Fear Is How I Fall
“Steve! Where the hell is your phone? I've been calling you all day!”
Natasha had barged into the gym, hands on her hips, with her face almost as red as her hair.
“Shit um, I don't know. I left it somewhere and forgot about it. What did you need?” Steve walked away from the punching bag he had been taking out his anger on.
“Bruce has gone MIA again. He hasn't been doing very well. I think we need to have a talk with Fury about giving him a break. Maybe we can find someone else who can help out the team, but all I know is Bruce needs a break.”
With his mind a mile away, Steve nodded. “Yea sure. I'll talk to Fury. Don't worry about it. If you hear from Bruce, let me know, though.” Steve turned his attention back to the punching bag, and began punching it with little to no force.
“Cap, what's wrong?”
Steve almost flinched at Natasha’s words.
“Just thinking. Lot on my mind.”
With an annoyed sigh, Natasha nodded. “It's okay. You'll tell me the whole story later, after everything goes to hell.”
Steve laughed as he turned to look at his friend. She shrugged and smiled as she turned to walk out the door. Once she was out of earshot Steve mumbled to himself.
“Nothings going to hell.” He shook his head in a playful manner. Then the concern set in again. If his phone was still gone, that meant he had dropped it in Tony’s lab last night. That meant it really happened, and here Steve was wasting more than half the day hiding from that room instead of going back like he promised. Hell he made several promises yesterday. He promised to take a break to relax and look at him now. He was more on edge than before. With a quiet sigh, Steve rubbed his hand over his face. Turning to get his bag was harder said than done. He didn't not want to see Tony ever again, but that didn't mean he wanted to see him as a ghost either.
With his feet heavy, Steve scooted his way into the elevator. He began to think of all the possibilities that could explain last night.
- Dream. (That was the obvious possibility.)
- He was drugged. (Probably not possible.)
- He's gone insane. (Very possible.)
- It was a hologram Tony left to scare others. (Good possibility but how did Tony make it understand what the conversation was and how did it touch him when it scared him)
The ding of the elevator snapped Steve out of his thoughts. He checked to see if anyone was around before he made his way to the lab. If Tony was really trapped in there, Steve didn't know if he wanted to see the others. If he wasn't there, Steve didn't want the others so see how crazy he had become. Once he made it to the door of the lab he began to shake. He wasn't sure why he felt so anxious to see Tony or possibly not see him. Steve swallow his worry and opened the door. The room was dark but Steve could notice that the room looked different. Like somethings had been moved.
Closing the door behind him, Steve whispered in a shaky voice. “T-tony..?”
Slowly Steve scanned the room. His eyes stopped at a figure that was facing the window that had been covered to keep the light out. Steve let out a shaky breath as he walked closer. His heart was racing as his brain realized this was real. Tony had been here all along Trapped for years.
“Tony?”
The man in question snapped his head to look at Steve.
“Steve! You came back!” A smile grew on Tony’s face, but it looked forced.
Tony looked different compared to yesterday. His face looked hollow and he looked tired. He even looked skinnier. Steve noticed what looked like tear stains on the man's face. This time Tony looked like he was actually dead.
“Tony are you okay?” Steve almost reached forward but remembered that he couldn't touch Tony.
”Fine. I just… I wanted to look outside but I can't open the windows. I don't like how dark it is in here…” Tony looked down at the floor.
Steve felt his heart break. He wanted to hug Tony and never let go. “I'm sorry, Tony.” He didn't know what to say.
“It's okay. I'm able to move other things so that passes the time.”
“What can you move?” Steve tilted his head to the side.
“Mostly pencils. If I use all of my energy I can move a box, but it takes a lot out of me.”
Steve nodded.
“So. Why did you come back anyways, Capsicle?” Tony forced a smile.
“Because I promised you I would.” Tony smiled at Steve's words, but it seemed like every smile from Tony was forced.
They stayed there for a few minutes before Steve broke the silence.
“Tony? What's...it like-”
“Being dead?” Tony snapped. When he saw the shock on Steve's face, he sighed and looked away quickly.
“Sorry. Some days are better than others. I don't always remember things so sometimes I forget that I'm… dead. I can't even sleep Steve. I've been wide awake everyday and it's awful because sometimes I can feel my mind and my memories disappearing before they're even gone.” Tony looked like he wanted to puke as he closed his eyes
“And you feel that happening right now don't you.” Steve whispered.
Tony nodded keeping his eyes closed.
“Tony I wish I could help.” Steve breathed out in a hushed voice.
“I feel like… there's a way to help. Like I had a plan. But… I just can't remember!” Tony became angry and he swung his arms at a pile of paper on the table next to them. They both jumped back, surprised, when the papers scattered everywhere. Tony looked at his hands like he didn't recognize them. Steve could hear ringing in his ears as he stared at the equally confused man before him.
“Anger.” Tony said flatly. “Makes sense. I can do more when I'm angry.”
Tony shook his head and laughed a forced, angry laugh.
“I was angry my whole life. I guess I can't be happy in the afterlife either…” Tony let his hands drop to his sides as he looked at the floor.
“Tony, you can still be happy. Maybe you just have unfinished business and once you complete it, you'll move on.” Steve said, forcing himself to sound hopeful.
Tony scoffed. “I doubt it's that simple, Cap.”
“Then we'll figure it out. I'll come by everyday if I have to.”
Tony's eyes practically lit up at Steve's words.
“Y-you.. you would?” Tony mentally cursed at himself for stuttering. Steve smiled and nodded, his smile growing when Tony smiled a real smile back.
Steve noticed that Tony looked less see through in that moment. He almost looked like he was really there. Steve slowly reached forward for Tony’s arm. He felt his fingers brush against Tony’s cold skin. Tony yelped and pulled his arm back quickly, his eyes wide with confusion.
“Steve… I felt that. It felt so warm.” Tony was back to staring at his arm like he had never seen it before. Steve looked at his own hand with wonder.
“You might have a strong effect on our surroundings when you're angry, but when you're happy it's a different effect.” Steve smiled at Tony again.
At that moment, a loud alarm began to blare over their heads, alerting Steve that something was wrong. The two men let their eyes meet for a split second before Steve looked away and went into full Captain America mode.
“I have to go.”
“What is that?” Tony covered his ears as he glared at the ceiling.
Steve raised an eyebrow. “Tony, that's the alarm system. You installed it years ago.”
“Oh. That sounds like something I'd do. I still hate the sound.” Tony shrugged his shoulders as best as he could while he kept his hands over his ears. Steve looked at Tony with a confused look. It seemed odd that a sound Tony heard every other day, for years, now bothered him. As the alarm continued, Tony grew more angry. His breathing became heavy, his grip over his ears became tighter, and he eventually squeezed his eyes shut. For some reason the sound was louder in Tony’s ears and once it became too much, his eyes flew open and his breath became caught in his throat as he remembered.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Stark.. you know that's a one way trip?”
“Save the rest for the turn, J.”
“Sir.. shall I try Ms.Potts?”
“...Might as well.”
All that Tony could hear was his heart beating in his ears, pounding louder and harder the closer he got to the portal above him. God, he was terrified. Suddenly all he could hear was a loud alarm, it hurt his head. He wanted it to stop. He wasn't sure if it was from the suit or his own mind warning him that this idea was stupid. It became so loud he would be surprised if his ears weren't bleeding. He wanted to scream back at it.Then the next thing he knew was he went through the portal.
Pepper never answered. The suit powered down. The nuke flew forward as he fell back. His eyes fell shut as everything exploded in front of him. He became surrounded by a deafening silence. Not a sound could be heard. No more alarm. There wasn't even the sound of his terrified heart beating anymore.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Slowly Tony’s hands fell from his ears as he stared through Steve, like the super soldier wasn't even there. His face showed no emotion as he just stood there, unmoving.
“Tony?” Steve didn't care that there was an emergency somewhere. He had forgotten all about it now. The alarm had stopped only moments ago and Steve hadn't even noticed. He was staring at Tony, waiting for him to answer.
Tony's eyes began to focus on what was in front of him.
“Tony?” Steve tried asking again.
“Leave.” Tony whispered.
“What?”
“I said leave. Now!” Tony's eyes flared the color red at Steve when he yelled. Steve jumped back at the sight. Tony hadn't looked human. It was like Tony was gone. Like he was an animal. Steve reached out with a shaky hand. Tony’s eyes looked like fire as he practically flew at Steve with terrifyingly high speed, their faces inches apart.
“Leave.” Tony growled. His voice sounded demonic as he hovered slightly above Steve, making himself taller.
Steve was shaking as he nodded, uncontrollably. Steve could feel potential tears burning his eyes from fear. He slowly backed away from Tony, towards the door. Tony had glided away from Steve and was once again facing the boarded up window. His frame looked more like a skeleton and Steve didn't know if he was scared of Tony or for him. Quickly and quietly, Steve opened the door, keeping his eyes on Tony. He stood in the doorway for, only a moment, to make sure Tony wasn't going to say anything else. Then with his heart beating violently in his chest, Steve fled out the door, closing it as fast as he could. Once the door was closed and locked he leaned on his back against it. He released a shaky breath he hadn't realized he had been holding as he slid down the door to the floor. Shaky hands flew up to cover his sweat covered face. The door felt hot against his spine. Reminding him of what was on the other side. Tears started rolling down Steve's face.
“Oh God. Oh God. Oh God…” Steve whispered to himself over and over again.
Something awful was happening to Tony. It hurt Steve's heart to think about it. There was no way Tony would act like that. Tony was confused about his death. That had to be the issue. The man died suddenly and spent a long amount of time alone, trapped, and angry. He didn't even have all of his memories so it was no surprise that this Tony was the equivalence of a hand grenade. One wrong move was like pulling the pin. Steve eventually calmed down long enough to realize it was dark outside. He had no idea what time it was. He didn't know how long he had been in that room. Slowly, Steve got up off the floor and searched for the others, dreading the nightmare he was bound to have tonight.