Steve grunted and fell down as the guy slammed his fist into his ribs. This time it wasn’t his fault really. This guy was a bully but Steve didn’t try to stop him from picking on someone. Steve was just minding his own business, walking home when the guy came up behind him and pushed him into the alleyway. Steve might have punched him, but he was picking on a young girl and that was days ago. The guy really shouldn’t hold a grudge. Steve was pulled from his thoughts by a hit to his jaw. His head snapped back and Steve saw stars. He scrambled around on the ground trying to find something to hit back with. His fingers closed around the handle of a round trashcan lid and he held it up defensively in front of him. The guy grabbed it and threw it and Steve into a wall.
“Hey!” Came a familiar voice. The guy turned and was met with a fist to his nose. “Pick on someone your own size” the guy ran off, holding his nose trying to stop the blood gushing down his face. Steve felt himself being lifted up.
“Stevie, when are you going to learn?”
“He jumped me and pushed me in here Buck, wasn’t my fault” Steve protested. Bucky sighed, running a hand through his short brown hair in frustration. He was scowling but his eyes sparkled so Steve knew he wouldn’t be mad for long.
“So you didn’t do anything to him?” Steve looked away.
“I might have punched him a few days ago but he was picking on some girl!” Bucky just grunted and didn’t reply, so Steve traced the lines of his face. Steve didn’t remember a time when he wasn’t in love with Bucky, he was in every memory Steve had.
Bucky smirked, “See something you like Rogers?”
“You wish” he replied but a blush still crept down his neck which didn’t escape Bucky’s notice as he grinned even bigger.
“Come on, Stevie, let’s go home” as he pulled him up and swung an arm around his shoulder. Steve smiled.
“I am home” he thought, staring at Bucky.
Steve slowly made his way past all the darkened windows of the closed shops in Brooklyn. A slight breeze picked up and ruffled his coat but Steve didn’t notice. He was stuck in nostalgia. He remembered walking at night with Bucky who was usually half carrying him after he got into a fight, Bucky would have a closed off expression till they got home where he could yell at Steve before gently bandaging his cuts and bruises. He always sat Steve down and looked like he was about to shout obscenities at him but he never did. He just sighed before pulling Steve into his chest and wrapping his arms around his skinny frame. Steve was so caught up in his memories he didn’t notice the man quietly shadowing him. Steve stopped suddenly and a sob got caught in his throat. How was it fair that he was here and Bucky was gone? All he had of him was an empty grave. The man behind him pulled his guns and clicked the safety off. Steve swivelled on the spot.
“Hail Hydra” he said before two shots rang out in the night. The hydra agent rocked back on his feet and hit the pavement, the gun clanging loudly in the near dead silence of Brooklyn. Steve dropped to the ground, crouching, searching the nearby buildings. At the angle the bullet struck the hydra agent, the shooter had to be somewhere up high on his right. A dark silhouette moved quickly on the eleventh floor of an abandoned building about 50m away. He was tall and well- built and was that a metal arm? He was obviously a crack shot to shoot perfectly from that far away. Steve couldn’t see his face in the dark but the way he held himself and his gun reminded him of Bucky. Steve shook his head.
“Bucky’s gone and he is never coming back” he repeated aloud to himself. Steve didn’t bother running after the sniper, he was too far away and he did shoot the man following so there was a good chance he didn’t want to hurt Steve. Steve grabbed the man’s gun and removed the bullets before sticking it in his jacket. He stared at the man’s body. Steve didn’t need to call Stark to get rid of it because he was wearing the hydra insignia so the police could handle it. Steve shook his head ruefully, even if the mysterious shooter wasn’t there, Steve was sure he could of handled it. The guy was alone and decided to stand within arm’s reach of the super soldier. Hydra was clearly becoming complacent. Though Steve was angry at himself that he let him get that close in the first place. He jogged for the next few blocks to his motorcycle before pulling out his phone to call Tony.
“What’s up Capsicle? You’re missing the party” Stark said upon answering.
“Hello to you too Tony” Steve said with a small smile.
“Yes yes pleasantries and all that, where are you?”
“Sorry got caught up in Brooklyn, is everyone at the tower? Steve asked.
“Yep, Birdbrain 1 and little red are having a who can break the others bones first contest, Thor is enlightening Birdbrain 2 and Pepper with his magnificent tales of battle” Stark said sarcastically, “And Big Green and Jane are-”
“Tony, I have something I need to discuss with avengers when I get back.” Stark sighed
“Oh alright, ruin the fun grandpa”
“Great, I will be there soon” Steve said, ignoring the sarcasm and hanging up before Tony could start talking again. Steve hopped on his Harley and headed toward the Avengers Tower. With Brooklyn whizzing past, Steve felt safer. He thought about the shooter. Sam said it was normal for soldiers to hallucinate and feel guilt over still being alive and all the people who died because of Steve. They had term for it now, PTSD. At first, when he first woke up from the ice, Steve didn’t see Bucky at all when he was awake, he was just in his dreams. Steve tried to grab him but every time, every single time, Bucky fell. He only started seeing Bucky recently. The first time was a few weeks ago when the Avengers were fighting robots that some mad scientist had created in trying to replicate Stark technology. Steve was surrounded and the other avengers could not help because they were too busy destroying the ones advancing on the civilians. Steve had adjusted his shield and got into a fighting stance when all the robots started dropping one after the other.
“Thanks Hawkeye,” Steve had said into the comms.
“Wasn’t me cap, I’m on the ground.” Steve was about to reply when a robot jumped Stark so Steve ran off to help. When the fight was over, Clint and Natasha were scanning the high buildings looking for the shooter.
“There” Clint said, “third balcony, 2’oclock.” Steve stared at the building and saw a person quickly making his way down the fire escape. Steve’s breathing hitched, unnoticeably to the rest of the team, it couldn’t be Bucky but it looked so much like him. Steve’s chest felt heavy and his head swam. ‘It’s not him, you watched Bucky fall’ Steve told himself and turned to see Natasha pale rather quickly.
“Nat?” Clint asked, she shook her head.
“It’s nothing, I am just sore” It was easy to see nobody believed her.
“Lady Natasha, if you know this person-“
“I said it’s nothing” she snapped, harshly. “I’m sorry, but this is not for you to know” Bruce lightly touched her shoulder.
“It’s ok, we trust you, and if we ever need to know you’ll tell us” Natasha nodded.
“Well I don’t know about you guys but I could really use a shower” Clint said and just like that the tension bled out. In the helicarrier on the way back to the tower, Steve though about how he shooter looked like Bucky. But of course that wasn’t possible, it must just be his guilt making him see things because Bucky was dead. He couldn’t explain why he would start hallucinating Bucky now. The second time Steve had seen him was when he and Sam were on their morning run and Steve saw him sitting on a park bench, he stopped so suddenly that Sam ran straight into him and they both hit the ground. By the time Steve looked up, Bucky was gone or maybe he was never really there.
Steve sighed, he missed Bucky so much it hurt. He remembered when he heard Bucky yelling in his sleep after Azzano, how he was so pale and shivery and Steve would slide into bed with him and wrap him up in his arms. He remembered how fragile Bucky looked, how he would bury his face in Steve’s shoulder and how he would relax when Steve slowly kissed him. Usually Steve wouldn’t start anything intimate with Bucky, fearing he would be taken away if anyone found out. But Bucky wasn’t as careful, cuddling with him in bed and pushing up against a tree and kissing him when they were alone. He had no idea how Bucky was strong enough to manage manhandling a super soldier, people cringed just from shaking his hand. He remembered when the commandos found out after finding them kissing for the first time under a tree.
“Finally” Monty had said, Dernier nodded looking pleased, “Barnes here has been moodily staring at you for weeks” Dum dum, Gabe and Morita laughed at Bucky’s offended expression. The commandos had been the best team Steve had, the avengers were great, but they weren’t the same, he missed the easy banter, the jokes, he missed Monty and his hat, and Dugan and his moustache that was always the brunt of most jokes, he missed Gabe and Dernier’s quiet French conversations and Morita laughing at one of Dugan’s jokes as he smoked and he missed Bucky’s smile, the way his eyes would light up and the corners of his mouth would slowly curve upwards.
“Steve?” He whipped his head up. Bruce was staring at him, “Are you alright? He asked,
“Yeah just tired.” Bruce smiled understandingly.
“Well were back.”
Steve pushed himself up and shook off the nostalgia. After that Steve was always seeing Bucky out of the corner of his eye, sometimes in battle, most of the time just when he was out, not even when he was alone. Bucky was there when Steve was on his morning run with Sam, when he was buying coffee for the team, when he was having lunch with Pepper and Jane. Steve thought he was going crazy. It was hard enough just having nightmares, his subconscious was clearly trying to make the guilt for letting Bucky die even worse. Whenever the shooter appeared, Steve could never see his face, the man was always well hidden and even Natasha and Clint couldn’t always spot him. Fury was told about this mysterious gunmen but until he made a move to hurt a civilian or one of the avengers Fury was happy leaving him alone. Steve noticed the looks shared between Nat and Fury whenever the shooter was brought up but he didn’t say anything. He trusted them both and they were right. The man didn’t seem to be there when the avengers arrived at the fight but Stark pointed out that he seemed to have a fixation with Steve. Whenever the villain they were fighting at the time got too close to him, they were shot down. In some fight Steve never even got in one punch which was annoying because Steve could handle himself and it was like this guy thought he needed protecting.
This night in Brooklyn was the first time Steve had ever seen a metal arm. If this is still the same shooter which chances are it was, then it was time for Natasha to come clean.
He arrived at the tower precisely 20 minutes after calling Tony.
“Good evening Captain Rogers, Sir, the rest of the avengers are on Mr Wilson’s floor if you want to join them.” Jarvis’ British accent rang out.
“Thanks Jarvis” Steve paused, “why are they on Sam’s floor?”
“I believe Sir said it was because ‘the rest of us are shit at cooking so stop bugging me Birdbrain’” Steve sighed and got in the elevator.
“Poor Sam, could you take me to his floor Jarvis?”
“Certainly Captain” The doors opened.
“Would you mind calling me Steve?” he asked before stepping out.
“Of course Steve” Jarvis answered.
“Thanks.”
Steve opened the door to the kitchen and a cacophony of voices and music was so loud, Steve was sure he nearly went deaf.
“Ah Capsicle, there you are!” Starks voice rang out from inside what seemed to be for lack of a better word, a nest.
“Umm, can I talk to you guys?” Steve said, raising his voice to be heard. The music was stopped, thankyou Jarvis, and slowly one by one the avengers and friends made their way to the lounge.
“Is everything alright with you Captain?” Thor boomed.
“Yes I am fine, I just want to talk about this shooter.” Steve answered rubbing his forehead.
Natasha spoke up, “Steve we don’t know who he is.”
“No but you do know about him, don’t you, I saw the way you and Fury looked whenever he was brought up.” Nat bowed her head in acknowledgement.
“I think you need to tell us.”
She opened her mouth to speak but Clint beat her to it.
“He is right Tasha, they have a right to know if he is someone we can trust.” Nat glared at him and Steve sighed.
“Look, I know you are probably keeping this from us for a reason but tonight when I was walking, a hydra agent tried to attack me.” Steve spoke again before everyone could start talking, “I am fine, he was shot before he could hurt me which means that this sniper is following me and did you know he has a metal arm Nat?” She nodded and sighed.
“Alright if he is following you I suppose it is probably best if I tell you who he is.”
“Most of the intelligence community doesn't believe he exists. The ones that do call him the Winter Soldier. He's credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last 50 years.”
“So he's a ghost story,” Steve says. Natasha sighs.
“Five years ago I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran, somebody shot at my tires near Odessa. We lost control, went straight over a cliff, I pulled us out, but the Winter Soldier was there. I was covering my engineer, so he shot him, straight through me. A Soviet slug, no rifling. Bye-bye bikinis.”
“Yeah, I bet you look terrible in them now” Steve says sarcastically and Natasha smirks.
“Going after him is a dead end. I know, I've tried. Like you said, he's a ghost story.”
“Well, let's find out what the ghost wants,” Steve answers.
Stark looks confused, “but if he is an assassin, why have you been letting him near us?”
“First of all I don’t let him do anything, as much as it pains me to say it, if I went up against him I would lose.”
“Holy shit! Did you just admit to being second best!” Bruce whacked his shoulder as Natasha did a very impressive death stare before continuing.
“Steve is probably the only one who has a chance at beating him. Second, he may be Hydra but it’s not by choice, when I was in the red room, they brought someone in who could teach us how to kill, how to be ruthless” Clint puts his hand on her shoulder at this and cracks a tiny smile and continues.
“He was the one that trained me, we spent so much time together that I think some emotions started to slip through his conditioning”
“His conditioning?” Bruce says.
“He was supposed to be an emotionless assassin, no morals and no feelings. When they found out he was fond of me they took him away. I followed them to this room where they threw him into a chair, strapped him down and stuck a bit between his teeth. He didn’t fight them at all. It’s called electroshock therapy. When he came out, he didn’t know me, didn’t care, he was like a blank slate.” She squeezed her eyes shut.
“Just think how much torture and shocks they would have to use to make someone that compliant, to remove all their memories and personality so they are basically clay ready to be moulded to Hydra’s needs.” Even Stark looked sick at that.
“No one knows who he was before Hydra but I don’t think he ever had a choice in this.”
“But that still doesn’t answer why he is helping us” Bruce said calmly. Clint spoke up.
“I can answer that. A few weeks ago, he came to us saying he broke free of Hydra and would like help in dismantling whatever was left of them after Steve took down Project Insight. He said he knows who he is now, but other than that I am not sure.” Clint shrugged.
“Maybe he just wants to wipe the red from his ledger, but anyway if he convinced Natasha that he was telling the truth then I am fine with him watching our backs.” Everyone nodded.
“How is he still fighting, surely this mighty warrior should be old in Midgardian age?” Thor asked.
“Most of the time he was frozen, cryogenically, he was only taken out for missions so technically he is probably younger than me,” Natasha answered. “I cannot be sure though.”
“Holy crap.” Stark said, “So we have Capsicle numero dos watching our backs.” Natasha sighed.
“Don’t try to id him Stark. He may not be Hydra anymore but he is still very dangerous and he said he is not ready for us to know who he is. He will come in his own time ok?” Tony pouted but nodded his assent. Sam got up.
“Well serious chat time over, who’s hungry?” Everyone scrambled to grab a plate.
Steve smiled, he was happy with his new found friends who he could probably even call family. He still missed Bucky like crazy, and Peggy and the commandos as well but with the avengers he had found something new to live for. Bucky would always and forever be his whole world but Steve now found he could live without him even though he would still haunt his dreams but Steve deserved that, it was his fault Bucky was gone. Little did he know that tomorrow would send Bucky crashing back into his life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Grab my hand! Bucky, no!” Steve screamed as the railing broke and Bucky fell.
“Steve!” Steve sat up gasping, “Steve!” someone who he now recognised as Jarvis’ voice said. He took a deep breath.
“Shall I call Mr Wilson or Agent Romanoff?” Jarvis inquired, sounding strangely concerned for an AI.
“No, no I’m fine,” Steve answered, pushing himself off the bed. “Did you need something Jarvis?”
“Sir has called the avengers, more robots are attacking down town.”
Steve sighed, “I’ll be right there.”
The other avengers were already gathered around the Helicarrier. Sam walked up to him, “You alright man?” Steve gave a tight smile.
“Just not sleeping well” Sam squeezed his shoulder sympathetically. Stark cleared his throat,
“So do we have a plan Cap?” Everyone turned to face Steve.
“Um, well I think we should split up, each group take a squadron” They all nodded.
“Right, Stark and Bruce, take 5th. Nat, Sam and I will protect the civilians and Thor and Clint take out any strays.” Everyone piled into the carrier, Nat and Clint heading into the cockpit. Sam sat down next to him.
“Are you sure you are up for this, Steve?”
“I’ll be fine Sam, really, I am just tired.” Sam huffed,.
“Yeah I’ll bet, when’s the last time you had a good night’s sleep is?”
“Look, I lie down for a while after this, I promise, stop worrying.” Sam sighed.
“I think without my worrying, you would spent all your time punching bags in the gym, only coming out every few days to eat.” Steve immediately felt guilty, Sam had been there for him, pushing him to sleep and eat, allowing Steve to talk to him after nightmares about Bucky at ungodly hours and here he was acting like he didn’t need anyone.
“I’m sorry Sam, I don’t mean to put this all on you”
“I know man, but I don’t mind honestly, I reckon you need it.”
“I keep having dreams about Bucky, mostly him falling in the Alps, but now I can’t stop seeing him, it’s like my mind feels that I constantly need to be reminded that it’s my fault he’s gone,” Steve whispered.
Sam nodded, “I know, its normal for soldiers, we all have the same problems. Trauma is trauma, man, it’s never the same but it’s nothing new. I use to talk to Riley all the time at home before I’d turn around and realise he wasn’t there and yeah, it was like a punch to the gut, and it doesn’t really completely go but it kinda dulls over time. You just have to remember all the good things about them.”
“But I feel like I drowning, I remember every single thing about Bucky, every feeling, every thought and it hurts, it hurts so much” Steve murmured.
“Yeah, it does but that’s good cause it means it was real. You have a good thing going here Steve” Sam gestured to the other, “these guys love you, they need you and I reckon you need them.”
Steve vision grew a little blurry and he ran a hand through his hair, “Can I um?”
Sam smiled, “course, you know you don’t have to ask.” Steve hugged him tightly, he didn’t know where he would be without Sam.
“We are just over 5th street guys, hold onto something” Clint’s voice came over the comms, “Stark, you and Thor might want to get out now.”
“Gotcha Legolas” Stark replied as he and Thor flew out the bay door. The helicarrier bumped into a building as Clint tried to land in the chaos.
“Cap, there are a little more of these things than we thought,” Natasha said. “A lot more.”
“Can we get Shield in to help?”
“Nope, their agents are dealing with an old hydra base in Kenya, we are on our own.”
“Stick with the plan then, we’ve been through worse.”
“That’s not very reassuring” Natasha groaned. The helicarrier shook as it hit a tree and Steve lurched to the side nearly knocking into Bruce. Natasha glared at Clint who seemed immune to her death stare.
“Everyone out” he said cheerfully as he landed close to central park. Bruce quickly became the hulk and took off with Clint towards Thor and Stark with a roar. Several people were already gathered around, staring as if waiting for the Avengers to tell them what to do.
“Iron man, you and Thor good?”
“For now”
“I want check ins on the comms, there are more of these things than we thought” Steve said as him, Natasha Sam headed down the street.
“Roger that, Cap,” came Stark’s voice. The streets were chaos, civilians running everywhere, trying to hide or find their families. Windows were broken and tables overturned, it seems something had even taken the head off one lion statue. Robots flew over the heads shooting blindly into the crowded streets, people were fleeing into buildings trying to escape the ones attacking them on the ground.
“We need to get people off the streets”
“Copy that widow, get them into buildings.”
“Cap, 5th is clear, they are heading back towards you, hulk and I are on our way,” Stark said.
“Roger that. Hawkeye, Thor, the robots are coming towards me, get back here.” Steve said as he threw his shield in a wide arc, hitting several of the closest robots.
“Copy Captain” Thor boomed. The sky darkened and flashed behind him, Steve guessed Thor was using his lightning.
“Cap we have another problem, I see Hydra agents heading towards you.” There was a pause.
“Cap, Rumlow is with them,” Clint said. Steve yelled commands.
“Copy. Nat, you, Clint and Sam get people inside, Thor stay with hulk, get rid of these robots. Stark you and I are staying in the street, we will take on Rumlow when he comes.”
The robots were attacking even faster, Stark was in the air taking them out with his repulsors, hulk was smashing anything in his path and last he saw of Sam and Nat, they were herding people into buildings shooting anything that got too close. No one was dropping mysteriously, so Steve guessed the Winter Soldier wasn’t around, he wasn’t sure why he felt disappointed by that. Another two robots jumped him, he threw one onto the ground and swung his shield down, crushing its chests, the other got a lucky shot to his side and he chucked it upwards just as Tony flew by, his repulsors destroying it.
“Clint you still got eyes on Rumlow?” Steve barked.
“Negative, Hydra is near Stark but no Rumlow.”
“Iron man, you have company, eleven o’clock,” he shouted.
“Yep I got em.”
“Hawkeye, I’m going to find Rumlow.”
“Roger that, be careful.” Steve saw him put an arrow in a robot that got too close to Natasha.
“You’re welcome!” he cried, Natasha smirked back at him. Steve checked over his team before jogging off. Thor and hulk looked fine smashing everything in sight and he saw Sam shooting down two robots scaling a building. The streets were mostly clear now, people hiding in buildings while the avengers took out the rest of the robots.
“Stark, you still good?” Steve asked.
“Yep, widow’s helping me out, you found Rumlow?”
“Nah, no si-“
“Cap” Sam cut in. “I got eyes on Rumlow and more robots just came round the corner, Clint and I can’t take both.”
“Negative,” Steve barked, turning back, “You keep the robots out of the buildings, I’ve got Rumlow.” Steve ran the last block and spotted Rumlow, standing in the middle of the street. He slowly walked closer, Rumlow stared at him and cruel grin spreading across his face.
“Captain”
“Rumlow” Steve said, tightening his grip on his shield. It seemed that was what he was waiting for, Rumlow sprang forward, pulling out a knife. Steve blocked the hit, and swung his shield at Rumlow’s face. It would have immediately knocked anyone else out but Rumlow as a highly trained agent just ducked and kicked Steve back a few steps. Steve regained his footing and sidestepped just in time to miss the knife thrown his way. Rumlow came at him again, and Steve ducked and kicked and punched at any opportunity. He leaned back to avoid a fist to the face and Rumlow used the opening to pull another knife which embedded itself in Steve’s stomach. He grunted and Rumlow leg lashed out, hitting his chest. Steve hit the ground, a cry of pain escaping as the knife was pushed further into his flesh. Clint, who was the closest, cried out.
“Steve!” Seeing the opportunity, Clint’s opponent attacked, getting in a few kicks to his ribs. Nat shot the agent between the eyes and rushed over to help Clint up. Rumlow laughed manically.
“You can’t protect them Captain, Hydra will kill them all.” Nat was curled around Clint, using her last few bullets, Sam tried swooped down to help but a robot grabbed one of his wings and ripped it off. Sam pulled out his last gun and started firing off rounds, slowly moving towards Nat and Clint. Stark was in the air, desperately trying to throw off the three robots attached to him, Thor was lighting up the metal around him trying to reach Tony but kept getting shot at. The hulk had reached Natasha and was protectively curled around her and Clint. Rumlow was still laughing. Steve grew angry. This was his family, and he was not going to let Hydra take that from him again. He growled and threw himself at Rumlow, who tripped in surprise, clearly thinking Steve was too weak to fight. Steve was vicious. He felt Rumlow’s ribs break under the pressure of his fists. He threw himself into a roundhouse kick and Rumlow was thrown backwards, smashing into a nearby car. Steve picked up his shield and swung it down at Rumlow’s bloodied body. He felt grim satisfaction as he heard a bone snap and Rumlow cry out. Thor had managed to reach Tony and together they picked off the last few robots as Sam and hulk took out the last hydra agents. Rumlow was covered in blood, with a large piece of glass sticking out of his abdomen. He moaned but took advantage of Steve checking up on his team to crawl away. Steve turned as he heard a click. Rumlow stood, awkwardly leaning to one side and a gun pointed at Steve’s head.
“Shit” he heard Stark say.
“Say goodbye,” he snarled, and pulled the trigger.
“Steve!” he heard his team call out. He watched Rumlow crumple, one bullet to his chest, and one in his forehead. Steve whirled around, the winter soldier was standing ten metres away, hidden partly by shadows. The avengers stared, and the soldier just stared right back. The silence was broken by a pained cry from Steve as he pulled the knife from his stomach.
“You ok?” Clint asked.
He nodded. “You?”
“Broken wrist, nothing too major.” Steve smiled slightly and turned towards the others, a question on his lips.
“Were fine Capsicle” Stark said, before he could speak. Natasha was still staring at the Winter Soldier, who was staring intensely at Steve. His face was covered and Steve couldn’t see his eyes because of the shadows but he felt so familiar.
Stark whistled, “I feel like we’re interrupting something.” Sam and Clint rolled their eyes, while Bruce who was wrapped up in a blanket just shook his head.
Natasha spoke up, “Well, this is the Winter Soldier, he has been watching our backs.” The soldier nodded slightly in greeting.
“Not that I am not grateful or anything because I am, keeping Steve from doing stupid things seems to be a full time job.” A small sound came from the solider, and it took Steve a moment to realise it was a laugh. Sam grinned, happy that he was able to make a brainwashed assassin smile slightly.
“But yeah, uh why exactly are you watching our backs.”
“Not yours, his” the soldiers voice was rough, almost a growl but Steve thought there was a small Brooklyn twang to it. He sounded so achingly familiar, Steve felt like he was missing something, something so big it almost hurt.
“What?” Sam said, narrowing his eyes at the half hidden man.
“I am watching his back not yours because he is a self-sacrificing idiot and the rest of you seem to have some sense at least.” Steve’s eyes widened in surprise, he almost sounded like Bucky but that was impossible.
“Okaaay, that’s not weird at all” he thought he heard Stark say distantly but he was too busy studying the soldier. His posture, the way he was resting against the building, crossing his arms on his chest.
“Step out of the shadows Yasha” Natasha said, “We won’t hurt you.” The soldier- Yasha hesitated, glancing at Steve before doing so. Natasha slowly walked over to him, telegraphing her movements, she stopped in front of him, allowing him to nod before wrapping him up in a hug.
Steve felt like his mid was screaming at him, he knew this man, the pale skin not covered by the mask, his jawline, the way he was rubbing his neck, his hands spanned across Nat’s back. He knows this man, he knows he does, he’s he’s.
“Take off your mask,” Steve said softly, surprised that his voice did not betray the warring emotions inside him.
“Steve!” Natasha hissed, he ignored her.
The soldier went deadly still, “take it off” he said a little louder. The other avengers were staring, confused as to what was going on. Sam looked worried, while Natasha was glaring angrily at Steve. He took a few steps closer, the soldier still did not move. Clint and Sam looked ready to intervene if Nat decided to jump Steve.
Steve ignored everyone, walking closer still. The soldier looked sad, almost guilty. Steve stopped a metre in front of him, part of him wanting off the mask, to confirm his greatest fear and hope but another part of him wanted to run away, to hide from anything that could tear down the fragile wall Steve had built to protect himself. The soldier was as still as a rock.
“Take it off” he whispered, “please.” The soldier rubbed his neck again.
“That’s not a good idea Steve” he said, his voice almost broken.
“Anyone know what’s going on?” Stark asked, the others shook their heads. Steve lifted his hands to take off the mask and the solider flinched. Natasha moved towards them looking ready to knock Steve unconscious but stopped when Yasha held up a hand. Steve’s breathing hitched, unnoticeable to everyone but the soldier who sighed and pulled off the mask himself. His eyes stared mournfully into Steve’s. Steve wasn’t sure how he was still standing. Maybe it was that he just couldn’t move, his arms were stuck to his sides, his mouth dry and his eyes about to overflow with tears.
“Hi Stevie” Bucky said, going unheard to everyone else.
“You son of a bitch,” Steve shouted, punching him in the face. He staggered back but didn’t lose his footing, actually looking guilty rather than angry. Natasha raced over to him and helped him regain his balance while Thor and Sam held Steve back, which Steve thought was a good idea because he honestly thought he might just punch Bucky again.
“What the hell Steve,” Natasha yelled, waving her arms, “He has been helping us for weeks and you punch him!” She stepped forward like she was going to hit him but Bucky grabbed her arm.
“Natalia, its ok. I probably deserved that one” he said. Steve scoffed and pulled himself free from Sam and Thor’s grip.
“Probably.” He walked over to his shield and strapped it to his back. “Are we heading back?” he said, proud that his voice didn’t break.
“Steve,” Bucky tried.
“Don’t” Steve said, “Just don’t, I can’t deal with this right now.” He couldn’t quite choke back a sob and Bucky made an aborted move towards him, looking like Steve had punched him again.
“We are heading back to the avengers tower where I am going to shower and eat, and maybe then I will want to talk to you, maybe.” Bucky nodded and Steve turned and walked towards the helicarrier.
The avengers stood in stunned silence. Clearly Steve knew this man, the fact that Steve was almost crying scared them a little if they were being honest. “I’ll go check on Steve” Sam said, before running after him.
“Someone want to tell me what that was all about?” Stark said, even Natasha looked stunned.
“Who are you?” Clint asked, turning towards the Winter Soldier. The soldier looked like someone had ripped his heart out.
“I don’t think I should tell you, if Steve doesn’t want me around then I will be leaving and he less people who know my identity the better.”
“Do you know?” Bruce said to Natasha.
“I only know him as my teacher, Yasha, I don’t know his real name or how he knows Steve” she said, staring intently at the soldier’s face who was still looking heartbroken.
“Sorry Natalia but I won’t tell even you unless Steve forgives me.”
“Forgives you? Aren’t you the one who went through hell and back?” Clint asked. The soldier nodded.
“I did yeah. I got remade, tortured, forced to kill people for an organisation I hate and I am sure if Steve ever talks to me again, we will burn down Hydra together.” He hesitated. “But Steve, he went through hell too. I mean the guy was frozen for seventy years and that is hard enough believe me, I know, but he also lost everyone he loves, not only are they dead but lived their lives without him. Then he was woken up and not only asked but actually expected to save the world, a world he doesn’t even know any more. He was all alone.”
“But he has us now,” Stark said.
“Does he?” the soldier asked, “Do you know anything about him, where he’s from, what languages he speaks, favourite foods, places, his fears, do you even call him Steve?”
Everyone thought about this, Stark, Bruce and Clint looked at their feet, they didn’t even think about it like that. Natasha already had come to terms with this and Thor mostly just looked sad.
“He always looked ok” Bruce started, “I am not excusing our behaviour” he added hastily, seeing the look the soldier threw him, “but he always smiled, always seemed happy, thinking about it now, I think it was all fake but I was to wrapped up in my own problems to notice.”
Everyone else nodded in agreement. “So are you going to come with us and talk to him?” Clint asked. Bucky nodded.
“I am not sure if he will even want to see me but I have to try at least.”
Stark spoke up, “You won’t like revert to assassin mode or anything will you?” Natasha glared at him. “What? I am just thinking about our safety?” He said quickly.
The soldier smirked, “No, I spent months trying to control the winter soldier, finally they sort of melded together, so I am neither one nor the other.”
“Great! Let’s go because I am hungry and hopefully I can convince Sam to cook if I fix his wings” Stark said thoughtfully. The soldier nodded and walked off with Natasha and everyone else hurried behind them.
“Steve!” Sam yelled, “Steve wait up!” Steve stopped so Sam could catch up. Sam put a hand on his shoulder and turned Steve to face him, he inhaled sharply at Steve’s face. His eyes were red and tears streaked down his face. He had taken off his suit and grabbed his spare change of clothes from the helicarrier. His blonde hair had streaks of blood in it and his arms were covered in bruises.
“Oh Steve” Sam sighed, pulling him into a hug. Steve just about fell into him. Sam wrapped his arms around his shoulders and Steve burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably into Sam’s shoulder. “Steve, what’s going on?” Steve shook his head, pulled away, walking backward a few steps till his back hit a wall where he promptly fell to his knees.
“He’s Bucky” Steve cried before curling into himself.
Sam was horrified and felt incredibly sorry for Steve, clearly it was Bucky Barnes that Steve was talking about and he was obviously very important to him. Sam knew the soldier had endured terrible things but looking at Steve, Sam really wanted to punch the guy. He so badly wanted to comfort Steve but he didn’t think that was what Steve needed at the moment so he stepped into the helicarrier to change out of his broken wings and bloodied clothing and to give Steve space to breakdown in private. He sighed and sat down, the battle had been hard enough just fighting robots and hydra agents, Steve didn’t need this as well. Sam saw the way he had attacked Rumlow, that was anger and rage fuelling him, he had lost control and Sam wasn’t sure if Steve would be able to come back from killing someone even a Hydra agent like that.
His earpiece crackled before Tony’s voice came through.
“Sam, we are almost there so if Steve needs to gather himself, I suggest he do it now.”
“Will do, thanks Tony.”
“Of course,” Stark replied, in a gentle voice. Sam was surprised, he imagined Natasha, Bruce or even Clint being thoughtful enough to call ahead but not Stark, he guessed Pepper really was correct when she said Tony was actually a very caring guy underneath the quips and sarcasm. Sam jogged back to Steve, the guy was still curled in on himself but he seemed to have stopped crying.
“Steve?” Sam said, putting a hand on his shoulder, Steve flinched but looked up. Sam could hear the others coming now, their chatter carrying over the noise of a bustling city already back to normal after the attack. It was obvious Steve had been crying and the only thing Sam thought could fix that was a shower but he pulled Steve into the helicarrier and sat him down anyway. Sam grabbed a cloth from the medkit and gently wiped at Steve’s face, Steve didn’t move, he just sat there completely unresponsive.
The others had reached the helicarrier, their chatter didn’t stop but it softened slightly as they trudged through the doors. Clint went straight to the cockpit and started the engines but the others lingered, they could easily see Steve’s tear streaked face. Sam could see that the soldier-Bucky wanted to comfort Steve and he softened a little even though he didn’t come over. The staring was getting so tense that Steve could feel it in his comatose state. Everyone froze at being caught out, but Steve just locked eyes with Bucky and he could see him flinch a little at how blank Steve’s face was. Steve shook himself before walking to sit as far away from Bucky as he could. Sam followed him of course, it didn’t matter if Steve didn’t even talk to him. Sam knew he wanted to be comforted but didn’t know how to ask so he sat down next to him and slung an arm around his shoulders. Steve didn’t hug him back but he did lean into him so his head was resting lightly on Sam’s shoulder.
Sam didn’t move, just rubbed circles into Steve’s back. He could feel the others staring but he didn’t acknowledge them until he felt someone’s heavier gaze. It was Bucky. His eyes expressed sadness and guilt but Sam was sure he could also see jealousy. He wasn’t surprised, the way Steve would talk about the guy, Sam was sure they were more than best friends.
He felt Steve’s breathing even out against his neck, he slowly moved away from him and made a small pillow out of clothes for Steve’s head. He did not wake so Sam made his way back to the others. Stark surprised him again by speaking first.
“Is he ok?”
“I really don’t know” Sam answered, narrowing his eyes at Bucky. “I know you have been through hell, but hurt him again like that and I will kill you” it came out nearly as a growl. Bucky didn’t look surprised.
“You know who I am” It wasn’t a question but Sam nodded anyway. Natasha looked pissed, though he guessed it was more because he knew something she didn’t rather than the fact he just threatened her mentor.
“So are you going to tell us?” Stark said, Sam shook his head.
“It’s not my business, nor is it yours.”
“I could get it out of you,” Natasha said darkly. Bucky glared at her but Sam just shrugged,
“You could but Steve wouldn’t trust you again, and I don’t think even you would want that,” Natasha scowled but backed down. The helicarrier landed on the roof with a bump and Clint hopped out of the cockpit.
“Everybody out” he said. Sam glanced at Steve, he didn’t want to wake him up but only Thor could physically carry him and the last time that was tried Thor ended up with a broken arm when Steve had woken up in a panic. He moved to shake his shoulder but Bucky stopped him.
“I’ll take him.”
“You can’t. Last time he panicked, thinking Thor was an enemy and broke his arm.”
“Don’t worry, he won’t attack me,” Bucky said, Sam looked doubtful. “I know he is angry and hurt and knowing him probably feeling guilty as well but he trusts me even when he’s mad” he said it so vehemently that Sam found himself nodding.
Bucky slid his arms under Steve and heaved him as gently as possible into his chest. Steve didn’t wake up, he just shuffled around like he was getting comfortable. Bucky shot him a look that Sam was 98% sure was an ‘I told you so’ but he couldn’t be completely sure because the look was half pure adoration for the large bundle in his arms. When they walked out of the carrier, they avengers stared, again.
“This is most admirable, my brother in arms, the Captain could not do this with me” Thor boomed loudly. Steve moved in his sleep and Bucky shot Thor a glare so fierce he was sure Natasha would be running scared.
“Wake him and you die” he said before walking inside.
“That was some scary shit right there” Stark whispered, the others rolled their eyes and followed Bucky but internally they were all thinking the same thing.
Steve awoke to quiet. He was lying on the couch on his floor, a blanket covering him. It was dark outside. How long had he slept? Steve stood up and groaned, his stomach grumbled which just added to the pain. What had happened? He was fighting Rumlow, he was about to be shot then- Bucky. It all came back to him. His head swam and his breathing quickened, oh god. What was he going to do? This could not be happening, was he glad Bucky was alive? Of course but at the same time a small part of him was sad, that he had just got his life sorted and now it was smashed to pieces again. Why wasn’t he breathing?
“Steve!? Breathe man breathe, you’re ok” Sam. Steve followed Sam’s breathing for a few minutes, resting his head against Sam’s chest as his arms went around Steve.
“Where is everyone?”
“Downstairs, eating. I made a heap of food if you’re interested.” Steve nodded as his stomach grumbled again. Sam laughed and pulled him up.
“Come on them”
“Is Bu-ucky down there?” he asked.
Sam graciously ignored the stumble, “Yeah, think you can handle it?” Steve took a deep breath and nodded. Sam smiled sympathetically, “I can bring some food up here for us if you like?”
“No that’s ok, if I don’t face him now I will probably never be able too.” Sam took his hand and guided him into the elevator.
“Main floor please Jarvis”
“Certainly sir.” Steve watched the number light up at each floor, trying to stop shaking. Sam squeezed his hand in support.
“If you need to leave, we’ll go right away ok?” Steve nodded jerkily. The doors opened and the quiet chatter filtered through Steve’s ears, as he stepped out.
The avengers didn’t stop talking as they approached the table, which he was glad for. They said a warm hello each as he sat down. Bruce kindly asked if his wounds were better, to which he nodded shakily in answer. Sam didn’t let go of his hand but it didn’t really help when he felt Bucky’s gaze on him. He couldn’t look up, if he did he might breakdown again so he just continued to stare at his food while the Avengers continued to chatter away.
An hour later everyone had moved to the couches. Clint and Natasha occupying one, Thor, Jane, who had come in the middle of dinner, Bruce and Bucky sitting on the largest couch, while Tony opted for the love seat with Pepper leaving Sam and Steve to share the lounge chair. Steve could still feel Bucky’s heated gaze on his face as he rested his head on Sam’s shoulder. It hadn’t left him the entire time and Steve couldn’t help the little skip in his heartbeat but the gaze still belonged to the face of a man who was supposed to be dead. He wasn’t actually dead but he was to Steve and when he died Steve Rogers died with him.
If Bucky was back where did that leave him? He couldn’t talk to him, if he did the last frayed strand of the new life he created would snap. Why didn’t Bucky stop looking at him, he was sure Sam had noticed because he frowned a little but he didn’t say anything. If Steve was being honest, it hurt to feel Bucky’s gaze. It reminded him of the war, the way Bucky would stare at him at night when they were alone in their tent. He would stare like Steve was the sun and Bucky was constantly in his orbit back then he loved it because he stared at Bucky the same way but now Steve hated it.
His hands were still shaking, he couldn’t do this, he grabbed his empty plate so he could wash it and escape to his floor. He forced himself to walk slowly so not to worry Sam, no such luck there. Sam had a questioning look in his eyes and Steve shook his head, he didn’t need to interrupt Sam’s night, he would just go to bed anyway. He stuck his plate in the warm water and scrubbed at it a little harder than necessary.
“Steve?” Came Bucky’s quiet voice. Steve froze before resuming drying the plate. “Stevie please talk to me” he sounded so heartbroken that Steve wanted nothing more than to curl up in his arms.
The others had gone silent, they still had no idea who Bucky was but it was easy to tell he and Steve had history and they liked the guy so they wanted them to sort it out but Steve still ignored him. Steve put the towel down, squeezing his hands, trying to stifle the shaking, it was so silent, but he could do this, he just needed to make it to the elevator without looking at anyone.
A hand softly touched his elbow and Steve flinched so badly that he dropped the plate and it smashed on the floor. He knew who it was. He could always tell when it was Bucky, being close to him felt different than everyone else. Bucky withdrew his hand.
“Steve?” It was Sam this time. He turned to face him, making sure to not look at Bucky. His smile was a little wobbly he was sure but it was the best he could do. Sam sighed, “I think you two should talk.”
Steve shook his head, back and forth, back and forth, losing himself in the motion. A hesitant hand on his cheek made him freeze. He couldn’t meet those eyes. They were like ice everyone said except when he was looking at Steve then they were like the brightest stars in the sky. He didn’t want to know if they had changed.
“Stevie?” Bucky tried again, Steve squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears from falling, the Avengers were still here and funnily enough he didn’t want them to leave, their presence comforted him.
Steve still didn’t open his eyes, if he did he wasn’t sure if he could stop the tears. He felt the gentle hand on his cheek and the other on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure if he should be letting Bucky do this but those thought evaporated when Bucky pulled him into a hug. The last strand snapped and Steve broke down into Bucky’s embrace crying into his chest. The other avengers apart from Sam had no idea what was going on, who was this man that he could affect Captain America this way.
Steve cried until had nothing left which was when he wiped his eyes and pulled away, everyone was still staring unashamedly at him, wanting to know what the hell was going on. Bucky tried to take Steve’s hand but Steve pulled away and forced himself to ignore the hurt look on Bucky’s face. He wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to talk to Bucky yet so he didn’t.
“So you probably know a lot of Hydra bases that we haven’t gotten to yet, would you be willing to work with us for a while?” Steve asked, staring at Bucky’s chest rather than his face.
“Steve” Bucky sighed, “We have to talk”
“We really don’t,” he replied.
Natasha snorted, “You so do Rogers”
“You don’t get a say in this,” Steve snapped and she took a step back in surprise, bumping into Pepper.
“We need to talk Stevie” Bucky repeated.
“Talk about what huh? Talk about how you died? Or how you have been a prisoner of Hydra for seventy years, or we could talk about how you have been hiding from me making me think I dreamt you up. That I have to be reminded every day that this is all my fault or we could talk about the good old days that we can never return to or all our friends who have lived their lives and died without us. Or the fact that I can’t even say your name for fear that you might disappear if I do. Which of those should we start with?”
The avengers looked stunned and Bucky looked like he might be sick. “Well?” Steve said.
“I didn’t die and I’m not going to disappear Steve, and what happened to was definitely not your fault.” Bucky said, his voice dripping with rage. Steve paled and took a step back, Bucky immediately softened.
“It’s not your fault Stevie, I never blamed you and I never will,” Bucky said, stepping towards him slowly, Steve didn’t have the heart to back away. Bucky brushed his fingers along Steve’s jaw, that’s when Steve straightened and stepped to the side away from the gentle warmth of Bucky.
“I can’t”
“Why not?” Bucky asked.
“Because- because I lost you, because it hurts too much. You were gone, do you get that? You may not have died but I didn’t know that so I crashed the plane. Then I woke and I had to learn to live without you. If I didn’t have these guys I wouldn’t have had reason to live.” The avengers were murmuring to themselves obviously still trying to figure out what was going on but Bucky looked horrified.
“You crashed the plane into the arctic?” Steve went as white as a sheet.
“Yeah, everyone knows this, plane filled with bombs, headed towards New York, lots of people could die, Captain America saves the day.” that was Stark.
“But that’s not the real reason” Bucky guessed and Steve didn’t look at him.
“What!” Stark again.
“Well spit it out”
“You already guessed” Steve argued.
“Yes but I wanna hear you say it” Bucky replied getting angry.
“Fine” Steve snapped, “Do you all wanna hear the real reason I crashed the plane?” He yelled at Bucky and the avengers, tears welling up again. “I crashed it because 48hours earlier Bucky died and I decided that my life wasn’t worth living if you weren’t in it.” The last part directed at Bucky who paled, dramatically before his face hardened and he sent a vase flying into the wall followed closely by the dining table. He looked about ready to throw Steve next but stopped as he took in his face.
Steve hastily wiped at his eyes. This was ridiculous, why couldn’t he stop crying? Bucky sighed and pulled Steve into a hug again, letting him sniffle into his shirt. The avengers wore varying expressions. Sadness, guilt, but Clint was understanding. He knew what it was like to blame yourself for the death of a loved one but Clint got Phil back almost immediately, Steve waited seventy years just to find out Bucky was alive. Apparently none of them had figured out yet who he was. Pepper had a look of dawning realisation but kept quiet. Bucky pulled away slightly, so he had Steve by the shoulders and stared at him intently. Steve finally looked up, and his eyes were of course like stars. How could he think they would ever change?
Funnily enough, Thor was the first person to get it, “Wait Captain, is this not your brother in arms that you lost, Sargent Barnes?” Steve nodded waiting for –
“Holy shit!” There it was. “You’re Barnes?” Stark continued, Bucky nodded.
“Pleased to meet ya” Stark just gaped, Clint and Bruce were smiling and Natasha looked surprised, at least he thought it was surprise, he really wouldn’t know when it comes to Natasha. He turned back to Bucky and who smiled hesitantly and moved closer. Steve wanted to let him, but he still had one question.
“Why did you stay away?” Steve said quietly, “It was you all those times wasn’t it” Bucky nodded, dejectedly and Steve trembled, clenching his fists so he didn’t hit him again. “Why didn’t you come back to me, you let me think I was going crazy, I had to convince myself over and over that you were gone and I was just seeing things.” Steve yelled, his eyes welling up again.
“I’m sorry” Bucky whispered, “I wasn’t sure if you would want be back in your life” Steve scoffed. “No its true, you had something good going on here Steve, and I knew as soon as I came back I would ruin that and I didn’t want you to go through that.” Steve scowled.
“You don’t get to decide that!” He yelled. “I wouldn’t have cared, I just wanted you back” He whispered, tears falling again, Steve couldn’t even be bothered to wipe them away.
“I know, which is why I couldn’t come back, you would have let me ruin your life if you thought it would make me happy” Bucky said calmly.
Steve sobbed silently, “Doesn’t my happiness matter?”
Bucky strode forward and gently held his chin, “Of course it does, it means the world to me.” Steve leaned almost unnoticeably into him.
“Can I?” Bucky asked, Steve felt out of breath and stuttered out a yes. Bucky chuckled and put his lips on Steve’s. Steve could hear the gasps and clapping but they sounded so distant as Bucky kissed him, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist to pull him closer. He sighed lightly into Bucky, who took full advantage of the opening swiping his tongue along Steve’s and softly biting his lower lip.
Steve was sure he moaned a little because Bucky’s arms tightened to an almost possessive hold as he swallowed up the sound. They pulled back, when Clint spoke.
“I think you broke Tony.” Stark was standing there mouth agape, Pepper was poking him and slapping his cheek but nothing.
Steve giggled lightly at him and Bucky growled at the sound and put his arms back around Steve, squishing him into his side. Natasha sighed.
“Down boy, no one is taking him away from you.”
Bucky continued scowling until Steve pressed a kiss to the side of his mouth which stopped the glare but the growling continued as he peppered Steve’s face with kisses. Natasha walked up to Stark and raised her hand to slap him, he immediately snapped out of it.
“Woah red, no need for that” He stared at Steve and raised an eyebrow at Bucky’s possessive hold. “So the history books left that out, huh who knew?”
“I did” Clint and Thor in unison. Tony glared at them.
“Of course you did, Loki, Agent and Barnes all did the own re-enactment of ‘I’m dead’, a few moments later, well seventy years later in Barnes’ case, ‘surprise bitch, I‘m back’.” Bruce and Pepper sighed in despair.
Steve just laughed again. This was his family, they were weird, they had problems, there were gods, and assassins, and seventy year old soldiers but somehow they worked and Steve couldn’t be happier.
“You alright doll?” Bucky asked, looking down at him, Steve smiled.
“Just happy” he sighed leaning back into him as Bucky nuzzled into his neck.
“Till the end of the line?” he asked, Steve smiled.
“Till the end of the line.”