Angel / Reader - Part 5
Now you knew; Angel was a vampire and the only thing you were able to think about was why you had not realized it before? All the clues had been there, right in front of your eyes but you had been too blind to see them. You did not understand the situation at all because you had read that the vampires were everything except kind and… well, saving people from other vampires and other monsters… so it meant that either Angel was somehow different from the rest of them or he was doing a long-con.
Yes, it was possible that Angel was just as evil as the vampires generally speaking were but he was just more cunning and patient because he had stamina to play his game for so long, tricking people to believe that he was one of the good guys, a hero, and planning something very sinister at the same time. On the other hand you did not really believe that even yourself, especially considering that Angel had a demon hunter, a visions-having half-demon and a wannabe actress as his employees… and they were also very close friends with him… but there was a tiny voice in the back of your head telling you that you were just incapable of admitting the truth to yourself since you had feelings for him. You reasoned that you wanted to think the best thing and therefore refused seeing the reality, which was that Angel was a vampire… and most likely he had killed people before. It was a fact that you couldn't just ignore.
You walked to the beach and sat down by the sea on the warm sand. You watched people swimming and surfing as the sun shone from high up. It was afternoon and you did not have work today, fortunately so because putting on that customer-service-smile today would have been very challenging or impossible even. You stared at the waves and listened to the sound of them calmly rushing ashore. The sound combined to the sunshine made you feel a bit safer because you knew that vampires would not be able to attack you here, not for many hours at least. Demons could but it was highly unlikely because there were other people around, besides, you had never been here before so most likely no one came up with an idea to search this place.
But as the hours passed by the sun started to set and you finally recoiled from your thoughts; where would you go? You couldn’t go home because the bad guys knew where you lived and they had broken in once before and you couldn’t go to Angel’s place because well… you did not really know what to think about all of this. You had come to a conclusion that Angel was one of the good guys and you kind of understood why he had not told you… you after all had reacted exactly how he had assumed, or feared, you to, by running away without giving him a chance to explain, but still, despite all understanding and reasoning, you felt betrayed.
Surely Angel would have told you if he cared about you so much as he had claimed. He had even kissed you! Gosh! He had kissed you but still he had not thought that it was important or relevant to tell you that he was not exactly alive, that he was a vampire! Had he thought the absolutely worst of you and feared that you wouldn’t understand if he told you? Sure you had responded in that way but then again, you had just found out by an accident! Angel had not told you, he had just stepped into the sunlight by an accident and his hand had burst aflame. If Angel thought that it was the same thing than telling you, he was seriously mistaken.
If Angel had told you, sat you down in private and explained everything, you most likely would have been shocked, sure, but then seen his side of the story. You could have seen the reasons behind his actions, but Angel had decided that you did not deserve to know. He had made the decision by himself and made a conscious choice not to tell you. It meant that there could be other secrets that he did not want you to know. Maybe Angel was actually Angelus. Could it be? Or were you just making the things worse by over-thinking it all?
You decided to assume that Angel was Angelus and for some reason he had stopped killing people and started to save them instead. Could he have found his conscience again? But according to what you had read, vampires had no souls which meant that even though they understood the difference between wrong and right, they chose to kill people and they actually enjoyed it.
And then there were the particularly sick individuals who wanted to torture their victims and bring Hell upon earth. Yes, Angelus was one of those, a member of that special breed of sick fucks who did not just get satisfied from killing one or two for food here and there, oh no, Angelus loved death and destruction. He wanted to fill the world with them and end the world as we knew it completely. But… if Angel was Angelus, there had to be a reason why he was not killing people… and even if he wasn’t Angelus, there would still be some reason why he was acting the way he was.
The question however remained, was the reason good enough to keep you around? You had trusted your life in Angel’s hands and considered him as your friend, hell, you had kept yourself mentally reserved for him and hoped that he would notice you romantically… But he had not trusted you enough to tell you and that hurt you more than the fact that he was a vampire, which by the way, in retrospect you should have noticed because the clues had been there all along.
- What happened? Wesley asked when Angel came back into the office from the entrance hall, covering his hand with the sleeve of his shirt.
- (Y/N) found out, didn’t she? Doyle asked with a “I told you so” –tone and shook his head.
- Yes, she did. Angel replied and walked into his private office. He sat down behind his desk and sighed. Doyle followed him in and closed the door behind him. He walked to the desk, sat down on the opposite side from Angel and focused his light blue eyes on the brooding man in front of him.
- I knew this would happen. I told you, didn’t I? Doyle commented.
- Yes. Angel mumbled and folded his arms as he leaned back in his chair.
- So are you happy now, mate? Doyle asked with a sarcastic voice knowing that Angel was everything but happy with the situation. Angel however did not answer anything. He kept staring at the surface of his desk with a sad, yet slightly annoyed look on his face. They both were silent for many minutes until Angel stated
- We still need to find her.
- I think you should give her some space. Doyle commented and added “If you ask me” with barely audible tone.
- I can’t. Angel replied immediately.
- I think you should, mate. According to my own knowledge about women… Doyle said and sighed deeply as he shook his head.
- (Y/N) could be in serious danger. She is not fit to fight anyone. Angel commented with a serious and deeply concerned tone. He knew that you were somewhat badly injured and there was someone who wanted you dead. It meant that Angel had to find you and bring you into safety even if you did not want to see him again.
- Not… fit? Doyle asked with a confused tone.
- She is injured, a terrible bruise on her right side, partially covering her stomach… Angel explained and drew the outlines of the bruise on his side.
- Broken ribs? Doyle asked with a tone that had changed from confused to worried, which complimented the look on his face perfectly.
- I don’t know… and she doesn’t either. Angel commented and paused for a moment. Doyle’s expression changed from worried into surprised and finally into baffled as he processed the answer in his mind. “What?” he sighed and chuckled nervously. It did not make any sense, why wouldn’t you go to the hospital if you were injured? And why you had not told anyone?
- (Y/N) has not visited the hospital and as far as I know, she is not going to. Angel continued and shook his head. The thing was that you were not a real slayer; you had not been born to be one and therefore you had the same physique than anyone else. If you had been born to be a slayer, you would heal faster and be naturally stronger than a normal human being. Angel told Doyle that he had asked about the injury earlier today which then had led into the verbal fight… which was the reason why you had stormed out from the office… and the rest Doyle knew already.
- Should we go and look for her before the sun sets? Doyle asked after Angel had stopped talking.
- That would be good. But… unfortunately she could be anywhere. Most likely somewhere she has never been before just to keep out of sight. Angel responded and shook his head. It was going to be a very challenging task to find you before sunset. If Doyle did not find you before sunset Angel would continue the search by himself but the risks of someone else finding you first were much higher; if Angel was able to find you, considering the fact that you most likely tried to hide somehow, then most likely the bad guys were also capable of doing the same thing.
Doyle asked Cordelia to go with him and Wesley stayed with Angel at the office. They, Cordelia and Doyle, visited the coffee shop where you worked but your work colleague told them that you had a couple of days free from work and she had no idea where you were. They visited your home, knocked the door that opened immediately because the lock had been broken. They stepped in and were immediately greeted by the same sight that had greeted you just yesterday; your things trashed and the misspelled warning on the wall.
- No wonder (Y/N) is not here. Cordelia commented as she walked among your broken things. She commented your taste of interior decoration which did not really match hers and Doyle glanced at her with somewhat disapproving way. It was not alright to criticize or mock anyone’s taste of furniture and so on, especially when that someone had basically lost everything.
They left your apartment, put a piece of folded newspaper between the door and the doorframe so the door would stay closed and if someone visited your apartment it would be easy to tell. Doyle and Cordelia visited some shopping centers and parks, the usual local hangout spots, to see if you were there but they couldn’t find you. Doyle tried to even call your cell but it couldn’t be reached; most likely your phone had run out of battery power or you had turned it off so you couldn’t be tracked by anyone.
- This is not good, Cordelia. Doyle said as he glanced at the sky and saw the sun already setting and getting dangerously low, creating shadows and making the place safe for the monsters to roam free. Soon the city would turn into a hunting ground and then it would be only matter of time that someone would find you; the monsters that ruled the night did not need GPS to track you down since vampires as well as demons had a great sense of smell and if they picked your trail, they would easily follow it to you. Suddenly Doyle felt a mind blowing headache approaching and soon hitting him with full force. He steered the car immediately to the walkway and stopped it, just in time before a vision hit him; he saw you laying on the beach, covered in blood and staring at the sky but it was clear that you were already dead. It was dark and the moon was just about to climb to the sky from the horizon.
- What is it? Cordelia asked as soon as Doyle had opened his eyes and the vision was over.
- I need to call Angel. Doyle said and took his phone out from the pocket of his brown leather jacket. The phone rang for a moment and then Angel answered it by asking “did you find her?”
- No, not yet but I know where she could be. Doyle said and told Angel everything that he had seen in the vision; the beach, the moon, you laying dead on the sad with a blank stare covered in fresh blood.
- The sun is almost setting. I will go there by myself. Angel stated and asked Doyle if he could give any further details about the location.
- Sorry, mate. Doyle said but just as Angel was about to hang up, he remembered that he had seen a silhouette of a pier in the moonlight. Angel thanked for the call and hung up. The sun would set in less than an hour, the moon would rise in three… so it meant that Angel had a very tight schedule considering that Angel did not know if you had been just killed in Doyle’s vision or if you had been dead for an hour or so… Doyle had just said that he had seen you dead in the glow of rising moon, on the beach by the pier.
The reason why Angel wanted to go there by himself was that he was worried that there would be demons or even vampires lurking around and he did not want to put Cordelia and Doyle into danger; they were not exactly skilled fighters and therefore they would actually do more harm than good. Besides Doyle was not close to the pier, he and Cordelia were on the other side of the city to be exact, and it meant that since there was evening traffic, Doyle and Cordelia most likely wouldn’t even get there in time… and if they did, they would be screwed when the bad guys jumped out.
Angel got his long sword, attached the wooden stakes on his arms and hid them with his sleeves. He examined the map and planned the quickest route to the beach by the pier, fortunately there was only one nearby, and waited anxiously for the sun to set. When it was only five minutes until the sunset he ran downstairs, got into the underground parking garage and drove out just as the sun went beyond the horizon. He took a small detour to avoid the traffic and even ran the red lights a couple of times to safe time, even though it was dangerous and he could have caused an accident by doing so.
It was getting dark and the stars were lighting up the skies one by one, although the city lights made it harder to see them. Angel parked his car near the pier and jumped out. He kept calling you as he searched the beach but he couldn’t see anyone; just an empty beach in every direction. Suddenly Angel noticed a group of three demons running towards a dark shape laying on the beach which fortunately was still very far away, so far actually that when Angel shouted at the demons, the shape did not move.
The demons stopped and turned around to look who had shouted at them and seen a tall man in a long coat attacking them with a sword. Angel killed the first one easily and after ten minutes of fighting he had killed all three of them. Then finally Angel focused his attention to the dark shape in the distance and run there to see if it was you. He glanced at the horizon and saw the moon rising over the sea, illuminating the pier like Doyle had described. Angel stopped five meters before reaching the person laying on the beach just as he recognized that the person was… you.
You sat up when you recoiled from your thoughts and realized that someone had been running towards you and had now stopped to stare at you. You had not heard the fight because you had been so lost inside your own head and now that you had a feeling that someone was staring at you, you turned your head and saw Angel standing a bit further away from you. You stood up immediately and as an involuntary reaction grabbed your wooden stake that was laying next to you on the sand. Angel raised his hands up after dropping his long sword on the sand. It was covered with demon slime and you did not need to see that. In fact, you did not even know about Doyle’s vision or about the approached attack which you wouldn’t have survived. You squeezed your stake firmly in your hand and raised it to the attacking position as Angel walked slowly towards you.
- Stay right there. you spoke with shaky tone. Angel however continued taking calm steps closer.
- I will turn you into dust, I swear! you stated but your threats had no impact on Angel. He walked to you with his arms spread wide open giving you a perfect opportunity to kill him.
- Go ahead. I will not fight you. Angel said with a calm tone and stopped just less than a meter away from you.
- If my heard were to beat, it would beat for you. Angel spoke but his words made you groan and you swung your hand and almost stabbed him with the stake, however you stopped your attack just as the sharp end was about to touch Angel’s coat, right at his heart.
- You can turn me into dust if that is what you want. Angel whispered as he listened to your erratic breathing and the sound of your heart beating a bit too fast as you pressed the pointy end of the wooden stake against Angel’s chest. You however did not attack him again and therefore Angel wrapped his hand on the stake and took it off from your hand. He dropped it on the sand and wrapped his arms around you which caused you to fight back and scream for a moment but when you realized that you were not in danger and even if you had been, you wouldn’t have been able to fight Angel, you stopped and burst into tears. You cried helplessly against Angel’s coat and then calmed down when there were no tears left in you to be shed. Angel helped you to sit down and sat next to you. He asked you to send Doyle a message to let him know that you were alright and ask him to come and hide the demon corpses so they wouldn’t be found by the early morning joggers tomorrow. You turned on your phone and typed the message with shaky hands, put the phone back into your bag and continued staring at the ocean.
- (Y/N), I am a vampire. Angel said with a calm tone and put his hand on yours, squeezed it gently and continued by telling you the entire story of his life. He told you that he has been a vampire for about two hundred years and he had done pretty gruesome things during his life. He told you about the curse and about the love affair between him and the vampire slayer, his ex, and explained that he had been afraid that you would storm out from his life if he had told you sooner. Basically he had been waiting for a good moment but then he had started to like you in the romantic way and telling the truth had become even harder.
- Are you Angelus? you asked after a long silence. Angel was silent for a moment and then replied “yes”.
- And now you are trying to right the wrongs you’ve done. you stated silently.
- No. Angel stated and then continued “I can never make it right, but I can try to do the right thing now.”
- That is a good goal in life. you commented and exhaled deeply. The night was soon about to fade away and there were already first signs of morning on the eastern skyline.
- I believe it is your turn. Angel said and turned to look at you. He knew that he had to soon return home but he very much wanted to take you with him and it meant that this had be settled before that.
- Seriously? Are you really giving me hard time after all you have just told me? you asked with a slightly amused tone.
- Yes. And I will continue giving you hard time if you keep keeping secrets from me. Angel answered and chuckled. You laughed a bit but then told him that you had just wanted to be as good as he was, but now you understood that it was impossible because Angel was not a human and you were. You also promised him that you would no longer go alone and you would be careful, especially now that those vampires were still out there. Angel told you that he had killed the demons, although he left the detail out that he had killed them just in time to save you from their attack, and he assured you that he would find the escaped vampires in no time.
- But now… I think, unless you want to have... or be... the early morning barbecue, we have to go. you stated and stood up. You offered your hand to Angel and helped him up. Angel smiled a little, stood up and after getting your things, the stake, the sword and your bag, you both walked to Angel’s car. He drove through the empty city to his office and parked the car into the underground garage again. You followed him into his apartment and watched him putting his sword away, helping you with your coat and then walking to you.
He stood right in front of you, clearly waiting for you to make a move, to perhaps show him that you still felt the same way about him than you had felt before. You placed your hand on his neck and traced his cool skin with your fingertips. Then you wrapped your other arm around him and pulled him closer which gave him confirmation that you were not scared of him… and you still liked him… a lot. Angel sighed relieved and cupped your face, leaned closer and pressed his lips on yours. This time however you were mentally present so you closed your eyes and parted your lips a little so when his lips landed on yours, you could feel them better.
Angel moved his hand from your jaw and wrapped it tightly around you to hold you close but this time he was careful not to touch the bruise on your right side. He nibbled your lower lip a couple of times and then pressed his lips firmly against yours, moved them against yours as he explored your lips and studied how you liked to be kissed. You kissed him accompanied with silent gasps and moans, shifted your hand from his neck to the back of his head and sank your fingers into his hair. Angel slipped his hand under your shirt and moved it with gentle yet assertive and firm motions on your back, slowly up and down, pressing you closer and keeping you tightly against him.
The kiss grew more passionate, deeper and more possessive, making you get out of breath and turning your knees weak. Angel drew back a little every once in a while to give you space to catch your breath but he always returned to kiss you when your breathing had calmed a little. Suddenly he lifted you up into his arms, carried you to his bed and lowered you carefully on it. He crawled on top of you and tucked you in, “You must be tired” he whispered against your lips and lay down next to you. You yawned almost immediately because you indeed were exhausted, even though you had not noticed it before. “Just fall asleep” Angel spoke softly and watched you closing your eyes with a light smile on your face and then soon falling asleep. He stayed next to you for a couple of hours, until his employees came to work and then he joined them upstairs. He held a brief staff meeting and returned to sleep next to you. It had been a rough thirty six hours and Angel needed some rest as well.
Angel was happy, not perfectly happy, thank gosh for that, but very happy to say at least. He continued fighting evil forces with you by his side and as the months turned into a year or two Angel noticed that he felt lighter somehow. He had been carrying the guilt with him for a lifetime and he most likely would always carry it with him but now it did not curse him into the solitude and depression. He allowed himself to fall in love with you and to find peace with his past which gave him new hope and more reasons to smile more and brood less.
You as well allowed yourself to fall in love with Angel and after some time you quit your job in the coffee shop and started to work with Angel for real. You did not want to be torn in two, balancing between your seemingly normal life and the part of your life where you fought evil and dated a vampire. It just made more sense to focus on either of two and therefore you decided to focus on the latter. You were happy because you had found peace with the choices you had made… besides you were in love with a tall, handsome, very charming hero who would have given his life to defend yours. Yes, life was good… very good indeed, even though it had not exactly gone according to your original plan.