keen on studying was that you had wanted to gain a sense of independency in case you didn’t meet anyone and fall in love. You wanted to be strong and have a mind of your own so you would be capable of making smart decisions and distinguish the people who were just trying to use you from the people who were actually your friends. You were aware of the fact that when your parents died, you would inherit a large fortune with a palace of your own in (your city) and therefore you had always felt that it was vital that you knew how the world worked.
That was how you had stumbled on social justice and gotten interested in the radical ideals such as equality and democracy. However your interest towards these subjects was not the real reason why you had applied to the Imperial University with the encouragement of your parents. The real and main reason for that was that it your parents had had contacts in the city of Saint Petersburg and therefore the practical matters had been fairly easy to organize; you would have the support of the Baron and the Baroness, you were fluent in Russian language and most importantly the Russian Empire, especially the capital city, was stable and well-organized which meant that you most likely wouldn’t be able to get yourself involved with the wrong people… like you had in your home town.
Yes, that… You had actually met a man who was a charming rebel and you had had a brief romance with him and during this romance he had filled your head with modern ideas. Well, to be entirely honest, your head had been filled with them already but meeting the man had been a cherry on the top; he had managed to assure you that the change was inevitable and the world needed free-thinkers like you to evolve… and for a moment you had really felt that you were not alone with your unorthodox ideas… that you belonged somewhere. He had also introduced you to a group of philosophers and artists who had been secretly recruiting commoners for an uprising that would have eventually led into a revolution in your home country.
Sure you had always been very pro-change-minded and your parents had always supported you and your ideals... within certain boundaries anyway. But the line had been crossed when the local authorities had arrested you for plotting against the monarchy and planning a political demonstration. Your parents had simply decided to send you away to Saint Petersburg, hoping that you wouldn’t get into trouble there and perhaps even met a nice nobleman along the way. However they had been smart enough to mask their plan as an academic opportunity which you had been more than happy to take since the man you had had a crush on had escaped and basically left you to deal with the aftermath of his treasonous plots.
However the bottom line was that you had never really gotten into a trouble even though the authorities of your home country would have had plenty of evidence to sentence you for a high treason which was usually punished by death. You had not even been taken to court and all you had done was to basically swear that you wouldn’t speak ill about the monarchy ever again and this all had left you with a wrong sense of security. Sure you had been scared when you had gotten caught, feared for your life but then the dust had just settled and you had noticed that there were no real consequences… for you at least. This had made you kind of naïve and convinced you that you were protected by your high status and as long as you were the Duchess of (your hometown) you would never get into a real trouble.
It was the Midsummer’s Eve and you had earlier today received the dress from the dressmaker. You had visited the dressmaker’s studio three times for adjustments and therefore there was no question whether the gown would fit perfectly or not. You had gotten ready with the help of your maid and now you were impatiently waiting in the garden for the party to begin. You were wearing a simple headpiece and a gorgeous necklace that both complimented your gown, which flattered your body. You knew that you were one of the finest and youngest ladies in the party and this gave you a huge boost of confidence. However even the thought of meeting Prince Repnin was making you shake in your delicate, custom made shoes.
You had asked a servant to tell you when the most of the guests had arrived to the Stroganov Palace because it was then time for you to make your grand entrance. You walked nervously around a fountain in the garden and when the servant announced that Prince Repnin had now arrived, you stopped and took a deep breath. Then you followed the servant in and waited at the large doors that led into the ballroom for your heartbeat to return normal and when you had calmed down a little, you gestured the servant to open the door for you.
- (Y/N), the Duchess of (your hometown). the lackey said with a loud voice and at that moment all eyes were on you. You dropped a curtsy and walked further into the ballroom. You got yourself a glass of sparkling wine and mingled with the guests while trying to find Prince Repnin in the crowd of people. It seemed that the Baron and the Baroness had invited everyone they knew and therefore the guests were basically packed in the large room like sardines. After a moment of walking around you stopped to chat with the Baron and Baroness… which was when the Baron gestured you to turn around and at that moment you noticed Repnin making his way through the crowd towards you.
Prince Repnin had been one of the first guests who had received the invitation to the ball and he had been waiting for the party very eagerly. He had made sure that his Imperial Uniform was in a perfect state, including all the decorations and in today in the morning he had visited the barbershop to get a clean shave and a haircut. Of course Mikhail Repnin always made sure that he looked impeccable, well he was expected to since he represented the Russian Empire and the Imperial Army, but today he had wanted to look as handsome as possible. He wanted to sweep you off your feet because he was more than thoroughly convinced that you were the love of his life.
The truth was that he had been thinking about you a lot during the past three weeks and even though he had not seen you since that one evening, his feelings had not changed at all… if something, they had gotten even stronger as the days had rolled on. Repnin had felt guilty for not having time to join you for a dinner but he had unfortunately been busy with his duties and therefore he had quite high expectations for this ball. He had decided to ask you to court him formally and now that he saw you pretty much glowing and basking in the attention, the Prince felt his courage crumbling down and leaving him into a pile of nervous mess. Sure Repnin handled any situation calmly but the truth was that he had never courted anyone… and this was the first time he actually wanted to ask a lady to court him. Repnin took a deep breath and steered himself through the crowd of the high ranking guests towards you. He was able to hear your laughter even though the room was filled with music and loud chatter… the sound that made the Prince’s heart fill with joy and then… then you turned to look at him.
- Oh, Prince Mikhail Alexandrovich Repnin! We are happy that you could join us! the Baron said and then added with a cheerful voice “Allow me officially introduce you to our protégé, Duchess (Y/N).” You blushed a little and after counting the buttons of Repnin’s uniform many times you finally dared to meet his eyes. Repnin had a very neutral yet polite expression on his face but his eyes were smiling at you, which made you feel very special. Repnin gestured you to give him your hand and when you did, he raised your hand higher and bowed deep while pressing a kiss on the back of your hand.
- Delighted to make your acquaintance, Duchess (Y/N). Prince Repnin said and then added “…Officially” with a light chuckle. You responded “Likewise, Prince Repnin” and after this the hosting couple chatted with their high guest for a moment. You listened to their conversation carefully even though the subject didn’t really interest you that much; the Baron was talking about fishing and Repnin politely complied even despite the fact that it was not a subject that he would have know plenty about. Then the Baroness told his husband to shut up and leave the young lovers alone. She winked her eye at Repnin and smirked at you as she pulled her husband away from you and the Prince.
Repnin offered his arm to you and led you into the garden where there were guests mingling and getting some fresh air. It was a beautiful evening and the wind carried a scent of sea from the Gulf of Finland. It had been raining the entire afternoon but fortunately the clouds had cleared away towards the evening. However the rain had left the city pleasantly cool and gotten rid of the dust that had been in the air due to the long warm period with almost no rain at all. Repnin walked you to a bench and you sat down side by side to enjoy the moment of peace and quiet… well… you were not all alone in the garden but compared to the crowd inside and the noise caused by it, this was peace and quiet indeed.
- So we meet again, Prince Repnin. you stated after sitting down on the bench that was under a large maple.
- It is a small world, Duchess (Y/N). Repnin commented and then added “Although the invitation helped a lot” with a playful tone. The statement made you laugh and for a moment you could do nothing but to laugh hysterically. You laughed due to nervousness, sparkling wine and also because you appreciated that Repnin was actually joking even though it was obvious that he was just as nervous as you were. Repnin joined you in the laughter and when you both calmed down, you felt like the nervousness had dissolved almost completely, leaving you and Repnin feel that it was easy to be in each other’s company again.
- You look absolutely lovely. Repnin stated with a slightly shy voice. He had found you absolutely gorgeous from the first moment on but the truth was that as the days had turned into a week he had started to forget the details of your face and it had made him very sad. Now that he saw you again he had to admit to himself that you were more beautiful than he had remembered and what he had imagined in his dreams during the past three weeks… and quite frankly to be in the presence of such radiant lady was making him nervous… and excited… but also very nervous. Repnin was not a ladies’ man and even though he was quite accustomed to talking to the beautiful women in the court of the Emperor, he had never felt his courage failing him quite like this.
- Well, thank you. you replied and after a quick inhale you said “You look very handsome yourself” with a sincere tone that was filled with subtle admiration. “I am happy that you accepted the invitation” you added. Your confession made Repnin blush a little and he instantly stated that “I wouldn’t have missed this ball for any reason.”
However you did not manage to spend more than barely ten minutes with Repnin when a Count, a friend of the hosting couple, asked for an audience with the Prince. You stood up and dropped a curtsy, walked back into the palace and found a servant to fill your glass again. You were pretty disappointed that you had not gotten to spend more time with Repnin but then again, it had been to be expected; Repnin after all was a prince and that made him the person to talk to… he, if someone, was connected to the Emperor so it was not a surprise that the earls, dukes, counts and barons of the city wanted to get in touch with him.
You scolded yourself for getting so jealous and upset for sharing Prince Repnin’s attention with the entire guest list but you couldn’t help it; you had been waiting for this party very eagerly and now all your big hopes and dreams were getting crushed one by one. It was almost midnight and you had managed to spend ten minutes with Repnin! However as the evening had slipped away and eventually turned into a night, most of the guests had left and now there was even plenty of space to set a dance floor.
You decided to find Repnin and after asking around a little you were told that he was in the garden. You steered into the direction of the backyard and stopped to admire the sight for a moment; Mikhail Repnin standing in the twilight alone with the perfect posture and wearing the impeccable uniform. You straightened your dress and walked closer along a path made of white marble until you were standing behind the Prince. You cleared your throat to gain Repnin’s attention and when he turned around to face you, you asked him with a soft tone
- Enjoying the party?
- No, not really. he replied and chuckled a little.
- Oh? That’s a pity. you commented with a slightly sad smile on your face.
- But I have a feeling that it will get more enjoyable now. Repnin stated and reached to take your hand. He raised it on his lips and pressed a kiss on your knuckles.
- Hmm… How can we rectify this most… you spoke and paused to gather your thoughts for a moment. “…Unfortunate injustice?” you added and after a slightly nervous chuckle you stated “Parties should be enjoyed, after all.” Repnin brushed the skin of the back of your hand softly with his thumb while drowning into your eyes with a fascinated look on his face. “I’m afraid that you will not accept my invitation the next time” you added playfully.
- Grant me an honor of a dance and you’ll save me from this unbearable boredom. Repnin spoke, still brushing your knuckles with his thumb. He was wearing his white gloves but the gesture felt very intimate and sweet anyway. You chuckled a little and shook the nervousness off. You had been drinking many glasses of sparkling wine during the evening and the state of slight intoxication was making you feel bold, confident and flirtatious. Repnin let go of your hand and offered his arm to you instead.
- I would be most delighted to be your savior. you stated and took his arm. “Return a favor for defending my honor” you added playfully.
- Unfortunately you did not allow me to. Repnin commented as you walked slowly back inside together.
- Aren’t you eager to risk your life for a complete stranger. you chuckled and took a quick glance at the dashing gentleman next to you. The ballroom was half empty and no one was dancing anymore even though the orchestra was still playing beautiful waltzes. The servants were lighting candles because the twilight was not enough to light the ballroom despite of the large windows. They were also filling the trays of the delicious canapés so the remaining guests could enjoy some late-night-snacks.
- Well, what can I say… Repnin said and after a quick inhale he continued by stating “…Running into you was the luckiest accident of my life.” He sounded sincere and delighted but also a bit shy as well as nervous and therefore you decided to lighten up the mood a little bit by making your feelings known; you wanted to assure Repnin that you liked him and you hoped that the subtle flirt would shake most of his shyness off.
- Ah… I am flattered… you commented and then continued by stating playfully “Although, it was I who ran into you, Prince Repnin. You just happened to be in the right place at the right time.” Repnin stopped leading you since you were now at the edge of the dance floor. He stepped in front of you and chuckled at your statement.
- Yes, However… he said and after forming his thoughts into words he stated “…It was my impeccable talent to stand in the middle of the walkway that caused the most fortunate encounter” with a warm yet assertive tone, finishing his statement with a brief yet very proud smirk.
- You’re not going to give me any credit, are you? you asked and rolled your eyes as you sighed.
- No. Repnin stated firmly and shook his head while scanning the candlelit room and listening the sound of your joyful giggle. “Very well, have it your way” you laughed and nodded at the orchestra.
- Grant me that dance, will you? you said to Repnin and offered your hand to him.
- With pleasure. he replied, bowed and led you to the dance floor.
The orchestra started playing a quick-paced waltz; Repnin placed his hand on your waist and held your other hand in his. You placed your other hand on his shoulder and let him lead you even though the spinning was making you feel a bit lightheaded. He led you skillfully, using the entire dance floor since there were no other couples dancing. He held you firmly, although he never held you against his body but there was a certain sense of closeness and intimacy between you and him. You kept staring into each other’s eyes and forgot the surrounding world for a moment. After dancing five long yet fast-paced waltzes, the orchestra announced suddenly that they were done playing now since they had been entertaining the guests many hours already. It was such a shame that you had not managed to dance more with the Prince and now that the prince was not constantly bothered by everyone and there would have been space to dance… the orchestra was leaving. Sure… it was almost 1 am and all the guests had left already, all except one… but still, you could have continued dancing… you could have danced all night!
- So, you never came for a dinner. you stated and sat down to rest your feet a bit. The orchestra was clearing their things away and the servants were collecting empty glasses, bottles and trays to the kitchen, blowing off the candles while you and Repnin sat on the couch watching the party being cleared away in front of your eyes. The Baron and the Baroness had gone to sleep over an hour ago and the house was silent now.
- Unfortunately I have been busy. Repnin replied with an apologetic tone.
- Yes, being a prince is plenty of work. you commented and leaned back. You stared at the ceiling and added with a playfully disapproving tone “Busy schedule and all… no time for distractions.” Repnin followed your lead and leaned back as well. Suddenly you turned your head and shifted your eyes from the painting in the ceiling to the Prince sitting next to you and asked “You’re not the crown prince, are you?”
- No. Repnin chuckled and continued “That would be Alexander.”
- Oh yes, my mistake. you commented although you had know that the Crown Prince’s name was Alexander instead of Mikhail but you had occasionally played with the idea that Mikhail had given you a false name for some reason… and this mystery of a hidden identity had amused you greatly while you had been laying in your bed, unable to sleep.
- I am his cousin… Repnin stated and then added “…His adjutant” with a soft, yet deeply proud tone.
- Ah… Now I understand. you commented. “You have been busy babysitting the future emperor” you chuckled.
- I suppose I have. Prince Repnin chuckled in return but then he returned to sit up straight and continued “Although I wouldn’t call it babysitting.” You sat up straight as well and made a silent “Hm?” –comment. “You’re aware that the Crown Prince is about our age, aren’t you?” Repnin asked playfully.
- Yes… and I have heard that he is a rascal. you commented with an eye-roll.
- That’s a bold statement. Repnin chuckled and before you said anything or asked any further questions, he continued by stating “I can neither deny nor confirm it.”
- Can’t or won’t? you asked with a curious smirk.
- Can’t and won’t. he stated with a more serious tone. “I could get into trouble for speculating about the matters of the state” he explained and sighed deep.
- Oh, we don’t want that. you commented playfully as you scanned Repnin’s expression with a curious spark in your eyes. It was clear that you were teasing the Prince but he didn’t know how to take it; the truth was that Repnin wanted to go along with it… to have fun and flirt back openly but then again, he knew that he was getting closer to the gray area of things he should and should not say now that the topic had shifted to the direction of his career and duties. “No, we certainly do not” he mumbled with a more serious tone than he had intended. You realized instantly that the matters of the state were off-limits for joking… a no-no –topic, so to speak.
- My career… my rank… all that I am depends on my loyalty towards the Emperor and his son. Repnin commented with a polite but a formal tone. You did not know what to say because on the other hand you were embarrassed and apologetic for putting Repnin into a difficult situation but then again you were disappointed that Repnin had killed the relaxed atmosphere by getting so tensed up all of a sudden. You stood up from the couch and walked to the big windows that were facing north. The sky was turning from twilight-blue to light blue and it was a clear indicator that the sun was going to rise in two-or-three short hours.
- I can see that you’re disappointed with my answer. Repnin commented and stood up as well. He walked towards you across the ballroom but stayed a bit further away from you, staring at your back as you stared out from the window at the sky.
- No, you are a man of honor and loyal as well… you stated with a soft, yet not particularly warm voice. Then you inhaled sharply and continued by stating “…And that is admirable.” You sounded sincere but also distant, unlike before. “But?” Repnin asked cautiously.
- No, no buts. you replied and turned to look at him. You smiled briefly but your smile was not exactly the most genuine one.
- Come now. Tell me what’s on your mind. Repnin asked with a polite smile on his face. You sighed, which made you sound frustrated, folded your arms and said “I just…” while shrugging your shoulders.
- Don’t you yearn for a change? you asked after a quite depressing and awkward silence; the silence that had followed your frustration-filled sigh and almost passive-aggressive body language.
- Not all changes are for good. Repnin commented as he tried to read your expression and connect all the clues; your tone, body language and involuntary manners, everything you had said and done and everything you were going to say and do now… the things he knew about you from the previous conversations and even the books you had carried. Yes, the books about the French revolution, politics and other unorthodox topics. Repnin decided to listen to what you had to say as calmly as possible and he also decided to understand you… or try at least.
- True… yet most of them are necessary. you stated with a quite firm tone. “People need to demand for change, they must reach out for it” you explained and then mumbled with a barely audible tone “Without change we would still hunt with spears and live in caves.” Repnin progressed your words in his mind and made a silent “Ah”-comment, which irritated you a little because it made him sound like he had been somehow belittling the point you had made. This however was not what Repnin had intended, he just had not known how else he should have filled the silence that had followed your statement.
- You’re an idealist. he commented after a moment. You played the word in your head and tried to figure out what he had meant by it. Was it good? Was it bad? What the hell did the Prince mean by “an idealist”? Did it mean that your values were also his ideal values or had he meant that you were just a dreamer and therefore your idealistic opinions were not to be taken seriously?
- Tell me, are you one of those people who believe that all men should be equal. Repnin asked eventually since you were not making any comments.
- Not just men. Women too. you stated proudly, keeping your eyes fixed upon the Prince as you tried to read his face and find clue about his current mood. However he had the best poker-face and you most likely wouldn’t have even known if he had been shocked internally. “In my opinion women should be granted the same opportunities as well as the same rights as men” you said and turned to look out from the window again. You knew that you sounded defensive, borderline rude even but you did not like to be challenged. “Imagine all the wonderful things we could accomplish!” you exclaimed after turning to look at Repnin again.
- Would you be willing to embrace the responsibilities as well? he asked with a neutral voice, leaving you baffled and completely incapable of knowing what was going on inside his mind.
- Of course! Do you think women are scared of making hard decisions? you asked and chuckled bitterly. You hated it when you were being measured by your gender and not by your character. “There have been many strong women throughout the history” you stated and walked a bit with your hands folded tightly against the bodice of your dress.
- I know. Repnin commented with the same polite, yet annoyingly neutral tone.
- Queen Elizabeth Tudor… you said and turned swiftly on your heels to face Repnin and then continued by stating “…Or your own Catherine the Great, just to name a couple of examples.” The thing was that you were deeply attracted to Repnin and therefore you wanted to share your thoughts with him but at the same time you were afraid of his reaction and there was a part of you that wanted to see how he would react when you told him that you were a woman whose views and opinions were not the most common ones. However there was a part of you that was aware of the fact that pouring your heart out at the cousin of the Crown Prince was not exactly the smartest move either and it could possibly get you into deep trouble. However you were getting irritated from Repnin’s neutral expression and it felt like he had been silently provoking you… and therefore you snapped “Just because women are not physically as strong as men-“
- I do not disagree with you. Repnin answered and smiled a little to calm you down. He could see that you were getting more and more defensive and his neutral calmness was not helping the situation. Ironically it was actually making it worse.
- You do not really seem to agree with me either. you commented with a slightly bitter tone. You hated yourself for ruining the mood but it had been a long day… evening… and night and you were getting too tired to filter anything.
- It is more complicated than that, I’m afraid. the Prince stated with a slightly apologetic tone.
- No, it is not. you scoffed. “Let’s think about the structure of this state, for example…” you spoke, using your hands to emphasize your point. “I think it is appalling that this modern… supposedly civilized society is based on slavery” you stated with a somewhat loud and clearly frustrated and annoyed voice. Repnin did not comment anything; he did not know what to say because he was torn in two. He knew that he should have walked out and reported your radical views to the authorities but then again, he had never felt so happy and so alive before. Yes, you would surely bring conflict and chaos into his life… perhaps even put him into a position where he should make a decision between his loyalty towards you and the state… but then again… even a thought about turning his back on you and walking away made him feel like walking away from the sun into the cold, bitter darkness. However he hoped from the bottom of his heart that he should never make a decision between you and the state.
- I am sorry, I get easily carried away. you spoke with a silent, apologetic tone. You turned to face Repnin again and rubbed your arms because you were feeling a bit cold. The door that led into the garden was wide open and the cool night air was pouring into the ballroom since there was a quite strong wind blowing from the Neva-river constantly.
- You have a very sharp tongue. Repnin commented and smiled briefly. “It might get you into trouble” he added. However this time his tone was not that serious but more on the playful side, which made you feel less afraid and also lighter.
- Oh, trouble is my middle name. you stated and rolled your eyes.
- In that case, I must be careful with you. he stated and walked closer to you, to stand right in front of you. He placed his hands on your upper arms and rubbed them slowly to make you feel a bit warmer.
- Don’t be too careful, Prince. The risks you take make life more interesting. you stated with a playful and slightly mysterious tone while getting lost into the Prince’s eyes. They looked deep brown in this twilight that was soon turning into a new morning.
- And more hazardous. Repnin spoke softly, drowning into your eyes while moving his other hand up along your arm to your shoulder. He took off his white gloves and put them into the pocket of his uniform-coat, placed his hand on the side of your head and brushed your hair gently, very careful and cautious not to cross any lines though. “To fall in love with you might be the most dangerous thing I will ever do” he spoke softly with a mesmerized, shy smile on his face.
- It might, but I didn’t know that you’re a coward. you teased and smiled widely at him.
- I didn’t know that you’re a duchess. he commented, struggling to maintain a proper distance. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked with a whisper.
- You didn’t exactly tell me that you’re a prince. you spoke and placed your hand softly on Repnin’s neck, on the collar of his uniform. You brushed his cheek with your thumb gently and fought the urge to shift your eyes from his eyes to his lips. Such… soft… inviting lips. You had felt them a couple of times against the back of your hand and you wanted nothing more than to feel them against your lips.
- I suppose we’re even. he commented and pulled you just a little bit closer. He moved his hand from your upper arm on your shoulder and further on your neck while his other hand still brushed your hair. He felt the skin of your neck as well as your earlobe with his fingertips and cupped your face with his large, warm hand. You placed your hand above his and brushed the back of his fingers with your thumb. The moment was filled with restraint and suppressed desire to surrender yourselves into a kiss but both of you knew that you had to be patient… for now at least.
- Just barely… but it is your lucky day. you spoke while gazing into his beautiful eyes with a fascinated spark in yours.
- It indeed is… Repnin whispered and then added “…And I would love to dance with you some more, Duchess (Y/N).”
- Lead the way, Prince Repnin. you answered with an adoring tone, kicked your shoes off and followed the Prince.
Repnin took your hand and led you in the middle of the room. He placed his hand on your waist again but this time he pulled you closer than before. He held your hand firmly, yet gently in his and led you across the large ballroom, spinning around with you skillfully even though there was no music. You kept dancing until the sun came up and the first members of the staff got up. Then you put your shoes back on and walked Repnin out from the palace, through the inner ward, out from the gate to the Nevsky. However when it was the time to say goodbyes, neither of you couldn’t bring yourselves to say those words… so you stopped to stand side by side on the bridge again to admire the gorgeous sunrise that painted the horizon pink, orange and bright yellow. There was mist rising from the river Moyka and the weather was quite chilly due to the humidity, but still you did not want to break the beautiful moment.
- May I write to you? Prince Repnin asked suddenly.
- Of course. you stated and placed your hand over his, squeezed it gently and smiled at the beautiful view as you both leaned to the railing of the bridge.
- Will you write me back? he asked with a shy tone that carried an undertone of nervousness.
- Certainly. you replied and shivered a little when there was a cold wind blowing from the Neva-river.
- You should get back inside… Repnin stated with an assertive yet warm and caring tone because he noticed the Goosebumps on your arms. “…Lay down in your soft, warm bed” he spoke and then added “…And fall asleep.” After this Repnin guided you to face him, pressed a kiss on your forehead, wished you goodnight and stepped away from you. “Maybe you’ll dream about me” he added with a shy yet hopeful tone.
- Goodnight… you said, turned away and walked few steps into the direction of the gate that led to the inner ward of the palace. “…Dear Mikhail” you added after stopping and looking over your shoulder at the handsome man who was now smiling very widely at you. Mikhail waited until you had closed the gate behind you and then walked back to the Winter Palace where he was currently living. He sneaked in, walked silently along the endless corridors into his private room and after taking off the uniform-coat, he fell on his bed with a big, happy smile on his face.
Prince Mikhail Alexandrovich Repnin had fallen in love.