Me and No One Else
This was driving her crazy.
Every time Natasha saw Steve, it seemed like he was spending time with Sharon Carter. Now, there was nothing wrong if they decided to hang around each other, but honestly, this was far too much.
Last week, Sharon kept finding some excuse to drop by the Avengers complex. She had some special assignment in upstate New York, and Steve had invited her - really, what the hell was he thinking when he did that?! - to come over sometimes. And boy, did she ever. Natasha thought there hadn't been a single day when she didn't see the blonde, and that began to irritate her something fierce.
Both Wanda and Clint noticed her attitude after a while. It was kind of hard not to. Natasha had grown increasingly gruff and ill-tempered each passing day. Seeing Sharon and Steve together was threatening to make her the nastiest woman on the planet. Every time she saw Steve, he was either sitting next to Sharon, eating with her, running with her - he only ran six miles so Sharon could join him in the morning; Natasha, herself, could go for twelve miles with him, not a measly six - or sparring with her.
At breakfast, Clint asked her about it. Between a spoonful of yogurt, he asked, "Why are you so pissed, Nat? You are the one who told Steve to call Sharon. Did you really think he would just ignore your advice?"
Natasha bit into her blueberry bagel and scowled at Clint. "No. I knew that he would call her. I just didn't expect things to happen so fast between them. They're spending so much time together that it could really affect the team as a whole. I just don't want Steve's focus to be on something less important."
She was really overcompensating for the reason of voicing her concern, but Clint wasn't going to address it. Natasha needed to be honest with herself about why seeing Steve and Sharon together bothered her so much.
"Nat...you know I'm not one to butter you up with assurances and tell you that everything is gonna be okay because it clearly isn't. You need to sit down and have a talk with him about your feelings."
There was no pretense in her eyes as she looked back at Clint. He was her best friend and he knew her better than she knew herself sometimes. It was a blessing because he could give her a helping hand when she needed one and a swift kick in the ass when she needed that, too. In this case, it felt like both.
"I...I don't know if I should. Clearly, he has an interest in Sharon. They're probably in a relationship too, so if I were to tell him 'Hey, guess what? I like you,' it's not going to end well."
"You're damn right, it's not going to end well. Not with you saying it like that. 'Tasha...you're the toughest woman I know. And Steve Rogers is the toughest man I know. I've seen the way you work, both in the field and off-duty, as friends. It's pretty obvious that you have feelings for him, at least it is to me. I think there's a high probability that he feels the same. If I could pick any two people in the world who I would love to see together, it would be you and him."
There were only four times in Natasha's life when she was genuinely taken by surprise by other people, and this was the fifth. Natasha raised her eyebrows and said, "Clint, how long have you known?"
He sighed and took a sip of his coffee. "I don't know. Maybe a few weeks before we dealt with Ultron. The two of you had definitely gotten more chummy since the fight with the Chit'auri, but I dismissed it as a friendship that had grown during your work together on SHIELD missions..."
"But?"
"But I started realizing that in the midst of all the teasing you give him about his age and trying to get him a date, you really care about him. You've even touched him on the arm or on the shoulder. You hardly ever touch other people like that, but with Steve, you seem freer to be close. Whenever I see the both of you around each other, I noticed there was something in your eyes at times that made me realize you had begun to fall in love with him."
Natasha's eyes widened and Clint just chuckled, taking another sip of his coffee. She didn't expect him to say that to her. Good. A little surprise can go far if you use it the rIthe way. He stood up and rinsed his cup in the sink. Then he turned and put his hands on Natasha'a shoulders.
"Tell him how you feel and don't half-ass it or try to come off as witty or sarcastic. Just be you. Be Natasha. Even if he only wants to be friends, at least everything will be out in the open and you won't feel so tortured about it anymore."
He was right. There had to be some risks in life to make it worth living. Even Natasha knew that. If she could put her life on the line constantly as an Avenger, she could tell Steve Rogers that she had feelings for him.
"Thanks, Clint."
"Anytime. Now, go knock his socks off."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was unbelievable how clammy her hands were. Natasha kept rubbing her sweaty palms on her pant leg and frowned. This was the worst. She glanced up from her spot on her bed to Steve, who was talking on the phone with Sharon.
Natasha wasn't able to stop her mind from going cynical as she guessed that he was probably missing her and telling her that he loved her. This was Steve Rogers, after all. He may be a tough soldier who had amazing strategic capabilities on the battlefield, but he was still a romantic at heart. That fact quickly became evident to Natasha from the first moment they met on the hellicarrier and when he called her 'ma'am'.
Natasha had read all of the SHIELD'S files on Steve before he decided to join the organisation, and she had to say that he really lived up to the name Captain America. When they first met, she found him attractive and was drawn to his appealing, old-timey kind of charm. But that was before they'd become friends, and there wasn't time for flirting anyway - and even if she wanted to flirt with him during the battle with the Chit'auri, they were far too busy protecting the people and stopping the aliens to do that.
When Fury told Natasha that she and Steve would be paired together as partners for SHIELD missions, she was a little thrilled knowing that she'd be working with him. That, of course, didn't dissuade her from bluntly telling him that she wasn't going to baby him on their missions together - although Steve was the last person who'd need babying. In fact, he told her that, after fighting alongside her in New York, he knew he would look forward to working with her.
Now it had been a little over two years and Natasha considered Steve her closest friend, second only to Clint. That was impressive since she wasn't the trusting type, but Steve was so unlike any other man that she'd ever met. Being in his very presence was inspiring and made you want him to be proud of you.
Part of being Steve's friend meant that he had to be able to trust you. Trust came hand in hand with loyalty and although Steve didn't demand it, he expected it. Especially from his teammates. Natasha had been on the opposite end of that spectrum once.
On the Lumerian Star, when he realized she had an assignment from Fury that she didn't tell him about, it made him angry. It was a rare instance that Steve was genuinely upset. Natasha hated disappointing him back then. She wanted him to know that he could trust her and that she would have his back no matter what. Which is why that moment between them in Sam's guest room gave her such a peace of mind.
When Steve told her that he trusted her as a friend and as a partner, she could scarcely believe it. She wasn't used to being trusted much. Even Fury kept her out of the circle of people who knew he was still alive and that hurt her. More so because, in a way, he was kind of a father figure to her.
Steve Rogers was not a man who trusted people easily, and after SHIELD fell, his trust was even more hard to earn. Still, Natasha fulfilled her part of their mutual promise and kept his trust, taking care not to damage their bond.
"Natasha."
Her green eyes shot up and she looked into Steve's blue ones. "Yeah? Everything okay with Sharon?"
He sat down on the bed next to her, a small smile gracing his features. "She's good. Just wanted to call and say goodbye before her flight out."
Natasha felt a sharp pang in her stomach. Knowing that it was Sharon who brought such a tender smile to Steve's face made her long to punch something. Jealousy was such a terrible thing.
"That was nice of her. The two of you must be pretty close now?"
"I suppose you could say that. As close as any brother and sister would be is the best description I could give for that."
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. What? Brother and sister? Why would Steve refer to he and Sharon like that? Weren't they dating?
Natasha cleared her throat and did her best to sound as natural as possible. "What do you mean? I thought the two of you were kind of...leaning towards becoming more than just friends."
Steve furrowed his brow. "No, we're pretty platonic. Sharon is a good friend and I enjoy her company a lot, but that's all there is to it."
"...so you're not in a romantic relationship?"
A hearty laugh sounded from the blonde's lips and he ran a hand behind his head. No doubt, he was caught off guard by her question and that laugh led her to believe that her worst fears were nonexistent. "No, we're not. Neither of us planned for it either."
Ignoring the pounding sound of her heartbeat, Natasha boldly went on with her line of questioning, wanting to be one hundred and ten percent sure that Steve had absolutely zero romantic feelings whatsoever towards Sharon.
"But if you have no attachment to each other, why did you spend so much time with her the past week that she's been in New York? There hasn't been a day that I can recall not seeing her spending time with you." Against her better efforts, the question comes out with a tinge of possessiveness and bitterness to it and Natasha regretted it the second it left her mouth.
So much for concealing your emotions.
The grin was gone from Steve's face in an instant and there was a new light in his eyes that Natasha didn't want to think about. The next time he spoke, his voice was so tender and reassuring that he had obviously gotten wise to the reason behind her questions.
"She needed to talk to someone about Peggy. I'm the only one who knew her half as well as Sharon did. That's why she and I spent so much time together, Nat. We were...bonding over our connections to Peggy, nothing more than that. There's nothing romantic between us and there will never be."
It was incredibly difficult for Natasha to keep still after those last four words left Steve's lips. They almost sounded like a promise, a promise to-no. Forget it, Natasha.Don't try to explore something that isn't there. "Well...I'm sorry to hear that."
Liar.
It took her a moment before she realized Steve had said that word out loud. Startled, Natasha looked up and shivered at the intense glare in his eyes. She didn't even have to tell him anything. From the look on his face, she could tell that he knew. Probably read her like a book and figured it out easily. Damn him for being so good at that.
The gaze of his probing eyes was too much for her and Natasha looked away, licking her lips nervously. She had made a complete idiot of herself, snapping at him like some jealous harpy. How embarrassing and totally unlike her. She felt an urge to escape.
"...I should go," she murmured.
Natasha stood up and began to back towards the door. Best to leave before things got awkward. Clint was wrong. If she told Steve how she felt, it would ruin everything for good between them. And she was not about to risk harming their close friendship because of it, even if not being with him would keep her up at night, agonising over the painful platonic nature of their relationship.
Before she could reach the door, Steve got in front of it, blocking Natasha from her escape. She swallowed and gave him a firm, yet shaky smile. Keeping herself calm was the best thing to do, even though she was a a trembling mess underneath that smile. She dared to meet his eyes with hers. "Something wrong?"
The only thing she saw was a little muscle twitch of his cheek before he wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her to him, crashing his lips against hers. The move was unexpected and made Natasha's legs stumble a little. Steve must have expected it, though, because he grabbed one of her thighs and pulled it close to him, pressing her soft body to his hard one.
Natasha rubbed herself up against Steve, causing them both to groan. Her hands went around his neck and he tightened his hold on her waist. She hissed, enjoying the possessive, yet gentle touch of his hands to her curves. Their first real kiss and he already knew how she liked to be touched. Steve was just gaining points for himself every second.
Natasha let him switch their positions and push her up against the wall. His hands smoothed over her backside and she wiggled in response. Both of them were breathing hard and Natasha found herself wishing that he'd toss her on her bed and take her. It wasn't as if she hadn't thought about it before.
There had been so many delicious dreams, bordering on sweetly sensual to wildly erotic that she had about the two of them. It was a miracle Natasha has been able to function all this time and keep herself from tearing his clothes off.
Maybe this time, my dreams will come true, she thought to herself with a smile.
After a few moments, his kisses ceased and Natasha tried hard not to pout. She looked up at Steve, waiting for an explanation.
There was a determinedness in his eyes as he spoke. "Nat...it was always you. I did call Sharon, like you told me, but I couldn't pursue her. Not when you were on my mind twenty-four seven. You've been driving me crazy ever since that day in New York. When you jumped off my shield and onto that Chit'auri craft, I was impressed. You kept surprising me by being honest about yourself."
"That talk we had in Sam's house...when you asked me to trust you? I didn't know how much it meant to you, knowing that I have faith in you, but I did then and I still do now. You've been so tough, fierce and independent that I couldn't help but feel pulled towards you."
For the first time in years, a red tint grew on Natasha's cheeks and she grinned impishly. Steve had the grace to look shocked and he blinked in disbelief. "Nat...are you really...?"
She poked his chest and let her finger run along his shirt, fingering the buttons. "Congratulations, Rogers. You're one of the few men in this world who have actually succeeded in making me blush. But seriously...thank you. That means a lot to me."
Steve clasped her other hand in his and kissed it gently. "You're welcome..."
Tentatively, she tugged Steve's collar down to her and he complied, pressing his lips to hers, this time in a more gentle way. Natasha let out a happy sigh and wrapped her arms around Steve's neck. Gradually, Steve's lips left her neck and ran down to her collarbone. He placed hot, wet kisses on her skin and Natasha shuddered in response.
Those crafty fingers began to make their way over Natasha's breasts and she moaned when Steve grasped the soft mound. He cupped her in his hands and tugged her shirt, kissing the exposed flesh he found.
Steve was really taking his sweet time about getting her bra off and Natasha wasn't sure how much longer she could take his lips against the fabric without touching the skin behind it. The little tease.
"Steve...take me to the bed. Now."
The blonde looked at her and smirked. "Yes ma'am."
Holding her safely in his arms, gave her backside a light squeeze and began walking to his bed. The wicked grin on his face made Natasha's insides turn to jelly. It was amazing how confident and sexy he was being with her in such an intimate way. This was an entirely different Steve Rogers than Natasha was used to, and she definitely liked the change.
Steve laid Natasha on the bed and leaned over her body. He cradled her cheek with his palm and gave her a tender kiss on her forehead. Then he entwined her fingers with his other hand, treating her as if she were a precious jewel.
Natasha felt her eyes fill with tears and she tried blinking them away because she didn't want Steve to worry about her. It didn't matter, though, because he saw the tears begin to form and he touched her shoulders.
"Nat? What's wrong? I didn't hurt you, did I?" His voice was full of concern.
The redhead shook her head and a few tears spilled down her cheeks. She wasn't used to being vulnerable like this, but Steve's gentleness was breaking through her defenses and made it hard for her to keep a handle on her emotions.
"No...you just...no one's ever treated me like this before..I don't know how to process it. I-I don't even know that I'm good enough for you either, Steve." Natasha closed her eyes, embarrassed.
She felt Steve tug her up in his arms until she was in his lap. Natasha opened her eyes and looked into his. Steve ran circles on her back as he spoke soothingly. "Nat...you are good enough for me because I want you. Nothing else matters. You're safe with me, I promise. Just...let me love you."
A soft whimper left her mouth and Natasha buried her face in Steve's chest. His hands held her tightly against him as he whispered loving words to her, rocking her back and forth. Eventually, Natasha pulled back, tears dry and sobs driven from her.
That night, she and Steve delighted in exploring each other's bodies, and for the first time in her life, Natasha made love. Steve was gentle and passionate as he slowly stroked his way into her warm depths. When it was over and they both cried out into the night as they reached the height of ecstasy, Natasha knew. Now, they were lovers.
As she began to succumb to sleep, Steve's warm body holding her against him. Nat smiled, thinking how amazing it felt to be safe and protected by a lover, her true lover. She had never felt so welcomed and accepted in anyone else's arms before. This was home. Steve was her home. She kissed him softly and whispered, "я люблю тебя...I love you."