Chapter 3
When Honami woke up Sunday, she got dressed into an outfit similar to yesterday’s, and took things slower today. She texted Kanade she’d be over today, made herself some tea, and sat down on her chair. Her body ached and she couldn’t stop feeling dizzy. She usually seemed to live in the constant state of lightheadedness, but it was never this bad. It was probably because she overworked herself, she was assuming. She collapsed onto her bed, lying down for about ten minutes before pulling herself back together.
She got some water and something salty to eat. She craved salt a lot, and this was to satisfy that almost lust for it her body had. She felt a lot more energized, and while still out of it, she felt much better. She got her bag of things, shoving a few containers of snacks + food and bottle of water in it, and lay down on her bed until it was time to go to Kanade’s. She felt a lot better lying down. She was at peace with her body for a bit…
The clock reminded her it was time to get to Kanade’s, and so she got ready, headed to her parents’ car, and went to Kanade’s house. When she stood up, she walked over to Kanade’s house, vertigoed as ever. Looking back… the constant dizziness of last night wasn’t a one time thing. She was constantly getting lightheaded, and it would swing randomly. She was sure it was probably just because she wasn’t in great shape… that was it. She wasn’t doing THAT bad, so she’d be fine.
She sat down in a chair at the table, needing a break from how little she did. The moths seemed to be still following her— one was on Kanade’s window— but they seemed to be respecting her space more. When Honami was ready to go and complete her tasks, she began brewing tea, reheating the food she had in containers, and when that was done, knocked on Kanade’s door.
Kanade whispered a “come in”, and when Honami opened the door, Kanade was stuck to her bed, barely able to move. She had done her fair share of research on ME/CFS as to help provide care to Kanade better, and she knew Kanade was likely at the peak of a PEM episode. She got the tea and the food, and began placing it on the small bedside table, the one place where Kanade could seem to get to.
“Thanks, Honami. You really make my life so much better…”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“It might not be a big deal to you, but it honestly makes my life so much better. You do so much for others, and never ask for anything in return, and outright deny compliments. You’re allowed to be good at things. You’re allowed to take a break. You do so many things that make MY life better, and that makes a lot of other people’s lives better. And if you choose to continue what you started last night, you’ll be making more people’s lives better, but if you need to, you can take a break from helping other people. You’re good at making people happy, but you need to let yourself be happy.”
Honami sat there, nodding, still listening to Kanade’s words.
“You’re a lot like Yuki in that way. The both of you never let yourself destress or relax. While it’s okay to hold yourself that way, you need to take care of Honami before everyone else. You only have one shot to live in your body, so you need to sit down and take care of yourself b
when you need to take a break. Maybe take today to go do something for yourself after.”
Honami smiled. Even if Kanade often had difficulty showing it for more than one reason, she knew she cared for her. Kanade was so warm and loving, even though, like Honami, it often came off in a much more self deprecating manner than intended. Neither of them meant to sound so unable to compliment themselves. “Once I’m done eating, I’ll go back to sleep… so you can leave.”
As Kanade finished her meal, her and Honami parted their ways, and Honami was wondering what to do to calm down. Apparently there was a new place at the mall that sold apple pies, and Honami was very fond of comparing and contrasting the differing textures and flavours of every shop’s, in order to make sure she had the exact apple pie for her mood. Maybe she’d invite one of her friends… that is, if any of them actually ever bothered to text her back. Which was none of them. Oh well.
Then Honami realized something… she had Amia’s contact information! Maybe she could invite them to go to the mall with her, that is, if they weren’t busy, and wanted to go with Honami, and enjoyed spending time with her, and wanted to go to the mall, and—
Oh god, she was overthinking again, wasn’t she? Regardless, she added Amia on Nightcord, upon which her friend request was almost instantly added.
Honami found it very hard to start a conversation. What if Amia didn’t want to spend time with her, or thought she was weird, or didn’t really like her and— There she went again. She sent a message to Amia asking if they were free and wanted to go to the mall, upon which they answered yes, saying their parents could drive. Thank god… Honami told her parents of her excursion, of which they nodded.
Amia’s parents soon came to pick Honami up. Now that they were in their normal form, they looked familiar. Honami swore they had definitely randomly entered Miya before to talk to people— Mafuyu came to the top of her mind. Honami sat down in the back of their parents’ car, and Amia seemed to be in a dress more blue than the colour itself.
Amia was the one to break the awkward silence. “Heya, Honami! How are you?”
“I’m a bit tired… that’s all. How about you?”
“I’m doing pretty good! Do you think I should crash Miya again tomorrow?”
“If you do, say hi to me.” Would having a friend from a different school look bad for Honami? She didn’t wanna be made fun of.
“Gotcha!” They giggled.
The two of them bounced off each other quite well. Amia talked a lot, Honami listened a lot, and they overall just got along quite fine without Honami having to force herself to do things she didn’t feel comfortable doing. That was so nice… she could remember the last time she felt that way. When her, Shiho, and Ichika were supposed to share a class and stay friends til the end. So much for that.
Either way, she was friends with Amia now, and they were going to the mall together! They arrived rather quickly, and Honami made sure to ask what Amia’s real name was (it was Mizuki Akiyama) and to point out just how nice Mizuki’s dress was.
“Well, I can say the same thing for your hair! You clearly put tons of time and effort into how you did it this morning! It’s sooo cute!”
She wouldn’t be kidding if she said she was, quite frankly, the colour of a tomato.
“You okay? You look a bit out of it after I told you that…”
“I’m just not used to people complimenting me… so I guess I got flustered.”
“Well then… I’ll make sure to cure you of your compliment deficiency! Doctor Akiyama is in the house!”
Honami smiled. “Where do you want to go first?”
“Do you mind going to this one clothing store? I really like fashion, and I bet you’d look adorable in all the newest styles! I’ll lead the way!”
Mizuki dragged Honami all the way there. She wasn’t unwilling to go, just a lot lower energy than Mizuki was. Once they were in the store, it seemed so much bigger than Honami had imagined. She understood how anyone could get lost in here, especially someone as enthusiastic about fashion as Mizuki seemed to be. To say they were vibrating from excitement was an understatement.
They first brought Honami over to an area that seemed to be dedicated to lolita fashion, going on and on about the history of lolita and all the different styles and the subculture. Honami wasn’t aware of all this detail about the clothes she had always stared at with a certain jealousy of those with the confidence to wear them, and she was willing to learn all about it! Especially since it made Mizuki so happy.
Honami was listening to Mizuki’s rambles when she heard two all too familiar voices and the sounds of crutches. Please, don’t be Ichika and Saki. She couldn’t really deal with that right now—
“Icchan, you’d look SOOOOO handsome in this!”
“That vest is 5000 yen… I don’t have that kind of pocket money…”
“You so make a good point… I’d buy it for you, but I don’t have that money either, and I don’t have a job I can make up for the debt I’ve put myself in for the prettiest person ever!”
Honami looked at Mizuki, lying that she needed to use the bathroom. She’d done this so many times before. She sat on the toilet, hoping she could wait it out. Five minutes had passed… it was probably safe to go out now. Mizuki probably hadn’t moved much, and she was correct about that fact. Standing right next to them, though, chatting up a storm, was Saki. And when Saki got her eye on Honami, she pretty much exploded from joy.
“OH MY GOD! HONA! I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN SOOOOOO LONG! 100 years without you has withered this poor heart of mine!” Saki did the closest to suffocating Honami with a hug as she could on forearm crutches. Saki had barely changed… Honami sure hoped the ICU hadn’t hurt her too badly, but she supposed Saki’s obliviousness to her and Ichika’s drift was an extra blow to the heart.
Ichika, meanwhile, just stared at her feet. There was something missing from her. She looked so, so dull. Like someone had taken her joie de vivre and shot in front of her eyes. She looked tired in the way Saki did whenever she used up all her spoons. Honami wasn’t sure what had done the final damage— was it Shiho leaving, or Honami deciding Ichika would be better off without her, or thatincident without a single person supporting her…?
“Saki, let’s go. We can talk to Honami at school tomorrow. You wanted to see that bubble tea place, right?”
“I did… but I haven’t seen Hona in so long.” Saki pouted. “Bye bye Hona! Have fun with Mizuki!” She winked before racing ahead at full speed on crutches.
“You know Saki? I didn’t know you’d know her! You seemed kinda tense with her and that other girl— Ichigo or something was her name, I think. Is something up?”
“It’s a really long story.” Honami scratched the back of her neck.
[ 10, J, Q, K, they’re all here. ]
[ I’ve dreamed of its stain of imperfection since the very beginning. ]
“I think it might not be a bad idea to patrol around her house. There was something really off about her today.”
“I hope it hasn’t been left to sit for too long… I really hope she’s okay.” She swallowed her spit before the two of them headed off to their destination, too shrouded by the night for her to even know that they were coming, if she was even awake. She was in dire, dire need of help.