Darcy peeked through the curtain to look at the audience, the lounge lights dimmed because of the performance happening on the small stage. The place wasn’t packed, but it was fuller than usual. There wasn’t an empty seat at the bar, as far as she could tell because the lights were dimmed, and the tables up front were all occupied. She closed the curtain and looked around backstage, noticing all the famous jazz players on the posters littering the walls. As she took a deep breath, she noted absentmindedly that some of them were actually signed. She took another sip of her whiskey, her third glass in, and closed her eyes to savor the taste. She’d found this little speakeasy joint months ago, and hadn’t told a soul about it, needing to have something for herself that didn’t have to do with work, or the avengers, or…him.
“You’re up in next, kid.” Jimmy, the owner of the place, gruffly told her. She nodded her acknowledgement, and leaned back against the wall. She tugged on her dress, a satin red floor length wrap gown that matched her fire engine red lipstick and fit her body like a glove. The deep v neckline showed off her ample cleavage, and the material hugged her curves like a call back to the glamourous pin up girls of the past. She reached up to adjust the matching red flower in her hair, but stopped herself because she knew it was just fidgeting due to the small amount of nerves she had.
About a minute and a half later, she moved to let a smaller guy get past her to the stage. He waited until the music winded down and the song finished, and walked out on the stage as the performer was taking a bow.
“Alright you guys, give it up for my man James and his band, The Bad Mojo!” The announcer said and the applause got louder. His way of speaking was so smooth, it really felt as though you’d been taken back in a time machine.
“Now I want you guys to make some noise for our next little songbird, a firecracker all the way from Memphis. You’ve probably seen her grace this stage a few times, but she’s leaving on a midnight train to Georgia later tonight. We’ll be sad to see her go. Give it up for my personal favorite, one last time, Miss Dee Lewis!” He yelled and the applause roared.
He held out his hand toward her, and she walked out onto the stage in her 6 inch Louboutin heels. As soon as they saw her, the applause grew even louder. She smiled at him, while hugging him and kissing his cheek. He made it even more raunchy by fanning himself after, getting a laugh from the audience. As he walked off stage, the stage hand replaced the normal microphone with Darcy’s favorite microphone and stand, an old microphone from the 40’s that had been in the backroom for decades. It was a personal request made by Darcy to make her feel more at home. The stage hand also put a stool next to the mic, which Darcy put her whiskey on after she took a small sip.
When the spotlight fell on her, it was like she transformed, and became the Darcy she used to be. Her voice changed, and became sultrier. Her attitude changed just a bit as well, becoming more laid back and low key.
“How are yall doing tonight?” She asked in a sensual tone, earning more applause. She answered with a smile. “I’d like to thank The Bad Mojo for staying on and helping a poor girl out one last time…for one last song.” The band behind her made noise as the crowd cheered. “Now if you guys know me…you know I like to be comfortable. So, I’m just gonna take off these expensive heels…” She said as she reached down to take off the shoes and place them on the stool next to her drink, much to the crowd’s amusement. “That feels so much better.” She laughed along with the audience.
“You’re probably wondering why I’m all dressed up to catch a train…well, I went to a wedding today. And not just any wedding…I had to watch the man of my dreams marry another woman today.” The crowd awed, and some booed. Darcy paused thoughtfully. “You know…I psyched myself up all week to prepare for it, but when it was finally happening…I couldn’t do it. I barely made it past the vows…I had to get out of there. You walk around this world thinking you’re all grown up, but in the blink of an eye something can happen and make you feel so small you want to run and hide again like when you were a child.” She shared as emotions flowed over her.
“Ladies, have you ever been in love?” The women in the crowd cheered. “I know it too well…that’s what this music’s about. Ever had a man walk out on you? And then, take some other broad down the aisle?” She took another small sip of whiskey and they cheered even louder. “Do you know even know what that feels like? There’s no pain in the world like it.” She paused thoughtful again. “So, if you’ll allow me, I’d like to sing what’s on my heart for yall. One last time.” The crowd cheered and she nodded back at the band to start.
Soft tones flowed through the club, slow and emotional, music from decades ago. Darcy waited until she was good and ready, and started singing. The raw, soulful voice that erupted from her shocked everyone in the place.
“I heard
Church bells ringing
I heard
A choir singing
I saw my love
Walk down
The aisle
On her finger
He placed a ring”
Darcy’s eyes began watering as everything she felt sitting in the church pew, in the very back, came rushing back to her. She watched numbly as the bride walked down the aisle with her father. The dress was a huge white poufy thing, that pretty much swallowed her whole, and she had a long train trailing behind her. Darcy hated herself for thinking it (and she hated the dress even more), but she truly did look like a princess. The bridesmaids all stood at the altar waiting, in there needlessly expensive couture cotton candy pink dresses. Pepper, Jane, Natasha, Maria, and two of the bride’s family members looked beautiful. The groomsmen—Tony, Bucky, Clint, Bruce, Thor, and Sam all stood there in their vintage black suits with matching pink ties. When the bride’s father lifted back her veil, kissed both her cheeks and gave her away, away to him, Darcy felt a stab of pain in her heart.
“Oooh, oh
I saw them
Holding hands
She was
Standing there
With my man
I heard
Them promise
Til death do
Us part
Each word
Was a pain
In my heart”
As she remembered the preacher beginning the service, ‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman, in holy matrimony…’, the tears started falling and she poured her pained heart out into the song.
“All I could do
All I could do
Was cry
All I could do
Was cry
I was
Losing the man
That I love
And all
I could do
Was cry”
She remembered the day she received the wedding invitation in the mail, Jane was too busy to notice, but she felt her entire world stop when she read it. Inside the expensive, gaudy looking envelope (something Darcy would’ve never chosen) she found a handwritten note from him.
‘Darce,
I know it’s been a while since we’ve spoken, but I really hope you can make it. It would mean a lot to me.
Love, Steve’
She felt herself shatter inside, just seeing his handwriting.
“And now
The wedding
Is over
The rice, rice
Has been
Thrown over
Their heads
For them life
Has just begun
But mine
Is ending”
Darcy felt the tears coming down her face in streams as her pain flowed out through her voice. Flashes of the ceremony earlier kept replaying in her mind.
The preacher asked as the bride, “Do you, Sharon, take this man to be your husband, to live together in holy matrimony, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?" The smile she gave, like it was the happiest day of her life, broke Darcy’s soul. The look she gave him, like she was so madly in love with him, made her sick.
But the look he was giving her…the look in his eyes…like she absolutely hung the moon, was heartbreaking. Darcy felt like being there was slowly killing her. “I do.” Sharon answered sweetly, yet confidently as if she was certain there was nothing she wanted more in the world. Darcy broke. She couldn’t sit through another minute, and she absolutely could not hear him say ‘I Do’ to another woman…she would die. She quietly got up and slipped out the side door, unseen.
“Ooh
All I could do
All I could do
Was cry
All I could do
Was cry
I was losing
The man
That I love
And all
I could do
Was cry”
Darcy finished the song in full out tears, while the crowd vehemently screamed and cheered for her. “Thank you.” She said in a watery voice, while they continued to cheer. The announcer slowly walked back out onstage and put an arm around her. “Ladies and gentlemen,” He said over the cheering. “Miss. Dee. Lewis.” He said sadly, and she hugged him through her tears.
She grabbed her shoes and her drink and as she walked backstage, the small crowd was still cheering for her. She went in the dingy restroom and spent a few moments in there, cleaning up her face and collecting herself.
When she came back out, the next performer was already on, and the lights were low again. She walked over to the bar and took her usual seat, nodding at the bartender for her usual one last time. She looked at her phone, checking the time to make sure she had enough time for a few drinks before she had to hail a cab to get to Grand Central Station. She had 18 missed calls, and 24 missed texts from various friends wondering where she went during the wedding. She ignored them all, and took a generous sip of her whiskey. She scrolled through her phone, not noticing as a stranger took up the seat next to her.
“I know you probably want to be alone right now, but I just wanted to let you know you put on a hell of a show Doll. I had no idea you could sing like that.” He spoke, and Darcy froze. When she looked up, her green eyes were met with the stunning blue orbs that she’d fallen in love with. She couldn’t believe it. Steve was here.
“What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at the reception?” She asked, feeling braver than she actually was due to the whiskey. He sighed heavily, and for once when she looked at his face she saw how old he really felt. “So you’re leaving and you weren’t gonna tell anybody, huh? I’m betting the others don’t know…” He said, ignoring her questioning.
Darcy schooled her features and turned to take another drink of whiskey. She finished the glass and sat it down, looking into it because she didn’t know what to say.
“I can’t be here anymore.” She answered. He nodded in understanding. They sat there for a couple moments in silence, letting the sounds of the trumpet player on stage fill the air.
“I get that. I know I’m probably the last person on earth you wanna see right now.” He downed the glass of whiskey he’d gotten for himself, something they always had in common. It was his fourth glass of course, having no effect on him, but he still felt like he needed to drink something because of how he was feeling. After…everything, he just started walking, walking for hours, and happened by this little hole in the wall. Deciding to stop in and have a drink, he had no idea what he’d witness on stage.
Darcy signaled for another round, seeing she still had 5 minutes left before she had to catch a cab. She could just leave. She should just leave. And not say anything else, just leave New York and all of the pain behind her. She could go back to Memphis, with her grandmother, where she actually mattered and try to remember what it felt like to be happy. She didn’t need to do this.
But as she proved earlier by even attending the ceremony, she was a glutton for punishment. “Why are you here, Steve?” She asked finally. He huffed, and took deep drink of his next glass. “I couldn’t go through with it.” He said quietly, so quietly Darcy doubted if she’d heard him right.
“Last night, when I was talking with her…she sounded so excited. She kept talking about how she couldn’t wait to become Mrs. Captain America…and during the ceremony, that’s all I could think about. It kept repeating in my head, over and over again, and I finally realized…she didn’t want to marry me. She wanted to marry him.” The silence between them was thick, as Darcy was unsure what to say.
“You know…on some deeper level, I think I knew it all along…I just convinced myself to go through with it because I’d already asked her. When it was my turn to say ‘I Do’, I froze. I knew I couldn’t do it. So I left. She was furious.” He took a sip of his drink. “I’m a terrible person.”
Darcy tossed the remainder of her drink back and stood up and paid her tab, knowing it was time for her to leave. She bit her lip as she thought carefully of what she should say. “You’re not a terrible person, Steve. A terrible person would have gone through with it and made you both miserable for the rest of your lives. You’ll never be a terrible person in my eyes.”
“I’m not a terrible person because I walked out…” He said solemnly. “I’m a terrible person because I wasted all this time with her knowing she wasn’t really the person I was in love with. I had feelings for someone else.”
Darcy’s heart stopped.
“Darcy,” He finally turned towards her and looked her in the eyes. “It’s you. It’s always been you, even when I was too stupid and stubborn to admit it. When we broke up, I wasn’t really finished. Not like I said I was. I was only with her because I knew I could never have you again. After everything I said…there’s no way to take all that shit back. I knew you’d never be able to forgive me. What makes me a terrible person is that I fucked up a really good thing, with a really great girl, and I’ll never be able to win her back and repair it. Because I was too much of a bonehead to admit I was fucking wrong.” He scoffed.
“I can storm behind enemy lines and fight off an alien invasion, but I couldn’t apologize to the girl I’m in love with. Captain America…what a fucking joke.” He shook his head and looked back down in his drink.
Time slowed down, and the room seemed to buzz. Everything seemed to pulse around her, as Darcy heard her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She looked from Steve down to her suitcase beside her, and up to the door. Then she blinked, slowly looking back at him. Darcy knew what this was. Her grandmother had told her about it when she was a little girl. She said sometimes in life, you reach a crossroads. A really important moment. A decision that will alter your life entirely, changing the path you walk forever, and you must make a choice. It’ll feel like time has slowed down almost, and everything around you will fade into the background.
In that moment, she says you should always follow your heart.
“You’re wrong.” She said softly, and he looked up at her face in question. “Love doesn’t care how stupid you act, because that’s what it does. It makes you stupid. And real love, true love, doesn’t stop because you did exactly what it's supposed to make you do. It grows, because forgiveness is the only way it keeps going.”
Steve’s forehead wrinkled as he stared into her eyes. She finally saw all the emotions and pain he’d kept hidden from everyone for so long.
“You think you could grow to forgive a terrible person like me?” He asked hopefully.
She gave him a small smile. “I think I can try.”
FIN.