Loki / Reader (5) - Part 5
You opened your eyes and realized instantly that you were in Asgard, in Loki's chamber and the king himself was standing in front of you, still tracing your neck with his fingertips, now touching your skin with greater confidence than before. You kept staring into his eyes like you had been hypnotized until you sniffled once and broke free from Loki's intense gaze after you had first recoiled from your thoughts. He had been in your head, he had seen what had happened even though your mind had blocked entirely the events that had occurred at the lake and this realization made you feel completely defenseless. It was painful to admit that you had given in and chosen to take your own life and therefore you had convinced yourself to believe that you had walked into the town when actually a fisherman had taken you there by his boat after pulling you out from the sea.
But it was all too hazy to remember clearly and the truth was that you liked the other version better; that, sure, you had thought about it... but then decided to keep going, that you had walked victoriously into the town after your long, tiring struggles. That however was a lie and you had not even thanked the fisherman for saving your life... or thanked the innkeeper who most likely had felt sorry for you and let you stay because he had feared that you might try to drown yourself again if he kicked you out. Now Loki knew, he had witnessed your memory in first hand and this time you had not pushed him away like before. You were too exhausted to fight back and to resist his abilities to see you as you were; broken and tired, filled with sorrow and regret. You however were not ready to admit what you had done and therefore you chose to ignore everything that pointed out that your version of the truth was incorrect.
You stepped away from Loki. It was too much, too soon... You couldn't be close to him and his actions made no sense to you. As far as you knew, Loki hated you and surely this... sudden kindness towards you was caused by a moment of insanity or... pity... or perhaps an attempt to maintain good relations with your parents. Perhaps Loki had visited your home and then found out that you were not there... then maybe your father had threatened him and made Loki promise that he would find you, bring you back and behave in a decent way from now on... Yes, most likely this was what had happened.
It was all too much and therefore you dropped a curtsy, wished the king goodnight and then turned away. You walked to the door, put your hand on the handle hoping that Loki had only bluffed when he had supposedly locked the door but when you tried to push the door open, it didn't budge. You tried once more just to be sure but your efforts were cut short when Loki spoke with a deep, soft voice "It is locked, dear." You sighed silently and then forced yourself to conjure a smile on your face; you were trapped and your only defense against the man that you loved… no… the man who hated you… was to hide yourself behind the wall of impeccable politeness, perfect manners and ladylike exterior.
- My lord... you said and bowed a little, however the sudden change in your mood did not cause any change in Loki’s expression. The king was reading you, your every expression and you knew that he doubted this sudden shift in your attitude. “Loki...” you continued with a softer, friendlier voice, hoping that it would distract him from things that the God of Mischief had seen when he had taken a trip inside your head. You knew that you were a master of putting on the protective smile that acted almost like a mask and usually hid your worries and troubles… but this time you felt it in your bones that you had to get away from this situation because you were too exhausted to keep the smile on for much longer. “…Please unlock the door” you pleaded and smiled as sincerely as you could. Loki however couldn’t be fooled by your smile… he had been fooled by it so many times before… No more.
- No. he replied with a soft, yet firm tone, took off his coat and threw it on a back of an armchair.
- This is silly... you chuckled and then added “…And unnecessary” with a tone that tried to sound amused and lighthearted. The truth was however that Loki could hear that your breathing was getting shallower and more erratic, he could see the hesitation in your eyes and the fact that your hands were shaking. Yes, he noticed these things now even though you did your very best to hide them from him.
- Do you really think that after everything I have witnessed... Loki asked with a tone that sounded both disappointed and disapproving and his tone actually mimicked his feelings quite perfectly; he couldn’t believe that after everything that had happened you couldn’t believe that he actually cared about you. It indeed was an insult towards his kind intentions. “…I would just let you leave?” he asked eventually when he had managed to gather his thoughts and form them into a question.
- But... I am fine. you stated and chuckled nervously. You kept your eyes fixed upon the king who was reading you with great care constantly. You wanted to shift your gaze away but you were afraid that if you did, the God of Mischief would find a way to surprise you somehow… maybe by sneaking closer and you couldn’t have him close… not now… because you were exhausted and pushing the limits of your strength.
- Right. Loki smirked and took a couple of steps closer. He noticed you backing away a little to keep the distance with the tall man but you only found yourself trapped, your back against the door that was locked.
- I am just tired and I miss my own bed. That's all. you spoke as you struggled to maintain the calm, smiling expression on your face.
- Do not try to trick the Trickster. Loki stated assertively, however there was something else in his voice now; he was clearly enjoying the moment… that he was in the control of the situation and he literally had you at his mercy. “I am the God of Mischief and Lies” he reminded you, constantly getting slowly nearer and reached to brush the lock of your hair behind your ear. Loki was careful not to touch your skin but the gesture felt very intimate anyway and it made you lose your train of thought for a moment as you drowned into those gorgeous eyes that kept scanning your every expression and reaching straight into your soul.
- But you are also a gentleman, are you not? you spoke, caught between the locked door and the tall, handsome king. “Surely you know that this is very inappropriate...” you stated, still trying to hold onto the ladylike mask that was supposed to keep you safe… but Loki was so close now… So… close… that you could feel his breath on your skin, or maybe you were just imagining it. Yes, that’s right… it was all in your head… Oh no, you could feel Loki in your head, stripping you from your defenses, luring you to stop fighting.
- You should have thought about it before running off like that. Loki stated and ran his fingers softly down on your earlobe. “This is your own doing, my lady.” he stated firmly, but his voice was soft and deep, like warm honey dripping out from his mouth and making you feel intoxicated.
- Running off? you asked with an overly amused tone and shook him away from your mind. You stepped sideways and sighed relieved when you managed to gain a little bit of distance between him and you. “It was nothing but a little adventure” you continued and walked further away from the king.
- An adventure that left you so bruised... Loki spoke and shook his head slowly. “…And you still have not told me how you got them” he added and took a long look at you from your head to toes. You cleared your throat and covered the bruises on your shoulders and upper back by pulling your dress up and straightening it as well as possible.
- I fell... hit my head... no big deal. you replied and covered the bruise on your forehead with hair again.
- Uhuh? Loki asked with strong disbelief in his voice.
- You are making a mountain out of a molehill. you said and rolled your eyes defiantly. Loki however was deeply annoyed about your gesture as well as the way you constantly kept him away, shut him out from your mind and therefore he walked to you with long, assertive steps and reached to touch your forehead.
- Will you tell me or shall we take a look? he asked, or more like snapped. This time you stepped back before he managed to get into your head properly and see what had happened during the time you had been wandering in the forest.
- Do not touch me. you gasped and sideswiped Loki’s hand away just a blink after he had pressed his palm against your forehead.
- Will you fight me again? Loki asked with an amused tone.
- Yes, if I have to. you stated firmly and kept your arms in front of you, ready to protect you somehow if Loki decided to get any closer. You knew that fighting Loki was basically pointless but it was a matter of principle and pride and therefore you were quite ready to defend yourself until your last bit of strength.
- We both know what will happen if you'll try to resist me. Loki spoke softly and smirked at you. Yes, you knew that if you started to fight him, he would most likely lock your arms against your body… but it also meant that he would hold you against his strong body so firmly that there would be no escape then. “But maybe it is what you want, my lady” Loki continued with a slightly sultry and mischievous tone.
- What? you asked with a defiant tone. You scoffed and mumbled to yourself that you could believe the arrogance and you couldn’t understand what he was talking about.
- Perhaps you secretly enjoy it when I hold you firmly against me and you can feel my breath on your skin. Loki described and got a bit closer. “No!” you exclaimed, stepped back to gain more distance between you and Loki but soon you found yourself in a corner with no way to escape. Loki had a smirk on his face which was like a cherry on the top. He clearly enjoyed seeing you so flushed… and helpless.
- No. you repeated as you perfected your posture. You reasoned that even though you had been cornered, literally, it did not mean that you had to surrender yourself to Loki. Oh no! You could still fight, you could still prove your point and to go down with the ship honorably.
- Oh, but you do. Loki stated and after a short pause he continued “I can see you trembling like an autumn leaf in the wind when you think about me.” This statement however sounded like mockery in your ears.
- No such thing happens. you responded immediately and took a quick look at your surroundings, You noticed Loki’s scepter just a small leap away and decided to reach for it. You took a step sideways and managed to slip under Loki’s arm before he even reacted. “Ha! Didn’t see that coming” you stated as you took the scepter and wrapped your fingers firmly around it. Loki raised his hands up as a sign of surrendering but still he kept getting closer as you kept retreating and swinging the scepter a couple of times. Suddenly Loki took a longer step at you, he grabbed the scepter and before you knew it, he had managed to spin you around to face away from him. You still kept holding onto the scepter, pushing it away now that Loki was using it to lock you against him, the cold metal firmly pressed against your chest.
- I can hear your thoughts. Loki whispered into your ear. “How you try so hard to convince yourself that you do not want me anymore” he continued with the seductive, deep tone. You kept trying to push him away, but Loki was too strong. You were helplessly and hopelessly trapped between his chest and his scepter.
- But I don't... you whimpered and then added after a quick, shallow gasp “…Want you.”
- Just admit it. Loki demanded softly. “Give in... surrender yourself to me” he spoke into your ear, so close that you could actually feel his lips brushing your earlobe time to time.
- No. you stated firmly although you could feel Loki’s magic taking over your mind. “You cannot do this” you added as Loki started steering you towards his private bathroom where the bath was ready, like it always was during the cold evenings.
- Why do you fight so much when all I want is the best for you? Loki asked with slight frustration in his voice. You still fought him even though you were clearly running out of willpower to resist him. Just a moment more and you would be completely his.
- You can’t, Loki. you sighed when Loki removed the scepter and put it on a chair that was next to the bathroom sink. Then Loki returned to stand behind you but he had managed to get into your head, making you unable to move, escape or fight back. You felt paralyzed and slightly intoxicated, annoyingly warm and fluffy. “This is not… how you’re supposed to…” you mumbled and sighed as you felt Loki’s fingers tracing your neck and revealing your shoulders again. “…You must stop this” you pleaded.
Loki couldn’t understand you; couldn’t you see that he wanted to help you, he wanted to be kind towards you… he wanted to make amends… but you kept fighting him. You fought him so much in fact that he had to suppress your defiance with magic, make you incapable of physically fight him back and put your mind into a sort of haze… yet still you fought him. Loki did not understand why you did it! In his opinion you should have been grateful and happy about this attention but clearly you were not. You had tried to hit him with his scepter and again Loki had had no other choice than to prove you that you couldn’t fight him… but maybe you liked it when he did so, perhaps that was the reason why you kept fighting him.
- Please… don’t. you sighed as you felt your dress falling down to the floor and Loki’s fingers finding the knots of your undergarments. Loki untied the knots, loosened the lacings and traced the bruises of your arms, back and shoulders with his fingertips.
- What are you so afraid of? he spoke and then added with the same seductive tone “There is nothing to fear.”
- Just... please, stop. you said and heard Loki commanding you to step into the bath as soon as your undergarments had fallen at your feet as well.
- Shhh... You're exhausted. Loki spoke as he guided you to sit down into the large bathtub. The water was pleasantly hot and it steam carried a scent of expensive bath oils which made you feel even more relaxed.
- I'm... not. you said and leaned backwards in the tub. You did exactly what Loki wanted you to do, you even felt your rational mind slipping away from you and your every doubt was getting muffled by the soft, warm haze that was luring you to give in entirely.
- Trust me. Loki said and took a stool next to the bathtub. He sat down and put his hands on your shoulders.
- No, I... you mumbled and then added “…Can't” as a barely audible whisper. You felt Loki’s fingers tracing your skin gently and after you had gotten used to his touch, he started to massage your shoulders as well as your upper arms. He was surprisingly gentle and it made you want to just let go, but you still tensed up your muscles and Loki noticed it. He stopped massaging your shoulders for a moment and spoke “Hush, my dear”. You felt his fingers traveling across your upper back and then brushing your hair, exposing your neck. Loki leaned closer as he sat on the stool behind you and pressed a soft kiss on your neck, just barely touching the skin with his lips.
- There is no point to fight me, so stop trying. he spoke against your skin to which you responded by shaking your head slowly. Loki smirked and blew hot air on your collarbones as he followed the calm and slow movements of your chest mesmerized. He had never really paid attention to you, but now he did… You were just perfect and the God of Mischief scolded himself silently for ignoring you for so long. Your skin was so warm and soft, your curves excited him and made his imagination run wild.
- You can't resist me. I have you under my spell. he stated and moved his hands on your shoulders again. This time he felt that your muscles were relaxed. “Good, now forget your struggles.” he continued and after a brief pause he added “Close your eyes... nothing will hurt you. I will not hurt you.”
You couldn’t resist him anymore so you closed your eyes and gave in. Your mind was open for Loki but for your surprise he did not invade your memories like he had done before. The God of Mischief actually respected your privacy and let you sink into the sweet haze where everything was nothing but warm and fluffy.
- You will show me when you're ready. Loki whispered and then added “Now, fall asleep.”
Loki poured some warm water on your shoulders and wiped your skin gently with a soft cloth. He recited ancient spells to soothe the aches of your bruised body as well as to block the nightmares lurking in the dark corners of your mind. He watched you mesmerized until he suddenly realized that you had stated that you loved another. The realization made Loki more cautious and more strict with his caresses; he had been a gentleman all this time even though he had let his imagination run quite wild and occasionally he had even scolded himself for planning such intimate things while you were sleeping… and completely defenseless.
When the water started to get cool Loki lifted you up, wrapped you into a silky dressing robe and carried you into your chamber. You were right; it would have been inappropriate to have you spend your night in the king's room. Besides, it, spending the night together, would have created such rumors… and the God of Mischief had a feeling that you hated rumors and you feared that they would reach your parents as well.
Then there was the innkeeper… yes, the man who had stolen your heart… the man whom Loki had to keep you away from. It meant that Loki had to make sure that you wouldn’t return to Midgard and it could only be done by ordering a guard to stand by the portal, day and night. He couldn’t take a risk that you would either return to the man that you supposedly loved… or tried to take your own life again. Neither of those things was allowed and since you clearly were too young and foolish to make your own decisions… well, wise decisions at least, it meant that Loki had to make them for you; he wouldn’t let you return to Ålesund.
Loki laid you on your bed, tucked you in and sat down on the edge of the bed for a moment. You were sleeping peacefully but your face still carried signs of big distress. After a moment Loki realized that you most likely disapproved his actions; you after all had told him “no” many times and Loki had forced you to bend into his will by hijacking your mind and stripping away your defenses. However all this he had done for your own good and therefore he did not feel that he had done anything wrong. If indeed you were so bold and raised a dispute about it, Loki would have no other choice than to repeat his actions until you understood and admitted that he was only acting with your best interest in mind.
However that was something that Loki did not understand; he couldn’t make people do as he wanted and if he ever desired to really love someone, to share a future with that someone, he had to give them space to make their own decisions. He couldn’t just do things even though he meant well, just because he was so sure that he knew better and considered himself as a superior being compared to the others. The thing was that Loki had always wanted to be loved, accepted and respected, but he had never felt those things, not truly at least… or maybe he had… or would have if he had let himself to feel them.
You had accepted him, loved and respected him. Sure you had acted sometimes in a foolish and naïve way, done some ridiculous things but you had always wanted to see Loki happy, not because he was the prince or because he was going to be the king one day, but because you had loved him for who he was. But… there was insecurity in Loki that prevented him from seeing this. He had grown to believe that people did not need freedom… that they had been made to be ruled and the only time when they were really happy or free was when they served someone else… when someone else made the decisions for them.
But what Loki was yet to learn or to understand was that he had to trust people to stick around even when he did not have them in a short leash. He had to learn that in order to love someone he had to let the other person to make her own decisions, he had to let you to make your own decisions, and he couldn’t just invade your mind even though he was thinking about what was best for you. But mostly, Loki had to learn to let go…
However the question still remains; would he ever be able to trust people… to trust you… enough to do so? Would he be doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again until you pack your bags and leave the court for good? And if you did, where would you go? If you didn’t, would you be able to fit into your old role… now that you had faced your demons and survived… kind of.