four weeks.
“Aww, it’s quite cute, actually.” Janet says and obviously comes across as sarcastic because Rachel’s eyes look like they’re about to pop right out of her head.
“It’s fuckin’ tragic is what it is.” She says, staring into the bottom of her wine glass as if it was a magic 8 ball that could give her any clues as to what the fuck to do about it all. Move syndicate? Move house? Move planets?
“Look, you might call her Godzilla, but she’s not actually a monster. So, you made a move on her and she didn’t reciprocate? Just move on, Rach, she probably already has. I wouldn’t dwell on it.” Janet was very good at reassuring, but Rachel was never very good at not dwelling, all she could do now was hope that Gill would never bring it up or else she might actually drop dead where she was stood.
The syndicate the next day was boiling hot. Rachel was actually convinced that she’d died and this was her hell - sat there at her desk, sweating buckets and waiting for Gill Murray to strut through the door and charge her with harassment.
“D’ya not wanna take that shirt off, Rach? Cool down a bit?” Kevin says, leaning into her ear and Rachel just sticks two fingers up and her tongue out at him as he continues on his way to his desk.
Half an hour passes before the telltale sign of Gill’s heels clicking fills the corridor. Rachel feels her entire body freeze, all she can move is her wide eyes over to Janet who’s mouthing ‘don’t panic’ at her.
“Hello, gang! - no, didn’t like that... Anyway! As it’s hotter than the chuffing sun in here this morning, you’re free to roam around outside until such a time as you’re needed to solve crimes. Keep your phones on and your eyes open.” she waves her team off and they all erupt into chatter about where they’ll go. “Ah, ah. No pub! You’re still on duty.” she was only half convinced that they wouldn’t decide to take the freedom as an opportunity to get pissed.
“Not you, Bailey. My office, please.” Gill says in a tone so low Rachel could feel it vibrate through her soul.
“I’ll wait for you downstairs.” Janet shoots her best friend the most reassuring look she can and slinks off down the corridor.
“Sit.” The DCI says directing Rachel to the chair in front of her desk and perches on the edge of it, looking as if she’s waiting for the younger woman to confess to a murder.
“Boss, if this is about the other night I just wanna say that I’m so embarrassed. I don’t know what I was thinking, I should never have thought it was appropriate to… You know. I’m sorry and it won’t happen again.”
“Don’t they call you Sherlock out there?” Gill says, leaning in closer to the DC, taking off her glasses.
Rachel almost laughs. “No. Well, Janet does but I think she’s being sarcastic when she says it.” She’s convinced the sweat must actually be showing through her shirt at this point.
“Wait for me.” Gill almost whispers. Rachel’s eyes flicker to the door for a second, certain she can’t be talking to her.
“Wha-“ Rachel is speechless for probably the first time in her whole life.
“Wait for me.” Gill says again, louder this time, more confident. Then she rolls her eyes when the so-called bloody detective sat in front of her is blank behind the eyes.
“Honestly, Rachel. I have to spell it out?” She leans back now, folding her arms. “I cannot - will not - have a relationship with someone while I’m their senior officer. I mean, imagine! And even you can’t think that’s sensible either - shagging the boss while trying to make your way up the ranks? Kevin alone would have so much ammunition he’d probably blow himself up.”
“Okay.” Rachel says, biting at her thumbnail, still not quite sure if she’s dreaming or not. Like maybe she’s ill and has a fever and dreaming that it’s too hot because her temperature is actually just sky high.
“Okay?” The older woman raises an eyebrow.
“Yes. I think I’m realising how long I’ve wanted this. I knew there was something, something more than just some stupid hero-worshipping thing, but it wasn’t ‘til it all happened with Helen Bartlett and I had to run about playing messenger - keeping it together for Janet and Dodson, like you did for me, and Ade, and the girls when it all happened with Geoff Hastings - when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball, cry my eyes out and wonder what the fuck I’d do if… That’s when I realised I-“
“Me too.” Gill whispers, wiping a stray tear off her cheek with one hand and squeezing Rachel’s and with the other. She couldn’t take it if Rachel actually finished that sentence. “I thought about you a lot while I was in that car. How I’d never get to tell you how proud I am of you. How I’d never get to see you out-rank me one day, or tell you- well, there’s a lot of things I thought I’d never get to tell you.”
They stay like that for a while, fingers intertwined, neither of them saying anything - until Gill pops the bubble.
“Janet will wonder where you’ve got to.” She says and the sudden broken silence startles the other woman slightly, her thumb still lightly tracing circles into Gill’s palm.
“Yeah. Better go.” Rachel says, not making any attempt to move for the better part of five minutes after, but when she does attempt to stand up, so does Gill and Jesus Christ, Rachel thinks. Their bodies are pressed against each other in the space between Rachel’s chair and Gill’s desk. In lieu of doing what she really wants to, Rachel presses her forehead against the shorter woman’s.
“I’m sorry.” Gill says and Rachel gently shakes her head.
“Hey, what’s another four weeks on top of four years, eh?” Rachel says softly, pulling herself out of the other woman’s orbit, suddenly feeling cold despite the heat.