Thranduil (Haldir) / Reader - Part 4
Haldir kept analyzing your expression as you battled with yourself; it was obvious that you were torn in two and a part of you wanted to come clean about everything and the other half was not ready yet. You had been in Valinor about four months so in a way it was perfectly understandable that you were still kind of learning to live again, especially if you had been in the Halls of Mandos for a long time. Haldir did not know how long you had been there and neither did you because no one had told you. Every time you had tried to ask anyone who might know, well, Lady Galadriel mostly, the answer had been always the same; long enough.
One thing was for sure though; you had missed many things and countless big events that many elves had been talking about on dinners and such gatherings. As far as you knew, the One Ring was lost, like it had been for over two thousand years, but apparently it was not so. You had no knowledge of Gollum or the battle of Helm’s Deep… and when the elves talked about Smaug you did not know what that was either… so yes, you had been gone for a long time. Haldir most likely didn’t even understand what it was like to be alive after such long time. He probably had just stopped by at the Halls of Mandos and moved on almost instantly to Valinor because he had died an honorable death.
Haldir’s promise to love you no matter what made your heart almost burst with happiness because it gave you reassurance that it all would turn alright in the end. You just needed some time to come up with the right words and so on… to basically make sure that Haldir was a man of his word. Sure you knew that he was a fine gentleman but still the reality was that you did not know him… and this sudden falling in love with him had happened very unexpectedly and it was terrifying a little bit.
- Thank you. you sighed with a weary smile on your face. You yawned a couple of times with your hand covering your mouth. “Well, I think it is time for me to get some sleep” you stated with a light chuckl after recovering from the yawns.
- Yes, of course. Forgive me, I have stalled you quite enough. Haldir said and bowed with a calm smile on his face.
- It’s alright. Thank you for the lovely night. you replied, wished Haldir good night and left. You knew what he was trying to do and even though you also knew that he did not want to cause you any harm by it, you did not want to take a risk that you would blurt out your secrets as the result of his subtle examination… because that was what he was doing; kind of interrogating you and trying to dig out the answers to the questions that puzzled him so. You did not blame him since that was the way he had been taught and he had been an excellent guard because of that; he always managed to find out the truth and his calmness made it very easy to feel safe enough to tell him everything that he wanted to know.
During the months that followed you kept seeing Haldir every once in a while. You took long walks with him and sometimes he pulled you behind the trees to share a kiss or two with you. You both fell deeper in love with each other and especially Haldir kept making great promises how his love for you would never die; it would only get stronger with time, by every moment you spent with him. You made the same promises to him but your mind was constantly shadowed by the fact that you had not still even told him your name. Besides the friendship between you and Lady Galadriel had suffer significantly because you had not bent to her will and stayed away from Haldir. She kept appealing to your sense of propriety and respect for your royal bloodline but you had ever-growing feeling that the real reasons behind her disapproval were something much stronger and more personal.
It was a gorgeous winter day in Valinor; the sun was shining from a clear sky making the white snow glimmer like precious starlight gems. You and Haldir were both dressed in warm, long winter cloaks as you walked in the snowy forest just outside the border of the elven city. You kept sharing a lively conversation about your past lives and your families. You of course did not reveal too many details but this was the first time you were actually comfortable with talking about your past with Haldir. He had been very patient with you and avoided asking you about your death… or life for that matter but it was easy to tell that he was growing impatient. He after all had been courting you for over four months, since the beginning of October, and it was getting somewhat ridiculous that he did not even know your name, even you were able to admit that.
- Whatever happened, it is past… It doesn’t matter anymore. Haldir stated suddenly after a rather long, yet not awkward silence.
You sighed and turned your gaze at the sun that was warming your face and telling you that the spring was near, just around the corner actually. “Your spirit was cleansed in Halls of Mandos and you have been reborn” Haldir continued because you did not make any comments. You could hear subtle frustration in his voice even though you knew that he had not probably meant to express his discontent with the situation. However his tone irritated you because it was so easy for him to make such statements without actually being the one who had lived your life and faced the consequences of your actions.
Besides he was not the one who was consciously disobeying Lady Galadriel’s wishes and defending your relationship constantly. You had wanted to win Galadriel over and then… when you finally had received the approval to court Haldir, you would tell him everything. You knew that the situation was surely frustrating and displeasing for Haldir as well… but if he had known what your situation was like, he most likely… or probably… would not pressure you to tell him who you were… or at least he would understand why telling him the answers that he wanted to hear was so damn difficult.
- It is easy for you to say. you blurted as a barely audible mumble.
- What do you mean, my lady? Haldir asked with a slightly offended tone. He did not like it when you told him that he did not understand something; how could he understand when you did not explain anything to him? Or at least told him who you were! That would have helped the understanding –part very much.
- You died in a battle, right? you asked and shifted your eyes from the skies to Haldir. The sun made your eyes sparkle like gemstones but this time there was no softness in them; your expression challenged Haldir and it was more than obvious that his statement had hit a raw nerve.
- Yes. Haldir answered with a nod. You nodded in return and replied “I didn’t” after which you turned your gaze elsewhere and took a deep breath. “Well, you are a lady. Battles are fought by men-“ Haldir commented but you interrupted him by stating
- I have fought in many battles but I did not die in one.
- How did you die then? Haldir asked after a moment of silence. He knew that for example in Mirkwood there were many elf-ladies who fought side by side with men but that was rather uncommon in Lothlorien. Besides he had hoped that you had avoided seeing so much death and other horrible things during your short life but apparently you had not been that lucky. Sure Haldir thought that fighting for things that you loved, like your home realm or for the freedom of Middle Earth, was honorable and if a person did not fear pain or death, then why not… it did not really matter if the sword was being held by a lady or a lord. You thought about Haldir’s question for a moment and then replied with a somewhat emotionless tone “I drowned.” Haldir sighed “Oh” and then stated
- There is nothing wrong with that-
- It was not an honorable death. you stated and shook your head. Haldir could hear deep regret and disapproval in your voice and therefore he thought that the best thing to do was not to comment at this point. You noticed the slight change in Haldir’s expression when he processed your answer and you decided to continue. You inhaled slowly and then stated
- The reason why I have no knowledge about the events of Middle Earth is that I died long before any of it happened-
- How long? Haldir asked with a confused tone. He had pretty much only stopped by at Halls of Mandos because his spirit had not needed to be cleansed since he had lived honorably and always fought for the good cause, defended the weaker beings and stood up for the things that he knew were right. “I do not know because no one tells me” you replied with a soft tone.
- I spent a long time in the Halls of Mandos and for a moment I thought that my spirit was beyond repair. you spoke as you kept avoiding Haldir’s gaze. His calmness was making you feel comfortable and safe, which made it more likely for you to blurt things out without selecting your words well… or considering properly what it even was that you wanted to say.
- But why, my lady? Haldir asked. His tone was even more puzzled and therefore you just decided to say it. You thought “This is it” and then stated “I died with anger and bitterness in my heart.” You turned your gaze back to Haldir who was trying to cover the state of light shock that had taken over his mind.
- And my mind was filled with thirst for revenge. you added because Haldir was not saying anything. He kept silent for a moment and sighed. Haldir had had a feeling that there was something quite dramatic behind your secrecy but he had not expected quite… that. In his opinion you were incapable of such destructive feelings but the more he thought about it, the more convinced he became that you had had a good reason for bitterness and rage.
- I understand why do not like to talk about it… Haldir commented eventually with a tone that you couldn’t read. You sighed relieved because you had feared for the worst; that Haldir wouldn’t have anything to say to you anymore… although his tone had not given you any hint how he was taking the answer. “...but I do not understand why you tried to keep it as a secret” he continued with a confused, slightly disappointed tone.
- Because I am ashamed of what kind of person I used to be. you replied and smiled sadly. You both continued walking in the snowy forest, slowly side by side almost like the previous conversation had not taken place… or not quite; the mood had changed from relaxed and casual to somewhat awkward and distressing.
- Is that the reason why you haven’t told me your name? he asked suddenly. “Yes” you sighed.
- And you are afraid that if you’ll tell me your name, I might have heard it before. Is that it? Haldir asked. During the previous silence he had pretty much decided to solve the riddle and even though he had a feeling that you wouldn’t appreciate it if he used his sneaky interrogation techniques on you, he would do it anyway; he would try to ask you questions… just as a part of casual conversation and try to make you open up like that.
- I know what you’re doing, Lord Haldir. And I admit that you have been trained well. you commented and chuckled a little.
- What am I doing then? Haldir asked with a curious, yet slightly playful tone.
- You’re trying to make me talk. you stated and stopped walking. Haldir stopped as well and turned to look at you with a smirk on his face. He was going to say something very sarcastic but he had a feeling that this was not the time. He did not want to take a risk that you would misunderstand his humor as insults because it was one of those topics that you clearly did not want to joke about.
- Ah, is that so obvious? he chuckled with a friendly tone instead of commenting in a sarcastic way.
- Yes. you stated and rolled your eyes. You were silently thankful that Haldir had not said anything sarcastic this time. You loved his sense of humor with was witty, sarcastic and slightly dark sometimes but your death was not a topic that you were ready to joke about… not yet at least.
- I hope I am not making you uncomfortable. It is not my intention. Haldir added with a sincere, yet somewhat cautious tone, almost as if he had suddenly realized that he was walking on a thin ice. You smiled a little but it was quite apparent that the smile was there only to cover your real feelings. The sight made Haldir feel guilty for ruining the wonderful mood and therefore he decided to explain his reasons a little.
- I can see that you are burdened with secrets and I am most certain that sharing them with me would make you feel better. he stated and put his hand on your shoulder. He caressed your upper arm with slow motions as he drew circles with his fingertips on your cloak. “Perhaps” you commented with a thoughtful and slightly hesitant tone and sighed.
- Or… you’ll recall stories about me and decide that I am not the woman that you want to share your life with. you continued and the smile faded away from your face.
- Stories… about you, my lady? Haldir asked with a surprised tone. You smirked bitterly as you nodded. Yes, you knew that there surely were stories about what had happened to you. Maybe you were a joke… or a classic example of what happened when a person let themselves to be controlled by such strong negative feelings… the main character of a tragicomic, bittersweet story that the parents told their children so they wouldn’t let their hearts rule their decisions. “It means that you were either someone important or something bad happened… maybe both.” Haldir reasoned after a pause.
- Or neither. you stated firmly and then added with a soft, gentle tone “All I want is you to get to know me as I am now”. You placed your hand on Haldir’s cheek and stared deep into his blue eyes that were sparkling like sapphires in the winter sun. “And I hope that it will be enough for you” you added with a tone that was deeply hopeful yet thoughtful.
- Of course, my lady. Haldir said and took your hand, pressed his warm lips on your knuckles and planted soft kisses on your cold skin. “But I still need your name. Maybe not today but-“ he said and pulled you closer, wrapped his arm around you and placed his other hand on your neck. Haldir was worried because your skin was so cold and he wanted to make you feel warmer. He had told you countless times to wear gloves but you never did and it made him somewhat frustrated.
- (Y/N). you mumbled against his chest and interrupted him because, hell, you had told him that you had drowned with rage and bitterness in your heart so telling your name did not really seem that big of a deal anymore.
- What, my lady? Haldir asked and stepped a bit back so he was able to look at you.
- My name is (Y/N). you said with a calm smile on your face.
- (Y/N)… (Y/N)… Haldir said with a deeply thoughtful tone, almost like he had been going through his memories. He kept repeating your name until suddenly the calm, smiling expression changed into a deep shock. You stared into his eyes with a confused look on your face and then realized that he had heard something about you… something that had shocked him. Just as you were about to curse and state that you could explain everything, Haldir continued by stating “I do not recall hearing any stories about anyone called (Y/N)” and smirked at you.
- You… sneaky… you exclaimed and pushed Haldir playfully which caused him to fall on his back on the soft snow. “…rascal!” you added and offered your hand to him to pull him up. Haldir however smirked at you as he took your hand and pulled you to lay on top of him. You squealed as you lost your balance and burst into laughter when you landed on Haldir who then rolled your back against the snow, ending up on top of you.
Haldir kept staring at you with a mysterious spark in his eyes. This was the first time he was allowing himself this close to you. He had embraced you countless times during these four-five months but this was the first time that he was putting his weight on you and actually laying on top of you. He had not dared to do it before because the position felt very intimate, especially since Haldir knew that he was much stronger than you were and therefore he wanted you to know him better before even dreaming about being so intimately with you. Sure you both were wearing many layers of clothing and you were not even in bed… but still… it was the most intimate moment he had shared with anyone so far.
Haldir leaned closer to kiss you after admiring your gorgeous face for many minutes. He closed his eyes and you closed yours, but just as he was about to press his lips against yours, he suddenly stopped and brushed his nose against yours instead. You lifted your head to reach his lips but Haldir just drew back a little and chuckled mischievously a bit. This, capturing you the way he had captured you now, was making him a bit bolder than usual and therefore he dared to even tease you a little. He leaned closer and even brushed your lips a little but just as you were about to kiss him, he drew back which made you sigh from frustration and disappointment. Haldir found your hands and pressed them firmly against the snow, holding them in his so the snow wouldn’t hurt your delicate skin too much. Finally Haldir couldn’t resist you anymore and therefore he almost slammed his lips against yours and this time he dared to kiss you in a more passionate way. He felt closer to you than ever before because now you had trusted him enough to tell him your name which meant that you were finally ready to share your secrets with him… even the ones that made your heart hurt.
You enjoyed feeling Haldir so close to you and this was a big step for you to be basically trapped like this… but you did not feel trapped at all; you felt safe and loved, deeply cherished and you trusted Haldir more than you had ever trusted anyone. You opened your mouth a little and welcomed him to kiss you with more intensity and passion, which were qualities that had been previously missing entirely from your kisses. Yes, all the kisses that you and he had shared before had been very sweet and modest and this was the first time that it was not enough for you. Haldir’s lips moved perfectly with yours as he deepened the kiss and even dared to move a little bit against you.
He let go your hands and moved to caress your side with his one hand and placed the other hand on your neck as you wrapped your arms around him and pulled him closer. The kiss continued, changed from passionate into light brushes and soft, sweet kisses every once in a while when you had to allow each other to get some air. Then the kiss intensified again, leaving you both breathless and making your heads spin. You had never felt so happy, so alive, so peaceful and strangely excited at the same time. You felt like you had finally found your place in the world and you were exactly where you were supposed to be… and the best thing was that you felt it in your bones that Haldir felt the same.
- All I want… is you to know that I do not care who you are. Haldir whispered softly against your lips before getting up and helping you up as well. “Whatever happened before… is irrelevant” he added as he stared deep into your eyes. You smiled and brushed snow off from his hair and shoulders. Haldir got up, pulled you up as well and pressed a soft kiss on your forehead.
- I am asking you to trust me… trust my love because it will never abandon you. he whispered against your forehead and brushed the snow off your hair, your shoulders and back. “It will only grow deeper as well as stronger, this is my promise” he added and thanked you for telling him your name. After this you walked back to the elven city, eventually reaching the bench where you had met for the first time.
You continued courting as the winter changed into spring and finally the spring turned into summer which marked the first anniversary of your stay in Valinor. You were still spending time with Haldir semi-secretly, or at least neither of you was making a big fuss about your relationship. You still sometimes had quarrels with Lady Galadriel because she still did not accept the relationship between you and Haldir but in your opinion it had started to go a bit better with her. Most likely she would give up soon and then you and Haldir could start courting in public and maybe even start planning a wedding. Haldir had not proposed or anything, it was very early anyway, but you had shared long, serious conversations about your life together and you both knew that this courting was going to lead into a marriage someday.
However as long as Galadriel opposed the union, it couldn’t happen because you knew that the lady was Haldir’s queen and you did not want to make him choose between his loyalty towards her and his love for you. This also meant that you had not told Haldir about the fact that Galadriel had stated countless times that the union between a commoner and a high elf was not going to be tolerated. You had not told Haldir because you had wanted to deal with the matter by yourself and not to get Haldir tangled into the quarrel. He after all couldn’t change his background and neither could you, but at least you were in a position where you could challenge the authorities because you were basically one of them and therefore you couldn’t get into serious trouble for standing up against Lady Galadriel… but you had a feeling that the days of challenging the authority were soon over anyway and therefore it was time to bury the hatched, shake hands and be friends again.
- Lady (Y/N). Galadriel said when she arrived to the garden. She had asked you to meet her there at noon because she had something important to tell you… or so the messenger had said. You had felt deeply relieved to get the invitation because you had felt it in your bones that this was the day when she was going to give you her blessing. You had been fighting for the acceptance for the entire autumn, winter and the spring as well and you were getting exhausted for the never ending arguing with Lady Galadriel. You just wanted to find some common ground and start building from there.
- Lady Galadriel. Good day. you said with a friendly as well as joyful tone and dropped a curtsy. It was a beautiful, warm day and you were feeling particularly cheerful. The world was filled with opportunities and since it was summer again, the days were long and it made you feel energized again. Sure Haldir had brought plenty of light and joy into your days as well but the winter had been long and dark and therefore you were quite ready for something new… the summer. Galadriel bowed her head a little with a polite expression on her face and then stated
- It seems to me that you have disobeyed my wishes.
- May I ask what do you mean? you asked curiously. You were slightly confused about the statement because as far as you were concerned, you haven’t been arguing about the matter as much as before and therefore you had assumed that she was warming up to the idea of the union between you and Haldir.
- Isn’t it obvious? You have been courting Haldir in secret. Galadriel scoffed.
- Hardly in secret. you commented with a surprised tone and rolled your eyes. Sure you had not been shouting it to the world but you had not been covering it either… well… much at least. The only thing that you had not done publicly was to show affection… in other words kissing and embracing. Almost everyone in Valinor had surely seen you and Haldir walking together, sometimes even hand in hand and it had been quite obvious that there was more than just friendship between you and him.
- Why… why from all the lords of Valinor… Why Haldir? He is not even a lord! Galadriel exclaimed with a disapproving tone. She had been told that you and Haldir had been seen kissing more daringly than before many times during the spring and in Galadriel’s opinion it was the time to put an end to it… before it would lead into anything more serious.
- Why is it such a big deal? Isn’t it my business whom I court? you asked with a slightly irritated tone. You were sad to see that you had been wrong about the reasons behind this sudden meeting and it was heartbreaking to find yourself in this situation again; the situation where you had to try to prove yourself and the sincerity of your intentions towards Haldir all over again.
- And if I do not care whether Haldir is a lord or not… you stated and then added with a somewhat frustrated and desperate tone “Why should anyone else care?” Galadriel shook her head and stated “My lineage-“
- I do not care about lineage! you exclaimed and folded your arms defiantly even though you knew that it made you look childishly stubborn while your intention was to appear firm and credible. You after all had ruled a realm once and been the supreme authority… a long time ago.
- No you wouldn’t… Lady Galadriel scoffed and then added “Your mother has brought nothing but shame to my family” with a cold tone that hid deep feelings of scorn and disappointment.
- Yes, she plotted against her own daughter. you stated and then continued by stating with a calm voice “Yes I know the story. I was there, lived it, remember?”
- I wish that was the only thing. Galadriel commented and glared at you. She had managed to keep her emotions and private opinions hidden behind her polite and graceful exterior while she had waited for you to end the affair with Haldir voluntarily but now… now there was no point to act civil and therefore you could see what she really felt about you and your family; disgust and disapproval. “Isn’t that quite enough?” you asked with a confused tone.
- You were raised by the mortals and your mother allowed it. And now you are like a mortal in the body of an elf. Galadriel spoke and scoffed. You were silent as you went through her statement, staring at the surrounding garden with a deeply puzzled expression on your face and then suddenly it all made sense to you. “That’s it” you sighed and shifted your gaze back to Galadriel.
- That’s the real reason, isn’t it? you asked or more like stated. “Excuse me?” Galadriel asked and sharpened her eyes as she stared at you.
- You talk about lineage and lordships… About Haldir being a commoner and me being a high elf, but that is not the real reason, is it? you stated and shifted your gaze elsewhere again. “That is absurd” Galadriel scoffed.
- It’s me, isn’t it? you asked again but this time your tone was more attacking and accusing. “You do not want Haldir to get involved with me because I am not good enough for him…” you continued and took a deep breath. Galadriel kept staring at you with an expressionless face and did not say anything. “…and therefore you would rather arrange a marriage with king Thranduil’s son, Legolas, instead.” you added because Galadriel still refused commenting.
- Why is that? Don’t you like Legolas either? you asked with a sarcastic tone.
- You are being out of line, (Y/N). Galadriel stated and glared at you. You took a deep breath and calmed yourself a little. Clearly attacking, sarcasm and accusing her of anything was not the right way to approach the problem so you decided to take a step back and show her that you were conscious of your past mistakes and humble enough to admit that you had not always been a good person. You exhaled and then said
- I admit that I let my corrupted heart rule my actions. I admit that I was foolish and self-centered-
- Yes, you caused shame to my lineage by refusing one of the greatest kings of Middle Earth… Galadriel spoke and shook her head. “…which was the deed that drove your mother insane from lust for revenge” she continued with a cold tone. “So you’re blaming me for that.” you commented with a barely audible tone, staring at the grass. Then you shifted your gaze back to Galadriel and stated firmly, yet sincerely
- But can’t you see that I am not that person anymore? I spent a long time in Halls of Mandos-
- Maybe the Doomsman of the Valar should have not granted you to be reincarnated. Maybe you should have stayed there… with your mother. Galadriel said with a tone that was filled with disrespect and disapproval.
- My mother? you asked or more like gasped because talking about her made your breath get stuck into your throat and you immediately felt a bit nauseous.
- Yes, the eastern realm fell before the great war. Your mother fled, abandoned the people… Galadriel spoke and then paused to see the shocked expression on your face. “…but she was soon captured by the Nazgûl, tortured… humiliated… and finally killed.” she described, emphasizing the words that she knew to hurt you the most; sure you and your mother had had a very complicated relationship but it still shocked you to hear that she had died in the hands of terrible creatures… which meant also that your home realm had fallen as well. You turned away to conceal your emotions because unlike the elves, you were not that good at keeping a perfect poker face.
- Have you told Haldir who you are? Galadriel asked after a long silence during which she had monitored your body language and analyzed every detail of your reaction. “What?” you gasped and turned to stare Galadriel.
- Have you explained your story to him? she asked and stared at you as you were still trying to process the news of the death of your mother and the end of your home realm. “Have you?” Galadriel asked again demandingly.
- Some of it. you sighed and shifted your gaze elsewhere. You kept staring at nothing in particular with a blank look on your face. You were mentally somewhere far away. “Yes, it is quite obvious that you have not told him everything.” Galadriel stated and then continued with an accusing tone “You basically tricked him to fall in love with you.” You turned your gaze back to Galadriel and forced yourself to pay attention to what she was saying. You couldn’t understand how anyone could hate you so much! You had assumed that Galadriel was your friend but apparently you had been wrong… you had been so wrong about many things, especially about the people that had been close to you.
- He is an elf, which means that he will love only once. she commented with a tone that carried an undertone of deep respect. Yes, Haldir was one of her most trusted guards and one of the finest gentlemen she knew and therefore she had hoped him to fall in love with someone pure and deserving. “You on the other hand, raised by the mortals… your father cheating on your mother” she stated with a completely different tone; a tone that communicated that she did not respect you at all. You were a failure in Galadriel’s eyes… a distant relative who had never been taught the elven customs and who had never respected the elves enough to demand to be raised among the elves or at least… raised to be an elf. Oh no, you had been raised to be a feeble mortal in an immortal body.
- You do not know what true, pure love is. Your father never loved your mother like a husband should have loved his wife. Galadriel stated bitterly. Finally you snapped out from your incapability of defending yourself and stated
- Can’t you see that you are blaming me for things that have nothing to do with me?
- You will break the relationship between you and Haldir, or I will. Galadriel stated. “You wouldn’t dare” you spoke with a slightly threatening, deep voice. Haldir was the best thing that had ever crossed paths with you and you had been nothing but respectful and loving towards him. Besides, you had lived quietly in Valinor, never made any demands or expected to be treated differently because of your royal background… pretty much the opposite!
- Oh I will… and I will tell him every dirty detail of your past life. He will never look at you the same way. Galadriel stated and stormed away from the garden.
You couldn’t believe it… although on the other hand you were not surprised because you had had a feeling that your and Haldir’s different backgrounds had never been the real issue. You decided that it was time to tell Haldir everything before Lady Galadriel would do it. It was better if he heard the whole truth from you and not from Galadriel… but unfortunately just as you left the garden of Galadriel’s palace, Haldir entered because in the meantime, during your conversation with Galadriel, elsewhere Haldir had heard some elves talking about the quarrels between Lady Galadriel and you and he had decided to march to the Lady and defend you because he after all was a man of honor.
Haldir stormed into Galadriel’s palace and found her reading a book in the sitting room. The Lady had just returned from the garden where she had confronted you but you and Haldir had just missed each other; you on your way out from the palace and he on his way into it. Haldir demanded answers with a firm and disapproving tone and asked why you and Lady Galadriel were arguing all the time although he had never witnessed a disagreement between you and her. He also defended you and your honor… until Galadriel stated that Haldir did not even know you… the real you. “What are you talking about?” Haldir asked and then Galadriel started telling him the story of your past life, leaving no details out and coloring some events a little to add more shock-value.
The details that Galadriel had however left out were that she had opposed the relationship between you and Haldir, told you that the problem was that you were a high elf and Haldir was just a Silvan elf… and that you had been constantly defending the relationship between you and him… trying to change Galadriel’s opinion about it and get her blessing. She left these details out on purpose because she had a feeling that those pieces of key-information would have turned Haldir against her and made him take your side… which was exactly the opposite of what she wanted to do.
Haldir did not know what to think; you had told him a couple of times that you were no one important but obviously you were a daughter of a king… and you had once even ruled a realm. Galadriel told Haldir how you had offended King Thranduil and refused the union between you and him even though it would have secured the future of your people, who were now all dead. She told Haldir that your brother had taken the throne and you had escaped to Mirkwood where you had plotted against him and waited for him to grow old and die. Then you had returned and your mother had killed you for the throne. Galadriel told all the dirty details about your past… until Haldir couldn’t listen to it anymore and stormed out from the palace.
The thing was that sure Haldir had known some bits and pieces of the truth but he was offended that you had not told him everything. He felt betrayed because he had been understanding, given you time… made sure that you knew that you could always trust him… and now… he was facing the reality that he did not even really know you… even though he had thought that he did. He had given you so many possibilities to come clean about it all… he had sworn to love you no matter what… but still you had not trusted him enough to tell him yourself, which was the biggest insult you could have thrown at him. He after all had opened up his heart for you, let you close… and swallowed his pride when you had denied the right to know you entirely. Haldir was not a man who let people close easily and you were the only person whom he had promised to love… always, no matter what… and now that he had heard all these things about you… he couldn’t help questioning the truthfulness of your word. Maybe you did not love him that deeply after all… Maybe being a half-elf meant that you were feeble with your feelings and even your love changed like seasons.
- Lord Haldir! you exclaimed when you saw Haldir walking with assertive steps from the direction of the Lady Galadriel’s palace. He was just returning from the palace and noticed you sitting on the bench, under the tree. “(Y/N)” he said with a cold tone and glared at you.
- What’s wrong? you asked with a confused tone. Haldir gestured you to stand up and to follow him into the nearby forest where there were no curious eyes. He did not want his so called relationship problems to end up as the common gossip because there were elves who liked to spread rumors and speculate. You followed him into the forest silently and then turned to look at him when he stopped. You had a bad feeling about the whole thing and hoped that you were not too late. “I need to tell you something” you stated immediately but Haldir shook his head and stated “I heard something today…” You swallowed once as your face turned pale. You were too late.
- Something that you should have told me but decided to keep as a secret. Haldir continued.
- Did you speak with Lady Galadriel? you asked although it was rather obvious that it was the case.
- No, I heard some people talking about you. That you… Haldir said, paused to take a deep breath and continued with a cold, distant tone “…the ruler of the eastern realm…” You gasped and closed your eyes as an involuntary reaction because Haldir’s tone hit you like a kick in the stomach. “…and Lady Galadriel are in a disagreement” Haldir added with a scoff. You forced your eyes open, hoping that it was the only thing that he had heard. Maybe he had not talked with Galadriel after all… maybe you had a chance to make it right… to tell him everything. “Oh that” you commented and folded your arms as a nervous reaction.
- You said to me that you are no one important. Haldir stated with a somewhat bitter tone. “I am not-“ you gasped but Haldir interrupted you by stating firmly “It means that you lied to me.”
- I am not anyone important anymore. you commented just as firmly after you had managed to find your courage. Haldir however stated with a sarcastic tone “Isn’t it just delightful that you can decide yourself when you are an important person and when you’re not.” After his statement that was filled with mockery you tried to explain to him that you had been a ruler, yes, but it was a long time ago… basically ages ago and now the realm did not even exist anymore. However Haldir was not interested in your explanations because he had given you time to explain. Now it was too late and therefore he gestured you to be silent and continued
- Then I went to Lady Galadriel to defend your honor and to demand an explanation why there is a quarrel between you and her. She told me everything.
- Everything-huh? you asked bitterly because you had a feeling that she had told only the bits and pieces that benefited her and served her purpose which was to cause a breakup between you and Haldir… and judging by the look on Haldir’s face, Galadriel was doing a pretty damn great job. Haldir glared at you and stated with a deeply offended tone
- Yes! She told me that you ruled the eastern realm but your brother ousted you. She told me that you fled into Mirkwood and there waited for the day that your brother-
- My half brother! you exclaimed over him. “…would die” he added. “Ah yes, that too” he commented mockingly, pointing out that the person who had stolen the throne had not even been your real brother… just some bastard. Oh yes, Haldir knew everything. Or… so he assumed because he trusted his queen not to keep secrets from him in such important matters; Galadriel after all was old and wise, she was good and true… the ruler to whom Haldir had sworn loyalty a long time ago.
- She told me that your mother caused your death… and she also mentioned that you were supposed to marry King Thranduil but you refused the honor and offended him. Haldir spoke. His voice had never sounded so cold and cruel; he usually always spoke softly to you and his voice as well as his eyes were filled with love for you but now it was completely lacking and seeing him like this made your heart ache.
- Something else? you gasped with a barely audible tone, hoping to hear Haldir to say that she had also mentioned how you had bravely defended the union between you and him... but no… your question was responded with a scoff and a sarcastic statement “Because this was not enough already!”
- So, she did not tell you that I was a good ruler and during the hundred years of my reign people were happy and there were no wars? you asked. Your voice was cracking a bit as you kept fighting the tears that were building up behind your eyes but you still fought to keep your exterior cool… which annoyed Haldir even more because he had hoped to get an honest reaction out from you. “No, but the point is that you should have told me!” he exclaimed.
- And I cannot court a lady that keeps such secrets from me. Haldir commented with a deeply disappointed tone. You gasped for air and shifted your gaze at him as you stated firmly and wiped a runaway tear off your cheek
- But none of it matter anymore! I am not the same person that I used t-
- Maybe not, but you did not trust me enough to tell me. Haldir said and interrupted you. You felt the air leaving the forest as you battled against the breaking down completely. “If you really loved me, you would have told me” Haldir stated after a long silence.
- Don’t you dare to question my love for you! you exclaimed with a bitter tone. If he just knew how much you had fought for him… for your love for him… he would never question your love… but since you did not want to cause bad blood between him and Lady Galadriel, you couldn’t tell him… besides, would he have even believed you? Apparently Haldir seemed to know what kind of person you were… all the things that you had done wrong… and nothing that you had done right… apparently, none of it mattered.
- You claim to know what it is to love someone! Haldir exclaimed and scoffed as he shook his head. “Your father betrayed your mother by having an affair!” he stated with a deeply disgusted tone. In the elven culture cheating one’s spouse was one of the most disrespectful things to do and therefore the elves never cheated on anyone.
- Maybe you do not know what love is… Haldir said and then continued with a bitter tone “…all you have learned is how to plot against your own family to satisfy your thirst for revenge.”
You felt your world crumbling down; never in million years you had expected Haldir to use your past against you, especially the things that your parents had done… yes, the things that did not even involve you, events that you had not even caused. You took a shaky step backwards and leaned onto a tree trunk so you wouldn’t pass out. Sure you understood that Haldir was offended and maybe Galadriel had spiced the story up with some additional details which were or were not even true… but still… you couldn’t believe that the man whom you loved was capable of hurting you so deeply.
- But I suppose that is to be expected when one is a half-elf. Haldir commented. You kept staring at the forest floor because you just couldn’t meet Haldir’s eyes right now. You knew that they were staring at you, judging you and trying to penetrate right into your soul and that was more than you could have handled right now. “No wonder why you did not want to tell me your name” he added and chuckled before continuing with an amused tone
- You… the young ruler of the eastern realm was the laughing-stock of the elven realm… and when your throne had been first taken by your brother-
- My half brother! you exclaimed and shifted your gaze to Haldir. Haldir ignored your correction and continued
- …and then by your mother, you became the sad example of a person who got consumed and corrupted by-
- I know that! you shouted. “It is so easy to judge people from afar.” you added with a broken voice and kept breathing with shallow gasps as Haldir kept staring at you. “It is so simple to say what should or should have not been done” you whimpered as the first tears rolled on your cheeks openly. There was no way you could have stopped them anymore.
- But none of this would have mattered if you had just told me yourself. Haldir stated. The sight of you crying and supporting yourself to a tree trunk stabbed his heart like a knife but he was a proud man who had been betrayed and in his opinion he had a right to be insulted by your behavior. He had loved you, he had opened his heart to you and welcomed you into his arms as well into his life… and this was how you rewarded him? “I was going to! But-“ you cried and stopped because you did not want to start blaming Galadriel. It was not worth it and most likely Haldir wouldn’t believe you anyway because he seemed to have it all figured out already. “But what?” Haldir asked and folded his arms defiantly. “Nothing. Never mind” you sighed with an exhausted tone between your helpless sobbing. You were too tired to continue this verbal fight… too much conflict for one day was really draining your spirit.
- I think… it is better if neither of us says anything more. you stated and turned away. “I agree” you heard Haldir saying and then you heard his footsteps getting further away. You collapsed on your knees to the ground and continued sobbing, crying and shaking violently as you realized that maybe… perhaps it, the relationship between you and the handsome gentleman, was over.