Michael Fassbender / Reader (2) - part 2
You woke up. When you opened your eyes you saw a pair of ice-blue eyes staring at you. “What the fuck?” you mumbled silently with a morning husky voice as you tried to put the pieces together. You had been at your friends place watching a movie. Yes, you had been very tired and then apparently you had fallen asleep… maybe. Michael noticed that you were trying to figure out what had happened and what was happening.
What was happening was you were laying in the same bed with your friend, who was the person that you were trying to avoid, ever since the kiss in the party. Your feet had been swept quite successfully but since you did not want to risk losing a friend, you just had to try to push those feelings aside. Everything had been alright before Michael had accepted the challenge and showed you “the perfect movie-kiss”… in front of everyone. It had been cruel because now you could not be close to Michael without getting romantic ideas in your head.
- You fell asleep and I did not want to wake you up. Michael said and smiled slightly.
- This is not your sofa, is it? you asked with a confused tone. If it was not, it meant that you had been carried into bed.
- No… Michael answered continued smiling.
- Yeah, figured. Your sofa is very comfortable but not this comfortable. you reasoned mostly because you wanted to keep talking so there would be no awkward silences. You had never been in Michaels bed. It was very large and also incredibly comfortable. The bed sheets were made of finest materials and they felt soft and cool against your skin. Michael was sliding his hand up and down on your sleeveless arm softly and he had been doing that the entire time you had been awake. It felt good but it was not helping with your “falling out of love” –project that you were having.
- What are you doing? you asked.
- I’m caressing your arm. he replied with low, but soft tone.
- Why? you asked because you wanted to make some sense out from the situation.
- Because I was hoping that you would like it. Doesn’t it feel good? Michael said without stopping.
- It does but you should not. you said and tried to sat up. Michael however stopped you by pressing your arm gently and keeping you against the mattress. He was too strong and you decided to stop battling against him. “Fine, if he wants to keep me here…” you thought as you tried to find clues from his face. What was he doing? Why was he doing this? Then suddenly he said
- I love you.
- Hey, I love you too, man. you answered and laughed.
- No… you did not understand. I… love… you. he said with a serious, somewhat longing look on his face. You stared at him and you previous smile was suddenly gone. This was not happening. A part of you wanted nothing more than to tell him that you felt the same but the other part of you was terrified. You knew that your dating history was a mess. Therefore you could not start dating Michael. No, it was impossible because you were completely sure that you would screw it up and then you would lose both; a boyfriend and your best friend. You ripped yourself away from the bed and left the bedroom. There was no way you could have a conversation like that in bed.
Michael had not expected you to react like that had and therefore he had not been able to stop you from leaving. He did the next best thing and followed you. You were nervously gathering your things and it seemed that you were getting ready to leave. It was not the outcome that Michael had wanted or even expected. He had hoped that you two would be able to talk things through because he was pretty sure that you would feel the same way for him if you just allowed yourself to.
- Michael, listen-
- For a year. he stated with a calm, but slightly desperate tone.
- What? you asked. You had heard him but you could not believe your ears. Michael continued
- I have felt like this for almost a year. It is not a quick attraction or a… a state of confusion or… madness. I love you and I want to be that person-
- But you were dating other people… I was-
- Yes, I know. I tried to ignore my feelings and then I tried to deny them until I could not anymore. Besides you were seeing other guys… he tried to explain although it was a bit frustrating. He had played the situation in his head countless of times with different possible outcomes but this had never been one of them.
- Yeah… I was and nothing ever works out for me-
- Do you know how it hurts to hear you say that? It hurts that you do not think that you’re meant to ever find somebody! Do you understand how much it hurts to hear you saying that nothing ever works-
- Because it is true! If I dated you I would just screw it up somehow and then I would lose you… you stated and crossed your arms as you tried to shield yourself emotionally and mentally.
- You are not going to lose me-
- That is what you say now! But there is something terribly wrong with me. I am not fit for a relationsh-
- No… I do not believe you. Michael stated with a firm tone. He was not ready or anywhere near willing to accept that. Maybe you had never made it work but it only meant that you had not tried with him yet.
- Why? you asked him. Your tone was defiant and offended. Offended because your dear friend was not respecting you enough to settle for your friendship… no, he wanted to risk it selfishly. So cruel.
- Because I know you felt it too when I kissed you. he said. His tone was getting more desperate by every moment and it was difficult for Michael to understand the situation, how he was being rejected even though he only wanted to love you.
- Felt what exactly? The embarrassment of being kissed in front of everyone? you scoffed and walked into the entrance hall from his living room. Leaving was the only thing you could think about at the current moment.
- No! The spark! Michael exclaimed. You scoffed and chuckled bitterly. “The spark?” you exclaimed.
- Why did you kiss me? you asked with a cold, distant tone.
- Because… I had to. he said. He started to sound pretty hurt and defeated now.
- Right… you said sarcastically as you were putting on your jacket and shoes.
- I had to see if there was chemistry and there was and now I am more than sure that you should be with m-
- Fine, yes! There was a spark and now I cannot help but think about you… Every moment… but cannot you understand, Michael, that I cannot risk our friendship for-
Michael grabbed you from your shoulders and kept you still as he leaned closer to kiss you. His lips basically smashed into yours as he was trying to kiss you desperately. He had a point to prove and he just wanted you to stop fighting. His lips explored yours like his life had depended on them but soon he stopped when he noticed that you were all tensed up in his embrace and you were not kissing him back. Michael parted his lips from yours and let you go. You stepped back immediately and left the apartment after taking your purse that was laying on the floor next to the door that led into the hallway.
Michael felt his heart breaking. He knew that it was not an end and he would try again as soon as you would contact him. He knew that he had surprised you completely. It was obvious and he tried to find comfort from the fact that you had told him basically that you felt the same but were too afraid of losing him as your friend so you were not ready to act upon your feelings. It made Michael very sad. He had imagined in his head the whole thing going completely differently.
He had imagined that you would be happy and you would not leave the bed. He had hoped that he would then be welcomed to kiss you and you would have smiled as you had told him that you were in love with him and wanted to take that risk because the possible reward was so great and the odds were in favor of you both. He after all knew you better than anyone and had been there through your tough times. Sure you both were gambling with your friendship but then again there was so much more that Michael wanted to give you… if only he had had a chance.
You were shocked, profoundly shaken about the revelation. “A year?” you asked yourself repeatedly and it made you feel betrayed. You felt like your best friend had broken your trust in the worst way possible. He should have talked you about his feelings before kissing you in front of everyone. Then things could be different. Yes, that way things would be different. Maybe. The truth was that you were in love with Michael and you knew what he had meant when he had said that there was chemistry between you two. However you were too afraid to just abandon your friendship all of a sudden. “A year!” you exclaimed when you got home.
A couple of days passed by as you tried to adjust yourself to this twist. Michael did not contact you in any way either. It was very unusual because usually you were in touch with each other almost daily. It had been six days since you had talked with him when suddenly your phone rang. You decided not to answer the call because you did not know who the caller was. It most likely was only some telemarketer who wanted you to buy something. But then the person kept calling you and after 4 missed calls you decided to answer.
It was Michaels friend who was in the hospital. Michael had gotten into a motorcycle accident and was currently unconscious. You listened to the man talking on the phone but honestly you could not hear what he was saying anymore. His words turned into random mumble in your ears and you were completely unable to say anything.
- Are you there? the friend asked you since you had not said anything for a long time. You snapped out from your thoughts as you heard your name being called repeatedly.
- Yes… Which hospital? you asked although the friend had told you but you had been too shocked to make any sense out of his words. You hung up as soon as he had told you the name of the hospital and you had told him that you would leave immediately. In an hour you were at the hospital and asked for “Michael Fassbender” from the info personnel.
- Are you family? the nurse asked. You were silent for a moment and then answered
- The girlfriend. you answered. Michaels friend had told the nurse that he was going to call Michaels girlfriend so they knew to expect you. You however did not know about it but you just reasoned that you would be more likely allowed to see him if you were family… besides, you did love him, that was for sure.
- Very well, follow me. he said and led you to the intensive care ward. Michael had his own private room and you saw through the window Michaels friend sitting next to the bed where Michael was laying. You stepped into the room and the friend raised his head when he heard that the door was being opened. He had not been sleeping for a couple of days because the accident had happened the day before yesterday but he had been too busy keeping the yellow press out that he had completely forgotten to call you sooner.
You stared at the unconscious man with a heartbroken look on your face. There was a constant beeping sound coming from the heart monitor and with a quick look it seemed that at least his left arm was broken but you were sure that the injuries were worse than that. Michael would not be unconscious if it was only a broken arm and nothing else.
- What happened? you asked when you had processed the sight.
- I am not quite sure… the friend answered. You shifted your gaze from Michael to him. You knew that Michael always went to drive his motorcycle with his friend and surely it had been the case this time as well.
- It all happened so fast… It was raining and we were racing… and I think that he drove too fast to a steep turn in the road and…
A doctor entered the room. He had been informed that the girlfriend was here and he had come to tell you what the diagnosis was. Michael had a broken arm, some broken ribs but there was no internal bleeding. He had hit his head to the asphalt but luckily he had been wearing a high quality helmet. He however had a concussion and he was kept in artificial coma until the swelling in his brain had gotten better. Michael was given strong pain medication as well as anesthetics until it was safe to let him wake up. His brain healed better when he was unconscious.
You nodded but you were unable to say anything. The doctor said that he would come back later to see how Michael was doing but at the current time there was nothing else to be done but wait. You sat down on the opposite side from the friend. You were too shocked to speak or even to cry. The whole setting and situation just felt too unrealistic and you started to feel guilty. Maybe he was not paying attention to the road because he was still upset from the conversation or more like verbal beating that you had given him. Maybe he was driving too fast and taking unnecessary risks because of that.
- He loves you, you know. the friend said. His voice was quite monotone and it was apparent that he was extremely tired.
- He talked about it many times as he wondered where he would find courage to tell you… he continued. You were silent and felt your courage crumbling down.
- He told me that he finally told you but you rejected him. he said and stared at you. You closed your eyes to stop the tears from falling from your eyes but it was too much. You kept staring at Michael and sobbed silently as his friend continued talking to you. This time you heard him loud and clear and although surely he was not blaming you, it did sound like that in your ears especially because you were kind of blaming yourself.
- If you just knew… Michael would do anything for you. Why did you reject him? he asked. You did not answer. All your reasons felt so stupid now, so petty and insignificant. Yes, why had you rejected him?
- Why? He has a heart you know. A good heart and you just broke it. the friend said with a cold tone. You burst into tears and started to cry violently sometimes completely unable to breath and sometimes gasping for air as quick shallow gasps.
- He was so determined that he would sweep you off your feet up to the point that he became almost desperate… and then you just… told him that you wanted to be his friend. the friend stated.
Yes he had been there. The friend knew that he was being an ass and he was not helping the situation at all by making you cry like that but he was hoping that you would abandon your stubbornness and realize that what Michael felt for you was beyond physical attraction and just a small crush. What he felt for you was something much deeper and the fact that he had been in love with you for almost a year was a clear indicator that his feelings were not going to fade away that easily and there was no way to get back to the friendship –thing now. No, it was beyond that especially now that you had broken his heart and pushed him beyond desperation.
- But you do love him, don’t you? the friend said. You dropped your head and pressed your eyelids shut so tightly that it almost hurt. Your makeup was burning your eyes as it got smudged under your eyes and made black lines on your face as the tears fell out from your eyes and rolled on your cheeks. You kept crying with your head down for a long time until you calmed down. Then you told the friend basically that he looked like shit and it was obvious that he needed some rest. You promised that you would stay with Michael and let him know immediately if there were changes in his condition. You also promised to keep the paparazzi away because that was the last thing that Michael needed; someone gossiping about him and the accident.
You sat by the bed and after a moment you encouraged to take Michaels hand. You squeezed it and brushed his knuckles with your thumb. You sometimes stood up to caress his cheek softly with the back of your fingers, hoping that he would feel you. The hospital got quieter as the night came. You were asked to leave and go home but you refused. The nurse however decided to let you stay because she thought that it was safer that way. She thought that you were in such state of mind that if you were left alone you might get into an accident or something like that because you were clearly unable to focus your attention to anything but crying and holding the patients hand.
The next day you started to talk to Michael because you had finally stopped crying. There were no tears left and the worst shock was gone. Firstly you apologized for leaving like that. You said that you were sorry for being so afraid and not understanding that his feelings were so deep. You told him that you wished that you had understood your feelings and his feelings better and found the courage to embrace them instead of just trying to deny them. You wished that you had stayed and wrapped your arms around him instead of freezing completely and then breaking his heart. You had not wanted to risk your friendship with him but you had failed to realize that there was a chance for so much more.
- You’d better get well soon because I cannot lose you. Not now, not like this… You know why? you asked and chuckled as you tried to hold in your tears.
- Because I want a life with you. Did you hear that? I love you… as a friend but also as a man. Yes, I felt the spark. So please… just… wake up. Just wake up and I will never run away from you again. you said and then noticed that the doctor had entered the room.
- You are not the girlfriend, are you? the doctor asked. He had heard enough to put the pieces together.
- No… But I was supposed to be. I would have been if I had not been so stubborn and afraid. He told me that he loved me and I walked away because I did not want to lose him as my friend… although I am in love with him… but sometimes you just don’t see, you know? You don’t take the necessary risks because you’re so scared that you’ll end up screwing everything up.
- I see… Well, luckily you’ll get to tell him all this yourself. I have come to turn off the anesthetics and Mr. Fassbender should wake up in 15 hours.
You stood up and stared at the doctor with wide eyes.
- It means that it would be a perfect time for you to catch some sleep and maybe wash your face. the doctor continued.
- No. you stated although you knew that he was right. Michael was not going to wake up anytime soon because it took time for the anesthetics to leave his system but still, you did not want to risk that he would wake up alone.
- I could get the security to remove you from the premises-
- You cannot do that. you stated.
- Actually I can and I should, but… I will make an exception this time. the doctor said, removed the needle that had been providing the constant medication from Michaels arm, put a bandage to the puncture spot and then left the room.
You called the friend and told him what the doctor had said. He was relieved and asked if you wanted to take a break. You told him that you would stay in the hospital but he was more than welcome to join you after 15 hours when Michael was supposed to wake up, or even sooner but there was nothing much to be done. The friend asked you to let him know when Michael was already well awake.
- I think it is better if I will not be there when he wakes up. he said.
- Why? you asked.
- Because I believe that you have plenty of things to talk about and… I do not want to be there witnessing all that “I love you, kiss-kiss” –smooching as the third wheel, you know. he laughed. He was clearly relieved. You laughed a bit and answered
- Yeah… well… I will call you as soon as the smooch –part is done. Bye now.
The friend chuckled and ended the call.
You tried to take a small nap but the chair was too uncomfortable for that. The hours slipped away as you were somewhere between being entirely awake and completely asleep. You were constantly in and out and you always recoiled when your head dropped. The you decided to lower the railing of the hospital bed as you had decided to lay your head on the mattress for a moment. You had crossed your arms and rested your head on them as they were laying somewhat relaxed on the bed. It was getting late again although you had no knowledge of the exact time. You fell asleep.
Then suddenly you felt someone brushing your hair softly or maybe you were only dreaming. You had just fallen asleep and it was very obvious, judging by the dark circles under your eyes that you had not been sleeping for a while and judging by the black lines on your cheeks, you had been pouring your eyes out so it meant that you were surely exhausted. Michael had woken up an hour ago, soon after you had fallen asleep yourself, but he had not wanted to wake you up so he had settled with just running his fingers through your hair as you were taking a nap.
He was happy that you were there and that you were sitting on the side of his bruised but not broken arm which made it possible for him to brush your hair which felt like finest and most precious silk under his touch. He reached to caress your neck and smiled to himself as he traced your earlobe. He loved everything about you, even the shape of your ears, your cute nose, those gorgeous lips and soulful eyes. He loved every small detail about you, every line that decorated your face, every curve of your body but more than anything he loved your personality and he loved to have you with him.
The accident had happened so fast that he had not had enough time to think about anything. His life had not flashed in front of his eyes and in one blink everything had gone completely black but when he had woken up, the first thing he had thought about had been… you. He had been so relieved to see another day so he had a chance to see you again and tell you about his feelings and convince you to give him a chance to love you. Then he had heard you mumbling something in your sleep and as he had shifted his hand, he had felt your locks that were just calling him to tangle his fingers into them. So he had.
You returned to reality as you felt that there was something on your neck, tickling you. You jumped a bit when you realized that it was finger that was tracing your skin up and down with slow, soft movements. You heard Michael laughing a little although his voice sounded hoarse and weak. Suddenly you were completely awake and raised your head to see what was going on. You saw Michael smiling at you. He was awake. At that moment your tiredness was completely gone, almost as if you had been injected with caffeine but it was actually your own body that was now pumping adrenaline into your bloodstream. You stared at him and he stared at you.
- How are you feeling? you asked after you had managed to gather your thoughts.
- Better if you’ll kiss me. Michael answered and winked his eye at you. You stood up and bend over the bed. Michael raised his unbroken hand and placed it behind your head and gently guided your lips on his. Your lips caressed his with slow, gentle motions as your hand cupped gently his cheek. You kept kissing him and after you had stopped and allowed you both to catch some air, you stayed close and smiled against his lips. Then you absolutely had to kiss him again.
- I love you. Michael whispered against your mouth as you parted your lips from his. This time you chuckled relieved and answered with soft, loving tone
- Hey man, I love you too.
Michael was released from hospital after some days. You moved in with him temporarily so you could be there for him and be take care of him. The doctor had forbidden all kind of physical exertions and ordered him into bed-rest so it was your job to make sure that he was not going weasel his way out from that. Sure he told you sometimes that he was getting bored of staying in bed but you did not listen. You just lay beside him and shared the boredom.
Unfortunately you could not even cuddle him because of the broken ribs but you got creative with the ways to be close to him and show him how much you cared about him. Your absolute favorite was to write secrets on the skin of his right arm with your fingertip and seal them with soft kisses. You also liked to caress his face with featherlike touches and brush his cheeks with your lips so softly that he did not always even know for sure if you were actually touching him or if he was only dreaming. You also liked to draw hearts and write sweet nothings on the cast that was protecting his broken arm.
You immediately told him everything that you had said to him at the hospital and assured him that you were not running away anymore. Michael believed you and most importantly he forgave you although he did not think that there was something to forgive. He had handled the telling –part equally poorly and your freaking out had not been entirely your own fault. He could not wait to be able to wrap his arms around you and hold you tightly against him, with both of his arms and with no fear of cracking his ribs that were slowly but surely healing, just like his left arm.
As time passed the bruises on Michaels skin faded away and his body healed. After three months from the accident he finally got a confirmation from the doctor that he was completely healed and he got to tell you that there were no longer any restrictions. He had told you even before that he was fine and it was fine if you rested your head on his chest but you had never done even that because you did not want to risk it. So now, when he came home from the doctors that evening he took your hand and led you straight into the bedroom and muffled your objections with kisses.
He lay down on his back and pulled you on top of him and when you tried to be very careful, he wrapped his arms around you for the first time. After holding you against his chest tightly, he rolled you against the mattress and ended up on top of you. “Are you sure it’s saf-“ you managed to say when your voice got muffled again. This was the first time Michael was that close to you and talking was the last thing he was interested in doing. You decided to trust him and reached to find the hem of his shirt and slipped your hands under it. Michael sat up and pulled you to sit up as well. You pulled his shirt off and he did the same to you and then lay you down against the soft pillows as he deepened the kiss and enjoyed feeling your skin against his.