It will be an easy Mission they said.
Simple.
Just recon.
Well If the fact that he was currently armless to go by, he would say that would have to be a no. The Man he had been tracking was poking him in the face with his own arm. Deadpool could take a lot, but this was just rude. He was slowly reaching his limit.
(We could have killed him five years ago….)
{Shh! It's rude to cut off people’s maniacal rants.}
(Fuck you white!)
{No thanks~}
“Shut up both of you! We promised no more killing.” Deadpool muttered, just loud enough for the man to hear. And hear he did. He smacked the ex-merc with his own arm.
“YOU SHUT UP! Now, as I was saying Tony Stark needs to die because….” He continued, but Deadpool had long since stopped listening.
(So, what's for dinner?)
“Don’t know… I think it’s Roger’s Night to cook.” The ranting man paused when he heard Deadpool speak again.
“You really do like to interrupt don’t you? Well then I’ll cut out your tongue and THEN WE’LL SEE HOW WELL YOU CAN TALK!” He ran at him with his sword again and that's when Deadpool decided it was okay to just this once, unalive a man on the Avenger’s clock.
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Deadpool was now enjoying this mission, even if he did lose his arm. He felt the familiar rush of the fight and the words just began to pour out.
“So did you know you're what the Avengers consider basic recon?” The man screamed and lunged, Deadpool just flipped over the oncoming blade.
“This is why! Your methods and materials are absolute crap! Where’d you get em? The dollar store.” The man lashed out again. Deadpool just laughed. This was child’s play.
{I’m bored}
(Yeah, lets kill him already and go home.)
“I agree, it’s time for him to die~”
The man lay in front of him, trapped.
“I thought you had changed! You’re an Avenger now! You can’t afford to kill me!” He scream/whined.
“Well, you should have thought about that before you cut off my Arm!” Deadpool said cheerfully.
“You can just grow it back!”
“Well… You have a point. But it's uncomfortable!”
The man was effectively shut up.
He looked up at the man in spandex with big eyes and said. “Please don’t kill me.”
Deadpool scoffed. He raised his Katana to administer the final blow…
THWIP THWIP
The katana flew from his hand and stuck to the wall, held by something Deadpool knew all too well. Only one person had those gizmos. Deadpool looked around. There he was in all of his gangly teenage, red and blue glory, laying on the wall, looking comfortable as though he had been born there. He blew off his wrist, like a smoking gun.
“Sadly I’m gonna have to agree with purple tight suit over here,” He gestured lazily towards the man Deadpool had pinned. “I’m gonna say no go on the killing. I can wrap him up if you like. Or drop him at S.H.I.E.L.D. with a note. Or maybe we can just hang him from the fire escapes and leave him for the cops. Wadda ya think?” Deadpool had been frozen the whole time as if paused. When the teen finished his rant some mystical being (The Author) had hit
play.
“Spidey! It's been awhile eh?”
“Spidey” sighed. “I thought we were done with the killing thing Deadpool.”
“I totally am!”
{Totally not}
“It’s just he cut off my arm and honestly, I had things I was going to do tonight with that arm, like eat tacos.”
If he was a betting man, Wade bet that Spider-man was now rolling his eyes behind the mask.
“Well, why don’t you let me take Violet Spandex up to the tri carrier and you go home, only after I either web your arm back on or make some sort of bag for it.”
(That sounds like a good idea…)
{No! We didn’t get to maim this guy! Not even a little bit!}
“I agree,” Spider-man rolled off the wall and got into a shooting stance. “Oh not with you! With Yellow! We want at least a little bit of maiming…” Spider-man put two fingers to his nose.
“I thought we went over the maiming part already…”
“No we went over the un aliving part, you said nothing about not maiming~” Deadpool sang.
“No, no… Well, he did cut off your arm…. Fine! NO weapons, though.”
“Aww! What am I supposed to do then?”
“Uh, guys I’m still here….”
“Shut up, let mummy and daddy talk for a second,” Deadpool replied to the man. Spidey tapped his chin, before twirling his finger in the air.
“I got it!” He reached down to grab something from his boot, giving Deadpool a great view of his well toned back and nice ass. When he stood back up the Canadian sighed a little, but was instantly enjoyed by what he saw in the New Yorker’s hand. A black Sharpie. “What about some nonpermanent maiming?”
Wade snatched the marker from his hand. “I think I can work with this…” He uncapped it and the man below him screamed.
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Fifteen minutes later, Spiderman was delivering a very tattooed, purple spandex clad man. When Agent Hill came upon him hanging from the ceiling tied by spiderwebs, and his sharpie mustache, she sighed and called Fury up wondering just how much trouble, the better half of the red team would be in this time.
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Wade was heavy. As much as he would like to argue the fact, Spidey always informed him of it when they did Red team team-ups and he ended up carrying the Merc home. Which is what Spidey was doing right now. Wade clung to his back like a backpack would to a
preschooler.
“Wade… What floor do you live on?” Wade saw that they were getting ever closer to the Avengers tower. He snuggled his head up to Spidey’s head, and defying all laws of Masks, he managed a pout.
“Do I have to go home yet? Can’t I keep swinging with you, Spidey-poo? HAHA, That rhymes!”
He felt the smaller sigh.
“No, You have to go. I still have patrol and a cur…. Well, nevermind, I have things to do and so do you.”
Wade laughed. “That's where you’re wrong! I don’t have a life~”
Spiderman just sighed again.
By this time, they were within landing distance of the tower. Spiderman lets go of his web and landed on the glass. The climb up the tower was silent and when they did reach the deck on the common floor, Deadpool detached himself from the vigilante and smiled. The shorter of the two had his hands on his hips.
“If I catch you doing something like that again, I swear to Cap’s Shield that I will dump you down the closest sewer drain and leave you there,” Deadpool smiled brighter and stood straighter, before giving a lazy salute. “Good. See you later!”
The man sprinted off the deck into a freefall. Deadpool jogged over to the edge, just in time to see him catch himself with a web and swing off into the distance.
Deadpool took one last look before, turning around and heading inside for dinner.
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When he arrived in the kitchen, he was not at all surprised to see that it was full of other people. Sam was at the stove doing something or another wearing the apron Steve had got him for a joke. Natasha sat at the island watching Steve and Bucky play cards, over the rim of her coffee mug, occasionally calling out Steve’s hand in Russian to help out her fellow assassin. Tony sat far away from both Bucky and Natasha (At the other end of the island) and stared out into the city, eyes blank. All eyes turned to him (Minus Tony) when he set his Katanas on the dining room table.
“Is there something on my face?” He quipped.
Natasha rolled her eyes and Sam went back to dinner. He shrugged and plopped down in the seat next to Tony before rolling up his mask and pulling a burrito out of one of his pouches.
Half way through his second burrito, Tony snaps out of his daze. “So how was your night with Spidey?”
Wade smiled. “He’s one good apple…..” He looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling trying to avoid Tony’s intense gaze. “His jokes are really bad. His puns literally make me cry.” He looked back at his new teammate. The haze had begun to creep back into his eyes. Wade snapped fingers under his nose.
The genius snapped out of it. “Nevermind…. Fury’s been harassing me for weeks about that kid, something about an asset or danger or whatever…”
Wade stared at him for a second, when he realized the older was serious, he burst out laughing.
“Spidey, a threat? That's too funny!” All eyes in the room were now on him. “You guys aren't joking…” He muttered. “Whatever Fury says about him being a threat is stupid. He is about as righteous as Captain America and may have a stricter moral code. No offense Cap.”
Steve just quirked a brow. “And just how did you come upon this information?”
“We do team ups a lot. Mostly by accident. Never swears, never maims, no matter how bad the situation is. I’ve watched him sternly talk someone down from robbing the bank and throw himself in front of a bus to save a stranger.” Deadpool chuckled. “Now that I think about it, He has even less self-preservation than Stevie.” He pointed his half of a burrito at the now blushing American trying to escape both Sam and Bucky glares.
“I mean I caught a dude tonight, and he totes cut off my arm and I was so ready to punch him up a little bit… But then Red and Blue swoops in ties him up and gives me a five-minute speech on maiming and heroism. But he did provide a sharpy to defile the man’s nasty ass face.”
Steve shot him a look, which he smiled cheekily back at and stuck out his tongue.
Tony smiled. It was not a good smile. “Well if you know so much about our spandex-y friend, then I pass my spying duties to you.”
“Hey! What the f-”
“Language!”
Tony stood up quickly. “I wash my hands of you….” He turned around to walk out, casually throwing over his shoulder something about the report due the 8th.
That was two days away.
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To say that Wade was happy to see that Spiderman had shown up was an understatement. Not that his faux summons about Doc Ock was all that fake, it was just good to know that the bait had been taken.
Well, it wasn't really baiting, Doc Ock was really loose and destroying Midtown High, Deadpool was just lucky that Spidey had shown up. The man landed breathlessly next to him.
“Why is he even attacking the school? I mean it's rumored that Spiderman goes here, but it's after hours so no one is here anyways.”
Wade set his head on the vigilante’s shoulder. “Well we’re here aren’t we?”
He could feel the eye rolling from behind the other’s mask. “That's because it's our job dummy, now let's get this over with, dinner is soon and I don’t plan on missing it.” Spiderman stood up and as if on cue a metal arm slashed right in between them. Wade whipped out his katanas and yelled with glee before jumping off the roof.
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Getting the tracker onto the Arachnid hadn’t been all that hard, the hard part was keeping up with him as he swung through Manhattan, then into Queens. From there into the even more residential parts of the borough. He almost fell off a building at one point when the American made a quick turn and slipped into a convenience store. He emerged with a backpack and some grocery bags. Rubbing his head and looking around, scanning right over wade, before
once again setting off.
About five minutes later the boy ducked into an alley and emerged a few minutes later wearing jeans and a hoodie pulled well over his face. Wade followed him from a great distance, silently with only his boxes as the company.
(Spider dudes a little bit paranoid.)
{Who the hell isn’t in our business?}
(Us, duh. And what business are you talking about, the kicking ass and taking names or the kissing ass and-)
“Shut up both of you!”
Spiderman’s back straightened instantly and whipped around, looking for the source of the voice. Wade stopped breathing.
{See what you did now Yellow?}
(Well at least I don’t-)
The New Yorker was back on the move. He walked down the quiet street, about four houses down, he jogged up the walk. Before he even touched the doorknob, it was yanked away from him as a white-haired woman slipped out and grabbed his ear before dragging him inside. Wade laughed quietly, the teen, he now knew, was in some major shit.
(A teenager? That sucks ass!)
{Hush, Mission, Remember?}
Wade twiddled with his comm until he came upon the right channel, Spidey’s tracker, the sound came crackling through, as clear as day.
(Damn son! Can Stark make a techno thingy or what?)
He crouched by the living room window, far enough back he could get a good view, but close enough where he wouldn’t be caught. The white haired woman was now berating the vigilante. Though Wade could see that her hand had fallen from his ear to his cheek.
“Peter, I thought we talked about this.” The exasperation and worry leaking into her angry tone.
‘Peter’ as he was now called, gently placing his own hand on hers. “I know Aunt May. It was just a normal patrol after training.”
The woman pulled her hand from his cheek and set it on her hip.
{uh-oh}
“I thought we said that curfew was midnight even unless otherwise needed to save the world, or universe, or dimension or timeline.”
The kid chuckled a little. “I ran into some Octobots on the way home, as well as a friend.”
(We’re a friend?)
{Don’t question good things Yellow}
With that, the older woman gave a cheeky smile of her own. “Lord knows you need some.” She patted his cheek and flounced into the kitchen.
Peter sputtered indignantly. “Hey. HEY! What's that supposed to mean?”
Wade heard laughter and feet stomping up the stairs.
Deciding that watching the white-haired woman cook dinner would not be as fun as watching Peter screw around in his bedroom, Wade climbed higher up the tree. Just as he reached his new perch, the shades were pulled shut.
(Shit)
“Yep.”
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Wade was awoken the next morning by the sound of streaming water. He cautiously climbed back down the tree to his previous perch and watched as Peter kissed his Aunt on the cheek. He shouldered a backpack, grabbed a camera off a hook and headed out the door. As he exited the porch and walked onto the sidewalk, Wade pulled out his own camera and zoomed in on his
face.
Dear lord, no one had the right to be that adorable.
{What the hell is that?}
(That my old frenemy, is the face of an angel.)
“Fuck yes it is…” Wade muttered under his breath.
(Now I’m not usually the one to have-)
{Can it! That face combined with that ass, combined with golden morals. We need that. We need to tap that.}
(I concur.)
“Fuck, you are agreeing, that means that it's a good idea. Shit, it's going to be hard teaming up with.”
{You mean we’ll be hard}
“Fuck….”
Wade snapped a few pictures and began to slowly creep behind Peter again, thankful that the teen left so early in the morning. Peter slipped into an alley, after gauging that he was far away enough, and emerged two minutes in full Spiderman regalia. He kept the backpack and swung towards midtown. Wade sighed. Peter moved too fast.
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Deadpool shadowed the younger hero for the rest of the day. He followed him as he stopped a mugging, saved a bank, went to high school, got beat up in said high school (Much to his and the boxes rage), blew up a chem lab, took pictures, got attacked after school, fought Electro on the way to the grocery store and finally followed him home after a long and eventful patrol. (Apparently there was no “training” today.)
All and all Deadpool had learned a great few things and had taken even more pictures. After the stalking, he had done some hacking and found out even more. It was time to report.
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Wade had gotten used to all eyes being on him when he entered the room, but frankly, this was ridiculous. Ironman had called a formal meeting (That means they all sat at the dining room table while the genius complained) for dinner. It had started out relatively okay. Wade had gotten to sit at the head of the table while six eager faces (Widow just looked bored) stared up at him. He cleared his throat.
“Get on with it!” Tony shouted, tapping his fingers on the table.
“Fine, fine, don’t get your panties in a twist. His name is Peter Parker and he lives in Queens. With his aunt May, who is very scary when it comes to curfew.”
“Curfew?” Bruce quirked a brow.
Steve rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Do I even want to know how you got this information?”
“Nope~” He sang and Steve motioned for him to continue.
Wade tapped the table in front of him and the first image of the day appeared.
That is when jaws dropped.
There in all of his nerdy/hipstery glory stood Peter Parker stooped slightly with exhaustion and 18.
“Curfew…. I get it now….” Bruce muttered while beginning to clean his glasses intensely.
Clint sat back on his heels, and Natasha continued to look bored. Bucky glared at the picture with an intensity they hadn’t seen in awhile, not since the last time Steve jumped off of a building. Steve’s face was coloured with horror, that was quickly turning to anger. Tony just stared.
“Jesus! He’s a fucking 12-year-old.”
Deadpool shrugged. “He’s legal.”
“What?” Steve hissed.
“He’s 18. Honestly, he’s probably had more training than Tony,” He gestured lazily at the billionaire. “From what I could dig up, he’s been Spiderman for 3 years, one of which he spent training with S.H.I.E.L.D., two of which he spent on his own, fighting things that were way outta his league.”
“Five years… HE BECAME SPIDERMAN WHEN HE WAS FIFTEEN?” Sam seethed.
Bucky growled, the two super spies still seemed bored.
“How are you two not angry?” All eyes turned to Clint and Natasha, who shared a very special look.
“With great power, comes great responsibility…” Clint muttered. Natasha nodded.
“What does that even mean?” Tony said dangerously calm.
For the entire time Thor had been silent, but now he spoke. “Man of Iron, what the Man With Eyes of Hawk is saying, is that if you have great power, it is your duty to use it to do good. It is your responsibility. If this is what the Man of Spiders is about, then he will a very powerful man indeed.” His words rolled over the room like thunder.
Silence.
(Okay, no more of this dramatic shit… Time to move on.)
“Anyways, so he is 18, goes to Midtown Science High school, continually gets beat up at said high school and takes it like a champ if I do say so myself.”
Silence.
{Move on to the fun stuff.}
“Some of the more interesting things I learned include that, his parents died when he was 7, he then lived with his aunt and uncle, until his uncle died when he was thirteen prompting him to become Spiderman. I don’t know how, though…. I should ask… Anyways, you know how Spidey is all loud with his really bad puns and okay quips?”
There were a few gentle nods.
“Well Peter Parker, is silent like never talks to anyone except himself, M.J., and Harry. He does not in fact have biological web shooters, he made them himself.” At this Tony perked up.
“So, what I’m hearing is science nerd?”
Deadpool nodded enthusiastically. “He is a bonafide genius.”
Tony quirked a brow and threw a look at Bruce, who shrugged.
“There's more, but now that you know his name, you can just look up his file.”
Silence.
Then thundering conversation.
There was shouting and glares and swearing. Wade slunk out of the room and jumped off the balcony.
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It was exactly midnight when Deadpool heard the sound swinging and the soft landing behind him. He was sitting on the edge of an undisclosed apartment building, staring off into the distance, mask rolled up, exposing his mouth. The teen settled next to him, no doubt thinking about something. Deadpool spoke first.
“How was your day?”
“So-so, got zapped by Electro again.”
Wade nodded.
Silence.
(TALK TO HIM!!!!)
{Yellow, is right, we need to-}
“How was your day stalking me?”
Wade sputtered, opening his mouth in defense when soft lips were pushed against his own.
At first, he was surprised and very unresponsive. So the kissing stopped.
The lips that had so previously been on his own were turned in a frown. Spiderman turned away muttering to himself.
“Damn it, Parker! You just screw up your one chan-” This time he was cut off as Wade whipped him around and began kissing him.
Peter melted.
Seconds became minutes and minutes became years. The world just seemed to blur by, no death, no strangers calling for help, just them.
They broke apart breathless.
Wade pulled off the rest of Peter’s mask and cupped his cheeks in his hands.
Peter laughed breathily.
Wade kissed him again, even slower than before, until breathless once more.
“How did you?”
Peter laughed again. “Enhanced hearing and to be honest, you’re not the quietest person I know.”
Wade pouted. “I’m a great spy!”
“Sure.”
Wade kissed him again.
(Perfect)
{Just wait until later when that spandex comes off}
Damn it.